This is my adventure. I will start with an affirmation.

My name is Jessica and I am a transgender woman

I have always felt I should have been a girl/woman but convention and up bringing meant I followed the path of a boy/man. I was never masculine, grew to only 5'3", size 7 feet and small hands, but being a fast runner managed not to get bullied at school. After completing university I was engaged to be married and going back to my high school as one does to thank them for the help they had given me and telling them that I was engaged, I was told they were surprised as they thought I was gay. They had seen my feminine side. The one thng I have always been certain of is my sexuality, then heterosexual male, now obviously a lesbian woman, so the teachers were right just not in the way they thought..

Well I had lived as a man through my marriage of 32 years, the kids had grown up and I was getting more and more depressed. As I had repressed my gender so long I did not really understand why I was so depressed, but looking back I think I can see my true gender was telling me I had to do something.

We split up and I went to live in a flat some 100 miles away in London and for a while I was happy, going to the art galleries and concerts. I met two women and dated them for a while, finally somehow I fell in to a relationship with my partner of some 10 years now, I was not looking for it it just happened. This relationship is more of being friends living together doing things we both love. Somehow I am going to have to come out to her, then again I have only really come out to myself about a month back.

I get highs that are happier then I have been for a very long time and I get lows thinking not that I have made the wrong decision but how am I going to do what I want to do. Anyone with a little math can add up the years mentioned and note that I am not a spring chicken. It has taken me so long to find myself that the future feels very daunting.

I am very over weight, 13st 7lbs (189 lbs), it does not sound to much but as I said I am only 5ft 3 tall and carry a lot of high fat. I was 15 1/2st (217lbs) but been dieting hard. This weight means nothing looks good on me, I get that I have a ugly body and an ugly old mans face with baggy eyes and when I think this way I get very depressed. BUT...

I am on a high at the moment, and this is the reason I thought I needed to start my log. I received my new wig today in the post, and I look so good in it, it makes me want to cry with joy. Even though I am currently male dressed I feel in my inner me that I could pass as a woman (do not look too close).

On this high I will close my ramblings for today as I have a ton of work to do. If you have spent the time reading this then I thank you so much and love you all

Love
Jessica

PS. I may dress this evening and go out for a walk when it is dark, my first outing as me

@Jessica_K
Dear Jessica:
Thank you for starting your own personal thread and for your very first UPDATE posting and installment.   
I enjoyed reading your informative and interesting treatise regarding your decision to start your transition and where you are now and what your plans are in your journey. 

Here on your "journal" you can share your successes and we will rejoice with you as you write about them, and also in your disappointments and failures we will support you with our virtual hugs, suggestions and we will always have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

When you decide to take you next steps such as gender therapy, meeting with your doctor, starting HRT, etc, please be to share those moments with with us as you feel comfortable posting about them.

I will be eagerly looking for your next updates....
Best wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Jessica_K on November 05, 2018, 06:08:15 AM
This is my adventure. I will start with an affirmation.

My name is Jessica and I am a transgender woman

I have always felt I should have been a girl/woman but convention and up bringing meant I followed the path of a boy/man. I was never masculine, grew to only 5'3", size 7 feet and small hands, but being a fast runner managed not to get bullied at school. After completing university I was engaged to be married and going back to my high school as one does to thank them for the help they had given me and telling them that I was engaged, I was told they were surprised as they thought I was gay. They had seen my feminine side. The one thng I have always been certain of is my sexuality, then heterosexual male, now obviously a lesbian woman, so the teachers were right just not in the way they thought..

Well I had lived as a man through my marriage of 32 years, the kids had grown up and I was getting more and more depressed. As I had repressed my gender so long I did not really understand why I was so depressed, but looking back I think I can see my true gender was telling me I had to do something.

We split up and I went to live in a flat some 100 miles away in London and for a while I was happy, going to the art galleries and concerts. I met two women and dated them for a while, finally somehow I fell in to a relationship with my partner of some 10 years now, I was not looking for it it just happened. This relationship is more of being friends living together doing things we both love. Somehow I am going to have to come out to her, then again I have only really come out to myself about a month back.

I get highs that are happier then I have been for a very long time and I get lows thinking not that I have made the wrong decision but how am I going to do what I want to do. Anyone with a little math can add up the years mentioned and note that I am not a spring chicken. It has taken me so long to find myself that the future feels very daunting.

I am very over weight, 13st 7lbs (189 lbs), it does not sound to much but as I said I am only 5ft 3 tall and carry a lot of high fat. I was 15 1/2st (217lbs) but been dieting hard. This weight means nothing looks good on me, I get that I have a ugly body and an ugly old mans face with baggy eyes and when I think this way I get very depressed. BUT...

