I have a problem in anyway complimenting myself, because I hate to be egotistical. But I think I pass very well, I've had transphobic me on dating websites say in their bio "no trans, that's f'ed up". Hit on me and tell me I'm fine AF with like s blue heart emoji, fire emoji, 100 emoji, fist emoji and love eyes emoji, another one said "I'm not gay I'm not into guys or transgenders" only to ask me for a date telling me I'm very attractive, I hate saying this because i come off as arrogant and I don't want to make anybody who doesn't feel like they don't pass feel bothered by me, if anyone wants to see pics of me so they can help with answering my question I will other wise, I don't want to, I've had a lot of guys call me fake because I'm thinking I look like a high matinence bitchy type, i honestly don't know myself and I think people make a lot of assumptions about me based on my appearance (not complaining unintentionally it can be pretty flattering) but most people don't think it's possible that I'm a shy, quiet, gentle girl who likes video games, comic books, fashion, cooking (my mom is an ultra tomboy) so she never could teach me anything beyond how to fry. I however being a "gamer girl", I don't consider myself one because it hasn't been something I do everyday like "true gamers", but lately I have because of my depression, being completely absorbed in it helps my mind get off.

But here comes the crazy and I'm sorry I know I'm long-winded/very talkative...but I'm going to try not to be , so after 6 years in SF, i temporarily fir a few months returned to Singapore to live with my dad who is....probably insane. This coming from someone with bi polar depression mind you, so he's pretty manipulative to my mom and I, will break promises, intimidate us and has been physical with both of us, he shoved my mom and I pushing us neck first, he twisted my moms finger another time. Another time I'm supposed to feel empathy with him because he said "you're my daughter, I don't know how to discipline you, if you were my son, I could just beat you up, but you're a girl I can't". Expected reaction was fir my to feel sorry for him, I said I don't think a boy should be hit. No child should be hit and my mom reprimanded me by saying "he's trying to be sensitive". Anyway he has this weird tendency to almost worship his friends (usually male, who are clearly full of ->-bleeped-<- but they can lie straight to his face, he knows it, he still protect their honor/integrity, cares nasty things said about them bad is completely fine with telling us what pieces of ->-bleeped-<-s we are, how we are making his home filled with negative energy, but to his current bromance (his name is Lets call him Jackson, (I nicknamed him the long lost son he never had) now here's where things get insane.

This guy claims he's always wanted to meet me, I was kinda turned off because I'm like "why?!?", my dad basically tells him my whole life story without ever asking how I felt, letting him know I have bi polar depression, I have anxiety, I mostly stay in the house (I've left the house once, Singaporeans will stare at anybody very rudely. I'm 5'11 and 5'8 is considered tall for a man there, and they are very fond of death stare even if they mean no harm to anything out of the ordinary even foreigners and I'm really scared what people think.

Well yesterday they both caught us by surprise because if I ran away it would be too obvious that I'm avoiding his friend, which he will defend to his death but would tell me ->-bleeped-<- you, without blinking. So in comes his friend Jackson. , I'm playing injustice, he talks to me and tries to bond with me over the injustice game acting like he's totally into it when he doesn't seem to get that wolverine is in marvel (he's 45 not that old), mcu movies have become such a huge fad that I dint think it was like before when that is more obscure.

Anyway moving on, he speaks with my dad and I'm playing the game and multi tasking, playing and listening to the conversation, he seems tipsy, my dad is pissed drunk. He says "she's really beautiful with this quiet voice and sheepish grin, I think he expected to look more masculine than what he saw) and was taken a back, my dad says don't tell me, tell her, he tells me, he says I'd never believe it, He asks what food I like, I eventually blurted pizza, he stands up and says My name "I want to take you out on a date", first off my mom and even dad and of course dad are like wtf because my dad introduced him as my non-biological elder brother. Yet she said that, my dad says you're serious, he answers yeah "why not?", he later claims that he was trying to be like an uncle figure to me but using the word that and knowing I'm trans saying why not, is not something a normal uncle says Imo. Imo it's more "dude she's so hot, well she's a ->-bleeped-<-, but she's hit so hey why not), my dad then reminds him he is a married man then things get even weirder. Before I go on, in my dad eyes he's perfect and he can bullsh!t him and smother it in his face and he'll still think this guys the most amazing person he's ever met (he's had a history fir being cruel with my mom and I, really liking a stranger and giving complete blind faith)

