Hi All,

So I've been on HRT for nearly 3 months, early on I found my mood swings were so severe I had to stop hrt for a few days to get level headed again. Also I have always been a very emotional person and could cry fairly easily at things that upset me - but now I sometimes cry at the most seemingly trivial things.

My question to other MTF on hrt -
1)in your experience did you manage to handle the emotional side of it better with time? - did you think your body was acclimatizing to hrt or that you were learning to deal with it better on a conscious level?

2) For those of you like me who are highly emotional - Did you start to cry less as time went on or did this never change?

Thank you for your feedback,

Sonja.

@Sonja
Dear Sonja:
Per my own experiences and also from what I have read of other MTF transtioner's HRT experiences... emotions definitely change... less aggressive, less angry moments, etc.... but certainly more compassion and empathy ... and yes, I can cry on a moments notice, whether I am watching a romance movie or seeing a little baby while out and about....   
...  frankly I see all that as a good change and I welcome the increased emotions that I now have.   

I have always been people person and very outgoing, so now after I started HRT, being more compassionate and empathetic when being around others and also when supporting and being encouraging to others....   it is a win-win.    I do have to keep tissues very handy however because I can cry and hug at any time.

To answer your last question, I am still crying much more than I used to before I started HRT... for me, I don't think it has diminished at all...  and I really do not want it stop.   I like the "new" me.

Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Sonja on March 16, 2019, 05:05:46 PM
Hi All,

So I've been on HRT for nearly 3 months, early on I found my mood swings were so severe I had to stop hrt for a few days to get level headed again. Also I have always been a very emotional person and could cry fairly easily at things that upset me - but now I sometimes cry at the most seemingly trivial things.

My question to other MTF on hrt -
1)in your experience did you manage to handle the emotional side of it better with time? - did you think your body was acclimatizing to hrt or that you were learning to deal with it better on a conscious level?

2) For those of you like me who are highly emotional - Did you start to cry less as time went on or did this never change?

Thank you for your feedback,

Sonja.

Thanks for raising this Sonja! I cry easily (the girls I work with say I am the most emotional in our group) and I haven't started HRT yet! I am a bit afraid I will be a mess for a while. I'm not out at work, so explaining more frequent crying will be difficult.

Allie

Quote from: Sonja on March 16, 2019, 05:05:46 PM
Hi All,

So I've been on HRT for nearly 3 months, early on I found my mood swings were so severe I had to stop hrt for a few days to get level headed again. Also I have always been a very emotional person and could cry fairly easily at things that upset me - but now I sometimes cry at the most seemingly trivial things.

My question to other MTF on hrt -
1)in your experience did you manage to handle the emotional side of it better with time? - did you think your body was acclimatizing to hrt or that you were learning to deal with it better on a conscious level?

2) For those of you like me who are highly emotional - Did you start to cry less as time went on or did this never change?

Thank you for your feedback,

Sonja.

Hi Sonja,
               I found the HRT effects compounded with time slowly but relentlessly. At 3 months I could feel the emotional effects as well. Prior to HRT I had not cried for over 30 years.

1. I found the first 12 months of HRT euphoric & painful at times as well. Things people said affected me where they never did before. Dealing with a rocky domestic situation caused by my femininity/transness had me in tears often and my wife angry. How I felt could also change throughout the day - this was new to me - I could start happy & buoyant get sad and be back to happy in one day. Sometimes I felt wretched and unloved.(new to me)

My body felt great - a type of all over buzz - difficult to describe feeling of physical lifeforce -felt like my body was craving estrogen and finally getting fed it. If a dose was missed and then caught up a day later the sensation was unmistakable.

I found the newly discovered overwhelming emotions did get easier to deal with over time. I think in that first 12 months your brain is re-wiring and you have turned into a 14 year old girl. The re-wiring  results in an increase in certain powers in the end - eg increased perception of what others are feeling, thinking and saying, increased intuition, having a chat will ramp up to a new level. The narrow focus of the testosterone brain will broaden to a certain extent.

