I'm kinda freaking out here. I kinda took a picture of myself and I looked at it a bit and it's like I realized "I'm a guy" not in a good way but in a really really bad way. It's like it's the first time in my life that I noticed that I have a male body. (I've never looked in the mirror and I hate having a picture taken of me so I don't have pictures about myself) I'm really really freaked out, what can I do??? At this moment I'm willing to do anything and be anything as long as I'm not male. I'm actually freaking crying about it. Why am I acting like this, it's not like it's ever been a major problem. Just suddenly it's like the worst thing ever.

::hug:: It will be okay.

So you've never thought about it before?  Or realized?  What do you think made you notice now?

I wish I could help more but I'm not actually trans, just a significant other, but I didn't want your post to go without replies..    Just know that no matter what conclusions you come to, you have support.

Thanks so much for the reply.

I don't know, it doesn't feel like I have. Well like I said I avoid mirrors and pictures like the plague (and always have, not totally since I can remember but almost) and I kinda took a picture of myself and looked at it. I was kinda wondering if I could pass so I actually looked at it and it just kinda sunk in.

Thanks, I really really appreciate it.

I was like that in my early teens.... I hated seeing myself, i avoided cameras and photos. now for you, it might well be a phase, or from the sounds of it, you may be gender dysphoric... ie, you dont feel comfortable as you are...

Best to think about it yourself.

My advice is NOT to take this site as gospel. Many may try to convince you you are transgender. Only you know, people over the internet are not infalable. Sure, take the advice of them, and even me under advisement. but decide yourself how you feel. Its often attractive to choose an offered solution that requires minimal thinking. but in the end, its your happyness.
R >

Thanks Rachael.

I have kinda been thinking about it for a couple of months now, and I wasn't quite sure. I could always tell myself that perhaps this really isn't a problem and I'm not really TG or be gender dysphoric. It's just that it kinda hit me pretty hard last night. In my first post I was mostly just hoping for someone to tell me that it really is just a phase and that I can just ride it out.

Thanks for the advice, I usually take things that I read with a bit of skepticism as, well, I've been raised in the light of independent thinking being supremely important. Which is one reason why I've been deliberating about this, I've been somewhat sure for a while now but I want to be hundred percent sure. Just at the moment, yeah like I said I really don't want to be a guy.

The best thing you can do, is talk to your parents about it, or see your doctor... maybe get to a therapist... theres a long path before anything permanent happens, so it cant hurt to try...
R >

I did talk to my parents, they say I'm just a caring and compassionate guy and totally not a girl. I don't have a doctor (haven't been to one since I broke my arm about ten years ago) and my therapist is pretty much of the same conviction as my parentals. Or not totally, she said that she'd only even consider me as anything other than male if I'm twenty three and still feeling like this, I'm eighteen and a half BTW. (though I'm going to talk to her a bit and see if she would change her mind) So I don't have much help in any of those categories so I'll just stick with trying and seeing how things go. I kinda wish I did have a proper therapist though, would have made life a lot easier.

PARDON? jeeeesh... your therapist is crap, get a new one....

my parents pulled the same stunt... your 18
your a legal adult. therefore, 23 is her stalling you purposefully... if you are transgender, waiting doesnt help anything at all....

infact waiting makes it worse....

my parents did the 'your a caring boy' crap

It might be time to be more proactive... as the gentle aproach doesnt seem to work for you.
R >

Yeah I should, but my parents kinda pick my therapists, and their agenda is more geared towards getting me some help with... not being too good to my body. (though I get the final say so I guess it's not too bad)

Yeah I kinda thought the same thing, her excuse was that between eighteen and twenty three is the "experimental phase" and as such she won't consider much in that period of time as valid. For me it would have been... very reluctantly acceptable if she would have put me on anti-androgens for that time but yeah.

Yeah I kinda want to try that, I'm still somewhat stuck at really minor things as I'm still trying figure everything out. I would really have preferred to take it slow, but yeah like you said it doesn't seem to work. In all honesty I still kinda wish it's just a phase, it would make things so much easier.

experimental phase? first ive heard... most therapists will belive you, but not give you hrt till 18, as once 18 your apparently more mature and set.... not starting to go downhill...
R >

Yeah me too, I thought that if there's an experimental phase it would start at puberty and end about now. How do you mean not starting to go downhill?

exterimental phase: your maturity apparently reduces according to your therapist and you loose any sortof idea of consiquences to actions.... she saying your desire to not be male is some form of 'rebelion' or 'coming of age angst'
R >

I'm with Rach on this.  They are full of crap.  Same ->-bleeped-<- that people give me when they say "oh well, they are only (insert age here) so they are not as responsible as you are."  To which I answer bull->-bleeped-<-, because at that age I was just as responsible as I am now, perhaps even more so.  It ain't a phase, find someone who understands you.

The_Little_Kid i know exactly what are u going through.... all that crap about beeing to young...
I am 20 now. I told my mum when i was 14-15. And ever sice, i've been hearing that i am too young and still developing pschologicly, that puberty is not over jet (which is false, unfortunatly) and that i need to re-think and re-consider it. I have seen several (inexperienced i might add) mental health professionals... one of tham even 'diagnosed' adolescent crisis  and the other asked how i feel when i do housework (like washing the dishes, vacuuming, cooking  ) cuz that was according to her a proper "method " of seeing weather i have a female soul
Some 6mo ago i finally decided to find someone qualified for this kind of stuff. i found sexologist and she instantly knew what is this all about...
so my advice is not to waste time on those who are abviously not familiar with gender/sex issues
find yourself a good counselor or therapist and he/she will help you in explore your gender and remove doubts cuz it is evident you still might have some about your gender....
don't accept any foolish bounderies like 23 yo which is very stupid and unexpalinable
- good luck -

Thanks everyone. I'm pretty much back on track regarding most of the things. I still haven't got everything figured out but I'm pretty sure about what needs to get done to get it figured out. (which starts with telling my parents to get the correct therapist)

@Rachael: Oh ok, yup I'm totally with you on this one. Especially since I've never actually had that supposed rebellion thingy. (though I guess there's a lot of people who won't agree with me as I don't tend to just go with the masses hence I'm rebelling)

@Tekla: Yeah I've heard that argument waaayyy too much already also.

@Mari: Washing dishes determines whether your female or not???... Ok that's the first I've heard about that, so all the girls who hate washing dishes (like most girls I know) are not really girls but guys? I'll have to remember that one.  Thanks, your post helped me to just stop being so stubborn and actually tell my parents that I need a gender therapist . (and it kinda brightened my day )