How open are you about your status?

When i meet new people i instantly let them know i'm Jonathan and never been anything but. But with friends and work who all know my situation well, i have myself a laugh with it. I talk about it, i joke about it and they join in.

I feel being this way with those who know, it relieves a lot of tension. I get to know exactly what people think about it as their honesty comes out with mine. It relaxes the people around me, they feel they dont have to walk on eggshells because it's a 'touchy' subject. And with this i also feel i can get the best support from them. A particular colleague i work with (annoying as he can be lol) has even told me he gets annoyed with customers when they refer to me by the wrong gender, as i quote: "Because you're clearly a guy, it gets me all wound up!"

But still, i am aware that not everyone is like that and if they are confronted by something out of the ordinary, it seems to threaten them somehow and they like to make things awkward. So in a sense, i feel lucky to know so many great people.

Whats your opinions on being open? Are you open, or closed in?

I tend to reveal my status as it tends to comes up in conversation with anyone I will have an extended work or friend or aquaintence relationship with. Not even that I really venure to tell people or anything, but you know how it goes, you start talking about childhoods and related content, and you have the clear choice of Lie, or, tell them you're a transsexual.

i've not actually been brave enough to tell people i meet. I just let them assume i'm male.

However, in the work place when we have new starters it's different because you're around people who know. Though, i seem to never straght forwardly tell them, i just let myself assume they know

Hi Jon,

Yes just be you at work and whereever.  Someone else will most of the time point out that you were not always as you are.  But that is not so bad.  Even the fellow who said I had a demon inside a year ago, treats me as who I am now.  If someone asks I mght tell them, But I would not offer it at the beginning. Ha No one really asks anymore anyway. 

Beni

Not very open. No one besides the internets (Anonymity ftw) knows about it, and even I doubt it very often. Hopefully I'll soon start going to a therapist and see what happens then.

Hi Wishy, every individual choose their own way to come out. Fear of suicide is what finally decided me to come out full time. I did the coming out all in one day not knowing what the consequences would be, you want to bet I was scared. But in time  I developed this personality which people loved. I wasn't the greatest looking physically and not hard to clock. but my radiant and friendly personality made up for much of what was missing physically

And now I sit here 8 years later reading your post and responding to it as best I can. After a couple of weeks full time I knew I wasn't going to return to who I was before. That would have been a dead end road. Today who I was before is no more then fading memory like a bad dream.   


Hi Beni, congrats on the count down one month and two weeks to SRS

Cindy

I avoid calling myself male on things like myspace or facebook as if I forgot to put it in. I think the smarter people might figure it out a little, while most people just think I forgot.


Other than that, I just say I have "no idea what I am atm" which they probably think means I'm bi or gay. Hahaha...

I have only told 2 people really... 3 if you count telling one I know on the internet. One knows a lot more, but doesn't know I want to take hormones... I didn't want to bring it up.

Quote from: wishy on April 12, 2008, 03:09:41 AM
How open are you about your status?

I'd be open if someone asked about it, but I otherwise don't think about it. Most of the people I work with knew me From Before, but we rarely talk about it anymore. Every now and then we'll have a good laugh though, not specifically talking about TSism, but... like I was talking to someone at lunch the other day, and she said something about how "people never change, do they?" and after a second or two we just looked at one another and cracked up, lol. Like you said, I think keeping a sense of humour and letting people know it's not a touchy subject is a good thing.

Everyone is different though. I just go with the flow. We have one new employee for example whom I KNOW knows about me, only *we* have never discussed it. And he's apparently fine with that. There's no awkwardness between us, we laugh and joke and tease each other, so it's all good. But if he ever came to me and asked if we can talk about what I've done, that'd be fine too.

But unless they ask, or I get into a situation where I have to either lie terribly or tell the truth, I won't bring it up.

~Kate~

With most people I don't say anything about my status and just allow them to draw their own conclusions.  When I'm out doing a presentation, that's a different matter.  Occasionally when meeting random people I've gotten, "Are you the Lisbeth Kellogg who...?"  Yes, I am.

Because I live full-time in my new female role, I tend to allow people to make up their own minds.  With my volunteer job I have a name badge and  that tends to do the trick along with my clothing but occasionally a customer will say 'sir' or 'mate' whilst most might say 'miss' or 'dear' etc..

If anywhere more open to public, only the nasty and ignorant will make an issue of it.  I have confirmed my status as a TS to a few only when in conversation it needs to be said, but when that happens, I get told that they already knew and that it didn't matter.  My looks and voice tend to give me away and many people simply take me as a woman without question and we get along just as if I was born female.

What I am trying to say is that I let the situations develop naturally and only bring the matter up if I feel that it is necessary and if asked, I tell the truth because I have found that people dislike being hoodwinked deliberately....am I making any sense here???

