Was thinking about a journey blog like many of you have. Maybe it could help someone else.


So. I started T a week ago. Was not expecting much. I have a low dose.

But yesterday I cut a 3 cm and a 2 cm long hair from my jaw. The hair has become more coarse. Did not expect to have this rapid change in my face.

Voice is still the same. And I still need to lose weight to access operations in my country.

Good Morning Tony (from here), nice to spot your T journal, so I'll be the first to reply. That's great seeing the whiskers "already" starting to appear, you are on your way  I can only say after 35 + years they were sure hard to get rid of when my time came, wow. For you it's awesome, and quite validating ! Want to wish you a great day man....

Cynthia -

Tony, you were one of the first to respond to me way back when I first joined. I don't even remember what topic. I'm happy to see you finally coming in to your own, it's been a long time coming.

Enjoy the hair. I'd give you some of mine if it was possible .. you don't mind snow-white gray do you?

Snow white is about what color the hairs had that I removed. Haha.

But I don't mind.


Tony

Thank you Cynthia.

yes! definite hair!

have fun with those inexplicably longer ones lol. I get these two that grow like 3x faster than any of the rest and it looks so ridiculous.
like.. WHY? why hairs? why you gotta be like this?

and it's always the white ones! What's that about?

F_P_M...maybe we're getting old? Haha

Lol probably.

If I start getting nose and ear hair i'm gonna be mortified hahahaha.

I went right to grandpa status, random nose and ear hair (left ear only, how odd).

Been on T for 1 year & 11 days. Still better than the before!

Perry

I'm at a conference with one of the organizations I'm active in. I had sent 2 bills to the meeting. I had to stand up in front of everyone, about 70 people, and tell them why I wanted the things I wrote about. I HATE my voice. My voice in my head is male. I can't wait to get there.

Good thing though. At the dinner, nobody said anything about me. Not good nor bad. I was just me. Tomorrow when the meeting continues I'll change my name plate on my shirt to my preferred name.

Btw. I got my bills voted through. Democracy at its best.





Tony

Even at this "early" stage you look pretty damn masculine. Way more than I did. I suspect you'll be able to grow a smashing viking beard in no time.

Thanx Kylo. I never did very well doing the woman part in life. I managed to push out two babies. But that's it.

Maybe genetics were kind to me. And that I looked at male role models. I remember at 7 years I looked at my friend's dad and thought "I will be like him when I'm grown up". 

Looking masculine is more than a masculine face or a fancy picture.

It's 5 AM. I can't sleep.

You look great Tony and congrats on the bills!

Man I relate HARD to the never doing well in the woman thing. I mean even biologically my body SUCKS at womanhood lol. Okay yeah, I managed to squeeze out babies but only with medical help because my body couldn't even figure that out. Seriously, I don't dilate, my body is all "derp what? i'm supposed to be doing something? Whaa?"

I'm both socially inept at feminity and biochemically inept hahaha.

I'm with you on the voice too. I mean I have hated my voice for a long time, not just because it's feminine and gives me away badly (it sounds so much deeper in my head! so unfair!) but because I have a really bizarre accent and my autism makes it very hard for me to manage tone or volume so I quite often get screamed at in public for opening my mouth. I've had several instances where i've come home wanting to cut my own tongue out or damage my throat so I can no longer be tempted to speak and that's pretty awful.
I can't help but wonder if a deeper voice might help, at the very least it would be a change withough the baggage. I mean I used to get death threats for my voice, well mostly my accent when I was a teenager. I had a glass thrown at my head, a cigarette stubbed out on my arm, constantly kicked and spat on, all because of how I spoke.
So it's hard not to hate my voice.

I'd love to sound different, it'd be wonderful. And a deeper voice means less ability to speak shrilly which is the primary reason I get yelled at on public transport.

I don't actually have a particularly high voice but it is distinctly female and it's like.. eugh. Come on, at least give me androgyny!

hope you managed to get some sleep man. Good luck with the next lot of the conferance.

I fell asleep and forgot about the name plate. But hey, I will see them on facebook, most of them. I'll soon be fully out anyway.



Tony

I go by a male name on facebook and have done for years. Interestingly nobody actually notices or questions it.
I started doing this long before I came out to myself, initially it was because I didn't feel comfortable using my birth name due to a crazy stalker but I mean, I could have picked any name. I went with the silly male nickname an ex boyfriend's friends gave me because I dunno, I LIKED having a male name. Hahah, oh foolish me, I should have seen.

But yeah, i've gone by that name for years and it's so funny because when I see people irl who have met me via facebook or are part of the village facebook group so only know me by my facebook name they call me by that name and it delights me.

The other day one of the local labour ladies shouted to her friend "hey, have you met Keith!?" and pointed at me and I waved and the lady was all "oh yeah, we've met briefly. I didn't know your name"
NOBODY has actually asked WHY I go by Keith.
Not a single person.

Which is kinda strange when you think about it. Maybe it's a British thing, but yeah, they don't care.

I wonder though if it'll make coming out a bit easier lol. Be all "surprise, i was keith all along!" and they'll be all "yeah we know moron"

Haha. Maybe you are more obvious than you think.

Just remembered. I met a woman at the conference. She knew I'm a dude. I told everyone in another meeting where she attended. She wanted to greet me at this conference. She started with the hug position, then she reached me her hand och it all became a strange mixed greeting where we shook our upper arms.

Hahaha. People's insecurities are very funny sometimes.


Tony

Lol that is wierd.

people are ridiculous aren't they?

Starting 3'rd week today.

Checked voice pitch analyzer. I'm all over the place! I guess I need to do it again for better results. Or maybe it's the T-efffect.

Tried again without music in the background.  Much better and more realistic results.