Today was a crappy day all around.
I mean, it started with a walk on the beach, and brunch with family... all that was wonderful.
But found out this morning that my cousin passed. We were told Friday night it was any time now. His battle with Parkinson's was at an end. Despite having a big family, we only have three cousins. We didn't see them a lot, and our aunt and uncle were kind of jealous of our parents so they seemed to pit them against us in weird ways... but whenever it was just us, we all got along just fine.
And with their parents aging (and one having past) they had been reaching out more in recent years to do group gathers and such. It was nice. So like I said, sad.
But, and it's just a little thing, but it's also disheartening for me. Every time I think I'm making progress in my struggle against being a serial people pleaser, I take steps back. I get sucked into someone else's drama... let them take up all the oxygen in the room, and do nothing but try to solve their issues, remaining silent on what is happening in my life.
My therapist talks about how important the status of things are prior to transition as predictive of success during transition. Because my relationship with my wife and son was so strong, it made it more likely they would be ok with things. But my not being able to stop doing this, I think could get magnified if I don't nip it in the bud.
I keep thinking I'm doing a good job working on it. Instead I'm simply working on it.
Love,
Allie