Well...I do the male role for the sake of job and family.. The questions never occurs. But I am female for me (every moment possible). Would like to have face to face friends (of like minds) to share my feelings, but haven't any (yet).

roni

I'm always myself, and no effort is made to present a male image. Being mostly bald on top, I cannot pass to most people as female without a wig and makeup. Because of the way that I dress, always women's clothing, not always discretely, I always wear nail polish, and I always carry a purse, anyone who sees me and thinks for a moment, would realize that the necklace on my neck that says "April" isn't referring to the month. Some people are able to see me on the street, and by my appearance and the way that I carry myself will realize that I am, in fact, a woman. I just look like a bald man.

When I do wear a wig and makeup, I do it to look nice. If anyone were to question me in any way, I never lie. My therapist is continually impressed by my level of self-acceptance. She says that I accept myself on a higher level than most non-TS people. I believe in living my own life, and I have little interest in the prejudices of others, and people that I don't know? What about them? I really don't care what they think. Sure, I'll go out and some people will stare, rarely, someone will say something. It has no impact on me. Very rarely is anything mean spirited, and it's usually two or more men together who will make a remark, a comment about my wearing heels, "ya walk like a girl," whatever. Maybe a bra strap shows. Sometimes something pleasant will be said by another woman.

No. I don't hide. I spent many years running and hiding, blaming myself for being the way that I am. Now, I know better, and all of the years that I lived as myself hiding behind a synthetic male image are over. Those years have made me stronger, and have given me a true appreciation of myself as a person and of my very real accomplishments.

Quote from: roni on April 13, 2008, 03:08:55 PM
But I am female for me (every moment possible). Would like to have face to face friends (of like minds) to share my feelings, but haven't any (yet).

roni

Same here Roni, not even being full-time makes it any easier to find good face to face friends 

Hi Roni hon. Well I don't suppose we can meet face to face but I would not hesitate to do so with you in group or PM me if you have a desire to. I live in Vancouver BC.

Hi April221, I wouldn't worry to much about the people staring at you as you work at being yourself at becoming more presentable at the physical level in order to become more congruent as a female. Confidence and acceptance like in accepting yourself confidence will follow. certainly a few tweaks here and there and SRS will make you a more passable as a woman.

As  for attracting people, Well I have attracted women, men, kids and even animals both of the domestic variety and various other critters of the wilds for most of my life. I believe it has little to do as to what I look like, or anything to do with looking male, female, trans it is more of an attraction then anything else. Through the years Ive grown use to that so that I don't even bother looking around anymore, except for the animals.

Cindy

 

Quote from: cindybc on April 14, 2008, 05:02:19 AM

Hi April221, I wouldn't worry to much about the people staring at you as you work at being yourself at becoming more presentable at the physical level in order to become more congruent as a female. Confidence and acceptance like in accepting yourself confidence will follow. certainly a few tweaks here and there and SRS will make you a more passable as a woman.

Cindy

 

Hi Cindy!

I think that you may have misunderstood my post. I have no problem at all with the way that I appear in public, and I have a genuine disinterest in the negative reactions of strangers. I don't "worry" about people staring; some of the time, people will look at me because I look good! Sometimes, someone will whistle, which I take as a compliment! That's part of the reason that I dress as I do. I have total self acceptance of myself as a woman; my self acceptance is to a level higher than most non TS people. As both a teen ager and as a child, I was accepted by other girls, and I grew up as a girl. I was socialized as a female. I've lived full time,for various periods of time, from the age of 20.

My self acceptance as a male, of course, is not as good, for obvious reasons. I'm not male. I never was. The male image that I would sometimes present was never real. I now present publicly two  ways. One way is with make-up and a hair piece. The hair was chosen in conjunction with a stylist as the most natural choice for my face. My make up is something that was worked out, colors, time of day, and seasons, by a professional cosmetologist. I do not use make up as I did when I was a teen aged girl.

The other way that I will appear in public, is more casual, without the make up or hair piece. I do not wear a skirt or a dress, but what I do wear is markedly female, and my walk, gestures, posture, everything is female. With a hat, I pass as female from any distance or angle where my face isn't clearly seen and viewed. My social presentation is excellent. My walk, hand gestures, my entire body language has been entirely feminine since I was 6 years old...I was always getting beaten up because of it!

I've never stopped being April, either. The way that I think, the way that I express myself, the way that I relate to the world, has never changed. I've always experienced life through the eyes of a woman, and I've always enjoyed the view. The way that I've always felt about things. I've always had problems presenting as male, and it is the male image that will be erased as best as I'm comfortable with, during my transition. Transition, for me, is nothing more than allowing the outside world to see me more clearly. It will allow people who do not know me to relate to me in the correct manner. This has nothing to do with passing. Passing is not my priority, and if I'm always being seen as a TS woman, I have no problem at all with that, because I AM a TS woman. What I am not is a genetic woman, and I am not male. Transition will allow me to live out my life being true to myself, without hiding behind a synthetic male image. That is the priority.

