Quote from: Dietlind on February 23, 2019, 11:11:16 PM
As I stated several times already. I am mostly asexual (I have not have any sexual relation or the last 15 or 16 years), and my libido is pretty much in the sub-basement.  If I would want to have a relation, I feel that this would be with a female, even if it is cuddling ony, I would feel more comfy cuddling a femle body.
I tried several times over the last few weeks to find men attractive, but it did not work that way.  I think a few men liked me, but I just can't get any positive vibes for men.
I still will try to keep an open mind, and wonder if my feelings ill change after the effects of my orchi show some results.

I really would not mind to be Bi, because it makes the pool for possible partners so much larger, but I don't know how I can get myself to feel this way!
Stupid brain and emotions!

I too am largely asexual but with a definite attraction to femmes. I have self identified as lesbian since my wife and I got together. I do not think she took that as seriously as it was meant till recently. If I could live out this life in the company of ONLY women I would be very happy. I find there is a dynamic when men are present which triggers childhood issues that have  grown beside my acceptance of my female truth. I do not "hate" men I just really have no use for them or there ways.

Hello Mariabella

Yes, there are so many of us transgirls who are asexual which is perhaps not surprising if we are born with the "wrong equipment"! I honestly don't know (having thought about it for decades) whether if I had been born cis, would I still have been mainly asexual.

I am certain the asexual percentage of transpeople is significantly higher than the asexual percentage of the population as a whole.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: Chloe on February 22, 2019, 03:22:22 AM. . . look forward to your reply/participation and trust you'll not become another "one post wonder"!

A&K I see, know your "lurking"?

Quote from: pamelatransuk on February 25, 2019, 05:27:02 AMYes, there are so many of us transgirls who are asexual which is perhaps not surprising if we are born with the "wrong equipment"!

So, not to be offensive, but if "lesbian inclined" then what's one's excuse post-SRS aren't we again "with the wrong equipment"?

       The question remains "have you ever allowed men to love you in turn"? Orientation is not necessarily something that is ingrained from day one but rather is learned in spite of what initial instincts and convictions might want or claim. It' can also be "body over mind" (ie: as opposed to "socialization") depending on what predispositions and experiences ultimately come into play. If you had asked me 40 years ago would have said "love women definitely not gay" but that was before subsequent male "attentions" only served to confirm what amounted to a non-sexual, identity only based attraction toward women in the first place.

       A submissive introvert myself surely one could indeed ask "is gay culture, socialization the reason why I am now a classic, homosexual inclined transgender"? Liking men "as a transwoman" has been a tough, "high road" to follow the point is "asexual" is often imposed upon us it's not always just "a professed choice"!

Quote from: Chloe on February 25, 2019, 06:46:27 AM
A&K I see, know your "lurking"?
So, not to be offensive, but if "lesbian inclined" then what's one's excuse post-SRS aren't we again "with the wrong equipment"?

I don't think so!  Natal lesbian women do have the same equipment, which means, the equipment we want to get after SRS.
My male equipment quit working as a male thingy about 16 or 17 years ago.  This si probably one of the reasons why I am aseual.  If I don't have anything to do sex with, I don't do it at all!
And my recent surgery made sure that that thing down there will never be useful to do some sex stuff with!  I hope that SRS will change this for me!

Quote
       The question remains "have you ever allowed men to love you in turn"? Orientation is not necessarily something that is ingrained from day one but rather is learned in spite of what initial instincts and convictions might want or claim. It' can also be "body over mind" (ie: as opposed to "socialization") depending on what predispositions and experiences ultimately come into play. If you had asked me 40 years ago would have said "love women definitely not gay" but that was before subsequent male "attentions" only served to confirm what amounted to a non-sexual, identity only based attraction toward women in the first place.

I know that at least one aspect for me not wanting to have anything to do with men is the only way one could have intercourse with me in my current condition.  Both, my wife and I extremely disliked/dislike any kind of anal interaction.  We sure tried it, but we both hated it!  There is no reason in the world that would convince me to get into a situation in which I would need to do this.  I think I would simply freak out!

Quote
       A submissive introvert myself surely one could indeed ask "is gay culture, socialization the reason why I am now a classic, homosexual inclined transgender"? Liking men "as a transwoman" has been a tough, "high road" to follow the point is "asexual" is often imposed upon us it's not always just "a professed choice"!

I am the opposite of you, I am a very assertive extrovert, your classic type A personality, and i think for me, in my current situation, being asexual is the only solution.  I am pretty happy that my libido is somewhere on the bottom of the sub basement, and I have not to deal with any sexual desires at all.  I think my orchi will even strengthen this no libido situation, because zero testosterone doe not turn me into a hottie!

