Quote from: Ⓥ on May 08, 2019, 06:54:19 PM
I'm sorry many of you feel sorrow, hurt, and pain from this life.

Growth often starts from dissatisfaction, sorrow, hurt, and pain.

Those of us early in the transition process, if you're like me, had/have to go through the process of grieving what we sacrificed and lost.  For a healthy human, the grieving process will finish.  We usually go on with our lives and live happily.

I know my personal thread has been pretty dark lately.   Yet I feel I'm getting to the end of my grieving.  I'm stepping out more and more each day.  For example, tomorrow (later today) I'm getting my hair done.  This is a first for me.

Don't feel sorry for us who have to grieve what we've lost, as part of the process of growing and moving on.  Feel sorry for those stuck in confusion, denial, and the feeling of imprisonment.  They don't know there is hope.

Kate

Moni:

I love you sister, and yes Emma told only the beginning hundreth of my story.  Yet, it's still part of my life that I've got to get past.

As you and I have PMed I've been angry with the attempted marginization of myself/us.  I've been incredibly frustrated at how we can turn on each other when we really need to rally around each other and team with each other.  Yes it's time!

I live in nowhere Oklahoma.  I recently sent letters to my senators and congressman asking for them to support the "Equality Act."

I tried to educate them that this is not a lifestyle choice for me, but a choice to live.   The 1 response I got back was all about bathrooms.   How petty!  We'll I'm now campaigning against him for 2020. 

I agree with you 110%.

I'm just not completely through my grieving yet....


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I am not allowed to dress at home but I do have a couple allies one in Tacoma and one near Seattle and they have offered me the opportunity to come to their establishments and get ready for my meetings. It's people like these that give me hope that one day equality takes the place of piety and we can all just live and let live. Shout out to Nanci and Dr. Ben.

That's ME to a T.
Jessica.

Hi Emma,

Thanks so much for posting "The Pain" to its own thread.   It really struck a chord with me but more than that, it's a perfect explanation for non-transgender people of what it's like.   The suppression of self, the dysphoria, you captured it well.

Take care,
Paige 😊

The pain is all about keeping the secret. That pain was eased slightly when I found the courage to tell my wife. That was almost twenty years ago. Although she can't accept, it's still a relief because I finally voiced my true feelings. I've never been in public; the world head never met Norah, that's the pain for me.

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Norah the secret is only part. I agree with Paige that absolute suppression is another part plus as Kim has said, the self hate.

For me keeping the secret is what it is all about. That's where my pain is. It's easy to say, don't hide anymore but some of us do. Self acceptance is the first step and I reached that point about twenty years ago. I was 60 at that point. I told my wife at that time and I also agreed that there would not be any more steps. We all have different lives and different stories to tell.

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Norah, Wow, I'm speechless. You captured to a T what I've had to endure for so many years.

Lisa

Though for me it was mostly apathy instead of pain, post is pretty accurate. But, thanks for those who already completed their path and those who support us we now have a lot of opportunities, and maybe someday we'll see the world where nobody have to hide.

Quote from: norahjoy on May 10, 2019, 01:29:44 PM
For me keeping the secret is what it is all about. That's where my pain is. It's easy to say, don't hide anymore but some of us do. Self acceptance is the first step and I reached that point about twenty years ago. I was 60 at that point. I told my wife at that time and I also agreed that there would not be any more steps. We all have different lives and different stories to tell.

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Norah, This is a choice we all must make for ourselves, particularly those with a spouse it is even more complex.
That said and acknowledged, I must disagree with the part I highlighted above. 
It's easy to say, don't hide anymore but some of us do.

No it is not EASY  to say and certainly not easy to do.  I and others have lived it.  It scared the crap out of me.
I am someone that cares far too much what other people think.  Coming out was the hardest thing I ever did.

I have had heart attacks, a cancerous kidney removed, 2 severely autistic children and I could keep going.
Transitioning was the hardest thing in my life.  So saying that it is easy to say is not fair.  Sorry if I sound mad but to be honest I am.  Nothing I won't get over.  We are still friends but no it is not easy.

That is why I am on this site.  To help those that are hiding try to combat the fear so they can stop hiding.

For those that choose to continue to hide that is their choice and I mean that sincerely.  We all choose our path in life.
But it is that a CHOICE.  We make our choices and have to live with them.

I support your choice.  If it ever changes then I will support that choice too.

I kind of feel the need to clarify what I posted yesterday on this thread. It was never in my head to minimize the pain that early stagers (or closeted folks) are possibly going through. Turning that pain of being trans and hiding into progress is incredibly difficult. (Progress being anything from self-acceptance to any type of visible transition.) I really am respectful of anyone's journey and the things that they feel they must do. My urging of using the crap we have put up with from the world was simply trying to make a negative work for us. Getting angry at injustice can be a powerful motivation. I just want it clear that it was not a criticism of trans people's actions. I think it only does our self image good to get pissed at how wrongly we can be treated. Battle the shame of the past with pride and a bit of righteous indignation. Kick ass trans people! Don't let the jerks get us to defeat ourselves. That's all.

I will also clarify my post above.  For those that choose not to transition that is a choice.  It is not a good choice or a bad choice.  What it is is THEIR choice. 

We must all weigh all of the choices in our lives.  To learn a trade, go to college, be an artist, live on the beach, whatever.  Life is a series of choices.  I have made many I regret.

If someone that identifies as transgender chooses to not transition for whatever reason, spouse or career or acceptance of their friends, whatever motivates them that is up to them.  They are not right or wrong.

I do think there are ramifications of that choice.  If living in hiding makes you an unhappy person chances are good that you will make your spouse unhappy.  As for yourself, if living as something other than what you are makes you unhappy well then that is probably not the best choice.  If your career is more important then so be it.

What I believe and preach is that it is difficult to be happy when you are hiding.  Also you can not make a spouse happy if you are unhappy yourself.  Also a spouse that truly loves you would not want you to be unhappy.

How you choose to live is up to you but letting fear dictate your choice is a path to unhappiness.  My goal is to help others overcome that fear as others helped me do the same.

As I said in my response to Norah, it is not EASY to say 'don't hide' it is hard to say because it is based on hard earned experience.  So no it is not EASY.  In the end live as you see fit and I wish everyone peace.