Hi everyone,

I'm Jilian, a mom to a trans daughter who is 16. She just came out as trans 2 weeks ago but it wasn't a surprise to me. I've always suspected - when she was 3 she told me that God made a mistake by giving her a penis because she was a "grill" (girl). I'm here to learn about various steps along the way through transitioning so I can be her support system. And I'm happy to be a virtual mama to anyone who needs a support through their own transition - I know that not all families are supportive and everyone deserves support <3

Hi Jilian 

Thank you for posting an Introduction and again Welcome to Susan's Place 

Hugs

V M

Welcome!

Allow me to give you a great big virtual hug. You are one of the special ones who accept their children for who they are. Many transgender people are not so fortunate to have such parents, myself included. To be fair to my mother, being a single mom in the late 60's was not the best time for trans acceptance.

We do not have all the answers, but I can assure you those that can be answered will be. We are still people of all races, religions, ages, and backgrounds, so do not be too surprised if what is true for one may be different for another. Every trans persons journey is a little different, so the reality is that questions may not have a single answer.

Reading "Understanding Transgender Diversity" by Claire Winter may also assist you and others who wish to in understanding. If counselling is an option, that too can be of assistance and not just for you. Your daughter will have times where they will need the insight of an impartial party to support where needed and motivate when appropriate.

In a way, you are even more special than transgender people. There are many more transgender people than there are accepting parents.

A hug can be the difference between a day, and a great day. It simultaneously tells the person you are hugging that you see them, you accept them, and you support them. It requires no speech, yet says so much.

Thank you for being here, and I am glad you found Susan's Place.

Ricki

Hi Jilian! Welcome. You seem like a nice lady and a great mother.

Hello Jilian!
Bless you and your kind heart.

Not everyone gets support from their parents, your daughter is lucky to have you.

May you have wonderful years ahead.

Thanks everyone! My daughter is in counseling and has been for a while. We're lucky to be in a great area (Boston) with access to some great health providers. Her therapist is gay and works with lots of kids within the LGBT community. We're on the waitlist for GEMS at Children's hospital. This website has been SO HELPFUL. I'm thankful for all of the trans people who have come before us and paved the way.

welcome

I wish my mother had been like you and I had enough courage to discuss this sort of thing with her.  Back then, I was terrified someone would find out!

Hugs to you AnneK. My mother is from your generation and I've read about the stonewall riots and the terrible gender checks that police did to make sure all women had female genitalia and would arrest them if they didn't. The world was terribly hostile towards all within the LGBT community. I'm sorry you didn't feel safe to be yourself, I wish it had been different.  I hope you feel a little safer now. It heartens me to see the world slowly changing, I imagine that in 2-3 more generations gender "norms" won't be as rigid or hopefully go away completely.

I wasn't aware of violence back then.  I just thought there was something wrong with me, because I wanted to wear some of my sister's things.  However, that was at a time when such "deviations" would result in visits to a psychiatrist or psychologist to be "cured".  Again, I was not aware of that sort of thing at that time.

Welcome Jilian.

I'm happy for your girl that she has such a supportive mom. Knowledge is power and best way to learn is asking questions.

Is your girl also here on Susan's? There is a youth section.

Tell your girl to be selective on what facebook groups she follows. Some are not so good and have wierd norms and it is ok to leave groups without saying "bye" or making a scene.



Tony

Tony, she's not on this forum yet, but I've told her about it. I think she'll join and take a peek soon. She's very curious about hormones. I told her this is the place to ask questions. She's struggling a lot right now with body hate and wants to be done with her transition quickly so I'm trying to help her through that. Our local children's hospital gender program has a wait so we have to wait until August. In the meantime I'm helping her to dress in ways that give the illusion of curves and I bought her a sports bra with inserts.

We're also facing the possibility that her father (my ex h) may not consent to her treatment with blockers and hormones and she's very stressed about that. He's not involved in her life much at all but we still have shared legal custody.

I'll encourage her to read here for support, I think she'll find it helpful.