I don't know how I would feel after SRS, but I never found a male penis to be a very attractive looking body part (again, this is my very own feeling, and I do not want anybody to feel bad about it), and i don't think that this feeling will ever change.

I think I've always been open minded sexually. But I've never been able to relate to men. Maybe it comes from a truly screwed up upbringing. I think I mentioned in a previous post somewhere that pretending to be a dude is the most incredibly exhausting thing I've ever tried to do.

Having sex with men can be great. I don't mind top or bottom. Whatever works in moment. But I've never been able to make an emotional, romantic connection with a man. The last time I tried to do it, I found myself falling into an incredibly abusive cycle, and it wasn't healthy. At least for me. And it really did cause me to do some pretty deep introspection. I've been intimately involved with women exclusively ever since.

Before hrt, I was feeling sort of dead and numb inside. I was angry, I was afraid, I was lonely. It was a rough time for me that lasted for years. After hrt, I feel like I came alive again emotionally. There have been some disadvantages to this, but I did realize that I love my wife. More than that, I realized I'm in love with my wife. Completely head over heels. Thinking about her gives me goosebumps and butterflies. I feel like we connect well, and I don't really see that changing anytime soon.

Quote from: Monica on February 25, 2019, 11:00:30 AM. . . I feel like I came alive again emotionally. There have been some disadvantages to this, but . . . I realized I'm in love with my wife. Completely head over heels.

        Yea think that's great Monica & Linde perhaps I misspoke, poor choice of words suppose I just have a hard time imagining "lesbian" is what some cis women really want but, of course, your right! Do know my "wife experience" has been a total nightmare so suppose I'm "damaged goods" but also do know it's not from anything specific I've chosen or done (otherwise why is she still here?) Linde, non-performing "impotence" is certainly something many cis-men share with us as well so don't beat yourself up!

        I forget the author but (paraphrasing) "Act in such a way that what one decides within one's own heart should become the basis of a universal, world morality/way of thinking" (a twist on doing unto others as would have them to yourself) It has been my experience that women being more into "emotional relationships" than "sex" is total myth, an urban legend it's more likely the precise other way around . . .

        Makes one wonder . . . still find myself "falling in love" with a women every now & then started my new restaurant job last Saturday and *connected*, made repeated, wordless mutual eye contact with a young lady eating alone that still haunts to this day but, being a diehard *romantic* like I know I am, finding a true *soulmate* only borders on tragic 'cause I know it's not really about "sex" but rather . . . lol Lord Knows (been.there.done.that) how many girls I've frustrated in the past! It's just not LOGICAL to me don't feel as jf women naturally, emotionally *connect* in the same way men do to begin with!
         I ramble . . . but do feel like it's truly a mind-bending, horrible AGENDA! In all the four seasons of Star Trek Enterprise "Trip" (and their cloned baby) both wind up DEAD and T'Pol is simply left to her own devices! @Julia says it's too "political" perhaps she's right are we indeed smack in the middle of a huge war of the sexes?

Quote from: Chloe on February 25, 2019, 06:46:27 AM
So, not to be offensive, but if "lesbian inclined" then what's one's excuse post-SRS aren't we again "with the wrong equipment"?

       The question remains "have you ever allowed men to love you in turn"? Orientation is not necessarily something that is ingrained from day one but rather is learned in spite of what initial instincts and convictions might want or claim. It' can also be "body over mind" (ie: as opposed to "socialization") depending on what predispositions and experiences ultimately come into play. If you had asked me 40 years ago would have said "love women definitely not gay" but that was before subsequent male "attentions" only served to confirm what amounted to a non-sexual, identity only based attraction toward women in the first place.

       A submissive introvert myself surely one could indeed ask "is gay culture, socialization the reason why I am now a classic, homosexual inclined transgender"? Liking men "as a transwoman" has been a tough, "high road" to follow the point is "asexual" is often imposed upon us it's not always just "a professed choice"!

Hello again Chloe

I disagree with only one part of your post - the first para - as frankly I think that, after GCS a lesbian or an asexual with minor lesbian tendencies would have the right equipment. I note in your subsequent comment to Linde that you accept her/my point.

I agree that after GCS I would consider allowing a man to love me and would at the time consider whether or not to reciprocate.

I agree that my feelings for the female body are primarily of envy but occasionally I feel both envy AND AT THE SAME TIME a feeling of romance. So the feelings for me are in unison and not in competition. Non-sexual identity based interest or attraction for the most part as you say.

