Thanks once again @Entropic Variable !

I had a rough night. In addition to pushing myself too far yesterday, it felt like something was pinching some of my new lady bits. It is great that I already have some feeling down there, but it was quite painful. I called the nurse and she checked out the surgical area, which included my holding a mirror to show her where it hurt. Other than a dark bruise near the upper section, it looked perfect -- although it is sewn shut to hold in all of the packing. The nurse didn't see anything obvious, so she suggested trying different positions plus a sleep aid (Ativan). I found it hard to get comfortable, but I did manage a few hours of sleep. I was at least feeling well enough to start the morning off with two laps around the floor!

Susan will be here soon, and I can't say enough about how amazing she has been this week. She realizes this will finally allow me to find peace and happiness, and she is willing to work with me so we can find it together. I will love her always and forever.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 24, 2019, 09:48:41 PM
OK. That is not a phrase that I ever expected to hear in my lifetime! I don't know whether to laugh or cry tears of joy! I think the latter is more appropriate, since the hormones are starting to kick in again. Lacy, thanks for making my day!!!

There are a few odd things after surgery. One is the feeling that you need to pee. Wait, I have a catheter, how is that possible? Sometimes a catheter can be very sensitive to position, and it may not drain your bladder properly. Sitting on the toilet and uncapping the catheter usually works to drain your bladder, and it feels quite natural.

The nurses here are awesome. One got me situated for overnight, she checked my surgical sites, drained my catheter bag, brought my meds and a fresh ice bag, then told me the overnight schedule. Before leaving she asked if there was anything I needed, I said 'how about some chocolate ice cream?' Guess what? She brought me some! This place is awesome!!! A new vagina AND chocolate ice cream all in one stop!!!

!!!!CHOCOLATE!!!! How nice! Now I know what to ask for Hang in there Jessica. The nurses seem to be taking good care of you. I'll bet a couple more days and you'll be running laps and skidding to a stop at your room. You'll have to change your socks first. The ones they give you are skid proof

Hugs girl!

After breakfast I did three laps! On occasion instead of relying on the catheter bag, I sit on the toilet and remove the catheter cap to let it drain. Several times I have felt urine bypass the catheter and drip onto my sanitary pad. I mentioned this to a nurse and she said it was a good sign. It indicated my urethra was not very swollen and I would probably not have any issues once the catheter was removed. Whether I get a stream or a spray is still anyone's guess.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 25, 2019, 08:24:30 AM


"...........

Susan will be here soon, and I can't say enough about how amazing she has been this week. She realizes this will finally allow me to find peace and happiness, and she is willing to work with me so we can find it together. I will love her always and forever.

That is so wonderful that you have such great support. We certainly do find out how much inner beauty and strength out wonderful wives have when it comes to supporting us through this amazing journey....

You seem to be making great progress...congrats [emoji3]

Peeing is a whole different experience from now on...I was terrified that I had very little bladder control as After 7days with a catheter I had little sensation...the body is remarkable and all my function/control/sensation returned within about 4-5 days . Sounds from what you have said that you may have good control from day 1.



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Thanks @LizK !!!

A beautiful couple we know, who we also consider to be family (their initials are @Steph2.0 and @SassyCassie ), sent us an edible bouquet this afternoon! It was way too much for Susan and I, so we shared it with the nurses and our new friend Dani. Dr. Meltzer performed Dani's surgery the same day Dr. Ley performed mine, so Dani and I will forever share this new birthday! Looks like I will be going home with two kitties of my very own!

Helloooooo Kitty! [emoji16]

Deb stopped by this afternoon, apparently she has some relationship with the Meltzer Clinic. She wanted to go over the events scheduled for Wednesday -- unpacking and dilation. She described the unpacking process in great detail -- 20 yards of gauze are stuffed where? Then went over some breathing exercises to make dilation more comfortable.

After supper Dr. Ley dropped by to see how I was doing. She mentioned that my breasts were starting to round out nicely, and that my new kitty was looking good with just a little bruising. The next goal is a bowel movement, hopefully the stool softeners, metamucil, and prune juice will help soften things up nicely.