I think ones natural response to emotions steadies by the 12 month mark and your thought process runs with an emotional mode running side by side with a logical mode( in harmony). I think you retain the old powers but gain some new ones as well.


2. I was never particularly emotional but now I often am. A dead part of me was awakened. According to prescribing doctors I have spoken with, the Sandrena (bio-identical) which I believe you are taking is the pick of the bunch for mood. Other oral medications can produce more estrone that can have a negative effect on mood. Also cyproterone is a powerful anti - androgen - if you let your T levels get too low you will feel wretched, fragile, unstable, vulnerable - this happened to me.

I found with time things really did even out, in the end I did cry less often. Even now I can control my emotions much better after 12 months. If a situation demands no crying and serious action, then no problem. If I am talking with friends or family that are in a bad way I just allow myself to cry with them.

Overwhelming emotion is normal in the first 12 months I believe.

So good to hear your first hand experience as well Sonja !

Wishing you a not so rough rollercoaster, Kirsten.

Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on March 16, 2019, 08:56:17 PM
Hi Sonja,
               I found the HRT effects compounded with time slowly but relentlessly. At 3 months I could feel the emotional effects as well. Prior to HRT I had not cried for over 30 years.

1. I found the first 12 months of HRT euphoric & painful at times as well. Things people said affected me where they never did before. Dealing with a rocky domestic situation caused by my femininity/transness had me in tears often and my wife angry. How I felt could also change throughout the day - this was new to me - I could start happy & buoyant get sad and be back to happy in one day. Sometimes I felt wretched and unloved.(new to me)

My body felt great - a type of all over buzz - difficult to describe feeling of physical lifeforce -felt like my body was craving estrogen and finally getting fed it. If a dose was missed and then caught up a day later the sensation was unmistakable.

I found the newly discovered overwhelming emotions did get easier to deal with over time. I think in that first 12 months your brain is re-wiring and you have turned into a 14 year old girl. The re-wiring  results in an increase in certain powers in the end - eg increased perception of what others are feeling, thinking and saying, increased intuition, having a chat will ramp up to a new level. The narrow focus of the testosterone brain will broaden to a certain extent.

I think ones natural response to emotions steadies by the 12 month mark and your thought process runs with an emotional mode running side by side with a logical mode( in harmony). I think you retain the old powers but gain some new ones as well.


2. I was never particularly emotional but now I often am. A dead part of me was awakened. According to prescribing doctors I have spoken with, the Sandrena (bio-identical) which I believe you are taking is the pick of the bunch for mood. Other oral medications can produce more estrone that can have a negative effect on mood. Also cyproterone is a powerful anti - androgen - if you let your T levels get too low you will feel wretched, fragile, unstable, vulnerable - this happened to me.

I found with time things really did even out, in the end I did cry less often. Even now I can control my emotions much better after 12 months. If a situation demands no crying and serious action, then no problem. If I am talking with friends or family that are in a bad way I just allow myself to cry with them.

Overwhelming emotion is normal in the first 12 months I believe.

So good to hear your first hand experience as well Sonja !

Wishing you a not so rough rollercoaster, Kirsten.

@Kirsteneklund7

Hey Kirsten,

everything you said above is so relevant to me but the bolded parts are par for par what I have and am going through.
Euphoric but painful also, plus there are days when my wife are getting on so well and then the next day she is completely indifferent to me.

I do hope things level out soon.

Sonja.

Quote from: Sonja on March 17, 2019, 06:19:08 PM
@Kirsteneklund7

Hey Kirsten,

everything you said above is so relevant to me but the bolded parts are par for par what I have and am going through.
Euphoric but painful also, plus there are days when my wife are getting on so well and then the next day she is completely indifferent to me.

I do hope things level out soon.

Sonja.

