Quote from: Lexxi on May 23, 2019, 09:42:11 AM
Steph,
When you mentioned sending a check I thought what in the world is she talking about. I had to jump back through all those posts to see what you meant. You got me good...and the checks in the mail. lol
Whew. Maybe I can eat this month!
QuoteI hope you didn't take the giddy comment as something negative. I meant it only in a good way. You always come across as a strong woman to me, so I hope you can let those feelings of insecurity fly right out the window. From my perspective looking in I don't see where you'd ever need to have any fear or doubt. You're a role model to me. 
Negative? Oh, heck no. I'd love to feel giddy about it all, and at times I do have to pinch myself when I realize how far I've come - like just today at lunch when the waitress asked me, "And what would you like to order, ma'am?" You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I still get that little thrill when it happens. And if I give myself a chance to stop and think about it - really think about it - I literally shiver and have to hold back a squeal of joy over the fact that some time in September, I'm finally going to have the vagina I should have been born with. I guess that qualifies as giddy.
I thank you so much for the compliments. Looking in the mirror I still see so much of him (though he's receding in memory), but knowing that others see what I hope they see makes me feel so good. As for being a role model, I was going to say something self-deprecating like, "what kind of roll, egg or jelly?" but instead I'll be serious for a second. I have so many role models here, girls like @SassyCassie, @Kendra, @Laurie, @Michelle_P, @Happy_Moni, @Anne_Blake, @Jessica_Rose, and so many others I risk offending by not naming. They saw me through good and bad times, have all become good friends, and have shared real-life experiences with me. All of them have accomplished so much, are most of the way through, if not completely finished, with transition, and have stuck around to help those of us following behind. How could I not stay here to pay it forward to those like yourself who are just getting started? I feel it's an obligation, a privilege, and a pleasure to be here for you.
As for being strong, those who've known me have heard me say this before (there she goes again...), but since you're new here, I'll repeat it: I used to dismiss those who called me brave for going through this. I'd tell them it wasn't bravery, it was desperation. But then I ran across a quote attributed to John Wayne: "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." By that definition, I guess I - and all of us transitioning - must be pretty courageous.
QuoteWith that said you're allowed to feel anyway you want to and no one should ever belittle you for the feelings you have. They're yours to do with as you see fit.
It didn't surprise me to run across some here who are quite militant about being outspoken and out front in the battle for our rights. I'm so glad there are people like them. What I didn't expect was a few of them who are just as militant that everyone should take the same attitude. As you say, we all have the right to approach our lives as we see fit. After fifty years of turmoil I just want to live a simple and quiet life as I should have all those years. I sit with those who support quietly from the sidelines. And I vote.
Stephanie
