Since this is a self-funded plan and the insurance company is only acting as a plan administrator, is there a chance to reach out to your HR department and start discussions about including trans health care?

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on March 07, 2024, 10:01:22 AMSince this is a self-funded plan and the insurance company is only acting as a plan administrator, is there a chance to reach out to your HR department and start discussions about including trans health care?

Nope. HR is the biggest bigot & gossip in the building. I'd walk toward a plague before heading in her direction.

I reached out to our new GM. I've known him for years. Real new, as in, less than a week. Whether he has influence over it or it's a decision made by the owner remains to be seen.  At this point, I have no hopeful feelings left.  I expect to be stuck this way and, since I live in Florida, I fully expect to end up arrested at some point and incarcerated just for being me.

Beware of the bathroom police, Faith. 
Keep the ...ahh, Faith??
Hang in there girl.
Hugs Gina

Quote from: Faith on March 07, 2024, 10:18:04 AMAt this point, I have no hopeful feelings left.  I expect to be stuck this way and, since I live in Florida, I fully expect to end up arrested at some point and incarcerated just for being me.

I just want to say that didn't fall on deaf ears. I don't have answers, just tears and profound sadness.


~Jenn

Quote from: Faith on March 07, 2024, 10:18:04 AMI expect to be stuck this way and, since I live in Florida, I fully expect to end up arrested at some point and incarcerated just for being me.

Faith, I am sorry that you are facing these obstacles.  I hope it doesn't get that bad.  Stay strong.

I mean this in the most supportive way, I don't think there is a great chance of you being arrested for being you.  Are you "out"?  If you don't come out, unless you are breaking into cars or robbing liquor stores, your odds of being arrested (even in Florida), are low. 

I am thinking that you are just frustrated and worst case thinking.  I do that a lot, so, I think I recognize it.  To satisfy my curiosity, what do you anticipate you might be arrested for?  Are you in the closet?  You said you hadn't told HR, so I assume you aren't out at work.  Do you go out dressed appropriately for your gender?  Or, always presenting as people expect you to?

Quote from: REM.1126 on March 08, 2024, 11:56:29 AMI mean this in the most supportive way, I don't think there is a great chance of you being arrested for being you.  Are you "out"?  If you don't come out, unless you are breaking into cars or robbing liquor stores, your odds of being arrested (even in Florida), are low. 

I am thinking that you are just frustrated and worst case thinking.  I do that a lot, so, I think I recognize it.  To satisfy my curiosity, what do you anticipate you might be arrested for?  Are you in the closet?  You said you hadn't told HR, so I assume you aren't out at work.  Do you go out dressed appropriately for your gender?  Or, always presenting as people expect you to?

The problem isn't "is it likely"; the problem is "is it possible". When you have to worry what places you are legal in, you have lost significant freedom.

@REM.1126

If I am asked to leave the ladies room and refuse, I can be arrested.  No matter the IDs I have, they can look up historical reference to see the name and gender/sex marker changes. Everything has been updated, including my birth cert.  Surgery is my last step.

I've been out, full time, for over 6 years. public, work, home  ....

no, I am not closeted, never was, never will be (except when I was to myself, does that count?)
I am also not stealth, too many people know me from before. I don't advertise it to new people, that's all.

I did not say I hadn't told HR  .. of course they know .. I said that she is the biggest bigot in the building and I will not go to talk with her. Everyone, literally everyone, at work knows I am trans. I've worked here 15 years and transitioned ~6 years ago.

I don't own any "men's clothes" I don't even own any that look like men's clothes. To clarify, I mean "men's" in the sense of what most people expect.  Present as they expect?  If I did that I'd be wearing old grandma flowery prints and crap like that, no thanks.  If that's what you (not you specifically, you in general) like, that's great, it's not me.

If attaching works, you'll see two different legs down photos and one top - different days and times though.



It's not easy getting a full length shot

I think you are beautiful, and you dress appropriately. Your make-up is not "over the top". If I saw you on the street looking as I see you in the photos, I would never guess you are trans. If they don't know you and you don't tell them, I doubt they would even be able to guess.
90% of the things we worry about never happen. Just be yourself. I know it is difficult when people know us from before (especially seeing them every day at work). One of the reasons I moved away from friends and family was to get a fresh start. Not everyone can do that, I know. I feel for ya.

Hugs!

Lori

Thing is, as I've posted, I've already been confronted and threatened about using the ladies room .. this is at a place I've been frequenting for years and also while I was wearing a nice dancing dress and while dancing with two other women.

It can happen, it has happened, it can get worse.

I am so sorry to hear that.
The psychologist who did my initial diagnosis commented, "It should never be difficult for someone to just be themselves." It sucks that there are so many small-minded people in our society.

Hugs!

Quote from: Jenn104 on March 08, 2024, 12:23:40 PMThe problem isn't "is it likely"; the problem is "is it possible". When you have to worry what places you are legal in, you have lost significant freedom.