Hi Sonja,

I am only on T blockers atm for a month and a half, but I get the wretched/fragile/unstable/vulnerable thing when something really scares me.  I will be starting an estrogen patch next week.

Partially for me I think it is my metabolism adjusting to a low T diet.  Also, I just don't feel so angry.  It is more like static is clearing and I am feeling what was under all the anger.  That's my interpretation anyhow

Best of luck!  Everyone here says it is a wild ride, and I am starting to get it!

Love,

Jael

Quote from: Jeal on March 20, 2019, 12:48:45 PM
Hi Sonja,

I am only on T blockers atm for a month and a half, but I get the wretched/fragile/unstable/vulnerable thing when something really scares me.  I will be starting an estrogen patch next week.

Partially for me I think it is my metabolism adjusting to a low T diet.  Also, I just don't feel so angry.  It is more like static is clearing and I am feeling what was under all the anger.  That's my interpretation anyhow

Best of luck!  Everyone here says it is a wild ride, and I am starting to get it!

Love,

Jael

@Jeal

Hi Jael,

I've just done a bit of reading about you, congratulations on starting your T-blockers but even bigger will be starting your patches!!  so.....
CONGRATULATIONS ----->  Its a girl!!

I started t-blockers and patches same day and its been a real ride - I really needed to remind myself to bite my tongue more than I have as while I generally feel amazing most days - there were pockets of moments here and there I 'lost my mind' a bit and 'went of the deep end'.  Its definitely leveled off a bit now and I'm much more aware of small moments where I feel a bit vulnerable.

Take care,

Sonja.

Quote from: Sonja on March 16, 2019, 05:05:46 PM
My question to other MTF on hrt -

1)in your experience did you manage to handle the emotional side of it better with time? - did you think your body was acclimatizing to hrt or that you were learning to deal with it better on a conscious level?

2) For those of you like me who are highly emotional - Did you start to cry less as time went on or did this never change?

HI Sonja

1) Yes, and Yes both were true with me, I found emotional bliss after a few years, and getting my doses adjusted just right, it was wilder mood swings the first few years (subjective). Backstory is I went initially from patches (14 months), then to IM for 6 years and 4 months, and now back to patches. I feel well acclimated to my E today.

2) I still enjoy a good cry, like when reading a book, or hearing beautiful music. Let it go, feels good...

May you find your "groove" Sonja

Hugs

C -

Honestly, this week I'm 15 months in estradiol and I'm still mentally the same, maybe you feel that mental difference because you guys started a little older, but who knows, at least in my case I'm still the same sensitive girl as always, although the only thing that It makes me feel less woman is my bottom part and I must wait until I turn 18, should I learn to accept a little more my body respect to "the bottom part"?

Quote from: Sonja on March 16, 2019, 05:05:46 PM

"did you think your body was acclimatizing to hrt or that you were learning to deal with it better on a conscious level?

Sonja, for me I can tell my physical body is adjusting to the meds. I'm almost 1 month in on HRT. First few days was like: WOW...how am I going to function? My mind went on a definite roller coaster ride but soon the severe mood swings went away and I even lost the slightly fun euphoric feeling when I took my E tablet sublingual. I decided to ride out the storm and kept taking my tablets and soon enough my mental state leveled off. I don't know if the mood swings will return, however, I'm not complaining while they are gone.

Sophia

Quote from: Sonja on March 16, 2019, 05:05:46 PM
Hi All,

My question to other MTF on hrt -
1)in your experience did you manage to handle the emotional side of it better with time? - did you think your body was acclimatizing to hrt or that you were learning to deal with it better on a conscious level?

2) For those of you like me who are highly emotional - Did you start to cry less as time went on or did this never change?

Thank you for your feedback,

Sonja.