I am on a high at the moment, and this is the reason I thought I needed to start my log. I received my new wig today in the post, and I look so good in it, it makes me want to cry with joy. Even though I am currently male dressed I feel in my inner me that I could pass as a woman (do not look too close).

On this high I will close my ramblings for today as I have a ton of work to do. If you have spent the time reading this then I thank you so much and love you all

Love
Jessica

PS. I may dress this evening and go out for a walk when it is dark, my first outing as me

From what I've read I don't think there will be an issue cpoming out to your significant other

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Arianna Valentine on November 05, 2018, 11:12:44 AM
From what I've read I don't think there will be an issue cpoming out to your significant other

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

Still does not stop it being a scary conversation. And from what I have been reading, things do not always go to plan. Also she works at the surgery and regardless of doctor patient confidentiality she will know there is something up if I go and see the Doctor

Quote from: Jessica_K on November 05, 2018, 11:43:13 AM
Still does not stop it being a scary conversation. And from what I have been reading, things do not always go to plan. Also she works at the surgery and regardless of doctor patient confidentiality she will know there is something up if I go and see the Doctor

True but also that might help rather than but because she probably sees transgender people often so it might make her a bit more accepting

Sent from my LG-LS777 using Tapatalk

frustrating day today

1 work client noticed my nails, long with clear varnish. Should I had said something
2 back in my office from the meeting and changed into my me clothes only for another client to call and want a FaceTime so had change again quick
3 wanted to attempt a small challenge of going outside again but work load stopped that
4 been in tears from all the sad news items commemorating the end of WW1
5 finally will be out of office at clients all day tomorrow so no dress

Sometimes think get it over with tell everyone and be myself

It's been a little while since I have made some notes of what has been going on in my adventure.
I have been dreaming of what it would be like to be a woman full time and i have to reign in my urge to just do it but there has to be an order or I can see it being a mess.
So I have diverted my energy in changing the logins and names on my many online accounts such that the real me is out there. Never knew I had so many, manly to do with work.
One of the first and I did this some time ago was to re-introduce myself as Jessica to a HiFi forum that I am very active in. The response has been fantastic not a single negative. I will be meeting members in March so this gives me my framework to move on my transition

I have been enjoying shopping. I have bought some new clothes online with mixed success. The last item I got from a large high street retail shop turned out horrible so I decided to return it in person. Not a problem, sadly I was in male clothes and after returning I just could not stop myself from perusing the dresses. I told myself nothing odd here just a guy looking for a present lol. Nobody cared. I found a really gorgeous tea dress in my size (UK 16) and bought it. Sooo pleased

Yes size 16 now. Lost over 30lbs need to lose a lot more to get rid of the ugly fat but getting there

Lastly and most importantly my coming out to my partner. She has undergone some foot surgery and is recovering (well). I have to tell her before I can really do anything else but I have to get the timing right. In about a week now she will be able to load bare on the foot and things will start to get back to normal again, that is when I plan to tell her

Well I have my ramblings down on record now and I feel good

Love to anyone that reads this I am not expecting anyone to do so, this is for me
Jessica

I have not posted here for some time so thought I would update

I posted separately that I had come out to my partner and that did not go too well. If I want to keep the person I love very much I have to not transition and that is what I have decided to do for now. I add for now as things have improved and I am getting acceptance of who I am and small concessions have been made

I have my nails (long and I think quite beautiful), I can shave my body and now be able to wear panties all of which is helping me to cope and maybe just maybe slowly get more

On another note I still dress female at my office most of the time and a few days ago. There was a knock at the door. I opened it and a woman was there to pick a parcel that I had had for ages belonging to the previous occupier. We spoke she said she was expecting a man here, I introduced myself as Jessica  I found the parcel and had a quick chat and she left. I felt so good. I cannot say if I passed as a woman, but had no signs to say I wasn't. I call that a win

@Jessica_K
Dear Jessica:
Thank you for coming back to your transition thread to update all of us...  I was wondering where you were, it has been full month since you posted here on your thread.... again I am glad that you have returned.

For transitioning members here, many have the same issues and problems that you mentioned about coming out and being accepted by their partner.... you are definitely not alone in this regard.
A good thing to do if your partner is willing, is to go to couples therapy with a qualified therapist, preferable a gender therapist.

You have to make the decisions that best suits your situation.  If you have not already done so, you might take some time to read a lot of the threads and postings here on the Forums.   You will read about successes and also about disappointments...  try to glean some positive things that you might do when reading about transitioners that do have a supporting and accepting partner.

Yes indeed, I would also call it a "win" regarding your experience at your office... please consider this as a success that can further propel your passing success as a woman... initially you won't win all the time but each time you do win it builds up your confidence and self-assurance.  Regarding the less happy times when you do not pass, consider those times as a learning opportunity that will help you to refine your appearance, your body motions and other things that give clues to the onlooker that you are a woman.

