Oh, Allie, waiting is so hard. Maybe your world will shift. Maybe not. I still have friends who knew me way back when. 

QuoteAlthough I don't imagine I'm going to enjoy the meal much.

^This^ breaks my heart. I don't believe in platitudes. I wince at the thought of assuring you that everything will be fine because no one knows and least of all your Internet pals who've never met you and your family. If pressed to guess, I'm guessing that all will be well. Your son wasn't raised to hate. Your son loves you. I'm guessing you'll gain another ally, but like you, we won't know until it happens. I wish Saturday were right now.

Oh dear, O&C, I suppose nothing can be taken for granted... but "hate" isn't something I really have on my worry list.

It's more along the line of disappointment, I suppose. The idea of letting him down, of making his life more complicated when he's at an age when he's working so hard to establish his career and his place in the world... all that kind of stuff.

I absolutely expect, as does my wife, that it may well take him some time to process it... and he could have questions, and maybe he will react in ways unexpected, at first. All of those are in the cauldron of witches brew that will not pair well with the sushi I'll be downing in copious amounts at the birthday celebration dinner on Saturday.

He and I just sat and chatted for couple of hours and it was wonderful, as always. So long as that bond remains when the dust settles, along with my wife's support, I'm good to go regardless of what else is next.

Hey Allie,

I have said this before in my own blog-- transition is a leap of faith, followed by another leap of faith, and another... and yup, a few more after that. Sometimes you land on your feet, sometimes you have to dust yourself off. You are going to get this done. what seems like a huge leap might be smaller than you think. I mean Mrs Allie raised him too..

You have every right to feel nervous. You have so many plusses. You might land on your feet, you seem to have a knack for that. Maybe your family needs time and that's ok too.

and you know what? it'll all settle, you, Mrs Allie, and son will be great. Then you get to go on to the next moment in your story and take another leap...

you and family got this. enjoy that dinner.

Jenn

Morning all -

A little maudlin and reflective on my birthday today. I have never cared much about celebrating my birthday to begin with, so the idea of my "special day" always elicits an eye roll from me.

But even so, we have a tradition here... and I woke up to my wife having put up the "Happy Birthday" sign in the kitchen and hung up a bunch of balloon ... plus a lovely card. I've had calls, texts, FaceTimes and emails from my sisters, lots of my friends... and I haven't even looked at Facebook yet.

And yet... I can't help but think only one thing - how much different will all this be NEXT year? How many of these same people will still be around? Will still be as enthusiastic. Like I said, I could really care less about the birthday thing... but the contrast between this year and next, I think even I would have a hard time not noticing that.

But really, all is good. My wife and I will go out to one of our favorite spots for dinner tonight (fish tacos - you know... no meat during Lent (we aren't very religious but yet, for some reason, this is something she's always done so... it's something I now "always" do...). 

And then tomorrow is sushi and telling the boy.

Hi Allie

This is just another happy birthday but a more rare one.  This one comes all the way from down under, it has traveled a long way to get to you.

All that happens on mine is just a few text messages or a phone call.  "Just another day"[1]

I'm cheering from down here and hopping all goes well with your son.

Take care and all the best for the future

Best Wishes, Hugs and have a great day.
Sarah B
@imallie
[1] "Just Another Day", from "Fifty First Dates" by Paul McCartney

Thanks so much Sarah! 😘

Hi Allie

Quote from: imallie on February 23, 2024, 10:22:00 AMThanks so much Sarah! 😘

You are more than welcome.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

QuoteAnd yet... I can't help but think only one thing - how much different will all this be NEXT year? How many of these same people will still be around? Will still be as enthusiastic. Like I said, I could really care less about the birthday thing... but the contrast between this year and next, I think even I would have a hard time not noticing that.

You are brave and true to wonder and worry. I find many/most people pooh-pooh mortality. They look away from the changes that time and aging bring and few of these changes are good. And many pretend that wisdom, sometimes/mostly imagined, offsets the losses. Talk to really old people and they'll tell you that a big, sad component of their lives are the funerals. Plus, I already realize that I'm half a ghost, that I can approach young people and be unseen.

However, your transition, unlike aging, won't just take and take. It will give too, to you and to the ones who slowly realize you've been living in an exoskeleton that you've needed to shuck for decades. I just got off the phone with a girlfriend and we made plans to meet. I'm meeting a couple more gal pals tomorrow morning. I treasure my female friends and how we're free to talk about the things that matter to us. I also treasure how tender men can be toward me. So, yes, there will likely be losses, but there will be gains too.

Already half a ghost.  How true!
Two strikes for those youngsters against us.  Boomer, say no more, and over 60.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 23, 2024, 11:26:58 AMYou are brave and true to wonder and worry. I find many/most people pooh-pooh mortality. They look away from the changes that time and aging bring and few of these changes are good. And many pretend that wisdom, sometimes/mostly imagined, offsets the losses. Talk to really old people and they'll tell you that a big, sad component of their lives are the funerals. Plus, I already realize that I'm half a ghost, that I can approach young people and be unseen.

