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"Yes, despite what you've been told, there is such a thing as a bad question! I've been in the public eye for more than a decade, and get asked shockingly inappropriate personal questions all the time. Most of them could be answered easily in the questioner's own mind by thinking about it for around one second. What they're usually really asking is, Do you know that I am judging you? And the answer to that is yes. This list may seem a little... angry, perhaps. But after so very many years, I would gamble to say that few people would handle these things as diplomatically as I try to do. If you've never asked me (or another person who has gone through transition) these questions, sit back and enjoy the list. If you have, don't worry about it too much now, just think about it more next time. I am a Southerner through-and-through, so if you query me in person as to whether I minded that time you asked one of these questions, I will probably say, "No! Of course not!", but I really did. I really, really did. Here are the ones I hate being asked the most, and in the spirit of the old MAD Magazine "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions", here are some responses to them:"

Okay!! Hilarious.

N~

I don't have TV, but I'd enjoy seeing Calpernia's new reality dating show.

Z

I don't know I thin Calperina and Andrea James are both overdone,
way too much  makeup and whatever.
Maybe she's still in her showgirl days.
I've seen Andrea James without makeup in one of
the videos and I can understand why she'd use it, she's got very bland
features without makeup (almost no eyebrows and featureless eyes, small lips).

I'm the opposite, strong cheekbones, almond eyes, dark strong eyebrows, so
I don't really need makeup to look good.

http://www.calpernia.com/diary/index.php/weblog/comments/bad_questions_to_ask_a_transsexual_the_directors_cut/

Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual: The Director's Cut
Friday, April 18, 2008

Wow, the "Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual" video continues to be popular, leading me to do a re-edit I'm calling "Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual: The Director's Cut". It was doing surprisingly well on YouTube when it first debuted, spreading to blogs and email lists around the net, and then bigger blogs such as BoingBoing picked it up, skyrocketing its views up for a few days. Next, Logo picked it up and featured it on LogoOnline.com, and now I got even bigger news today!

According to a personal email from YouTube, it's in the works to be featured on YouTube's front page! WOW, that will expose it to potentially MILLIONS of viewers! When it goes up, I'll let y'all know!

LOL. That was too funny.

(youtube vlog entry by CalperniaAddams)

"I've compiled a list of what I call 'bad questions', because despite what you've been told by your college professors (hm well maybe you didn't go to college) but despite what whoever you got you're learnin' from told you, there is such thing as a bad question."

I really don't like this, I know it's not meant to be taken seriously but she's speaking on behalf of all transsexuals and saying a lot of things that I don't agree with.  Maybe I *do* want to be asked questions!

(This probably doesn't really count as news but it's on the front page of youtube as a featured video which meas it's being promoted as an important video by a popular media company so it sort of is?  I'll understand if the mods move it though!)

I do Youtube videos myself and I happen to be in the related video section of said video.  I will say that because of that video I have received SO MANY hateful comments.  While I understand what she is doing, the delivery is really rude and if it were directed at me I would find it offensive.

Quote from: charlotteNH on May 16, 2008, 09:14:28 AM
I do Youtube videos myself and I happen to be in the related video section of said video.  I will say that because of that video I have received SO MANY hateful comments.  While I understand what she is doing, the delivery is really rude and if it were directed at me I would find it offensive.

Yep, I found it more bitter, mean and condescending than anything else.

~Kate~

i kinda agree with Alex, i still find the video overly amusing, did everybody forget she's an actress, this is probably the way she always is. people REFUSE to ask me questions but want to, so instead when i'm not around they'll go and ask my wife, which really pisses me off cause she's still struggling over pronouns and it confuses a whole store just by her walking in or calling on the phone, some days i think i'll have to leave for that stupid little reason. i wish people would go around my back, my boss is open about being gay, y the hell can't i be open about being a lesbian ts, oh that's right i'm just a freak....dammit!!


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

Omg what has she done to her mouth?

She looks fake. On top of that, she is rude, and completely condescending. She needs to realize that most people NEVER think about gender/sex the way we do. They don't dissect and take apart their brains to see what is driving them to do things. They don't need to. She is acting superior over all other beings because she knows all the right answers. Well maybe somebody wants to learn the answers and this is how they are going to learn them? From some plastic lipped, uptight, superior being? Most people don't know what Transsexuals are, how in the hell are they supposed to know the rules???

