Quote from: davina61 on February 12, 2024, 03:46:12 AMTime And Relative Dimension In Space, sounds like you need one of these (Tardis) but will you still have time once you have fought off the Daleks and Cybermen??

Who? 😘

I can't EVEN, with this juggling act...

So I now have the sauce done, and simmering... that needs to do that for 30 minutes. At that point I can pull 1/2 of it out and jar it for future use. The second half will remain in the pot for the meatballs I'm going to make.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to use this window to run to the food pantry and make my delivery.

But before I do that, I got this FB message — out of the complete blue, from a former coach I worked with, oh... 30 years ago.. telling me a memoir he's written is coming out in the next few months, and he wanted to fact check some stuff with me.  Off the top of my head — about dates, school history, his place in it... etc.

Then he asked about media contacts, etc... all the while I'm trying to sort out the sauce..

The whole thing had a real last act of Goodfellas vibe, without, you know the cocaine and helicopters.

*sigh*

Love,
Allie

Ok.. so.. one final update on this, embarrassing, episode.

While the sauce was simmering, I got in the car and raced to the food pantry. Because I had that Goodfellas thing cued up in my head, I actually found myself looking up in the sky for helicopters... which made me start laughing out loud. By myself. In the car.  This is not a good look.

So after dropping off the food, on the way home I called my wife and, in what I can only imagine sounded like the kind of voice you'd use in an audio dictionary under the definition of the word "frazzled" I began "I cannot take this anymore! I'm looking for helicopters, laughing to myself.. coaches are bothering me, there's sauce simmering... I can't take it!"

Of course she started laughing, and asked what THIS was, and I told her that I'm sure she knows I had something planned for Valentine's Day, and she said that yes, she'd seen clues and she assumed it was a cake of some sort, or some cake type product...  But I told her "Well you don't know EXACTLY what it is.. but.. it doesn't matter, because I'm making them tomorrow when you're home and that's it. And you're just going to be ok with that."

Again, laughter and her saying that it was totally fine. And so.. ok... that was that.

I very much look forward to unpacking this whole comic-manic episode with my therapist tomorrow and letting her take a crack at it. That's what I pay her the less-than-big co-pay bucks for, after all.

Calmly yours,
Allie

Allie, I surely wish your cluster headaches didn't afflict you. You contend with a regularity and magnitude of pain that is beyond my ken and beyond the ken of pretty much everyone alive. And yet you maintain your buoyant good humor and generosity. I'll tell you something you already know: I admire you.

As far as the living in the woods question, the starting premise was so vague that I don't understand anyone's response. Are we talking about being born in the woods, away from people, and never having seen women and men, or are we talking about retreating from society into the woods? If it's the former, assuming that one would be uncomfortable in their body is silly because that's all one would know. If it's the latter, I know I'd be okay in my old body in the woods because I was as a child. My problem was returning to people who expected me to walk like a boy and prefer boys as playmates and desire boys' toys and emotionally react as a boy.

Retreating.

I guess what was/is on my mind is all the machinations of things we do in this process called "transition" which are solely designed to make other people more comfortable.
That's why I was saying transition is for other people.
All of us measure what we do and say based on what kind of response we think it will elicit from others - it's called "living in a society" - but for trans-folk that's multiplied so much that the process has its own name.
My point was merely if you retreated from society with your diagnosis you would not "transition" you would not edit or modify or dilute your behavior or appearance until it was more socially acceptable based on people being prepared for it (either over time, or from physical changes matching clothing choices, etc).  You would simply start living as your authentic self to the best of your ability. 
That's all. 

And that was awfully nice what you said about me, thank you. But a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do. And anyway, since my attitude is the one thing fully in my control, it seems nonsensical to cede that too to pain and or misfortune. 

Love,
Allie

Cake pops for Valentine's Day... sorted.


Also put together this little thing for my electrologist, since I'm seeing her tomorrow morning:


It's unfortunate that my wife was home while I was making these... but there was no other option, and after how long the process took, I'm at peace with the fact that there really was no other option. 

She really liked them, which is really, end of the day, all that really matters. ❤️

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 11, 2024, 09:23:28 PMI don't relate to that. For me, the problem isn't other people as much as it is my body. ... Maybe that is a strange outlook.  I don't know.  But, other people are (to me, I believe) important in how they see me, and how they interact with me.  Alone, I wouldn't have that.  But, I would still have dysphoria, just as bad as ever.  Maybe worse due to lack of control.

