Hey everyone. My name is Alla. I'm a husband and father in my late 30's that only recently discovered that I was a transgender woman.

So a little bit of background. Growing up I was surrounded with conservative/religious people that weren't really excepting to anything outside of their world view. Unfortunately a lot of that rubbed off on me, causing a lot of confusion. For example I'm Christian, but I mostly only heard from fellow believers who were anti LGBT. Personally I didn't know what to think because it didn't sit right with me to judge people for how the choose to love or be themselves. Yet that didn't stop me from judging, and for that I am truly sorry.

Looking back on things I realize I've wanted to be a girl for a long time. I always felt more comfortable around women, never felt like I belonged around guys (and even felt repelled by masculine things). I've always seemed to have more empathy and love for beauty than most the men I know. The majority of my favorite characters and people that I relate to or look up to are women. I do a lot of gaming too, in which I would always play girls when I could get away without feeling embarrassed. I've judged myself a lot too for preferring to play as a women. Even in my childhood there were some obvious signs. Yet despite everything I subconsciously blocked myself from facing the truth. That is till a couple of month ago.

There were some moments of stimuli that forced me to face that I had gender dysphoria. What followed was a rough few days while I grappled with this and committed myself to some serious prayer. Yet I felt embraced by God in this, and the moment I accepted it I felt a peace and wholeness I have never felt before. My faith is actually stronger than it has ever been as a result.

Since then I've been trying to find balance and figure out how to live with being in a male body while having a female soul. For now transitioning isn't an option, and I've only told two people, including my wife. That was the hardest thing to do, but she surprised me by embracing me fully. No judgement at all. I can't express enough how thankful I am for her.

From there I figured I needed to start seeking out community for support, and looking up transgender forums brought me here. I love how accepting and loving everyone is, and I really glad I found this place. I only hope I can be as much of a blessing as you all have already been to me just sharing and caring for each other.

Blessings,
Alla

@AllazandraTelsar
Dear Alla:
     I am so very glad that you have become a member here and this is your very first posting.   I am happy to see that you found the Susan's Place Forums. 

     Please know that I am not ignoring your questions and concerns that you stated BUT first things first, we have to get the Welcoming task done tell you more about Susan's Place so that you can best find what you are looking for here.

    As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    I have attached important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

@AllazandraTelsar
Oh, and another thing Alla...
Please plan to write a post and tell us briefly tell us about yourself in the Introductions Forum so that other members will be aware of your arrival... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more members here.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let you have your thread back so you can pursue answers to your questions.
Other members here will certainly be along to give you their comments and suggestions that you may be seeking

Hi Alla, welcome to Susan's Place, I'm Jessica.
You share similar paths with many of us here, myself included. 
I'm happy to hear that your wife is supportive.  Just knowing that the one you love is standing next to you is so important.  Keep in mind that this is new for her and she is certainly sorting out the changes that lie ahead.  Transgender aware couples therapy can be very helpful when unanswered questions need answering. 
If your children are young, consider age appropriate therapy for them.  It appears you are in a loving family, so your children know love.

I see that our lovely Northern Star*Girl @Alaskan Danielle has greeted you with her charm and grace.  She also gave you some very handy links to information that you may find helpful.  They are part of why Susan's Place is so accepting and loving.  Please give them a look see. 🌸🌸🌸

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Hi  Alla
Welcome to Susan's, Hope you enjoy your time here 

There are lots of great people with valuable experiences and only too happy to share them with you.

Take care 

LizK

Hi Alla 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you all for the warm welcome and information! And thank you Jessica for the wisdom. I do worry that I'll want to take a step my wife won't be ready for, and I hadn't considered counseling for both of us. I'll certainly have to look into what's available around here.

As for my kids, I'm not quite ready to tell them. Also it's a pretty conservative area we live in, and they haven't really been exposed to much of the LGBT community. I'll certainly keep therapy in mind for when it does comes up, and in the mean time I'm thinking I need to start teaching about it from a point of view of love and acceptance.

Hello Alla,

    Like you I have struggled with being Transgender because of my Christian faith. The guilt has come and go. I have shared all of this in My Introduction to the forum. It is called the Great Pretender by MarshaJoy825. If you ever like to private message me, I would love to communicate with you. I always enjoy the opportunity to meet other Christians here because we have a lot in common because of the spiritual aspect of our struggle and how others view us who are Christians. I am so glad that your wife is accepting. My wife isn't.  Thanks for sharing here!