Hi

ok so after my first post Jesica made me aware that there is a introduction thred.  so now here I am with a little more detailed description of me.

So were should I start, I'm 26 years old. I'm German so sorry for gramma or writing mistakes I will do my best to avoid them . Further I´ m living currently aboard to study Medicine I am currently in the 6th semester and freaking a little out. That is the reason way I'm now here. So maybe I should start a little earlier 😊. I have no recollections if I felt as a girl as a child may be because I didn't or because I have not a very good memory of my childhood, not because it was bad. But I think because I had the feeling that something was at miss always, I was always a loner in school because somehow I did not fit in. so that is may be way, I avoid to remember. So, a few years later starting with puberty or a little later I started to think about how it is to be a girl but it just as short fantasies. This fantasy's increased in number and in length. I thought about what my friends would say if I was studently a girl. I even started to write some stories about this fantasies. At this time, I started to ask my selve if I would really change to a girl if possible but I said to myself no, may be if the technology was further and so on or if I could try first. Than 4 years ago for the first time I really thought about possibility that I'm trans. I was lieing next to my girlfriend at that time, she was asleep and it just hit me that I was not in love with her I liked her a lot as a friend but no love and I was jealous of her I was jealous for her femininity. So 2 days later I broke up with her. In the aftermath I talked with my mom about the relationship and that I´m may be trans. She listened to me but she mand that that is probably just a fantasy because I have a big female part in my personality further she mand that she never saw me as a girl. All this she said not to hurt me or so but because she could not see the possibility at that point. So, after this I buried the question again and moved on. I finished my bachelor in biology and moved to Latvia to study Medicine. Than a little more than a year ago the thinking about being trans were back I started to spin in circles and my already yearlong looming depression broke out. On Christmas 2017 I had a break down and talked to my parents again they were not dismissive this time. I started to take anti depressive drugs, but because the studies were to hard, I pushed the thoughts away again at least as far as possible they were still looming in some corner of my brain. Than in the middle of last year I could not push them away any more. And they started to consume me and that is were I'm now. I started to seriously investigate the subject but there are tree problems. I don't know how I should ever pass I'm 2m tall have broad shoulders and a masculine face. Second how should I transition while studying abroad (here I could really use some commends if somebody is in a similar situation). And thirdly I'm still not sur if I'm trans (I know that only I can answer this question).

Sorry for the rambling and long post

Edit: Xeriasta is a place holder name until I have decided on a possible name

@Xeriasta   
Dear Xeriasta:
     I see that you have just become a member here last week on February 16th.
     I also see that our lovely member and California Girl  @Jessica  gave you a warm Welcome to Susan's Place.  I am happy to see that you followed her LINK and suggestion to come here to the Introductions Forum to tell more members here about yourself.
    As you post on the forums and various topic areas you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    Our lovely member Jessica  had attached important and informative LINKS on her original Welcome Message to you last week that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
For your convenience I have attached them again below.  Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let you have your thread back so you can pursue answers to your questions.
Other members here will certainly be along to give you their comments and suggestions that you may be seeking

Hi Xeriasta 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Quote from: Xeriasta on February 22, 2019, 07:15:59 AM
....... I started to seriously investigate the subject but there are tree problems. I don't know how I should ever pass I'm 2m tall have broad shoulders and a masculine face. Second how should I transition while studying abroad (here I could really use some commends if somebody is in a similar situation). And thirdly I'm still not sur if I'm trans (I know that only I can answer this question).

Sorry for the rambling and long post

Edit: Xeriasta is a place holder name until I have decided on a possible name

Welcome to Susan's

Hope you enjoy your time here...

"Passing" is a subjective thing and there are very few who "pass" under every situation and then there are others like me who don't think about it anymore...sometimes I do and sometimes I don't "pass" but that took a long time and a number of therapy session to get too.

Don't know about your second question as I have no experience and as for your third question

Cis guys don't think about their gender...Transgender is an umbrella term for many different flavours. You don't need to meet a certain level to transition.

Liz