He asks me again, do you want to go on a date and I'm like smiling and looking at my dad like "what an I supposed to say", he looks at me very sternly like he's a freakin principle and I'm in detention and saying in a pretty aggressive voice (not shouting but, showing dominance or assertiveness I don't know if that's the right word) don't look at your father. My father says "what you mean don't look at me, you're asking to take my daughter you need my permission", Jackson wipes off the stern look on his face and is instantly all smiles and asks may I date your daughter sir, which my dad says okay of course giving him the benefit of doubt, he then asks me again while giving the death stare, I look to my mom like "help get me out of this", she doesn't respond because in a f'ed up way he'd get mad if I said no I don't want to date you or my mom says this is the first time he's meeting me, this is weird that he wants to take me out alone. He's still giving the death stare a day he says again very sternly "don't look at your mom, look at me, do you want to go on a date with me?", I'm scared of my father's rage if I say no, because he thinks this guy is basically he's everything good in the world. And in the past my mom has noticed he's been lying to my dad but because of his blind faith and adoration for him, he doesn't question anything.

He once had his sister who he had a bad relationship with give him a gold bangel, Jackson says to my dad he seems to have a bad relationship with his sister, thus the golden bangel has bad energy/negative energy so rather than saying you should get rid of it. He says "I'll take it" and my dad gushes over what a nice guy he is. Another time in his view of spirituality/Hindu religion (I'm mixed, raised by my mom and grandmother who were Catholic, so I know nothing about Hindu religion). he gave him an onion which he said holds great significance and that he wouldn't give it to just anyone and that's how awesome Jackson in, my moms pass a bridge everyday she goes to work has never noticed anything, they day after my dad said about the onion, my mom keeps it and brings it back home like "did the onion you give him look like this?", he knew it was the onion he gave Jackson but rather than getting angry st Jackson he got angry st my mom, for even showing him that. Just nletting y'all know getting into how easily he can be fooled by Jackson.

So I basically give in and say yes, he full of big smiles now, my father with the little sense in his mind kept asking him what kind if date do you mean but he adores this guy, so while questioning he's giving him full benefit of the doubt, now even though we're in Asia Jackson speaks beautiful English, he speaks English perfectly. he however speaks in a way where I wouldn't be surprised if he's lived in western countries too. My dad feels awkward about the word date and he keeps saying he means it as an uncle or a cousin. None of my uncles or my cousins would ever ask me on a date even if their intention was to hang out, they would say "let's spend some time together and hang out" something around those lines, but obviously he's very well spoken in English and speaks beautifully so he's hss full capability to understand the English language, he wouldn't get lost in translation so to say so that's why he doesn't understand why date is an awkward choice of words seems far fetched.

he eventually says something as he's leaving "so it's set, we're going in a date, you better keep your promise and I'll play injustice with you and kill you with batman" and as he's outside the door I'm watching and my dad is trying to be all friendly say goodbye, he looks over my dad kinda ignoring him and saying "remember we have a date, if you don't keep your promise I will be sad" then the mast bit of common sense hits him and he asks what do you mean by date, of course this guy has my dad in the palm of his hands abs he clearly knows it. After he left I was like "wtf was he just hitting on me? Or am I crazy", the next morning I talk to my mom and she seems to believe he was hitting on me because everything that happened was very shady, my dad later shows her a text he sent him afterwards, where he said he wanted to see if I would freak out if he asked me on a date, I didn't and he think we made a connection and said I'm trying to be a friend fir her, then ends with "she's very beautiful". So my mom questions my dad like "what's with all this dating thing. He shows her that but she's still suspicious". My mom and I are alone as he goes for his nightly drink (which he nightly does because we are so full of negative energy that he can't help to drink, he can quit anytime, we force him to drink by just being such horrible people") then my mom talks to me, I have low self esteem and always question my own thinking because when I question my parents, I'm told I'm wrong no matter how logical I'm being and both my mom and my dad if I'm critizing or disagreeing with them, if I made a good point and they have no answer knowing I'm sensitive they hurl insults and mock me, say anything to break my down until I go to my room and cry,