I don't think this video is good or helpful. In fact, I think it's awful and Calpernia does not represent me. 

Quote from: Lori on May 16, 2008, 02:01:44 PM
She is acting superior over all other beings because she knows all the right answers. Well maybe somebody wants to learn the answers and this is how they are going to learn them? From some plastic lipped, uptight, superior being? Most people don't know what Transsexuals are, how in the hell are they supposed to know the rules???

I don't think this video is good or helpful. In fact, I think it's awful and Calpernia does not represent me. 

Yup, I totally agree. I just now finally read the viewer's comments, and well... as mean and hateful as they are, that's exactly what I expected. I can't say I blame them one bit for lashing out at her.

Ya gotta remember she "evolved" by coming up through the gay drag scene, performing in shows and whatnot - much like that Candyce Cayne person did. If you read her book, you'll notice that the arrogant, demeaning attitude was part of her stage persona... it "works" to be that way when performing drag. It's considered funny apparently in a gay bar to "abuse" the onlookers, to seem soooo untouchable and superiour.

Not so funny otherwise.

~Kate~

Well, I just took the whole thing as a comedy routine, so it didn't bother me. I laughed out loud, even if I didn't agree with some of the responses Calpernia gave. I saw it as just her unrestrained sarcastic imagination given voice. The contrast of the totally outrageous statements and the impeccable "Miss Manners" 1950's style of the video made it even funnier.

There's a kernel of truth behind it, though. Learning about how different people experience life should be done by forming relationships, not conducting interviews. Or, if you must conduct interviews, do it in a way that people will come to you -- such as posting or reading comments on a website such as this one. Calpernia is a human being, not a Wikipedia page.

(Just my thoughts -- please disregard at will.)

-Alyssa.

I will agree with Alyssa it is both a satirical/comedic based on the kernel of truth (as is all comedy)
check her response out

Quote from: Kate on May 16, 2008, 11:25:57 AM

Yep, I found it more bitter, mean and condescending than anything else.

~Kate~

I agree totally. It seemed very mean spirited even if it was meant to be funny.

i totally failed to see the humor, and found it quite offensive. if she tried explaining something to me in that tone, she'd get a windshield wiper hand-wave, ending in a finger snap. right in the face.

i want people to ask me but nicely of course, she could always have people doing what they are doing to me and asking everybody else and giving everybody else problems. i mean if anyone asked, i wouldn't be all nasty about it, but she's right there is kind of a certain time and place to do it. like in front of a line full of people at work, would way totally be offensive to me. i think a few of the customers who purposefully referred to me as sir have either quit coming when i am there or they just don't need service, which is fine, cause some days they're lucky they don't get a hand across the face, cause i know when  its done on purpose...


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

Quote from: Princess Mickie on May 19, 2008, 12:45:04 PM
i want people to ask me but nicely of course, she could always have people doing what they are doing to me and asking everybody else and giving everybody else problems. i mean if anyone asked, i wouldn't be all nasty about it, but she's right there is kind of a certain time and place to do it...

Agreed, and I wonder how often those Bad Questions get asked anyway?

I really haven't been asked rude or naive things that often. Oh sure, a guy or two has sometimes asked uncomfortable questions about SRS, but I don't think they meant to be rude... they just see it in "clinical" terms, where I try to remind them, "Hey! Forgive me for blushing, but these are my *genitals* we're talking about!"

But for the most part, I've found that people just don't care. They're not interested enough to ask stupid questions, lol. Or maybe *I* am just boring, lol...

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on May 19, 2008, 01:00:19 PM
they just see it in "clinical" terms, where I try to remind them, "Hey! Forgive me for blushing, but these are my *genitals* we're talking about!"

Or maybe *I* am just boring, lol...

~Kate~

LOL!!!

uh, no. you're not boring.

-Ellie

i have a very sarcastic sense of humor... and thought this was hilarious.  i can see how it might come off as offensive, but im the kind of person who would possibly do somehing like that to someone who asked me something offensive (its very hard to offend me) in a rude way.  generally, when asked "uncomfortable" (its hard to make me uncomfortable too) questions, i answer them politely and as acurately as i can.  i try to make my transition an educational process for people around me also, so that the subject becomes less taboo.  its one of my personal philosophis that awkward situations are only awkward if you make them that way.