Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 20, 2019, 12:58:36 PM
@Jessica
Dear Jess:
Lookie what I found in the back of my refrigerator at my office this morning.... they have been there since before Christmas and they are still good to eat.
Immediately I thought of you because you have a liking for my sprinkle cutout cookies!!!
    Left Click to Enlarge:
         
I trust that your day will be a good one for you.
Many hugs and best wishes. 
Danielle

Oh yes! I'm sure they're still good. There is a 4 month rule for cookies in the fridge

Couples therapy this evening....fingers crossed

Quote from: Jessica on March 25, 2019, 12:42:21 PM
Couples therapy this evening....fingers crossed

Good luck, Jess!

I crossed my toes (tough to do in boots) I hope it helps !!

Quote from: Jessica on March 25, 2019, 12:42:21 PM
Couples therapy this evening....fingers crossed

@Jessica
Dear Jess:

I am wishing you and your sweetie well and trusting that you will both benefit from the session tonight and perhaps future sessions if desired...   
We are all rooting for you Jess...

HUGS and more HUGS [emoji172]
Danielle

Quote from: Jessica on March 25, 2019, 12:42:21 PM
Couples therapy this evening....fingers crossed

Good luck Jess.  I don't know your particulars but in general this is a big issue in a relationship. At least it is in mine. I hope it goes well for both of you.

Thank you Stephanie, Faith, Danielle and Randi 💕💕💕
I appreciate the well wishes and hopes.

I have reflected and pondered towards what my needs are to be happy.

My wife's and my 38th wedding anniversary is in 3 days.
Am I happy married to my best friend?
That's a resounding yes!
If I transitioned without my wife having the ability to be happy, would that make me happy?
That's a hard no!
Can I be happy without the love of my life?
Maybe, but clearly there is the distinct chance I could never be as happy as I am with my wife.
Can I be happy just with the knowledge that I have gained in my pursuit of self.
I am more than certain of that being true.

I equate my gender as one that encompasses both genders.  I've found happiness presenting either as male or female equally.  I have never felt dysphoria to the degree that transitioning was imperative to happiness.

Tonight I hope that my wife will begin to understand who I am, so that she may find happiness with who she sees in me.

Hugs and smiles, Jess






cc: @Steph2.0 @Faith @Alaskan Danielle @randim

Good luck Jess!

I am glad you found a path to happiness, happiness is the most important thing in the world. I also hope the couples sessions will bring you and your wife back together. I know she means the world to you.

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: Jessica on March 25, 2019, 01:53:32 PM
Thank you Stephanie, Faith, Danielle and randim 💕💕💕
I appreciate the well wishes and hopes.

I have reflected and pondered towards what my needs are to be happy.

My wife's and my 38th wedding anniversary is in 3 days.
Am I happy married to my best friend?
That's a resounding yes!
If I transitioned without my wife having the ability to be happy, would that make me happy?
That's a hard no!
Can I be happy without the love of my life?
Maybe, but clearly there is the distinct chance I could never be as happy as I am with my wife.
Can I be happy just with the knowledge that I have gained in my pursuit of self.
I am more than certain of that being true.

I equate my gender as one that encompasses both genders.  I've found happiness presenting either as male or female equally.  I have never felt dysphoria to the degree that transitioning was imperative to happiness.

Tonight I hope that my wife will begin to understand who I am, so that she may find happiness with who she sees in me.

Hugs and smiles, Jess






cc: @Steph2.0 @Faith @Alaskan Danielle @randim

Good luck Jess! I'm keeping my fingers crossed too.

I know how much this means to you by the way you write and I really hope that you and your wife find the understanding you are searching for it is clear the love is there between the two of you and that is so important.

Take care

Liz

  Hey Sis,  As you should know I wish you and your wife all the happiness the two of you can find together. I have no doubt that together you will remain. Love with another is sometimes a difficult thing and it takes communication, understanding and compromise to make it last a lifetime. This is my wish for you and your sweetie, a lifetime of love and happiness for you both.
  I personally failed at this, so I cannot give you advice on how to accomplish it. But I know you are trying.

Hugs & love,
   Laurie

I wish you both success.  we've had some bad bumps in the road and have seen a couples therapist for quite some time now.  I highly recommend this if for no other reason to be able to save it (An argument etc) for therapy.  And this way not say anything you can't take back.  The 3rd person can also help my pointing out things that you might not normally want to hear but when a third party points it out?  It becomes easier to accept some of your faults etc.  Anyway

I just want to say good for both of you to try this I think its great.

