This whole thread resonates with me as well.
My wife and I ended up as platonic friends with a common goal.
I would have prefered that we could have been lovers but I understand allowing my femininity to show causes a major primal turn-off for her.
Discussion & compromise achieves little with someone who is hard wired to repond to masculinity only.
I dont blame her for any of it.
At least we can still be a family.

Having the cake and eating it too is not to be.

Kirsten.



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Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on March 11, 2019, 12:55:05 AM
Teasing is ok. Also, if you want to call me Hannah, thats ok too, although this is not a name that particularly resonates with me...

BTW, I just realized that you are also an HM (Happy Moni), so it seems like we are twin sisters...

HM

You are the sister with the mountain, so you are more famous. My real initials are MH_. lol

Cindy that is a good way to look at it. I think I would be a bit freaked out at first. I love my SO so I would support her. I mean 'him.'

Kirsten, having the cake and eating it too is pretty rare I think. It didn't work perfectly in my case either except I was the reason for that.

Quote from: Cindy on March 11, 2019, 02:43:20 AM
This is a general comment.
One aspect of being transgender and how it affects our partners is to reflect on how we would feel if we were not TG but our partner was.  So, for example, if you were a cismale how would you cope with your female partner being FtM? How would you react to their changes and desires? What sort of discussion would be important and what boundaries would you want?

That may be a good basis for making sure that you keep dialogue open and an understanding in perspective.

Hi Cindy,

Of course I have tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine what I would have done if she had come out as a trans-man. Now, I have a biased view here, since I have been thinking about this for a long time and also desire a certain outcome and for this reason the optimist in me would immediately say that I wouldn't have had any issue, but that is not true. In all honesty, my old, old male self would have had a serious issue there as well, I probably would have been accepting of her dressing as male, but hormones would have crossed a line.

So, yes, I totally get where she is coming from and understand her reaction, it is just that I need to do this but don't want to lose her, because I truly and deeply love her. I just hope that time will heal these wounds that I have inflicted on her by coming out to her.

HM

Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on March 11, 2019, 05:55:00 AM
This whole thread resonates with me as well.
My wife and I ended up as platonic friends with a common goal.
I would have prefered that we could have been lovers but I understand allowing my femininity to show causes a major primal turn-off for her.
Discussion & compromise achieves little with someone who is hard wired to repond to masculinity only.
I dont blame her for any of it.
At least we can still be a family.

Having the cake and eating it too is not to be.

Kirsten.

Well, a platonic friendship is actually what I would like to see if I decide to go full-time. I want her in my life as my BFF and really spend a great time together. I don't expect anything that can be seen as lesbian. I guess it will take some time and lots of talks to achieve some level of acceptance.

HM

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on March 12, 2019, 01:37:43 AM
Well, a platonic friendship is actually what I would like to see if I decide to go full-time. I want her in my life as my BFF and really spend a great time together. I don't expect anything that can be seen as lesbian. I guess it will take some time and lots of talks to achieve some level of acceptance.

HM

I really believe that can be achieved. I think most CIS women have little desire for physical intimacy after bearing children anyway.
Also there seems to be many couples in their 50s and beyond who give up on sex even though they are still in love.

Not the most ideal scenario but still makes the most of things in this life.

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Hello again HM and Kirsten

I never married and hence cannot give an answer from personal experience.

OTOH I have known a number of couples here on Susan's who have stayed together after a transwoman came out to the female partner or wife and transitioned. They were ultimately able to live together in an amicable asexual friendship. However it does seem to take time to reach that position.

I agree that for some couples over 50 it is fine to "retire" from sex and remain in love with each other. That is fine. Some wish to maintain sex. We are free to choose in liaison with the partner of course.

Hugs

Pamela

HM

With regard to the original point  - your first post - may I offer you my congratulations on your visit time out en femme (to a different town) and I am so happy for you that it went well and this will instill further confidence in you.

I completely understand your choice of travelling to another town; as it happens I did/am doing it the other way round. I have been out locally on many occasions mainly for a walk in the park or for a trip to the mall and to have a coffee there. However on Saturday 16th I will be for the first time travelling to another city and meeting friends there and travelling home - all three as Pamela. So this will a "first" for me.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: pamelatransuk on March 12, 2019, 06:26:00 AM
Hello again HM and Kirsten

I never married and hence cannot give an answer from personal experience.

OTOH I have known a number of couples here on Susan's who have stayed together after a transwoman came out to the female partner or wife and transitioned. They were ultimately able to live together in an amicable asexual friendship. However it does seem to take time to reach that position.

I agree that for some couples over 50 it is fine to "retire" from sex and remain in love with each other. That is fine. Some wish to maintain sex. We are free to choose in liaison with the partner of course.