I walked six laps (3/8 mile) after Dr. Ley left and did not feel tired at all. There are a few muscles still complaining, but I think they will start cooperating within the next few days.

I modified my dilators, easier to remember which side is up.  Here's the #3 and #4. 

Quote from: Kendra on February 25, 2019, 08:28:24 PM
I modified my dilators, easier to remember which side is up.  Here's the #3 and #4. 

Dang it, I thought we were being clever and original. I should've known that Kendra would've thought of it first. 

Don't worry @Steph2.0 , @Kendra has been at this longer than we have. At least I beat her to the "I got Ley'd in Scottsdale" t-shirt!

Took my meds for the night. Going to try ibuprofen and ativan instead of Vicodin. Also got another round of Metamucil. My breasts are quite sore right now, hopefully the ibuprofen will help. The massages are unpleasant. I am surprised that I still have nearly full range of motion with my arms, although some positions are a bit painful.

I am also a bit nervous tonight. The last time I went this long without a bowel movement was after my colonoscopy. I described that one to Susan as feeling like a load of legos and razor blades! I hope this time around it is not quite so painful.

The nurse's station might have small single servings of prune juice, and I added that to every meal for the first week.  Solved the problem without having to take additional pills.

Hi Jessica and Susan, Bet you thought I had forgotten all about you. Well if you did you would be wrong. I am just piss poor at the social graces and niceties. I originally had intentions to drag Michelle down that way to surprised you two. Unfortunately other things came up and go in the way. Obviously you haven't seen us there. I also haven't kept up with how you have been doing here on the forums. I have asked Michelle a couple of times how you were doing though. As you may have noticed my time spent here has been severely reduced. I do miss some of the people here but my connection to the forums has been damaged and pretty much lost. I guess I have lost my addiction I used to have with the site. I honestly cannot foresee it being restored. The sense of worth I felt here is gone.
  Oh hell there I go making a post all about me again. I'm sorry. These thoughts are in my head and like to come out.
   I am happy for you Jessica. It's done and you are a better image of the female you have always know you were meant to be. This can only help you be the kind gentle person you craved to be able to be and not the angry unhappy doppelganger that used to inhabit your head. The discomfort and pain you feel is a small thing compared to the pain and hurt you not only caused yourself but to the family you loved with all your heart. This pain too shall pass and be forgotten. You are a much better person for it and Susan and your girls all see the improvements. I am happy that you are happier and more complete than you have ever been.

Love to you both,
  Laurie

@Laurie , you have had some hard times lately, so I truly appreciate your comments. I know you have been thinking about me, true friends tend to do that sort of thing. As always, Susan and I wish you all the best.

I woke up twice last night with the need to pee! Around 10:00pm, then again at midnight, I have lost my faith in catheters! Other than that I slept well, so the ibuprofen and Ativan worked. My breasts are not nearly as sore today as they were yesterday. I woke up just before 6:00am and decided to take a walk. I completed 16 laps (1 mile) in about 42 minutes. Not exactly a good pace for a marathon, but I'll take it! I already had another round of Metamucil, and more prune juice is on the way. There is still a little bleeding, but not very much. I am feeling awesome today!!!

Great to hear you are feeling better Jessica! How sweet of Stephanie and Cassie to sent the wonderful basket. Dang, I should have thought of that. I don't think my head is screwed on as tight as you ladies. I'll get the next one.

Big hugs!

Jessica walked another mile after breakfast, then she took a little detour. The waiting room lined with sunlit windows caught her eyes. She noticed the glass doors to the balcony, which called to her. Into the sun she stepped, the gentle light falling on her skin, a light breeze ruffling her hair. There were three small tables, with two chairs apiece, she chose the one in the corner. Before she sat down she ran her hand softly over the metal, feeling the texture and the pattern, noticing the faint scent of metal, then she sat. Bathed by the warmth of the sun, and cooled by the gentle breeze, she began to cry. After decades of hiding in the dark, unable to express herself, Jessica is now free. For the first time in her life she is free to walk in the sun, free to feel the wind in her hair, and simply free to be.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 26, 2019, 12:17:32 PM
Jessica walked another mile after breakfast, then she took a little detour. The waiting room lined with sunlit windows caught her eyes. She noticed the glass doors to the balcony, which called to her. Into the sun she stepped, the gentle light falling on her skin, a light breeze ruffling her hair. There were three small tables, with two chairs apiece, she chose the one in the corner. Before she sat down she ran her hand softly over the metal, feeling the texture and the pattern, noticing the faint scent of metal, then she sat. Bathed by the warmth of the sun, and cooled by the gentle breeze, she began to cry. After decades of hiding in the dark, unable to express herself, Jessica is now free. For the first time in her life she is free to walk in the sun, free to feel the wind in her hair, and simply free to be.