Thank you all for your helpful comments.
The couples therapy session went fairly well.  It was the first conversation after more than a year and a half of no communication about the subject from my wife.  She has her concerns that were valid but not actually relevant.  Misconceptions abounded.  It was clear to her, myself and the therapist that much of her issues was due to her having poor skills at relating her feelings throughout life.  She freely admitted that it would never have gotten to such a point if she had just been open about them.

As I pointed out in a previous post that I associate my gender as both male and female, which the the therapist labeled more distinctly as "gender expressive".  Gender expressive is a relatively new term and points out that cis gender folk may enjoy the idiosyncrasies of the opposite gender without the need to present fully as the opposite gender.
In my case, I can feel equally comfortable presenting male or female, but also while presenting male I enjoy feminine traits as well.  I call it more androgynous myself, and it works as well as when I present as a woman with some male traits.
We talked about how I can compartmentalize my wants and needs to be feminine in my everyday life that has been myself my whole life.  Much of my style of living has had a feminine flair that is just who I am.  And interestingly enough my wife admitted that she has more of a masculine style than myself and always had been.
We will continue our sessions and hopefully come to a conclusive agreement that will create a happy situation in each of our respective selves and nurtures our life as a married couple.

We still are very much a loving couple that enjoys being with each other as proven with our date last night to a lecture by a famed astrophysicist, topped off with pizza by the slice and beer.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
Thank you for posting your update and sharing your very personal thoughts about your life.
I am very pleased to read that the therapy session went well and that you are having good dialog with your wife.

As you continue to travel in these uncharted waters...
... I am trusting, hoping and praying that things will remain positive not only for your spousal relationship
but also will provide an enjoyable life avenue for yourself.
 
It is a delicate balance I am sure, but you know what you have to do and you have a handle on solving the issues.   I am confident in your ability.

Many HUGS and my best well wishes,
Danielle

Great to hear things went so well Jess. Sounds like you two are the perfect foil for each other and very well suited, which you seem to have confirmed.

Communication is such a complicated thing....I admire you both for your continued commitment to each other despite the difficulties. It also sounds like you learned another description for the way you feel....cool

Thanks for sharing

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

@Alaskan Danielle @LizK

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 27, 2019, 12:22:22 PM
@Jessica
Dear Jess:
Thank you for posting your update and sharing your very personal thoughts about your life.
I am very pleased to read that the therapy session went well and that you are having good dialog with your wife.

As you continue to travel in these uncharted waters...
... I am trusting, hoping and praying that things will remain positive not only for your spousal relationship
but also will provide an enjoyable life avenue for yourself.
 
It is a delicate balance I am sure, but you know what you have to do and you have a handle on solving the issues.   I am confident in your ability.

Many HUGS and my best well wishes,
Danielle

Danielle, Jess' Mess isn't just a diary for myself.  It's also one of the reasons that make Susan's Place so wonderful.  There are so many personal ways that define what transgender means to any individual.  Mine is one that may help someone else in a similar situation, or they may have advice or an experience that may help me.

Oh and Danielle, I appreciate the confidence in my ability.  You kinda know how I roll.

Quote from: LizK on March 27, 2019, 06:34:57 PM
Great to hear things went so well Jess. Sounds like you two are the perfect foil for each other and very well suited, which you seem to have confirmed.

Communication is such a complicated thing....I admire you both for your continued commitment to each other despite the difficulties. It also sounds like you learned another description for the way you feel....cool

Thanks for sharing

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Liz, it's hard to find reason in the madness we call life.  The labels we put on ourselves is usually a brief description of chaos and order.  I'd rather just think of me as me.
My foil hopefully will develope her thoughts of how she knows she is the masculine figure, to a degree, in our marriage and how I have no problem embracing the feminine.  Balance may prevail.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Dear Jess -

thank you so much for your update! I am very glad to hear about the progress you two have made and I hope you can continue the carefully shaped dialog in the future during sessions and outside.

I do keep my fingers crossed for you.

Hugs,

Sarah

I'm glad your latest session went well Jess. You both have a bond that most trans folks don't have or end up losing.

You have sparked this old cosmos girls interest! Who is the famed astrophysicist that gave the lecture?

Quote from: Donica on March 23, 2019, 05:15:53 PM
Oh yes! I'm sure they're still good. There is a 4 month rule for cookies in the fridge

I'm trying to loose weight but I think sprinkles are one of the best food groups.

Great news on the therapy visit.  I also think its great that your opposite in some ways because we all know they attract!