Eh, I'm just being pessimistic. The law will change. Probably in the next few months, but definitely in the next few years. Idaho is even more conservative than Ohio and they won there. We're almost there.

And I'm so young, but I'm about to worry myself to death. I should focus on recovering and let this sort itself out. It's a damn miracle I even got surgery and I got it months before I was supposed to. I'll just rest and pray, it's the best I can do.

Good Luck. 

I know what you mean about having SRS being a miracle.  I barely pulled mine off. 

I was barely getting by after going full time in late 2000, but it was looking like if I pinched my pennies, I'd be able to pull off having SRS, but then financial (for me)  disaster struck.  The company I worked for did some major downsizing, and I got downsized out of my job in 2002.  We were in the middle of a recession.  My job position was eliminated, and in order to keep a roof over my head, I accepted a much lower paying job.  I went from being a salaried quality engineer, who was also a calibrations technician, to an hourly worker (doing a job I hated) on the shop floor, taking the equivalent of a $5/hr loss in wages.  I remember crying my head off over losing my old job in QA, and wondering if one of my worst fears has become reality - ending up out of money and stuck permanently as a pre-op.  Luckily the economy picked up, and by working insanely long hours (about 65 hours/week), borrowing from my 401K, and borrowing from my credit cars via cash advances, I was able to get my SRS, a trach shave, and a nose job done in late 2003.

I guess I've been pretty lucky. I might get a trachea shave, but if SRS might make me gain a little weight I won't need it. I think I like the rest of me. SRS is really the only surgery I've wanted. Anything else would make me look rather disproportionate.

Ugh. If I could stop worrying about the fact that my clitoris has no feeling after 3 weeks that would be grand. Then again, sex is gross so it wouldn't be too much of a bummer if my nerves are dead.

Don't give up.  It can take years for all of the nerves to reconnect, and for your libido to come back.  It took a while for me, but feeling did come back.  I looooove female orgasms way more than any male orgasm I ever had.  For me, they're much more intense.

I've been in the same job for four years working with 8 other female receptionists and many ob/gyn's..
Nobody has an f'n clue and it's non of their business.

I haven't told someone I'm trans since 2015.
Nobody else's business! (Except a SO - I'd always be honest there)

I live half the year in one city and half the year half way across the country.  In one place I'm open trans, the other stealth. I keep these two lives separated.  I prefer living stealth, and guard my gender identity jealously.  Disclosing has consequences, some good, some not  If you want to be treated as a cis woman, don't disclose.  If you do, you'll always be seen as trans with no way back.  Non-disclosure requires that you create a new life narrative.  It means separating yourself from the person you were.  It's not hard if you accept that you really are a different person today.

If you fall into a serious relationship, you'll have to, at some point, fess up to how you came to be you. I don't think it's necessary or wise to paint a vivid picture of your past.  You're you, not that other person.  Resist the urge to introduce your SO to this ghost from the past.  You don't need the competition.  And, OMG, never show a photo of that dead male person to your new love.  It'll haunt him forever.

Some trans women have a hard time breaking the link to their past.  Who they were is dear to them despite the pain of gender dysphoria.  That's fine.  Just be aware that it will define you in the eyes of others.  I've selectively assimilated those aspects of my past that are essential to my self-image, and thrown away the rest.  Yes, it does leave holes in my past that can't be completely refilled, and many past life experiences had to be reframed in the context of my having always been a woman masquerading as a man.  It's not easy, but over time I've learned to not only peel away the physical shell that confined me, but the behaviors and social trappings of my past, as well.  Good luck.

I was pretty open in my Lesbian community that I was TG and I was very happy because they were incredibly accepting. But . . . I inadvertently discovered that when women did not know they treated me differently in may ways. This is what I had always wanted. I wanted to be a woman among other women.  Since then I do everything I can to leave the impression I'm CIS . . .

Quote from: Miss Clara on May 25, 2019, 08:18:53 PMSome trans women have a hard time breaking the link to their past.

I broke the link to my past when I married my husband by taking my husband's surname, I never use my maiden name, my husband is Mr and I'm Mrs we both have the same surname.

Quote from: Gail20 on May 26, 2019, 12:03:45 PMI inadvertently discovered that when women did not know they treated me differently in may ways.

Almost all people really. That is something I have always instinctively known...

But not being 100% passable and my marriage from "before"surviving, having a stealth life was not possible for me... It was something I very much wanted but it never became practical.

That created an internal tension in me that has made it hard to be fully at peace with myself or comfortable participating in society.

And I know some will ascribe that to "internalized transphobia" or shame... but it's really not... It's about the experience and quality of life.

- Karen

Interesting conversation...

Personally, I always disclose as soon as it is reasonable to do so.  Of course, I don't walk around saying, "Hi, I'm Sara.  I'm transgender."  As soon as it is potentially relevant, though, I let people know.  I disclose on dating apps in my profile.

Here are my reasons for this:

(1) I want to be a good representative for the community.  I'm not a big activist because I think activism is generally a waste of time— you don't actually reach people that way.  Anyone who is listening is already in agreement. I prefer to just live a normal life and show people what a real transgender person is like.  I want to humanize trans issues as much as possible.  I want people to realize that their friend Sara is hurt by policy decisions. 

(2) I think that witholding this information from a prospective partner is very unfair to them.  They should have the opportunity to opt out before ever meeting me.  Yes, this means my dating pool is small, but it is what it is.

I don't judge anyone for going stealth.  It's just not for me!

~Sara

Quote from: TXSara on February 17, 2025, 09:03:31 PMInteresting conversation...

Personally, I always disclose as soon as it is reasonable to do so.  Of course, I don't walk around saying, "Hi, I'm Sara.  I'm transgender."  As soon as it is potentially relevant, though, I let people know.  I disclose on dating apps in my profile.

Here are my reasons for this:

(1) I want to be a good representative for the community.  I'm not a big activist because I think activism is generally a waste of time— you don't actually reach people that way.  Anyone who is listening is already in agreement. I prefer to just live a normal life and show people what a real transgender person is like.  I want to humanize trans issues as much as possible.  I want people to realize that their friend Sara is hurt by policy decisions. 

(2) I think that witholding this information from a prospective partner is very unfair to them.  They should have the opportunity to opt out before ever meeting me.  Yes, this means my dating pool is small, but it is what it is.

I don't judge anyone for going stealth.  It's just not for me!

~Sara

THIS. Exactly this.

I don't date, but I am still honest about who I am and indicate that I am open to questions if there is something they want to know. Potential allies usually ask a question. Those who are not interested, are not worth my time.

Gosh this brought back memories, i am stealth just because of the way things turned out, but it has been fraught with difficulties, Jamies my first real love we had all kinds of issues going on, James knew about my past but his parents did not and i was young enough to have children, James mum would often take me to one side and have a chat about not getting any younger and it would be nice to hear the patter of tiny feet! It created the start of a wedge, James was loved by my mum and dad, lol even my sister fancied him, i said to my mum that James parents kept going on about children to which my mum said not wall women can have children, just tell her you cannot.

I have a nice relationship, she is simply adorable and we get along well.
Of course she knows.  She even gets much delight with my "original equipment," but I am unsure how long it will work considering my HRT. 

I am concerned sometimes as she cannot seem to get enough of those parts (I am not complaining) and if they become totally non reactive, well, I hope that will not be an issue.  She treats me like a woman in almost all situations.  I like that.

Chrissy