Clearly, you should cross post in the Writer's thread...



And, it is GREAT to hear you are feeling better!

Kate

Thank you @KatieP ! I had never been able to write like that until about two years ago, something about estrogen releasing the more creative side I suppose.

Dr. Ley dropped by this morning to check up on me again. A few hours later Meg told me the schedule for Wednesday morning. I need to wake up early, they plan to unpack my vagina and begin dilation around 7:15am -- before breakfast! Eeeek!!! Or would that be Squeeee!?!?!?

I did have a bowel movement earlier today. I avoided straining, however there was still some blood which the nurses said was normal. I am supposed to nurse a bottle of magnesium citrate laxative through the rest of the day just to make sure things are moving along.

There are some massive gnarly blue-green bruises where my thighs meet my torso, but I know they will fade. I walked another mile after lunch, that makes about 3 miles so far today. Once I rest up a bit I will take another shower.

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on February 26, 2019, 03:22:34 PM
Thank you @KatieP ! I had never been able to write like that until about two years ago, something about estrogen releasing the more creative side I suppose.

Dr. Ley dropped by this morning to check up on me again. A few hours later Meg told me the schedule for Wednesday morning. I need to wake up early, they plan to unpack my vagina and begin dilation around 7:15am -- before breakfast! Eeeek!!! Or would that be Squeeee!?!?!?

I did have a bowel movement earlier today. I avoided straining, however there was still some blood which the nurses said was normal. I am supposed to nurse a bottle of magnesium citrate laxative through the rest of the day just to make sure things are moving along.

There are some massive gnarly blue-green bruises where my thighs meet my torso, but I know they will fade. I walked another mile after lunch, that makes about 3 miles so far today. Once I rest up a bit I will take another shower.

SQUEEEEK!

I suspected that was coming @Steph2.0 , but I wanted you to have the honors!!! I just hope our furry kids don't find out that I now have a built in 'Hello Kitty' squeak toy!

I just took a shower, and I'm beat! I even washed my hair this time. I also noticed some truly massive bruising down my left side, with just a little on the right. A localized bruise on my left breast, and a pale yellow-green bruise across my entire mid-torso. But even with all of that, I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!

Susan kept peeking in as I showered, and at one point I aimed my catheter at her and said 'I know, that really doesn't count', and she laughed. She has also made note of the 'tenting' caused by my ice pack when I am in bed. Susan has kept up a great sense of humor through all of this. She is awesome.

I try to tell the truth in my posts, this may be a hard read for some of you.

During my shower yesterday I had to remove some gauze padding which became stuck to the catheter and my clitoris due to dried blood. The area is still one large hideous bruise, a very dark blue, and there are still quite a few stitches down there. This was the first time I had looked closely, and it freaked me out. Other than the color, stitches, and catheter, everything looks great, but it is definitely something that will take time to get used to.

Sitting on the toilet isn't much better. You are forced to look between your legs and reality hits hard. Your penis is gone, your testicles are gone, your scrotum is only partially there, but it looks quite different. In place of your penis is now a catheter. Your whole crotch hurts,  and a bowel movement can be terrifying because you may pop a stitch, and at a minimum you put pressure on nearby stitches which may cause them to bleed. We are not used to experiencing so much pain and blood in that area. It can be quite a shock to see what has been done.

I am still glad that I took this step, but it has been significantly more physically painful and mentally challenging  than I expected. I am not sure I could have held it together without Susan. She has been my rock.