However, your transition, unlike aging, won't just take and take. It will give too, to you and to the ones who slowly realize you've been living in an exoskeleton that you've needed to shuck for decades. I just got off the phone with a girlfriend and we made plans to meet. I'm meeting a couple more gal pals tomorrow morning. I treasure my female friends and how we're free to talk about the things that matter to us. I also treasure how tender men can be toward me. So, yes, there will likely be losses, but there will be gains too.

Sounds like such a wonderful, life you've carved out.  ❤️

When we were at dinner, I got a few texts from some friends I hadn't heard from in ages... it was really nice.

And so it spurred me to tell my wife what I was thinking. About how, it's nice that all these people are reaching out this year... but it'll be interesting to see who does and who does not next year.

She paused... looked at me, and said simply:

"->-bleeped-<- 'em"

Love her to death.

Hope you had a wonderful birthday dinner

Ellen

QuoteShe paused... looked at me, and said simply:

"->-bleeped-<- 'em"

Love her to death.

What.

a.

woman.

Good Morning Allie,

Sounds like today is the day and while I know first hand the anxiety you are feeling I am confident that today will go well. 

Why?  Because I feel certain your son has inherited your's and your wife's loving and compassionate manner. There will be some questions, maybe some moments of silence but eventually you two will return to debating the relative merits of otoro versus akami. 

Big Hugs Allie, you are going to do great!

Brooke 

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 24, 2024, 08:11:30 AMGood Morning Allie,

Sounds like today is the day and while I know first hand the anxiety you are feeling I am confident that today will go well. 

Why?  Because I feel certain your son has inherited your's and your wife's loving and compassionate manner. There will be some questions, maybe some moments of silence but eventually you two will return to debating the relative merits of otoro versus akami. 

Big Hugs Allie, you are going to do great!

Brooke 

Thanks Brooke!

Yes, today is the day.

In a weird way... because of all the stress that we went through on Thursday on the failure to launch day, I feel like ... maybe this will be easier? Probably not in the moment, but at least now, about 10 hours before it will happen, I don't yet feel stressed.

We still have a bunch of things that are good to do today:

My wife and I are going to our favorite Pho restaurant for lunch.

My beloved Mets have their first spring training game on TV (they have yet to be eliminated from contention yet...)

And then the boy should arrive around 4:30, as we have a 5 pm dinner res.  After dinner we'll come back here for presents and "the talk."

Fingers crossed.

Love,
Allie

P.S.
You left out chutoro. 😘. One of the greatest things about this omakase we did this summer was the sushi chef prepared a "flight" of tuna pieces for us, in order from least to fattiest, akami, chutoro and otoro. You could really see/taste the big differences having them back-to-back-to-back like that.

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:54:43 AMMy beloved Mets have their first spring training game on TV (they have yet to be eliminated from contention yet...)

Love this! 

Two phrases you will NEVER hear in Washington State:
    1.  "you know, I'm just not really into flannel"

    2.  "that's it folks, the Mariners just won the World Series".


A friend of mine and I were enjoying our weekly sushi lunch and on a whim he stepped outside of his standard order and went with some otoro nigiri.  After one piece he decided it was not his vibe and offered the remainder to me.  I found it absolutely amazing!  Score!  There's a sushi place I frequent in Anchorage that offers an excellent menu of grades of salmon.  Their King Salmon (Masunosuke?) is to die for, pretty much the salmon version of otoro.  So good. I can (and I have tried) to eat my weight in sushi. 


Have a great day Allie, I eagerly await an update! 


Brooke

What Brooke said because Brooke nailed it.

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 24, 2024, 09:23:41 AMLove this! 

Two phrases you will NEVER hear in Washington State:
    1.  "you know, I'm just not really into flannel"

    2.  "that's it folks, the Mariners just won the World Series".


A friend of mine and I were enjoying our weekly sushi lunch and on a whim he stepped outside of his standard order and went with some otoro nigiri.  After one piece he decided it was not his vibe and offered the remainder to me.  I found it absolutely amazing!  Score!  There's a sushi place I frequent in Anchorage that offers an excellent menu of grades of salmon.  Their King Salmon (Masunosuke?) is to die for, pretty much the salmon version of otoro.  So good. I can (and I have tried) to eat my weight in sushi. 


Have a great day Allie, I eagerly await an update! 


Brooke

Sure looked like they were going to get there in 2001..

Allie,

I'm glad baseball is back regardless of the team. Glad you're getting the chance to enjoy the Mets via tv. Hugs

Mariah

Well... THAT happened. 