This I relate to!  Its not so much important how they "see" me, but how they treat me.  I want them to see "me" as I see myself.  The secondary characteristics are mostly for me I'm guessing, but when I see me as more female than male I'm calmer, more stable, less afraid.

By the by, those Pop's look scrumptious!  Such a Susie Homemaker   Happy Valentines Day!

By the way, complete credit to my wife on this one...

When I showed her what I put together for my electrologist, I told her my only issue was that I wish I had some way to present it better.

I was pretty pleased with myself, ordering the plant foam discs as holders for the pops, but as anyone who has ever used them knows, they are VERY crumbly.

So my wife thinks about it, and says ... why don't you see how far the disc goes down in a red Solo cup? That way, it'll look like flowers, and have the benefits of being neater, and you can easily drive it there by placing it in your car's cupholder.

I KNEW there was a reason I married that woman...

Clever girl. Or is it, Clabber girl?

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 13, 2024, 03:34:56 PMClever girl. Or is it, Clabber girl?

You know, of course, I said "Cleeever girl" when she suggested the cups. The eye rolls are just too intoxicating to me not to do whatever I can to solicit them. 😉

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! 😘❤️😘

Hope you can do something nice for that special someone in your life!

... and if you're not fortunate enough to have love in your life at present, do something nice for others in your life who are very much worthy of it:

A cherished friend, relative or co-worker who also might not be in a relationship right now;

And most importantly, the person in your life who really deserves it : yourself.  Do something extra nice for yourself today!

Love,
Allie

Back at ya, Allie, and your wonderful wife.

Had a therapy session today. My first since early November.

I sometimes wonder, and I know it's likely my typical lack of actual self-confidence, if I'm "doing therapy right."

Make no mistake. I both look forward to, and enjoy the sessions. And I try, try, TRY to suppress my typical instinct to entertain... but not sure how successful I am at that. I am, as you know, very entertaining (and modest!).  Seriously, though, the instinct is borne of being so insecure with my appearance, I'm sure. It was always just natural to put on a big, entertaining persona ... to distract from what you see and how it clearly didn't make any sense (to me, anyway). I wonder if any of that will change when things fully align for me?

Anyway, entertaining or not, my therapy sessions are never about getting answers. I mean, the initial ones were. I wanted confirmation that I was trans. Or I wanted to know how it could be "fixed." But once that was quickly dispensed with, the sessions have always been 90% me talking.

They are mostly me going through that drawer in the kitchen, you know the one? — full of take-out menus, expired coupons, mystery screws, expired batteries, broken sunglasses, chargers for devices you're not sure you own anymore, and one golf ball.

You know how satisfying it is, when the drawer gets overstuffed, to go through it with someone and say "is this any good?" And throw stuff out, and then keep only the stuff with relative value and chuck the rest... resulting in a marginally less chaotic drawer?

THAT is therapy to me.

I run through all the nonsense that is overstuffed in my head since the last time we've spoken and either through her words or reactions, I get the sense of what's the good stuff and what isn't... and I come out with a relatively clean drawer.

Let's face it, my particular drawer is NEVER going to a model of efficiency or organization. There are some old chargers I'm holding on to way past any point of logic or sanity.

Please don't take it mean I think she's anything less than wonderful. This is all me. She had some great suggestions about telling our son next week, and is always incredibly honest about everything... which makes me more inclined to share.

I just wonder if others go into sessions with a laundry list of questions and seek answers, and that's something that's more normal. Don't know why I care, it's just something that usually strikes me after a session - did I miss any opportunity by jabbering on so much?

Love,
Allie

Quote from: imallie on February 15, 2024, 12:24:43 PMHad a therapy session today. My first since early November.

I sometimes wonder, and I know it's likely my typical lack of actual self-confidence, if I'm "doing therapy right."

Make no mistake. I both look forward to, and enjoy the sessions. And I try, try, TRY to suppress my typical instinct to entertain... but not sure how successful I am at that. I am, as you know, very entertaining (and modest!).  Seriously, though, the instinct is borne of being so insecure with my appearance, I'm sure. It was always just natural to put on a big, entertaining persona ... to distract from what you see and how it clearly didn't make any sense (to me, anyway). I wonder if any of that will change when things fully align for me?

Anyway, entertaining or not, my therapy sessions are never about getting answers. I mean, the initial ones were. I wanted confirmation that I was trans. Or I wanted to know how it could be "fixed." But once that was quickly dispensed with, the sessions have always been 90% me talking.

They are mostly me going through that drawer in the kitchen, you know the one? — full of take-out menus, expired coupons, mystery screws, expired batteries, broken sunglasses, chargers for devices you're not sure you own anymore, and one golf ball.

