Faith, I feel you handled the situation great, and came out of it smelling like a rose. Even more, you made a teaching moment out of it!
You are a nice and confident woman!  Congratulations!

Quote from: Faith on April 09, 2019, 04:57:20 PM
In this day and age .... I shake my head ....

I spoke directly with the big boss, privately. I also spoke to HR afterwards. I've concluded that the whole thing played out because of ignorance and misunderstanding, not any form of maliciousness or discrimination. I reiterated my offer to educate and answer questions. I doubt it'll be taken advantage of. Better to stay ignorant in their minds I suppose.

To be fair, the 'BB' was very open when speaking, I answered in kind. Communication was there and a desire not to offend. Which makes the quiet refusal for more information rather confusing. He did give me an offhand compliment when I said I was trying very hard to present as the woman that I am. He said, "You're doing a good job of it" O.O

When he talked about trying to understand and work through things because it's 'all new' to them. I wanted to ask him, "Do you honestly think that I am the only transgender employee here"? I did not, I did not want to risk exposure of the quiet segment.

I'm over that part of things now.

What continues to bother me are the complaints. These are people I work with, spoken with, know what I'm going through yet still see me as 'a guy in a dress' and didn't want to share the restroom with me. My 'true' gal friends were just as disbelieving. Rather direct in their descriptions  .. I'll leave that as 'stupid'. I was told to ignore the complainers and to use the restroom on their (friends) side of the building (same floor)

To not be seen as who I am hurts.

---

oh ok, here, have a very early this morning photo. It's very rough

It is sad that people have to be so offended that they don't want to share a restroom. You are correct in that this is ignorance, even stupidity and quite frankly, arrogance. We are openly honest. You would be surprised to know how many skeletons they are hiding in their closets.

You are a beautiful person Faith. They are not. Keep being you girl!

Hugs!

Quote from: Faith on April 09, 2019, 04:57:20 PMoh ok, here, have a very early this morning photo. It's very rough pretty

There. Fixed it for ya.

I am sorry that you have to deal with such ignorance, Faith, and I am glad you have some friends at work to support you.

I agree with Steph: your photo is very pretty.

I'm happy that the twists and turns you've endured at work has become more of a straight path.  There are pitfalls in everyone's life, we just seem to experience more of them.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Thanks all, even you Steph   

I plan to talk to a lawyer about what occurred. There is still a willful ignorance at play which amounts to 'pretend that transgender doesn't exist here in the workplace'. A company refusal to educate other employees on proper etiquette. No plans at all to promote any policies whatsoever. My 'win' really only relates to me unless they put out a company policy regarding transgender in general. They are in for a shocker if they ever realize that I'm not the only one.

Dealing with complaints incorrectly and then 'fixing' it when they are put on the spot is not they way to do business.

Sounds like there's no official policy.  You've offered to answer questions but maybe if you offer to help make an official policy?  Sounds like they have enough employees to need one. 

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Quote from: Faith on April 10, 2019, 01:22:59 PM
Thanks all, even you Steph   

I plan to talk to a lawyer about what occurred. There is still a willful ignorance at play which amounts to 'pretend that transgender doesn't exist here in the workplace'. A company refusal to educate other employees on proper etiquette. No plans at all to promote any policies whatsoever. My 'win' really only relates to me unless they put out a company policy regarding transgender in general. They are in for a shocker if they ever realize that I'm not the only one.

Dealing with complaints incorrectly and then 'fixing' it when they are put on the spot is not they way to do business.

I think one thing is for sure? If they were to fire you, you would them by the.... euuwww! I just can't say it.

stress
tears
discomfort
curling up
the list goes on.
I won't say why, yet if I did you all would know and understand. And yet, my mood is good. I am such a confliction  ....


On the plus side, I'm in spiffy blue today .. gads I'm so old .............

Quote

ick, and my hair looks terrible in the photo. That's the problem with silvery-white .. it get lost in the backgrounds.

Quote from: Faith on April 12, 2019, 10:06:49 AM
stress
tears
discomfort
curling up
the list goes on.
I won't say why, yet if I did you all would know and understand. And yet, my mood is good. I am such a confliction  ....

Oh, believe me, I understand!  So many days like that.  Ugh.

Quote
On the plus side, I'm in spiffy blue today .. gads I'm so old .............ick, and my hair looks terrible in the photo. That's the problem with silvery-white .. it get lost in the backgrounds.

That is a really pretty dress.  I have my funky freckled skin, and I don't know if I could ever pull off that lace over solids.  But, it looks good on you, and that's what counts!

I like the lace over solids. There's nothing wrong with freckles Michelle. In fact, many people find them very attractive.

You look great in that dress Faith. I have a few sheer tops that I just love. I bought some cute lace tank tops to wear underneath the sheer tops. I think it's a great look.

commiseration .. it helps sometimes yet then, in our case, you realize that it means the other person is feeling the same way.

---

Lots of work around the house to do today .. manual labor .. BLAH!! We were supposed to hire someone to do it. Well, that flopped. Either 'we don't do that' or 'I'll get to that quote soon' So, we're doing it ourselves.

Have a bonus photo from last night. Sorry, I was kind of tired. My granddaughter likes it though.