For those who are tired of my incessant ramblings ... I'll just say: "success"
For those who prefer their information even more condensed: 

For those willing to tolerate my typical, well, "me-ness"... strap in...

Dinner was great. As mentioned earlier, even before he arrived I said to my wife I felt like there was something to this idea that Thursday's dry run had literally sucked the nervousness and stress from the marrow of my bones. There was nothing left.

I expected it to return during dinner, but thankfully, it did not.

At one point during dinner, however, the boy mentioned that his plans later this evening were to visit with some local high school friends and then do his food shopping on the way home. I didn't really bump on that, other that I felt a twinge of guilt if our discussion was going to blow up his plans. At least it wasn't some big scheduled thing.

Still, when we got back to the house and my wife and I started to walk inside, he made a "tsk" sound and followed that with a long "oooookayyyyy...."

I immediately realized his plans were to head DIRECTLY TO his friends' place now, without coming inside. This was the aborted Christmas week plans, Thursday's late arrival, and all other "failures to launch" over the last 4-5 months all over again.

And I think, were I nervous, I would have welcomed the reprieve from the Governor. But instead I said "No, come in for a few minutes for dessert. Even if you're too full to eat it. Mom got stuff, so come in."

So in he came. My wife shot me a look which said "Nicely done" or "I would have bet a million dollars you were not going to do that". I prefer think it was the former.

Once in, we all sat on the couch, with no pretense of dessert... and I began. All I had scripted in my head was the first line. I thought "I need to TELL you something..." seemed too parental and scolding, and also a bit foreboding. So, instead I went with "I want to SHARE something with you..."  It brings him in.... instantly makes him PART of the whole thing.

I was really proud of that. My wife thought it was really good too. Not as good as I did, but, good nonetheless.

Yeah, it was a complete failure.

As soon as I got "share" out... his eyes opened as wide as dinner plates.  I think if I had to tell him to THAT expression... there was no way it was going to work.

So the next thing that came out of my mouth, with all love and compassion (swear to God) was "Stop doing that with your face" 

I told him no one is dying, no one is sick or injured, nothing is wrong, mom and I great... everything is good... so, again, please stop doing that with your face.

Once he complied, I said, matter-of-factly that I was trans.

His face did not go back to the big-eyed state.

What followed was just 45 minutes of him telling me how much he loved me and supported me and that I had nothing to apologize for... I told him the brief history of the last 4-5 years: starting therapy, telling his mom.... electrolysis, hormones, etc. Got him up to speed with what's been going on and where things stand.  He asked about pronouns, what he should call me (I said there's one person in the whole world who calls me dad - that will never change)... and he asked if I had any doubt he'd be fine with it? I told him I was more concerned about the burden I was placing on him... and he was good with it.

My wife talked about how he obviously will need time to process it, but how good we are, and he asked more about if there were any concerns with my health.. and what about future procedures, did THOSE bring with them any risks, and he just wanted to be in the loop on health things.

Then we all talked about next steps for telling family and such.

I said I'd really like him to be able to talk to his friends about this, but I think until we tell our siblings, that needs to wait. And he understood. His best friend's sister is non-binary so he'd really like to speak with him... but he knows it makes sense to wait.

We talked about a lot more. We hugged. We kept telling him to go to his friends, but he kept staying.

None of us wanted birthday dessert (still too full from dinner).

After a while, he wanted one more hug, and while we were embracing, I leaned in to him, and whispered softly to him "A birthday card would have killed you?"

He laughed, broke the hug, hugged his mom and said his goodbyes.

So yeah... THAT happened.

Love,
Allie

Oh heck, I forgot to share this little tidbit. I still honestly can't believe it, but, nonetheless, it happened.

During dinner I got up to use the restroom.

Although the wife and I had been to this restaurant twice before, neither of us had used the bathrooms, so we weren't certain where they were. But, you know, we had an idea.

So I wandered to the general vicinity, and the head waiter saw me, and I asked him where the restroom was.

He said "right this way.." (which was a bit annoying, instead of just pointing)

So he led me down the corridor, and the proceeded to open and hold the door for me.

It was only after I was inside that I realized... hey.. this is the women's room.

Now, it was just a single, so it wasn't that big of a deal (meaning no one else was there). And maybe the men's room was out of order and that's why he did it? But when I came out he wasn't keeping watch or anything.

Because of everything going on last night it all just sort of felt like one more clown cramming into the tiny car. But upon reflection... it was both cool and weird. The very obvious lack of hair atop my head at present makes it just hard to quite understand.

After the dust settled of telling our son, I did share this story with both my wife and our son, by the way. They both agreed it was really cool AND weird. LOL

Glad to hear everything went really well, Allie! More than just well, I'd dare to say. This was a very important items on your checklist and I am sure you are glad to see it checked.

Hugs,

Heidemarie