I have a purpose with this thread. It is to tell my story. Not for the attention or support. My goal is to share how I got here, why I waited so long and why I am glad I did it.
My hope is to motivate others that are struggling to find the courage to find their path. As I have said many times before I don't know everything, I don't have this all figured out but what I do have is the wisdom of hindsight and I want to share that with others that are following me on this journey.
From a very young age I wished I was female. I read about it, thought about it, searched out movies, TV, books, magazines etc etc. Anything that had a sex change topic. I wore my Mom's clothes, used makeup whenever I could sneak it and in my 20s I started to get the courage to buy wigs, clothes, makeup, fake breasts etc. I bought a bunch of fiction books (Sandy Thomas) that were short books about sex change fiction.
I visited internet sites from around 1995 to 2015 that had fantasy such as Fictionmania and others. I used to be embarrassed to admit this stuff but it was all part of the journey. I dressed in private as often as I could. It was also a sexual turn on but I knew that it was not just a fetish, I knew I wanted to be female.
The last few paragraphs are typical for most of us. So what changed for me. Why did I transition?
Well, like most of us in the closet I had purged and reacquired my female stuff several times over the years. In 2016 I began reacquiring and was driving back from Chicago to Mpls. There is a shop in suburban Chicago that caters to CD and TS. It has been around many years. Some of you probably know it.
They kind of know me as I always chat with the owner when I visit. I started going there for makeovers in 2005.
Anyway I was driving back on that day in early 2016 and I was SO happy. I stopped twice for gas and both cashiers commented that I was their happiest customer all day. I kept thinking about that the rest of the way home.
That night I decided - this is stupid - why am I hiding. I am going to die sometime in the next 2 to 20 years and I will have spent my life hiding. So the next day I called the woman that was to become my therapist. I knew her from an entirely different reason. I began seeing her 3 years ago this month.
Here's the thing. I nearly died in the past. I had a massive heart attack in 2005 and my survival odds were low. Also I contracted cancer from a medication I was taking. (They hid the proof for years - another story )
I should have been one of the millions of transpeople that never came out. But I was lucky. I survived more than once. Now I am living my real life. I really should have never had the chance. I was scared. I hid. WHY
Because what other people thought of me mattered more than being my true self.
THINK ABOUT THE SENTENCE ABOVE. How stupid is that? I know many of you here are doing the same thing. Believe me it is not worth it. Was transitioning hard? Damn right it was. Am I glad I did it? I could not be happier.
Don't let fear control you. It is a waste and it has a sad ending.
Should everyone transition? Absolutely not. Some people are non binary, some people are just sexually turned on by fetish play. That's great.
What is not great is lying to yourself because of fear. Chances are pretty good that if you are on this site you have gender issues. Face them, confront them, be honest with yourself and then live as your authentic self whatever that may be.
I got a second and a third chance, I was lucky. Don't waste this life, it is your one shot. I almost wasted mine but I got bonus time. Don't look back in regret.
Most of all, find your peace and hopefully your happiness.