so I talked to my mom as I am telling all you guys (I'm trying to be inclusive, to me you people eventhough I'm trans sounds like I'm trying to insult, I'm sorry if I offend anyone it's not my intention) my story, once when I was a teenager this counselor before i transitioned was very effeminate and we thought he was possibly gay, he talks to me, tries to bond with me over a band shirt I was wearing from an 80's band (journey, I love journey), he notices that and tries to bond with me over that, he then puts his hand in my lap which I was like "this is weird, you're a counselor, I just met you, I'm 16, I feel like you're being kind if grabby" I was young so I was much more naive. I asked my dad if he thinks My school counselor was maybe trying to get into my pants, he asks my mom, does he know she had depression, she said yes and he would always defend me snd look out for me. he asked me how I felt about being touched that way, I said weird (I'm straight I like men, but I still think it was I thought it was kind of weird fir an adult to touch a 16 year old regardless of my gender at the time on my lap", I then mentioned he was bonding with me over journey. My dad says yeah I'm pretty sure that he was trying to get in your pants, I tend to Blame myself and question my own thinking, my mom then mentioned that Jackson is a manipulator and had my father under his thumb.

Then I thought maybe I'm not wrong I tell her what I've told you guys saying that, he fully grasps the English language as he probably has less of an accent than me and I've lived the SF for six years, so there is no reason why he would be confused why everybody felt weirded out when he asked to take me out on a date, then say my mom said my dad thinks of him like a son but I get never get over the thought the death stare "don't look at your father, don't look at your mother, look at me, do you want to go on a date with me".

This was the moment I felt the most awkward and honestly scared, and that didn't come off as something an uncle or brother or cousin would say or behave regardless of what he told my dad, I think he was gauging how submissive I am, to see if I would stand up or just submit and do as he asked, he got his answer because I said yes in fear my dad would get mad and say "he's being nice and you're being a b!tch", because this guy can do no wrong, me on the other hand I am just a problem.

Next thing going back to what my dad said about the counselor putting his hand on my lap, he said menf do that to see how you would react, would you squirm away and just let them do it. I think his intimidation of me was similar as he was gauging how submissive I am and how scared I am, so that should we actually go on that date and he tries anything, I think, he feels like he can scare me into keeping quiet. I'm an very scared girl, a people pleaser and can be pretty easily intimidated at times. i was playing injustice and he was saying how he loved the gane and always plays it, trying to bond with me, yet he didn't know that captain marvel or wolverine were not in the game, these are three traits that led him to believe a counselor was being a "little too friendly and he was trying to get it on with me" and his first question with the counsellor was "did he know she had depression?" My mom said yes and he said very like,y because he knows I'm vulnerable, but from months on end my dad has been telling him how insecure I am, how I don't like leaving the house, how self concious I am, that I got bi polar depression and anxiety disorders, so he too knows I'm vulnerable, yet because it's his amazing buddy/son he never had who is flawless he don't think that would connect for Jackson. but he's a 99% sure the counselor was trying to get into to have relations with him while I was 16 (yeah it was like 2005, still really frowned upon, he has more to lose than my dads beloved Jackson)

so today after my mom questioned him about the dating, he left, got drunk, and told us he wants us to get the f out of his life, which my mom thinks it's because she even dared to question Jackson's intention without the same blind faith as him.

Because I feel conflicted, am I wrong for thinking this way and is my dad right, or did his best friend really just met me didn't expect to that I would be attractive and was trying to hit on me, trying to get me as a side chick (he's married with two kids and my dad said he apparently fools around with a Russian girl already), so please help me with your opinions friends, are my mom correct in our opinions based on how I've tried my best to describe what happened in every detail, was this guy being a creeper or do you think my dad is right snd that were cynical and unfair, I have really low self esteem and question my own thoughts so please help with your opinions. I can't get this situation out of my head and trying to figure out which am I real,y what he says I am, cynical and being ugly by seeing things as ugly when it's not....I'm soooo conflicted

To:dr - my dads friend met me fior the first time, knew I have bi polar depression, knew I'm insecure, self concious, have anxiety and rarely to never leave the house. He asks me out in a date, after my father introduced him as non-biological brother, speaks English perfectly with a more western accent than myself, he seemed to feign that he didn't understand what was wrong with the word date. Then intimidated me by giving a death stare asking do I want to go on a date with him, I look to my dad and he says "you need my permission" he then switches in seconds to a friendly face asks my dad and he says okay because he bowed and my dad is pretty egotistical. He then turned back to me with the death stare and I looked at my mom and he said "don't look at her, look at me, do you want to go out on a date with me" it was very intense,p and intimidating, my dad adores this guy and I didn't want to upset him by saying no, as he walks away outside the door my dad is trying to give a friendly goodbye, he looks over my dad to me and says "remember our date, you don't show I'll be sad", next day he says he used the word date to see if I would freak out, he felt we made a connection and mentioned I was very beautiful, my dad thinks he is really trying to act like s big brother while my mom and I think he was trying to hit on me

