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Another breakdown

Started by DawnOday, April 04, 2019, 12:43:26 AM

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DawnOday

I hate when I act like an ass. I just go off for no particular reason. I got so wound up after my string of misfortunes that I started yelling and calling people names. I did have some bazaar tantrums. Luckily nobody got hurt besides me. I lost my best friend of thirty years today because I could not control my temper.

Here for Divas and so far have attended only one event because I was busy insulting Kassandra.  I'm not sure but since I changed to injections I seem to be less stable Has anyone else experienced this? Under usual circumstances, I would not act the way I have. After a couple years of extreme happiness, things have gone south a little. Thankfully a conversation with Dr. Dobberick is not more than a week away. I want answers. You can't spend your life questioning yourself and expect to remain normal. People think that being outgoing is easy. I find it deathly difficult.
Dawn Oday

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First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17



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Dena

I have seen people on a weekly injection cycle have major emotional shifts when they are near time for the next injection. For those who remain on injections, injecting half a dose twice a week tends to reduce the amount of emotional swing that they experience.

Probably you should match your emotions to your injection schedule and see if that's what's causing your emotional shift. If so, consider a twice weekly injection schedule or returning to your former treatment. You might also want to have your levels checked just before your injection to see just how low your levels are. It's possible that your levels are dropping faster on injections than expected.
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jkredman

Dawn:

My breakdowns seem to mostly happen on a Saturday night.  I change my patches on Sunday.

I love what the hormones are doing to me.  The highs are higher, yes the lows are also lower, and anger & irritation are more intense.   I'm still struggling with managing the anger & irritation part.

I've said some really mean things to people.  And when I look back on it, I'm embarrassed.

Don't be too hard on yourself.  If your best friend knows you well and truly cares, an apology will mend some of the hurt.

And if that does fail, you have friends here that can really empathize with you.

Kate


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Kate
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Linde

I am pretty even leveled with my sublingual pill twice a day.  However, I do not sleep that well, i. e. I wake up rather early and cannot get back to sleep.  I have very good REM sleep during the first part of the night, but am pretty restless the last part!  Could that be that I am low on E early in the morning?
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Rachel

I use to inject intra muscular and now subcutaneous. SubQ last longer than IM. However, I have had a few issues. I remind myself to respond and not react.

If there was an issue in a patients room I would not react. Nor in a board room or with a supervisor. So, for me, I allow myself to react rather than respond.

Yes, hormones do cause emotions to swing a bit. I know T helped me a little but the best was it to automatically think respond not react. I realize if I react I will fee bad and if I respond later I will feel good.

You could apologize to your friend and try to explain the circumstances. If they are a good friend you should be able to patch things up.

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Sephirah

Quote from: DawnOday on April 04, 2019, 12:43:26 AM
I just go off for no particular reason. I got so wound up after my string of misfortunes...

That isn't no particular reason, hon. That's a very real, very specific reason that many people would also do the same thing with. *hugs*

Emotions can be difficult creatures to deal with. Like a pride of lions. When nothing is amiss they can be the most gentle, most serene of creatures. Basking on a warm, sunlit, savannah afternoon. But they can also be a mass of teeth, claws, and ripping things to pieces on a whim when they feel threatened, or hurt.

This strikes me as important:

Quote from: DawnOday on April 04, 2019, 12:43:26 AM
After a couple years of extreme happiness, things have gone south a little.

I don't know whether it's as much about your change to injections as it is your mind trying to adapt to changes in circumstances and trying to deal with something that you thought you wouldn't have to deal with anymore. Maybe you're just a bit rusty when it comes to dealing with negative emotions since they've been in the background for a while? So it's like coming out of anesthesia to find a sharp pain, and you're not quite sure how to handle it? Maybe all you need is some time to level out perhaps.

That isn't your fault. You're right. Being outgoing is something that, for a lot of people requires a considerable effort. It doesn't come naturally. It's something you have to work at. But people around you, if they know you, and care about you, then they will understand the way you feel. And why. *extra hug*
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

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Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
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D'Amalie

No experience with this, yet.  It frightens me to think I might have emotional outbursts that might get me fired. I can empathize since I had an anger control issue into my late 20's.

To follow our sister's earlier post, talk it over with your long time friend.  Surely they aren't fickle enough to drop you like that?  Flowers do wonders. :-*
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DawnOday

Luckily Kassandra came around and told me why she tried to make me mad in the first place. We had an affair early on but I was married. We have remained good friends however. She admitted she loves me and accepts me as I am and was jealous of Jo. So it is a string of if's. If I had divorced, If she would have admitted she loved me. But I could not do one without the other. I never want to go through that again. I can't stand that person. So why did I ask her to go with me in the first place? I fall in love easily but take breaking up very hard. She understands me and thinks I'm the nicest person she knows and then I did this.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:

If you have a a business or service that supports our community please submit for our Links Page.

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17



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