Wishing you well liking men as a transwoman. Leaving all options open for me but suspecting I may live happily as an asexual transwoman

Hugs

Pamela

I don't even know if I am a suitable person for any of those more or less analytical comparisons.  Mother nature decided to make me into this rather unusual human construct, being part male and part female (the way it seems about 1/3 more female than male).  I seem to always have had more female type of emotions (albeit covered up with the manta that a real man does not cry), but all women I have been involved with romantically were of the opinion that I seem to be more on an emotional level with them than any other man they knew.
This makes me wonder, if I was all my adult life some kind of lesbian, and just was hiding this well by being an almost perfect male cross dresser, acting like a heterosexual person?  If that would be the case (I have no idea how to find proof for this), I never changed my sexual orientation a bit, and just am in the process now, to exchange the parts to operate it?

It is pretty early in the morning, and i am not ready to hurt my brain already with trying to analyse this.  I am just happy with stating that I always liked women, and that I have the feeling that I always will like them, no matter what shape my body has!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 26, 2019, 07:21:34 AM. . . if I was all my adult life some kind of lesbian, and just was hiding this well by being an almost perfect male cross dresser, acting like a heterosexual person? 

           lol Well suppose that's the whole point isn't it? I've obviously, *prior to ex*, been practicing at being a good "non-hetero style lesbian" too? The only real difference being, coming from trans/homosexual relationships in the past, I've learned to appreciate the other side as well? If stuck in the binary then opposites attract am perhaps (obviously?) logically over-thinking this wayyy too much!

Quote from: 'Romanticism'. . . a mood which pervades much of western life during the past two centuries is hard to define except in terms of opposites. The romantic temperament responds to emotion rather than reason, is excited by mystery rather than persuaded by clarity, listens more intently to the individual conscience than to the demands of society, and prefers rebellion to acceptance.

Read more: historyworld.net/wrldhis/PlainTextHistories.asp?historyid=aa73#ixzz5geHKwtwr[/size]

Quote from: Chloe on February 26, 2019, 08:55:52 AM
           lol Well suppose that's the whole point isn't it? I've obviously, *prior to ex*, been practicing at being a good "non-hetero style lesbian" too? The only real difference being, coming from trans/homosexual relationships in the past, I've learned to appreciate the other side as well? If stuck in the binary then opposites attract am perhaps (obviously?) logically over-thinking this wayyy too much!
Read more: historyworld.net/wrldhis/PlainTextHistories.asp?historyid=aa73#ixzz5geHKwtwr[/size]

I think I am as binary as a pair of shoes.  There is only a right and a left one,  Two right or two left ones would not fit (I also feel that this example really stinks, but it sounded really clever when I thought about it!)

Question was asked if one had allowed the love of a male as orientation can change. That is if I got the drift correctly. To which I would have to be honest and reply that I could never be with a man again. Childhood abuse makes a more fluid sexuality not for me even as my gender is going from femme male to full femme. I am a damaged human but have found myself and know the boundaries in which I can negotiate. So for my own well being and comfort I choose to keep the company of women and am doing all I can to make my long term marriage work. This said if it does not wirk out. I believe I would look for another trans woman who had similar feelings about things. Such an odd sensation to now look at women not only sexually but also as role models for my own feminine persona. Seeing feminine beauty with both a desire and sistership? Whatever it is it is kind of confusing and also exciting. This has been a positive in my relationship as my wife knows she will still be beautiful to me and that my love is for her.
At sixty becoming a naturally at ease woman may well be beyond me. That said changing enough to no longer present male and with that be the guy in the room. I will be quite happy as one of the girls. Rambling coffee response prolly rambles all over. Thanks for your post it is thought provoking

Quote from: Mariabella on February 26, 2019, 09:04:40 AMI am a damaged human but have found myself and know the boundaries in which I can negotiate.

Hey Mariabella appreciate 'lil input & Welcome to the He-Woman Abuse Haters Club? (lol a ref to "The 'lil Rascals"). My *damage* only came at the hand(s) of women (and marriage?) and NOT men but then again am slowly, due to the impossibility of older age, starting to finally get over that as well? Am like a foolish teen who'd luv to fall into an "identity based love relationship" again but ultimately don't think that's ever gonna happen so Good Luck with keeping your current one together!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 26, 2019, 09:01:56 AMTwo right or two left ones would not fit

Female and/or Male is TOO MUCH! To clarify as much as I'm attracted to, identify with certain (not all) woman I don't think, never thought it's fair, given my age old decision to pursue transition, to expect another woman to simply accept that which I cannot (ie: a strictly "lesbian" relationship)!

( ps: lol Power Company just left non-pay "cutoff notice" on door just had to dash & check if "green" solar inverter "AC Grid Available" light still on! Phew! Oh yea, completely FORGOT am losing it genset would have started if grid power is lost!  )

Quote from: Chloe on February 26, 2019, 11:42:42 AM
         Hey Mariabella appreciate 'lil input & Welcome to the He-Woman Abuse Haters Club? (lol a ref to "The 'lil Rascals"). My *damage* only came at the hand(s) of women (and marriage?) and NOT men but then again am slowly, due to the impossibility of older age, starting to finally get over that as well? Am like a foolish teen who'd luv to fall into an "identity based love relationship" again but ultimately don't think that's ever gonna happen so Good Luck with keeping your current one together!
Female and/or Male is TOO MUCH! To clarify as much as I'm attracted to, identify with certain (not all) woman I don't think, never thought it's fair, given my age old decision to pursue transition, to expect another woman to simply accept that which I cannot (ie: a strictly "lesbian" relationship)!

