March 23rd, 2006 has to be one of the most topsy turvy days that I've ever experienced yet.

To start with I had my appointment for a consult with a speech therapist, and that was no what I expected.  I arrived at the hospital ear nose and throat department and checked in, sat down in the waiting room and waited for my name to be called.  Miracles upon miracles the appointments were running on time and a nurse called my name and led me off to a room way at the end of a winding hallway.  My appointment was with a Dr Tan and that's who I expected to see, you know we would sit and chat about what I needed etc... and he would say no, we don't do that here.  We entered the room and to my surprise there were 6 people in there waiting for me.  I thought what the f*#K!  We went in and i was introduced to "The Team"  3 doctors, 2 nurses and the tech who would carry out the procedure... (Procedure!  ).  Everyone introduced themselves and explained what they were going to do.  Basically sick a camera up my nose to look at my vocal cords and go from there.

It wasn't as bad as it sounds.  They started out with asking me questions on my transition, how far along I was and what medications I was on (HRT) they also asked what my job was and how I interacted with peers etc, and i explained that I was an instructor who dealt with adult's and grades JK to one with regards to school bussing.  They also asked if I had noticed any changes in my voice since HRT and what I had heard/read about procedures that were available.  I basically gave them my life history, the "in a nutshell version" and being satisfied with that that proceeded to examine my vocal cords (camera down the nose).  Actually it was quite painless and while the camera was in-place they asked me to perform some vocal exercises so that they could observe the vocal cords in action.

Everything seemed normal, but they did note that my cords looked more like those found in the female than in the male which made me smile.  Finding no complications they said that they would "take me on" and then went on to explain what they planned on doing etc, etc...  Needless to say that a left the consult with a smile from ear to ear.  I just bounced out of the hospital.

The next great thing that happened was that I finally got a reply from my brother, who I came out to in October 2005.  And if you will indulge me was as follows:

QuoteDear Steph;

I have just had the unusual pleasure of viewing your website and blog.  I'm sorry I haven't been in touch lately.  I must have drafted fifty letters in my head to you.  They all seemed so...wooden and affected.

Truth be told, I was very surprised by your transition.  Before I received your letter in October, you were, in my mind, the rugged ex-commando, former bow-hunter, wood-working, horseman.  You know, a very "macho" kind of image.  I was tempted to say that I was shocked at learning of your change, but I believe that the word "shocked" carries with it a negative connotation: I would be shocked to find a panther eating my leg.  I think I was more surprised and in a way that had more in common with the sense of surprise that would occur when an explorer discovered a new mountain range or an undiscovered tropical island.

I don't think there was ever a time when I would have turned my back on you simply because your persona has transformed from ****** to Stephanie.  Almost immediately, it occurred to me that all of other things, the paratrooper, hunter, rider, craftsman, heavy equipment driver, were all still there.  Those roles you played still happened and you were all of those people.  In short, your new persona did not invalidate your past persona.  Please forgive the use of the term "persona", I mean it in a respectful way and as a means of easily communicating the idea that your a combination f physicality, emotionality, mentality, and a social stake holder in our shared human community.  In any event, it's easy to spell.

It occurred to me that what I was seeing in your transition was, perhaps, the finest _expression of courage I have ever seen.  I don't think the élan you displayed in "coming out" to your friends, co-workers and family was ever matched by anything you accomplished in the Army.  I mean I was proud you before, but now I am almost humbled by your courage.  I can only conclude that the the pain you had endure all of these years must have driven you almost mad.  I am so happy that you have found the courage and personal honesty to be yourself.  I hope that you have found (or are,at least finding) peace.

Of course, I am brimming with questions: the answers to some of which are certainly none of business and I shall refrain from asking those.  However, I am curious about the technical side of things.  How does a fifty-something year old man, who has led what can fairly be described as a masculine lifestyle present himself as a woman.  I mean little things like a man and a woman stand differently, they hold their arms differently, they rest their hands on table tops differently, etc., how did you un-learn being "manly" and learn to be "womanly"?

Anyway, I am glad I found your picture on the 'Net.  It helps.

How has J*** and S****** taken your transition?

I must admit, I find it kind of cool to suddenly have a sister.

