I am posting this for thanks and solidarity.... I hope it's not too much to read, I just hope that perhaps I can look back one day and remember my 2019 and smile
I realized that coming out to people, especially friends and family was going to be hard. I remember the episode in Transparent where Davina told Maura "...prepare to lose all of your friends and family" or something to that effect. That line, along with some of the stories I have read here, had me terrified and has put a huge stress on me that I was hospitalized for a ulcer bleed last December. My immediate family (Wife my significant other and kids have known for a while) but that was it. I knew that anyone other than that could mean there would be no going back! The next person I told was was my boss as soon as I got out of the hospital..... I know that I had to do something. This was just to judge the water and see if there was going to be a risk of losing my job. To my surprise, she did some research and found out the corporate policy just updated their discrimination policy that specifically included genders and gender expression. She further told me that she heard there was/is another transgender person that works in my building. I have been here 4 years and never knew that. There is only 400 people total that work where I am. My wife and I are finalizing our plans to move forward without too much disruption to our existing family unit.... we decided to buy 15 acres of land in a neighboring town and build two homes so that our kids can grow up with each of us and we can remain close friends, but also give each other privacy to live our own lives.
Fast forward a few months and my wife is having a hard time keeping all of this in.... my news, buying land, building and not have any support (Per my request and insecurity to share and come out) My hair is almost at my shoulders, my nails ... look fantastic! (Or Howard Huge's last days if I am being gendered as a male!) and the girls are making and introduction unless I wear a binder.... I'm not going to be able to keep this in much longer, so I made a decision that I would share my real self to her best friend.... and it was received well. We both were welcomed with empathy and support. The next month I came out to 5 more family friends that were all part of my wife's book club. Each one we invited for dinner, I broke down emotionally shared my story and then left with love and support. This happened about 8 - 10 times as I made a list of family and friends that I wanted to be the one they heard it from. Each one was amazing and supportive, in fact most of them felt honored that we shared this with them and felt closer to us.
Fast forward - Spring Break... visit with the parents was coming. I had tried to come out to my parents about a year prior while they were visiting and it didn't go well. They are old school republican conservatives and had something to say about "->-bleeped-<-s using the girls bathroom!" OMG don't even get me started. I recall growing up, being in the hospital at 13 years old for 3 months while they were "Fixing me" and how many times my dad called me a "Fa--ot" and every other horrible word. So I zipped my lips until Spring Break..... We decided to drive up to see them so that if I had to we could leave if it got ugly. - When the time came to rip the band-aid off both parents welcomed me with open arms and apologized for everything growing up. Saying they didn't know. I later found out one of my nephews came out as being gay to them 2 months prior. I think that was a revelation to them and paved my path to a closer relationship with my parents.
Each person I told was very accepting and although I am not presenting, they all have treated me exactly the same way and have all expressed love and support. My Aunt was the last family member I told and she (Also very supportive) told me that things have changed in the last 10 years. It would not have been safe or accepted as it is today. With each person I have told, knowing now there is no going back, a ton of bricks have been lifted. I still have people to share my news with, so I wrote a 4 page letter (That I call my "Friends and Family Coming out" and another one called "Work Coming out") I have used that twice now, and after they finish, the emotional rollercoaster is much more manageable and there are happy tears.
I am at the point that I am ready to shout it out to the world (Well after I get my voice and face done... this girl has a lot of insecurities still!)
So I know this will never reach all of the men and women before me that have paved the way for me to be able to do what I am doing today, but I wanted to thank the ones that sacrificed their families, friends, dignity, and often freedom and lives. We still have a long way to go, but thank you for making my transition possible, positive and beautiful.
*** Oh and I almost forgot. I met and had lunch with the transwoman that wrote the corporate policy on gender discrimination at work, to whom I owe a personal thank you!