I'm trying to shorten it so it's easy to digest with a tl:dr 😞

Quote from: amazonprincess on May 30, 2019, 08:57:04 PM

Because I feel conflicted, am I wrong for thinking this way and is my dad right, or did his best friend really just met me didn't expect to that I would be attractive and was trying to hit on me, trying to get me as a side chick (he's married with two kids and my dad said he apparently fools around with a Russian girl already), so please help me with your opinions friends, are my mom correct in our opinions based on how I've tried my best to describe what happened in every detail, was this guy being a creeper or do you think my dad is right snd that were cynical and unfair, I have really low self esteem and question my own thoughts so please help with your opinions. I can't get this situation out of my head and trying to figure out which am I real,y what he says I am, cynical and being ugly by seeing things as ugly when it's not....I'm soooo conflicted

Hi Princess,

I remember a very, very long time ago when I was in my 20s and first went out to bars dressed as the real me. The thing about guys hitting on you is that on the one hand, it feels very affirming. After so long keeping your identity a secret you show it to the world and here is someone letting you know that they find you sexy. On the other hand, you are completely right to be on your guard.

I only quoted the one paragraph, because it seems like all the important information was sort of hidden deep in the message there. This man Jackson has a wife, two kids and (possibly) a Russian girlfriend on the side. He meets you and pretends interest in the video game and wants to go out with you because "you're hot." Not because of shared interests, not because he's looking for a relationship, not because he's lonely.... At best, he's curious. Perhaps it's just the novelty of a going out with a trans-girl. Maybe he figures it will make a good story to tell his friends. You can fill in the blanks of other motivations, but I think you already know. Personally, I would be very careful were I in your shoes.

Princess, what is that you want? After all, this is a married man with a girlfriend. Is this someone you want to go out with? To what purpose?

I suggest a couple of options in order to avoid a direct refusal which could antagonize your dad.

Do you have any good friends in Singapore? If so, perhaps you could ask if they would want to come along. After all, Jackson seems to deflect you mom's questions by saying that he is acting as an uncle. So, he shouldn't mind if you bring a friend along since it's nothing romantic. That will cool his jets. Perhaps he'll find an excuse to cancel once you ask to bring your friend along.

Alternatively, you could come up with a polite reason to turn him down repeatedly. That is, each time he suggests a day, there is a reason you can't. One day it's a headache, the next you have to do laundry, then you have to study, then you already have plans with a friend, etc. until he gets the hint and gives up. It may feel dishonest, but what your dad and Jackson have done by pressuring you into doing something you are uncomfortable with is wrong. Whatever you need to do to counter it is completely justified.

I hope that this advice helps. Let us know how it goes.

Whatever you do, keep safe. Guys can be nice until they don't get what they want and then (with some of them) things can get bad very very quickly. I'm sorry to say it, but it is true.

Quote from: Rhonda Lynn on May 30, 2019, 10:26:08 PM
Hi Princess,

I remember a very, very long time ago when I was in my 20s and first went out to bars dressed as the real me. The thing about guys hitting on you is that on the one hand, it feels very affirming. After so long keeping your identity a secret you show it to the world and here is someone letting you know that they find you sexy. On the other hand, you are completely right to be on your guard.

I only quoted the one paragraph, because it seems like all the important information was sort of hidden deep in the message there. This man Jackson has a wife, two kids and (possibly) a Russian girlfriend on the side. He meets you and pretends interest in the video game and wants to go out with you because "you're hot." Not because of shared interests, not because he's looking for a relationship, not because he's lonely.... At best, he's curious. Perhaps it's just the novelty of a going out with a trans-girl. Maybe he figures it will make a good story to tell his friends. You can fill in the blanks of other motivations, but I think you already know. Personally, I would be very careful were I in your shoes.

Princess, what is that you want? After all, this is a married man with a girlfriend. Is this someone you want to go out with? To what purpose?

