If you guys/girls aren't using a clarifying shampoo (residue removal) and protein treatment (infusion) once per week, it's probably why you hate your hair.
The reason your hair is so awesome after a salon shampoo/cut is because (at least the one I go to) they use at least a protein treatment on you, which makes it bloody awesome when they're done.
If you just use $3 grocery store shampoo without conditioner you'll always hate your hair.
I've been wanting to get a really fem cut (short-medium female hair style) but I think that i'm reaching a point with my outer femininity that I've got to be very careful with that since i'm not transitioning at the moment, heh.