Hi April221, It appears I did miss something or misunderstood something in your first post, but I must say you are not laking any clarity in your second post. All I can say is I apologise if I have offended you in any way. It seem that you have been at transitioning from M-F for a lot longer then I had anticipated, like from all the way back to your early childhood.

I to have always known something inside of me was not the same as the other kids and other adults after I grew up. I knew what my greatest of desire was, actually a need to be who I was inside. But back then hon there was no labels attached to what I felt I was. I did not know there were others like me out there let alone was I aware they even had places that could help others such as I. The whole proposition of becoming the innerself, she who was inside. To change ones gender just sounded so preposterous, ridiculous, it was simply just unheard of. One just didn't talk about this stuff during the time I grew up, if I had tried, I may not have come out of it, trying to do so, I may not have come out of it in one piece.

I have been full time for the past 8 years and worked for 7 years as Cindy a social worker. During those years I was just me, Cindy. When I came back here a few moths ago I had hoped to be of some assistance.

Since then I have discovered that the generation that was here now was a different generation then us 8 years ago. I found it replaced by a much younger group of members, then there were my in the previous generation. But I have found that this younger generation are more intelligent, mature and dedicated to accomplishing their transition in a much different way in many respects. Some come here to learn this maybe for better or worst. There for maybe there is no further use for an old dinosaur like me. 

Any way it does appear that you knew what or should I say "whom" you weren't and who you had wanted to be for a good many years. As a result you weren't about to give up your life long dream for anybody or anything. I admire that determination to achieve these odds that were not very forgiving you have overcome these obstacles  to be who you are, a trans lady, and hon I do admire your determination and what you have done to be you. Now that you have found who you are just continue to be the best you you can be. May God bless. You may want to tell me to go take a long hike off a short dock if you wish. that is your right and I will respect that and I be gone.

Cindy

I used to be somewhat open and confided in a few coworkers that I was trans. Never again. One person guessed that I was trans, but only because they have relatives who are trans. I don't mind that. I'm just still kicking myself for telling the people I did...because now I'd rather no one know.

Generally I don't like to let anybody know unless it's necessary, ie applying for a job with my name not legally changed yet, doctors, etc, but I don't tell anybody anymore...not even people I feel close to and could confide in, because that's the mistake I made with the people I told at work. The girl who guessed though, is a person I'd feel alright confiding in..but I wouldn't have told her if she hadn't guessed.

Hi April, I'm ok with most things I really don't resent anything or anyone. I have never had the capacity to even dislike any one let alone hate, hate is such a harsh word it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. Believe me I know and I am quite aware as to the music you dance to and it is a wonderful place to be.

Your experience does truly not diverge much from mine but is certainly way different in many aspects.  Actually even possibly more so than many here on this board. Of course I would love to be your friend and I will send you a PM later. I was preoccupied tonight doing correspondence on my other two boards.

Love

Cindy

Well all of my friends know aswell as my partner.. my friend at work and boss knows.. my parents know aswell as my sister (however they dont like to admit). However most people at work dont know as they are all (I dont like to say it) "young" and wouldn't understand and to be honest I cant deal with all there little wispering... and there childish behaviour. There was things said when I changed my name at work so I can't imagine what would be said if I told them Im changing from FTM.

My little sister doesn't know as she is only 10 and she wouldn't understand. My grandparents/uncles/aunties dont know as I dont see the point in telling them never been that close to them. 1 auntie I am going to tell because I am close to her..

Other than that.. I dont see the point in telling everybody just the people I am close too..

I wouldn't introduce myself as TG I wouldn't tell anyone in the future.. just the people who I care about..

Quote from: cindybc on April 15, 2008, 02:13:10 AM
Hi April, I'm ok with most things I really don't resent anything or anyone. I have never had the capacity to even dislike any one let alone hate, hate is such a harsh word it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. Believe me I know and I am quite aware as to the music you dance to and it is a wonderful place to be.

Your experience does truly not diverge much from mine but is certainly way different in many aspects.  Actually even possibly more so than many here on this board. Of course I would love to be your friend and I will send you a PM later. I was preoccupied tonight doing correspondence on my other two boards.

Love

Cindy

Hi Cindy!
I was supposed to move into my new apartment in New York City on April 1, and I was all set, until I went to see that the new floors were installed, and they were,  but not correctly. That has finally been resolved, two weeks later, so today is moving day, with the rest of the week set for unpacking and organizing my new home. I won't have my computer set up until Thursday.

All of my new neighbors will learn very quickly that I'm TS. It will make it easier in the future by being open about myself. My manner of dressing is decidedly feminine as is my total presentation. Even with a lack of hair on top and masculine facial features, I sometimes am read as female. Children can often sense my gender.