The list of highly improbable things that are possible is approaching the infinite.  If you are going to fret over everything bad that could possibly happen, without regard to probability, we could be forced to endure almost anything.  You could possibly lobotomize 99% of the population and use computer implants to control them like bio-robots using the next generation of neurolink.  It isn't very likely.

Quote from: Faith on March 08, 2024, 12:29:56 PM@REM.1126

If I am asked to leave the ladies room and refuse, I can be arrested.  No matter the IDs I have, they can look up historical reference to see the name and gender/sex marker changes. Everything has been updated, including my birth cert.  Surgery is my last step.

I've been out, full time, for over 6 years. public, work, home  ....

no, I am not closeted, never was, never will be (except when I was to myself, does that count?)
I am also not stealth, too many people know me from before. I don't advertise it to new people, that's all.

I did not say I hadn't told HR  .. of course they know .. I said that she is the biggest bigot in the building and I will not go to talk with her. Everyone, literally everyone, at work knows I am trans. I've worked here 15 years and transitioned ~6 years ago.

I don't own any "men's clothes" I don't even own any that look like men's clothes. To clarify, I mean "men's" in the sense of what most people expect.  Present as they expect?  If I did that I'd be wearing old grandma flowery prints and crap like that, no thanks.  If that's what you (not you specifically, you in general) like, that's great, it's not me.

If attaching works, you'll see two different legs down photos and one top - different days and times though.



It's not easy getting a full length shot

That is a reasonable concern.  I didn't realize that you had transitioned completely and were only forgoing GRS.  I understand your concern now. 

Quote from: REM.1126 on March 09, 2024, 01:02:05 PMThe list of highly improbable things that are possible is approaching the infinite.  If you are going to fret over everything bad that could possibly happen, without regard to probability, we could be forced to endure almost anything.  You could possibly lobotomize 99% of the population and use computer implants to control them like bio-robots using the next generation of neurolink.  It isn't very likely.

I don't feel my sense of probabilities is misplaced.

If you could be thrown in jail for a year, for going five miles over the speed limit, would it change your driving habits? Maybe you'd think going 40 in a 35 wasn't worth it, even if the probability of getting caught was small. How about one mile an hour over? Think about an everyday thing you do suddenly having an artificial restriction with a penalty out of proportion.

Bathrooms are about gender, not about sex. Everyone has a right, in my opinion, to go in a gender aligned space and not be afraid that if they are clocked they are liable to arrest. How likely one is to be arrested is completely irrelevant. Passing and the bathroom are disconnected. Laws resticting bathroom use are designed to strip us of dignity as well as curtail our right to exist in public.

"how likely" has no place in vigorously definding our rights.

~Jenn

The question "how likely" isn't irrelevant in defending rights, but it also isn't primary.  I agree that one should defend all their rights to their utmost ability.  We all choose our battles, and in a world of limited resources, triage is wise.  Therefore, a highly improbable infringement is not as relevant as an entirely likely infringement.

But, I was never suggesting that anyone "not defend their rights because punishment was improbable.  I was suggesting that she if the probability of harm is low, that she would be wise not to spend a lot of energy worrying about it. 

But, Faith has brought information to my attention that makes it probable enough that she might suffer harm.  Therefore, I was mistaken in my belief that she wouldn't likely suffer harm.  As I said above, I now understand her concern. 

Should my understanding matter to anyone else?  Maybe not.  But, I do appreciate having information that she based her concerns on brought to my attention.  It helped me understand her concerns.

I think we can let that direction of topic drop. Assumptions can and will be made when dealing with text discourse. As long as clarification is made and accepted, it's time to move on.

Nobody's scenario is the same, their safety and security issues differ wildly. Let's accept the fact that if someone feels threatened or unsafe, there is probably a good reason for it without having to get details.

I am investigating going to Canada for surgery. GrS Montréal.

Contact is in early process, however, they did respond quickly with all information required, packets to fill out, and they gave a price up front.

** crossing fingers **

Good for you. I hope all works out. Good luck with the GRS paperwork.
Hugs Gina

Shifting away from my other topic.

Had band practice last night. I've been struggling with playing, severe wrist pain in both hands. Neck and shoulder pain as well. It made playing properly very difficult. On top of that, I'm trying to put songs together to sing. I've been stuck at two songs for a while now. Not that I can't sing, its that I have difficulty singing in front of friends and family, on stage is not an issue. But, you can't sing it on stage if the band can't rehearse it.

Last night I played well, minimal stiffness and pain and picked up two more songs.  "Proud Mary" (meh song overall but people like it) and "It's Only Make Believe" (Conway Twitty version). I really like that one and I shocked the guys by doing it. Guitar player was like, "You won't hear this often but .. you'll need to back off the mic when you sing that, you're too loud".  It's true, I talk and sing very soft. But not that song.

I might actually look forward to Saturday's show.