Hugs

Pamela

Hi Pamela great to hear from you. And yes I agree celibate relationships can work out well.

I am jealous of you girls getting together for the meet-up as well. I would love to visit old Blighty one of these days. Havent been for a few years.

Please dont tell me how much fun you had either !

Kirsten xx.

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Quote from: pamelatransuk on March 12, 2019, 06:33:25 AM
HM

With regard to the original point  - your first post - may I offer you my congratulations on your visit time out en femme (to a different town) and I am so happy for you that it went well and this will instill further confidence in you.

I completely understand your choice of travelling to another town; as it happens I did/am doing it the other way round. I have been out locally on many occasions mainly for a walk in the park or for a trip to the mall and to have a coffee there. However on Saturday 16th I will be for the first time travelling to another city and meeting friends there and travelling home - all three as Pamela. So this will a "first" for me.

Hugs

Pamela

Thanks, Pamela! I wish you the best of luck on your little trip this upcoming weekend!

HM

Kirsten

Always nice to hear from you too. Thank you for your support.

You have probably seen on the UK Meet Up thread that it is intended to hold them bi-annually - Sept 2018, March 2019, Sept 2019, March 2020 etc and it would be wonderful if you were able to come as I would especially love to meet you. You may have noticed that although nothing agreed as yet of course, Judith who commutes between Devon, UK and Victoria, Australia has suggested Milton Keynes for a future UK Meet Up.

HM

Thank you for your support and best wishes.

Hugs to you both

Pamela  xx

Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on March 12, 2019, 02:40:42 AM
I really believe that can be achieved. I think most CIS women have little desire for physical intimacy after bearing children anyway.
Also there seems to be many couples in their 50s and beyond who give up on sex even though they are still in love.

Not the most ideal scenario but still makes the most of things in this life.

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Are you sure about this?  My wife was still very much interested in sex after her two pregnancies!  And we did it well into our 50's, actually until I failed because of my menopause.

Quote from: Dietlind on March 12, 2019, 09:42:55 AM
Are you sure about this?  My wife was still very much interested in sex after her two pregnancies!  And we did it well into our 50's, actually until I failed because of my menopause.

Im talking generally. I know at work many fit and healthy fathers in their 50s deal with a wife who would rather not. A small. minority experience the opposite situation.

MTFs seem to often have a variable drive a bit like CIS women- where they can take it or leave it. The compelling urge of a CIS male is often not there.

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Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on March 12, 2019, 11:29:02 AM
Im talking generally. I know at work many fit and healthy fathers in their 50s deal with a wife who would rather not. A small. minority experience the opposite situation.

MTFs seem to often have a variable drive a bit like CIS women- where they can take it or leave it. The compelling urge of a CIS male is often not there.

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You are right, once testosterone is down, all that stuff goes down with it. 

But remembering how some males used to describe their sex live and action upon it, I can understand that many women rather not have that done to them anymore!

My wife used to have her evil way with me and I loved it! I miss it. Its a distant memory now.

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I don't know my testosterone is way low and I have plenty of urge. I think it is not always so simple.

Today an interesting thing happened. A few days ago someone at my support group meeting took a semi-professional picture of me. And today I thought I'd load it up in FaceApp and play a little and have some fun with it. In the picture I am wearing my hair open and I am also wearing makeup, but the picture itself has not been altered / photoshopped in any way. Since I am pre-everything and Face App claims to use AI I fully expected it to recognize my face as a male one. But lo and behold, it actually recognized my face as female and offered all female options! On the one hand that made me feel extremely good about myself in female mode, but it also makes me realize that their AI claims are really bogus if some makeup and hairstyle can throw it off...

Another interesting thing of today was that I actually remembered a dream. I usually do not remember any dream and even the ones I remember fade away very quickly. So this time I do remember that I was female in the dream, but what exactly it was about has already faded away, so I can't tell what I did. But it sure made my day knowing I dreamed of the female me!

HM

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on March 14, 2019, 12:04:15 AMOn the one hand that made me feel extremely good about myself in female mode, but it also makes me realize that their AI claims are really bogus if some makeup and hairstyle can throw it off...

...Or it might mean that you pass better than you thought!

Quote from: KathyLauren on March 14, 2019, 06:40:53 AM
...Or it might mean that you pass better than you thought!

That thought has crossed my mind too. However, without makeup and with my hair pulled back into a ponytail FaceApp genders me as male. I always thought that face recognition software doesn't get fooled by makeup or the hairstyle, but apparently this one does.

Anyway, I still feel good about this!

HM, someone said something really nice about my look today. They said it to my partner, not to me. My first thought was, oh, she is just being nice. Ya know what, take it as a win. Sometimes, the news is good news. Take it and run with it.