Hello again Sonja

I have thought about your questions and my view is:

1. I am not sure but on balance suspect the former. Like most of us, I started on low dose HRT but within 3 months knew for certain I was on "the right fuel" as I felt a sense of peace and my mind cleared. I had less aggravation and was less depressed but still depressed to some degree. I noticed that I both cried and laughed more and usually at trivial things. My HRT doses increased in later months.

2. After 13 months I have not yet noticed a decrease in either the crying or the laughing; they increased from virtually nil to noticeable to me and others in the first 6 months but no change in the last 7 months.

Hugs

Pamela

Has anyone ever figured out why our minds " clear " or become less cloudy when we started HRT? Did we all really walk around in a daze in our previous lives? Maybe it's the difference between men and women? Maybe it's the rapture? Maybe it's what fuels the struggle between male and females in society? Maybe I'm just a confused teenager going thru puberty? (I feel like that some days even though I'm 50 y.o.)



Sophia

And now for something completely different. 

My experience with Estradiol is very calming and soothing. I have no mood swings. I am constantly in peace with the world and everyone on the planet.  I am not taking Progesterone. If I were, I  may have a different experience.

Natural disasters and the foibles of political personalities do not bother me. They will all pass in time. Saying this does not mean that I don't care about these things. I do care very much about the environment and the way people treat each other. I just don't get too excited about them.

I really have no explanation for the way I feel. I just accept it. I do recognize that many other girls have mood swings. I can see this up close and personal when I attend a support group meeting.

I guess we all react to HRT differently. No surprise here.

Quote from: Sophiaprincess2019 on March 21, 2019, 06:16:33 AM
Has anyone ever figured out why our minds " clear " or become less cloudy when we started HRT? Did we all really walk around in a daze in our previous lives? Maybe it's the difference between men and women? Maybe it's the rapture? Maybe it's what fuels the struggle between male and females in society? Maybe I'm just a confused teenager going thru puberty? (I feel like that some days even though I'm 50 y.o.)



Sophia

I heard it explained that Dysphoria gives us 'background noise' which just takes the edge off our comprehension and enjoyment. This is how I feel, and my brief time on HRT has reduced my dysphoria, and the 'noise' and made me feel clearer. When Dysphoria increases, the 'noise' increases and starts to disconnect us, which is the onset of depression.

Allie

Quote from: Allie Jayne on March 21, 2019, 06:45:50 AM
I heard it explained that Dysphoria gives us 'background noise' which just takes the edge off our comprehension and enjoyment. This is how I feel, and my brief time on HRT has reduced my dysphoria, and the 'noise' and made me feel clearer. When Dysphoria increases, the 'noise' increases and starts to disconnect us, which is the onset of depression.

Allie

I often ponder the same sort of question that Sophia asks and that Allie answers. Allie's description matches my experience.  When something triggers my fears around transition, or I get rejected and my other issues surface that peace mostly evaporates.  Now instead of getting really angry and withdrawing though, I feel more sad and need to talk about it.  The funny thing is, underneath it all I feel like there is finally solid ground.  Before coming out to my wife, I could have never have handled the domestic discord I face daily (ironically, as consequence of coming out).  So, I would say that my peace/clarity began with self acceptance, and seems to increase the closer I get to congruence.   Is it an actual physiological change, or maybe it has more to do with my sense of self?  Probably somewhere in between.

If I had grown up in a fictitious society without fixed gender roles, would I feel dysphoria about my hair, or body, or sex characteristics? IS there a switch inside of us that is incongruent between or body and mind/spirit, or would there be no incongruence in the absence of the dominant cultural messaging about sex and gender?  Big questions I doubt will be answered adequately in my lifetime.

In any case, I have learned that my thinking mind needs to be in service of my heart, since it clearly knows more than I gave it credit for.  Previously, I used 'reason', or rationalizing rather, to put myself into a cage.  My heart set me free and my head is trying desperately to catch up

I find all thus very fascinating.  I guess that is good since it is my reality!

