Hi everyone! As you know my name is Rachel. I am a 46yo tg. From earliest memory I am in fact female but was born with male parts. I have always dressed. As a child I dressed ofton and was caught a number of times. I always prefered to play with Barbies than with toy trucks and guns. Growing up I had to hide my desire to be female but dressed when ever I could. I dated girls but ofton had crushes on other boys. I joined the Navy after high school thinking that I could give up my desire to be a woman but found myself seeking out the tg community in San Diego. For a time I lived as female at night with my boyfriend. He left me for a man. I was just a kink for him. I have not dated a man since although I have had sexual relations with a number of men but much more prefer gg's or tg's. I have been engaged to marry several times but could never do it as I have always felt that I could never be honest. As of January I have been seeing a therapist in hope of transitioning to fulltime woman. I hoped to go on HRT but due to HIV infection the chance of doing such is next to none as I was told that doing such could have dire effects on my health. As of now my therapist (she is such a dear) and I are working on how I can balance both worlds and not be depressed. In the past I tried suicide several times as I have been dealing with being tg all my life and it has been so lonely being me.

 Hello Rachel,   I am also 46 yo tg born with male parts. I too would dress like a girl when ever I could and got caught a number of times. Like you I had to keep my desire's in the closet for much of my life. I grew up as a male and for a time I played with matchbox cars and had a few male friends but later I lost interest with them instead prefering to be with girls. I once dated  a girl for a while but it didn't work out to well. I keept trying to be like a girl instead of a boy dating a girl and it freaked her out. I played with my sisters barbies secrectly when I could. I went thru periods of depression because I couldnt fully express my feminine side. For a time I would shave myself of hair then my feelings would die out a little but it was always in my mind. Now in my mid life my desire's of wanting to be a woman have come back. I'm not seeing a therepist yet but hope to find one soon so I can talk about this. For now I seam to balance between a male and female. I shave my legs,arms,chest, I love the feel of clear skin. I always hated hair on me execpt my head. I have only recently been seeking out tg community to help me understand my feelings. One day I hope to fully transistion. For now I have to take it slow. I undertand the lonelyness you are having. I have been lonely all my life. Sorry to hear of your HIV infection. I wish the best for you.

Owen
love being female