I would to come and visit and talk with you and Gill about this more like family: Brother to Sister (do you still quaff Guinness?)

Please e-mail, or call me at home: ************ or at work ************

I love you, Steph!

your brother

Andrew

P.S. I had a client come into my legal clinic and recognized my name as one shared by a certain Sgt. Craxford who made his life difficult at Pet.  Apparently he was digging a trench at the side of a road and had been at that task for quite some time when you came along and told him the trench was on the wrong side of the road, and you ordered him to dig on the other side.  According to him, you came close to getting fragged that day.

Then to temper the moment of the day I received a reply to an email to my daughter which read as follows:

QuoteHi Dad,

I know we should get together soon but I am just not ready for that yet.  I am having a hard time and I am trying to deal with it.  Dr. W***** B**** is going to refer me to someone to help me sort through my feelings but that won't be until after my trip.  I miss coming out there for Sunday suppers too.

J***

Back to reality that's for sure.  Please no comments on the email reply from my daughter, as I just though it is important to show that while transition fixes us it often breaks other things, things not easily fixed.  Tread very carefully, before you make any decisions.

Steph

[edit]Kimberly got the splater personal information stamp out...[/edit]

God, that has to be one of the most beautiful letters (Andrew) I've read in a long time. That's just amazingly compassionate. Especially since it sounds like he really had to do some mental re-shuffling of his expectations and preconceptions of you. It's certainly encouraging to see that people *can* react in such a warm and caring way.

Thank you so much for sharing this

QuoteNeedless to say that a left the consult with a smile from ear to ear.

... lol ... I believe you, you really must feel great when he said to you that your cords looked more like those found in the female than in the male.

QuoteI must admit, I find it kind of cool to suddenly have a sister.

Dear Stephanie, your brother is one of the coolest brother on the Earth just like your mom!!

*hugs*

Michelle

P.S. I would write a lot more beautiful thoughts about your brother but my English is not so good, I'm sorry  .

Steph;

I'm sorry to hear about your setback.  How did that saying go, "Ten atta-boys are cancelled by one aw-$#!^"?

It seems we transsexuals have no choice but to become empirical experts on how some 'normal' people deal with transsexuality.

I suspect your daughter will eventually come to terms with you and her feelings.  I wish for it to be soon, and a happy reunion.

Karen

PS, Congrats on starting speech therapy and the cool letter from your brother!  And may you get many more happy surprises!

Dear Steph,
Thank you for sharing those things close to your heart.  I try to be open about my life and feelings and find it both instructional and wonderful when others share like you have.  It is the best way that we get to know one another -- and ourselves.

Your brother's letter was incredible.  Your parents raised you kids right!  Or, you're both just naturally intelligent.  My brother was accepting but didn't write such a wonderful letter.  In the first years of being post op, my brother and his wife would occassionaly, despite their "acceptance," would slip out a "he" now and then.  It especially puzzled me on occassions (though rare) when I'd be wearing a dress!  Grrrr.  Well, they're better now, thank goodness.  Only took 4 years, lol.

Regarding your daughter, someone told me when I was transitioning that you can never foretell how someone is going to react.  Christian conservatives can be accepting and liberal Democrats can sometimes not be.  So, try to not worry to hard as to why she feels this way.  There's really no figuring.  Whether she comes to accept you is her gain (knowing you) or loss (losing you).

I'm glad to know you.

Teri Anne

I have my son and my brother who will not acknowledge me at all. Everyone in my family says give it time and they will soon come around. I don't know, it has been over 2 years and they still have not said a word. My son lives only about 2-3 miles from me and I think that it is his inlaws that have him in a tizzy. He is 32 though and he should have a mind of his own. He won't even talk to his mother. His wife and him have had a little boy since and I have not seen him, only in pictures that have been taken by my daughter who accepts me totally. My brother, I don't know if it is just laziness or what. He hasn't wrote or even called me about my transition. I wrote about 3 letters to him and even e-mailed him. He lives over a 1000 miles away. I know he isn't very good at communication and my mom says he never says anything about me, which in my family that is good.
So Steph. that is really good that your family can communicate with each other. I'm so jealous.
Sheila