Quote

I have just caught up on the goings on in your life...I understand why you did not want to go over it all again when you were in touch with me. I am always amazed at the selfish lengths people will go too and the total lack of their ability to show compassion for another human being. To complain about the trivialities of using a bathroom really says more about them than you. I also was surprised to read of the response by your company and their unwillingness to educate the rest of their employees...I do hope they "see the light" and get their act together.

Quote from: Faith on April 12, 2019, 10:06:49 AM
stress
tears
discomfort
curling up
the list goes on.
I won't say why, yet if I did you all would know and understand. And yet, my mood is good. I am such a confliction  ....


On the plus side, I'm in spiffy blue today .. gads I'm so old .............ick, and my hair looks terrible in the photo. That's the problem with silvery-white .. it get lost in the backgrounds.

I can relate to all of that....and I hope you are feeling a bit better soon....love the dress...you do look great.

Thanks for the lovely note of support you sent me.

Liz

Quote from: LizK on April 14, 2019, 04:20:30 AM
I have just caught up on the goings on in your life...I understand why you did not want to go over it all again when you were in touch with me. I am always amazed at the selfish lengths people will go too and the total lack of their ability to show compassion for another human being. To complain about the trivialities of using a bathroom really says more about them than you. I also was surprised to read of the response by your company and their unwillingness to educate the rest of their employees...I do hope they "see the light" and get their act together.

I can relate to all of that....and I hope you are feeling a bit better soon....love the dress...you do look great.

Thanks for the lovely note of support you sent me.

Liz

HeyYa Liz, you're welcome. pets are part of the family. I do draw the line at being Dad (yeah, from past years), or Mom. Creeps me out for some reason. Lori feels the same way so it's not just me.

Work, eh. I dolled up extra special last week to make a stronger point. Will anyone learn? I doubt it. Ingrained emotional responses - they defy logic and respect.

I wish I could follow your thread, among others, more closely. Once the thread hits a certain point of GCS (see note **) .. anyways, once  the topic hits a certain point I trigger and thus begins my avoidance



**
I can't use GAS for Gender Affirmation, it's just  .. ick .. HAH!!
SRS, eh, maybe. the 'sex' portion is being corrected as it refers to the physical.
GRS, nope. Gender isn't being reassigned, the body is being fixed.

---

Tomorrow is name day. I hope it goes smoothly. I want to get Social Security in at least on the same day. Be cool if I can get to DMV, I'm expecting to have to wait until Wed for that. I have both of my letters now, medical Dr and therapist. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

No Monday photo, can't look today. Can't even peek

Quote from: Faith on April 15, 2019, 09:18:51 AM

Tomorrow is name day. I hope it goes smoothly. I want to get Social Security in at least on the same day. Be cool if I can get to DMV, I'm expecting to have to wait until Wed for that. I have both of my letters now, medical Dr and therapist. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

No Monday photo, can't look today. Can't even peek

Hey yeah cool.

No reason for things not to go well in court.  Lines will be your issue at Social Security.  When I got mine done both the guy at SSA and the lady at the DMV made sure to show me that the gender had been updated.  If they don't show you, ask to see it before you finish. 

Good luck with the lines.

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I've been gone from here for a while. I just caught up on all your stories. Busy lady! So many mountains to climb, and you are nailing them all!

Best wishes for your Name Day. May all go smoothly.

Grace

Quote from: Moonflower on April 15, 2019, 05:11:38 PM
I've been gone from here for a while. I just caught up on all your stories. Busy lady! So many mountains to climb, and you are nailing them all!

Best wishes for your Name Day. May all go smoothly.

Grace

yes, busy and life can't make up it's mind. I don't think that I'm climbing any mountains, more like I'm tripping and falling uphill with a long way to go to the top. I fear that I'll get there and trip again to fall down the other side.

Name Day. Yes, anxiety building. I'll be totally stressed out by tomorrow just to have it be a rubber-stamp non-event :/  At least, I hope so. So, thanks for the best wishes, I need them.

Wishing you a day of short lines and quick rubber stamps.



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NAME DAY!!!

Go, girl! Expecting a Squeee Report later today!

Let's see how tedious this is on a phone.

Nervous jitters and stress. We got to the courthouse 35 mins early, that dragged on. Finally our group gets called in. No private setting, there were two other petitioners there. An older lady went first, she dragged things out a bit by misunderstanding the questions. The. Magistrate was a bit sober faced through it.

Next he read out my deadname. I'm pretty sure the other gals gave a startled look when I stood up. Might have been just me. As I walked up the Magistrate switched to a big smile, much more personable. He asked his standard questions then got to the reason for name change. "My old name is no longer suitable. I have been known as Faith Nicole to work, friends, and family for the past year and a half". He was still smiling when he replied, 'i bet you like this one better". What could I say? I agreed He smiled at me throughout the entirety of the proceedings..

While the name change is official, I have to wait for it to be mailed to me so no SS or DMV visit today. I guess Charlotte County is no more advanced than Lee County is. Once I get it .. then .. I can go to the Clerk, get certified copies and take care of the drudge work of paperwork changes.

Oh .. yes .. I cried again after we walked out. I think I made it a little further down the hallway this time than I did after I filed.