I suggest a couple of options in order to avoid a direct refusal which could antagonize your dad.

Do you have any good friends in Singapore? If so, perhaps you could ask if they would want to come along. After all, Jackson seems to deflect you mom's questions by saying that he is acting as an uncle. So, he shouldn't mind if you bring a friend along since it's nothing romantic. That will cool his jets. Perhaps he'll find an excuse to cancel once you ask to bring your friend along.

Alternatively, you could come up with a polite reason to turn him down repeatedly. That is, each time he suggests a day, there is a reason you can't. One day it's a headache, the next you have to do laundry, then you have to study, then you already have plans with a friend, etc. until he gets the hint and gives up. It may feel dishonest, but what your dad and Jackson have done by pressuring you into doing something you are uncomfortable with is wrong. Whatever you need to do to counter it is completely justified.

I hope that this advice helps. Let us know how it goes.

Whatever you do, keep safe. Guys can be nice until they don't get what they want and then (with some of them) things can get bad very very quickly. I'm sorry to say it, but it is true.

I don't want to go out with him at all, my dad adores him and I only said yes because I didn't want my dad to insult me, tell me I'm a loser, I'm a coward, I'm hopeless, someone is trying to help you get out of the house and you reject him? He thinks the world of this guy, I'm very naive and what do you mean he wants a good story to tell, do you mean he wants to have sex with me as a joke?.! When he scared me was when he was giving me this stern look and in a very demanding way said "don't look at your dad or your mom, look at me! Do you want to go on a date with me" this was a very aggressive look he gave, I told my mom it's like the look an abusive husband gives a cheating wife or if you're at detention and the principal is trying to scare you, I looked at them for a kind of "get out of jail free card", hoping one of them would say something so I don't have to say no and upset my dad but he would get ideas that he's being weird and it's a no, my dad thinks this guy is everything wonderful in the world, he is the closest thing to perfection to my dad. I've attemptee suicide and my dads answer was "if you're going to do it, at least do it right" he's hit me even after I transition and my mom too, so yeah my mom said she didn't try and save me because my father would get angry, Jackson basically got total control because my father gave him the control playing body guard and Jackson knows we are scared of my dad, I have no interest in him, online or not I have a boyfriend in Ohio who on the surface to my fellow trans sisters, brothers and non binary friends, wants to marry me, I dated him for years without him knowing I was trans when he said I love you and I want to marry you, I thought it was time to open up. I was expecting the worst and he not only was like "so? I don't care, I love you, who cares about your past" and went on to thank me for trusting him enough to reveal to him that I'm transgender and he's conservative, he's said some comments about the Middle East which made me go "I love you baby but really??? , he hates pc culture, he hates safe spaces (his exact words were f'n safe spaces) and this is probably either going to have a lot of people think I'm stupid or a horrible person, but he hates politics and didn't like either politician but he leaned towards and voted trump, seeing him as a the lesser of two evils plus as a son of both parents in the navy he didn't like what Colin kaepernick protest, it sounds insane that were a couple. But with me he's like a teddy bear, he's so gentle and sweet, he actually cares about my feelings ans would never say anything to offend me, he even tells me I don't need to be afraid of my "down below" he doesn't scare, he loves me it doesn't matter, a,l that matters to him is I'm me, I won't lie it's amazing how this super macho meat headed guy is my boyfriend and he's like s little teddy bear with me, he can be sooo freaking cute it's hard to connect the two though now thinking back he said "I'm got a dark side but for you, I only give you my best and never let that touch you, I fell in love with you at first sight.....so I have zero interest in this guy, but if I had said no and even been not rude but assertive, I would get called names and verbs.ly abused by my father for "thinking his friend was a creep when he's trying to do a good thing for me"

Sorry I rambled, also I'm in Singapore because my mom and j are trying to build back some funds to move back to SF (I love it, expensive as sin thoug) and the only reason I haven't married him is because....he lives in Ohio, I just don't feel safe, he may be a bad as but he can't hover around me 24/7 or protect me from government as sweet as his sentiments are and before anyone thinks I'm a republican I'm not, I honestly don't like politics but I'm left leaning ans I really praying that democrat who went on Fox News get rid of trump, someone needs to do it, 3 years have been hell, after another we don't need another four...so no I don't agree with him politically but love him enough to respect his opinion as he's been the only gentleman I've dated (even not knowing I'm trans most guys see me as a sex object)