You know how satisfying it is, when the drawer gets overstuffed, to go through it with someone and say "is this any good?" And throw stuff out, and then keep only the stuff with relative value and chuck the rest... resulting in a marginally less chaotic drawer?

THAT is therapy to me.

I run through all the nonsense that is overstuffed in my head since the last time we've spoken and either through her words or reactions, I get the sense of what's the good stuff and what isn't... and I come out with a relatively clean drawer.

Let's face it, my particular drawer is NEVER going to a model of efficiency or organization. There are some old chargers I'm holding on to way past any point of logic or sanity.

Please don't take it mean I think she's anything less than wonderful. This is all me. She had some great suggestions about telling our son next week, and is always incredibly honest about everything... which makes me more inclined to share.

I just wonder if others go into sessions with a laundry list of questions and seek answers, and that's something that's more normal. Don't know why I care, it's just something that usually strikes me after a session - did I miss any opportunity by jabbering on so much?

Love,
Allie

Hey Allie-

Since you mention telling your son next week, I am going to wish you well with that. I kind of think your apples don't fall far from the tree and your family will be fine. Maybe a few lost socks along the way, but then they'll sort themselves out.

If it counts, therapy is a little like transition, right? We each have the zen of our own experiences, there is not a right or a wrong way to do either. You just have to put some sincere effort into it. My own model is a kind of inventory what is going well, what is not going well, things I am working on. My therapist has a lot of insights.

Oh I said this often in the lost blogs of yours -- your therapist a genius. still holds true.

QuoteBut once that was quickly dispensed with, the sessions have always been 90% me talking.

It's understandable that you do 90% of the talking. This means she's doing 90% of the listening. If she listens well and is wise, when she does talk, don't think about what you're going to say next, but listen to her rare words with an open heart.

I enjoyed your junk drawer analogy.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 16, 2024, 06:56:43 AMIt's understandable that you do 90% of the talking. This means she's doing 90% of the listening. If she listens well and is wise, when she does talk, don't think about what you're going to say next, but listen to her rare words with an open heart.

I enjoyed your junk drawer analogy.

Thanks. And yes, she's great and I think what I do and what we do works for me. As much as anything else, I guess I was curious what other people do... and if there is some consensus about how you're supposed to "do" therapy.  Even having multiple therapists in the family, I honestly, before starting, had most of my ideas from popular culture. 😂

My previous therapy experience a few years ago was really limit - my primary care doc wanted me to see a pain management therapist, and one session in she thought I had a great attitude so we met and just talked personal stuff -mostly about what SHE was going through. So I KNEW that wasn't typical!

Quote...we met and just talked personal stuff -mostly about what SHE was going through. So I KNEW that wasn't typical!

Her talking about her issues might be fairly typical. Years ago, The Atlantic ran a cover story about therapists looking to heal themselves. I think it was called "Wounded Healer."

Before I go to my therapist, I make a checklist of things I want to mention, and then she asks some questions and we go where we go. 

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 16, 2024, 03:11:24 PMHer talking about her issues might be fairly typical. Years ago, The Atlantic ran a cover story about therapists looking to heal themselves. I think it was called "Wounded Healer."

I will google that on the ride to the beach this morning (obviously, I am not driving).

As mentioned, she was a pain management specialist. And we were signed up for 6-sessions via insurance. I did it just to placate my PCP. But literally but midway through the first one, she was like "why are you here?"

So I noticed she had some Stevia drops on her desk and I asked what they were.. and she told me. She was a big woman, and at that point I was 400+ lbs. She told me how she was struggling with her weight, and I said I was kind of thinking of taking another crack at things... and we started talking about stuff... and literally we ended up both kind of motivating each other over the next month.

Although I really got the weight loss thing going, but she had all these family issues going, so after a few weeks I had the weight thing pretty well sorted (seriously - a few weeks and like 10 previous years of trying, so it wasn't "instant") and we spent the rest of the sessions on her. So that's why I am interested in that article.

Ironically, she left to become the head of a department in another hospital.

Sometimes I thought, during our sessions, of talking to her about my "real" issue... and I often wonder if she hadn't left if she would have been to doc to whom I would have originally reached out. I say that because when I was looking for a therapist, I did look her up and tried to contact her via email ... just under the pretense of updating her on my weight loss and all that. But I do wonder if we had connected, would she have been my initial point of contact.

Oh well. Thanks for the article reference. I'll let you know if I track it down!