Hey again all
So from late December to late February I was on HRT, yes I was self medicatin but the dosage was low and the place I got them from very reputable.

It took a little time but gradual changes started to happen and whilst I didn't have the huge sense of relief that so many seem to, I felt fine. I didn't feel odd or off, I just felt like me just more prone to random crying for no reason haha.

Things went bad in January I was laid off work for months and months and couldn't pay my rent, nevermind afford to get HRT but I still had enough to last so I thought I would okay to deal with it.
Work didn't pick up and my finances got steadily worse as my HRT supply slowly dwindled.
By this point I had convinced myself that I probably am not trans at all because I seem to react so different to trans women on many things.
Then I finally got back into work, I owe a ton of money but at least I'm working. I thought I would be able to ignore the expense of the HRT as you know, I made the whole thing up.
For two weeks after I ran our I was fine. The last two weeks have been hell.

Whilst on HRT my gender rarely crossed my mind, i was just living my life day to day and there was no nagging feeling at all. I was A-OK.
Now I've been off HRT for a month, that feeling has returned. Oh boy has it returned. Just like before I started HRT, ALL I can think about is my gender.

It's at the forefront of my mind and driving me insane!

Guess I really am trans huh?

Miss Katie:

Only you and a Transition Coach (My description for my counselor) can decide if your trans.

I, also, can't support self medication.   There is the potential for life threatening complications from HRT.  Routine blood work is a must.

Assuming your in the States, many Planned Parenthood clinics offer 'Informed Consent' HRT.  I started down that road when I feared rejection because I live in a very conservative area of the country.

Ultimately I made the decision to come out to my primary care physician.  It turned out I wasn't her first trans patient and she, in consultation with my transition coach, helped me find an endocrinologist.

The three of them, along with my spouse (after she joined me in counseling sessions and understood how I suffered) are my 4 biggest supporters.  I love my life now that I'm on HRT.

I know they're tuff to find, but their is low cost help available to you.

Please take advantage of those resources. 

Because; irrespective of deciding your Trans, or not, your life could very well depend on your decisions.

With hugs, and sisterly love.
Kate



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Hello again Katie

I know we have corresponded on several matters and that you reside in UK as do I and that last year you told me you could not afford the private clinic GenderGP who provide both gender counselling and HRT by Informed Consent.

I still believe GenderGP should be your aim if your work is maintained and hopefully increases as I cannot support self-medication. After being under the care of GenderGP for counselling and your first 12 weeks of HRT, it is then possible to obtain your HRT still physically from GenderGP but paid by NHS under the "Shared Care Agreement" system.

However it appears that you may not be able to take that route for some time due to funds and I know that must be deeply worrying both from a financial and from a transgender perspective as I believe you are indeed likely trans since thinking about gender constantly is a rather sure sign.

My advice for the present would be either to speak to your doctor about your feelings and ask for counselling preferably from someone familiar with gender issues, on the NHS. However if you cannot wait (and we know the NHS does take time and may not even secure you a suitable counsellor), then I think you should be able to find a local counsellor/therapist by googling. My suggestion is to try one and just book one session and if it successful book a second visit but if you gain nothing, then try another counsellor/therapist. Obviously you have to pay for these private services but if you can afford a couple of sessions either now or in early course, you should at least be able to make a start in resolving your gender issues.

I wish you success both for funding and for resolution of your plight.

Hugs

Pamela  xx