Again Jessica, thank you for keeping your followers tuned into your transition events.  When you report successes, we will rejoice with you, and when you report frustrations and disappointments we will have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

Hugs ...and wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
Danielle

Latest instalment of my adventure.

The good

Weight down to 168lbs only another 20lbs to go to get to my ideal weight
Last time I posted my weight 189lbs in November 21lbs in 2 months so pleased

Now full time manicured and painted nails, no one home or work seems to have noticed or mention it, they are flesh colour and they look so nice

I now go out regularly dressed female, shops and post office etc, brave!!

Things are good with my partner, I am finally getting the divorce I should have got 10 years ago and to get married to my partner, even though she knows I'm trans she still wants to marry me

The bad

Fell down stairs day after my last post and pulled the tendon in right foot still hurts and limping. Not good when trying to walk the walk lol

To next time....
Love Jessica

Been a good two weeks

Finally got below 12st in weight now 165lbs a bit slower than I hoped but it's stll going down

It appears my credit rating is better than I thought. Today my partner will be driving home from the showroom a brand new BMW X3.

On the work front I have taken advise in other post and slowly add more female markers when with clients. So my nails have remained painted. I wear a pretty bracelet. I have a nice woolly top and wore that with my male jeans. Otherwise at the office and about the town I am 100% female

My goals for the next few weeks
Lose 3-7 pounds
Wear my nice new size 14 (12US) jeans when visiting clients

Love Jessica

It's been a good few weeks since my last confession
I am in a Starbucks having a coffee before going to the wig specialist hopefully to get a nice wig that will give me more confidence while out and about
I am wearing a skirt and jersey top and I think I do not look that bad other than the unconvincing wig, the day is sunny and about 10C so no coat

I am now 100% femme while at work and would love to same at home but those that have read this thread will know why that is not the case

My weight and diet is going well and now down to 160lbs

I have a confession I have been secretly going to the clinic and have been given HRT, I have been on them for 3days now. Of course no differences yet. But on a low dose so see how it goes

Well my appointment awaits will post more later

Love and Hugs
Jessica

@Jessica_K
Dear Jessica:
This is wonderful news... 
I already saw your "new" hair on your other thread....
...it looks wonderful... blondes do indeed have more fun!!!

It is great that you are able to be "Jessica" at your work... and of course being "Jessica" at home is another issue for you.

Congratulations on your weight loss...  it is hard work so continue on to your goal.

WOW .... keeping secrets from all of us here.... secretly being on HRT for 3 days!!!  Other than the mental high of starting HRT it is way too early to expect to see any differences yet, but hang on... in a few weeks or perhaps a month you may start feeling things going on in your nipples and breasts and then the journey really starts getting exciting.

Many hugs and best wishes to you and please continue to keep me and the rest of your followers updated as you feel so led.
Danielle

Latest update.

Got the divorce papers sent from the court yay, they came from the Liverpool court of all places but I do not care as long as I get the divorce going. My poor partner has been waiting 10 years for me to as she says "get me finger out". The aim is to get married later in the year.

Things are good between her and I though she is trying her best to keep me male, like she bought me some nice and expensive shower wash and face cleanser (male) and as I am getting to the end she is insisting she gets me more. I would love to smell more female.

I have a really lovely floral perfume and carefully use it before I leave for work. A couple of days ago I had it on and about to leave when she came down from the bedroom "you using a new aftershave?"  I did not answer but said I had to go and left. I so wish she could accept me how I want to be.. but will keep pushing boundaries.

I guess I can be selfish as I am doing all I can to improve my chances of being able to get her to accept my transitioning, the marriage that she really wants. Got her a new car a necessity but it was more expensive than she was expecting. Lots of little things.

Oh and as a laugh on talking about the marriage I said we could both have a wedding dress. Hmm. Lol

So I said I had started HRT in my last post and it is nearly 2 weeks now, not going to say much yet as to effect as having an analytical mind I will only report verifiable effects so see in a couple more weeks.

Well that's all off my (hopefully to be changing) chest for this post

Love and hugs
Jessica

Dear diary,

Things are moving fast for me, with big changes in my life.
I have taken the big step of coming out to all I work with, my clients are small and medium sized companies and every one has been so supportive. Previously I was me in my office and around the town but now no more hiding, no more changing clothes to visit I can be me all day.
Even got a call from one company saying Jessica, can you come in for a couple of days to sort a problem out as you are so good at picking up projects and sorting issues. Yay did that make me feel good

Now been on HRT for a month and there are some definite changes, boobs growing, slight facial changes where I had lost weight it was taken from my face now the fat it is coming back.

Meet two lovely ladies at an enthusiasts hifi show, chatted for England and now messenger daily

I am so enjoying my life at the moment being the person I should have been many years earlier

Love
Jessica