( ps: lol Power Company just left non-pay "cutoff notice" on door just had to dash & check if "green" solar inverter "AC Grid Available" light still on! Phew! )

Are you running all solar now?
Want to spend a little time in Florida?  I am a pretty good looking woman  , a little older, but still pretty OK   

I mean, I would do a lot for a nice solar installation!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 26, 2019, 11:55:02 AM
Are you running all solar now?

I mean, I would do a lot for a nice solar installation!

Ok your ON . . . but let me get a 'lil "new employment" under me'skirt so we've got a 'lil extra "jingle" to play with first! I'll only run The Best, fully automatic iron-core (pure sine-wave) off-grid OutBack system(s) which they do guarantee for a full 5 years! Was one year only when 1st purchased but, in revising it since, they honored 5 for mine as well!

As a transman who is pre-t and is attracted to masculinity, I have wondered about this myself. If I'm ever attracted to a female, they have to be very very masculine (don't care that much as to what's down stairs.)

Quote from: OliverR. on February 26, 2019, 01:15:14 PMIf I'm ever attracted to a female, they have to be very very masculine

Oliver Welcome to our endless this/that thread I'll introduce you to my "ex" . . .

. . . lol who'll break you of that notion QUIK!
Always had a great respect for you FtM's! ( a distinct third possibility Linde in our ever-expanding binary universe of "male/female"?) Ah! Just has a thought! What 'bout "alien"? Surgically altered Vulcan ears? Think I'd be "cute" *for the guys* do ya's think insurance might cover it?

haha vulcan ears wouldn't be bad, they could even be attractive....

Quote from: OliverR. on February 26, 2019, 01:15:14 PM
As a transman who is pre-t and is attracted to masculinity, I have wondered about this myself. If I'm ever attracted to a female, they have to be very very masculine (don't care that much as to what's down stairs.)

Exactly! I am attracted to feminine presentation. Plumbing is irrelevant and unimportant when sex is not your primary motivation but compatibility and love is. I love women, I love feeling I AM  a woman in my very bones. The acknowledgment and fully owning of this truth is a freedom that makes me giddy in the parts of me which were quashed before. My libidinous drives are all of a submissive but fully engaged nature and I am learning to defer to my wife's lead overall. Sexual expression between us has always been very fluidly lesbian/ with penetrative sex for her. While I no longer have this ability in parts designed that way, we have come up with even more satisfying methods for her which do not trigger my dysphoria over the dangle drops I hate so completely. The rest is shrunken by T blockers to the point it is more like her than like it once was. Her hysterectomy made this almost convenient as traditional penetrative sex is painful for her now.
the "bottom" line for me is anal play will always trigger a rape response in me. I am submissive but only can trust women with my submission and I get quite negatively forceful about dominant male expression. I am not healthy enough for GRS so I accept my reality as it is. I am working harder at my wife's acceptance of this change than I am at changing. I spent sixty yrs getting here and will spend what ever is needed for her to get here too,or I will bow out and let her go. I will not let my dysphoria this late in life become a selfish thing that discounts her needs too
More rambling ramble. So long keeping quiet it seems to be spilling out.
I wish you all Love. However you desire it I wish you all love.   

Quote from: Chloe on February 26, 2019, 01:39:48 PM
Oliver Welcome to our endless this/that thread I'll introduce you to my "ex" . . .

. . . lol who'll break you of that notion QUIK!
Always had a great respect for you FtM's! ( a distinct third possibility Linde in our ever-expanding binary universe of "male/female"?) Ah! Just has a thought! What 'bout "alien"? Surgically altered Vulcan ears? Think I'd be "cute" *for the guys* do ya's think insurance might cover it?

I wrote somewhere around here that I might be able to get involved with a trans person of any gender.  Because there is this special bond of having the same development and hardship we went through.  I think it would be easier to understand how the partner "ticks" if the ticking is not following the standards of society (and we know what dysphoria means!!!!)

Thinking about it, I feel that I would prefer to have a trans partner over a cis partner!  I think I might feel comfortable with either gender trans!
What a screwed up brain I have!

Quote from: OliverR. on February 26, 2019, 01:59:18 PM
haha vulcan ears wouldn't be bad, they could even be attractive....

Well, at least they would help to keep a cap from falling over the eyes!