Be well,

Jael

I don't get really noticeable mood changes, but I really never had.  I cry easier now, I think it is partially that  I allow myself to cry, i am not a man anymore and don't have to act tough!

What I realize, however, is that my genital dysphoria seems to get stronger.  I hoped that  was one with this, because there is hardly anything male looking left (they took my testicles and most of my scrotum along with it), but this little bit that is left starts to drive me nuts, more so than it did prior to the orchi!
That may bring me into some real bad mood swings!

Quote from: Jeal on March 21, 2019, 12:51:07 PM
I often ponder the same sort of question that Sophia asks and that Allie answers. Allie's description matches my experience.  When something triggers my fears around transition, or I get rejected and my other issues surface that peace mostly evaporates.  Now instead of getting really angry and withdrawing though, I feel more sad and need to talk about it.  The funny thing is, underneath it all I feel like there is finally solid ground.  Before coming out to my wife, I could have never have handled the domestic discord I face daily (ironically, as consequence of coming out).  So, I would say that my peace/clarity began with self acceptance, and seems to increase the closer I get to congruence.   Is it an actual physiological change, or maybe it has more to do with my sense of self?  Probably somewhere in between.

If I had grown up in a fictitious society without fixed gender roles, would I feel dysphoria about my hair, or body, or sex characteristics? IS there a switch inside of us that is incongruent between or body and mind/spirit, or would there be no incongruence in the absence of the dominant cultural messaging about sex and gender?  Big questions I doubt will be answered adequately in my lifetime.

I find all thus very fascinating.  I guess that is good since it is my reality!

Be well,

Jael

Hello Jael

Yours is a really good post above and I thank you for that.

Very fascinating indeed and of course being transgender is the reality for all of us (and mood change is the reality for a fair proportion of us).

I just wish to add to your most interesting comments:

1. I agree that when fear surfaces, my response is never aggravation as previously but now sadness.

2. I agree there is solid ground with me; I believe this is a another significant stage we reach. I have only determined public transition is the way forward for me in Summer pursuant to the "solid ground" - the doubt has disappeared and the fears are diminishing.

3. I agree peace comes as a result of both HRT and self acceptance; for me complete acceptance came several months in HRT and that provided most of the groundwork leading to solid ground.

4. Fictitious society without gender roles - I believe I would still feel Gender Dysphoria but only the physical as the social would be somewhat relieved and less significant. I believe the incongruence would still apply but the advantage to us would be that we would not have the added problem of any anti-reaction or social taboo.

5. Finally another point on mood changes not yet covered in this thread is speed. I am truly surprised how fast I can change from feeling good to moderately depressed and back again in the same day. I like this as previously I was either knowingly and hurtfully depressed every day or just subconsciously and depressed mildly as in feeling "dulled".

Hugs

Pamela  xx

 Dietlind, since your orchie your remaining part should be shrinking even more so hopefully your dysphoria will will not be as bad.

Quote from: mm on March 22, 2019, 10:12:58 AM
Dietlind, since your orchie your remaining part should be shrinking even more so hopefully your dysphoria will will not be as bad.

It is pretty tiny already (not enough to be used at a urinal anymore).  But when I see myself in a mirror, all I see that I am not really a man anymore, but I am not a woman either.  Being intersex that was the curse I felt all my life, and now I have even the physical evidence  for this, I am a nothing again, not even a pretend male anymore!

Quote from: pamelatransuk on March 22, 2019, 05:21:29 AM
5. Finally another point on mood changes not yet covered in this thread is speed. I am truly surprised how fast I can change from feeling good to moderately depressed and back again in the same day. I like this as previously I was either knowingly and hurtfully depressed every day or just subconsciously and depressed mildly as in feeling "dulled".

I should probably start getting in the habit of waiting 24 hours before responding to extreme emotions then =) This seems to be a problem for me in the last two weeks.

Thank you for your kind response!  It is a fascinating exploration we are embarked upon.  It is nice to have a place to share it.