Quote from: Samij on April 18, 2019, 09:14:31 AM
Omg the first dose although having no actual effects, there was such a sense of calm and I've had such a good week since. My anxiety has been down and I've actually slept. The fact that I've actually started this has been such a huge burden off me.

Samji, that is an effect.  And isn't it wonderful to feel that weight let up for a bit? Even it's just a bit it starts to illustrate how heavy it was before. Im happy for you.  Pay attention to your dreams,  mine got really vivid starting on the second night though i suspect that's different for everyone. <3

Quote from: Samij on April 18, 2019, 09:14:31 AM
Omg the first dose although having no actual effects, there was such a sense of calm and I've had such a good week since. My anxiety has been down and I've actually slept. The fact that I've actually started this has been such a huge burden off me.

I just started HRT yesterday, so I haven't quite reached the Dolly Parton stage yet.   

However, just starting felt great.  I couldn't wait to get home and take the first pill.  Like you, I haven't noticed any changes yet, but I am looking forward to them.  I definitely want larger breasts and smaller genitals, along with any emotional benefits.

I'd love all those things but I'm really hoping for crying happy and sad instead of inconsolable despair.  Also not fantasizing about lethal aneurysms in my sleep as an alternative to counting sheep. But lord,  if i stop smelling like a man and grow a round face a fat butt and B+ cups i promise I'll build several temples in your honor!
Seriously though,  I need to work to remember what more experienced voices here keep telling me. The mileage varies,  the results are often far from perfect, and the change that will matter the most is my relationship with myself and the world around me.

So I had one of the most difficult nights of my life last night. I came out as trans to my wife. It went better than I expected. There was no negativity but there is a lot of questions. She is obviously questioning if I'm still me which I tried to reassure her that has not and will not change. We talked for a couple hours and I'm sure we have a lot more to discuss. I pray our relationship can continue to flourish as this is a pretty major bump in our perfect little white picket fence world.

Congratulations on taking a big step Samij! I have been on E for a month with absolutely no physical changes yet, but I do feel much better. I'd been suffering a continual cough for 8 months prior, and 4 doctors had basically run out of ideas. During this period of illness, my dysphoria was at it's worst, and I came out to my doctor, who recommended me to a psych, then an endo. Within 2 weeks of starting E. my cough diminished, and all but disappeared. Now, this may have been a delayed result of other drugs, or the bug had run its course, but my medicos pretty much agree my improvement was due to reducing dysphoria by finally taking a positive step. I now believe my dysphoria had lowered my ability to fight off bugs, and caused me to get sick. It is a lesson in the power of dysphoria, and why we can't ignore it.

I have a review coming up in a few weeks and I'm confident my dose will be reviewed, as, even though I feel much better having finally started my journey, I am still a bit frustrated nothing physical seems to be changing ( I know it will be, just too slowly for me to notice. ) We all travel different paths to different destinations, but at least we are not alone on the journey!

Allie

Samij, congratulations.  That's a hard talk to have and it's a big hump to get over.  And you did waaaaay better than me from the sound of it.  I came out in gasping sobs in a drunken argument in the middle of the night on a rainy sidewalk during a crowded music festival.  Not pretty and potentially destructive. 

This is hard on relationships for obvious reasons.  If you haven't read it yet there's a thread on the main transgender talk page that's pinned to the top called 'advice on how to not blow up your marriage'. I would highly recommend it,  and getting her to go to counseling.  Maybe even coming to a session or two with your gender counselor if you have one.  Remember to walk in her shoes and show her lots of genuine affection in the ways she's used to so she doesn't start to feel left behind.  I also would recommend a daily check in with her to talk about her concerns and how she's feeling and grow some thick skin.  She's going to need to say things that might hurt and ask questions that feel attacking.  If you react badly or clam up it will not help communication, which is key to getting past any hurtle in a marriage.  Take my advice for what it's worth as im only a couple weeks into having told my husband so im no expert,  but listen to the more experienced ladies on here.  They have great advice, and read the other spouse stories.  Those will scare thre crap out of you but there's good lessons to glean from them about warning signs and things to avoid.

I hope your marriage can weather this and become stronger. Im no expert and im no counselor but im a junior cheerleader so I'll root for you.  Hugs <333