Hi everyone,

This is my new blog about my life as a 70 year old widow. Although I always wished I was a woman, I lived as a man until my sixties. I had a loving wife for 40 years until I lost her to cancer 3 years ago today. It was hard for her but she did learn to accept me as the women I always was. She even selected my new name of Ellen. God, do I miss her.

Ellen

Since unfortunately so much has been lost I thought I summarize parts of what was in my blog. In this post I will cover my timeline.

After graduating collage and starting my first job in 1976 I lived alone for a short time. During that time, I started looking in transitioning. I bought a number of dresses and other women's cloths and wigs. I tried going out (very unsuccessfully) and became very depressed. I reached as much as I could about the subject. But as we all know at that time it was not much on the subject and a lot of it was very negative. I gave up ever living as the woman I knew I was.

In 1979, I met the love of my life. I told her about my past and even showed her my clothes. We both honestly thought it was a phase and my feelings would change being married. For years it did, but what I now know as gender Dysphoria came back. For a long time, my GD was the 800-pound gorilla in the middle of our relationship. However, I loved her so much that I kept pushing my feelings and needs down for her sake and our marriage.

In 2007 I took a job working remotely. This allowed me a little room to experiment with my gender presentation. I started to let my hair grow and stopped wearing ties and other very masculine clothes.

In 2010 we purchased the cabin in Big Bear, and then my transition really took off. Although Diane was reluctant, she allowed me to start wearing feminine tops while in Big Bear. This felt very freeing to me. I loved it when someone addressed us as "ladies" FYI, Diane hated that. In Big Bear I was a woman and back at home I was the husband. We did the dance of ignoring the issue of my GD for years. Finally, I decided to see a therapist.

I started HRT in 2018 and transitioned at work. In January 2019 I legally changed my name to Ellen. All of this with Diane's approval. We decided together that I would have minimum depth surgrey.  After scheduling my GCS for January 2021, her cancer came back and she died 3 weeks before my surgery. I was about to cancel it but one of her nieces said not to as she would want me to be happy.

In late 2021 I had BA and this past October I had revision surgery to create a vaginal canal. 

Ellen

Quote from: EllenW on January 04, 2024, 11:09:58 AMHi everyone,

This is my new blog about my life as a 70 year old widow. Although I always wished I was a woman, I lived as a man until my sixties. I had a loving wife for 40 years until I lost her to cancer 3 years ago today. It was hard for her but she did learn to accept me as the women I always was. She even selected my new name of Ellen. God, do I miss her.

Ellen

Hugs Ellen!

As a widow myself I know that last feeling...  Cancer sucks... I hope you are finding your new path as I have- never forgetting, but taking one day at a time one step at a time.

Hugs!!

Caela

I live in fear of losing my love.  She's had 2 bouts with that infernal disease.  The first in her mid 20's, and again in her 50's.  The latest round of surgeries ended in August.  The suppression meds continue.

I'm so glad you continued on with your journey!  It ain't over yet, my dear.

Welcome back Ellen! I remember reading your story. I can't imagine the emotional turmoil you must have experienced. I hope you can find someone who brings you joy once again.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Caela, D'Amalie and Jessica Rose

Thank you for your support.

Ellen

I am unable to recover any parts of my old blog. So I thought I summarize some thoughts on my transition. I know that I am lucky in that I have not experienced hostility from family or other that knew me as <deadname>.

However, I do think some have just acknowledged my transition and not really accepted it and a few have embraced it. To me there is a big difference. To me acknowledging it is just the person being polite by not saying anything negative although they may not like it. I think my sisters fall into that category. They will not talk about it but do their best to use the correct pronoun (at times they slip and use he/him) but it is not done out malice but out of habit. 

My neighbors and my co-workers accepted my transition without hesitation. Once they knew, they always use the correct pronouns. I do not recall any miss-gendering me or using my <deadname>. At work I was even invited to join the company's Woman's Network Support group. A number in that group knew me for years as <deadname> so being accepted into a woman's social group was very important to me.

I even have a few friends and relatives that have embraced my transition. They have helped take care of me when I was recovering from my surgeries.  They offer suggestion on my appearance and watch out for me as I navigate the dating world as a single woman.   

Ellen

In one of my last posts in my lost blog, I mentioned that my friend and travel buddy had a stroke. She is doing a lot better now and has regain some movement in her left leg.

However, it started me thinking (again) about long term care insurance. In talking to the insurance agents, they all advised that the cost is higher for women than men as we tend to live longer and need long-term care longer. So, I was surprised that an agent advised that the insurance company determines the rates based on the persons chromosomal makeup. 

Here is an excerpt from the insurance companies underwriting guidelines.

    Transgender/Transsexual
    Completed all gender reassignment surgeries, recovered, no additional surgery planned  - OK
    Treated with hormones, psychotherapy, no gender reassignment surgery planned - OK
    Surgery planned, not completed - Decline

    *Note: premium rate will be based upon chromosomal makeup

So, with the above guidelines, my insurance rate will be about $200 less per month.


Ellen

@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
Reguarding your friend, hopefully she fully recovers from her stroke.

Very interesting what you discovered regarding the insurance
company policy regarding Transgender individuals.

I will be eagerly looking for more of you postings, please
keep your Blog updates coming. 

HUGS, Danielle

The insurance thing is almost certainly based on numbers and experience.  I suppose that suggests that while transitioning can result in increased quality of life, it doesn't add to the long term care cost.  That's actually not all bad.  If you aren't incurring the cost because you are dead at an earlier age, obviously not ideal.  But, we play the cards we are dealt.

I had one of the best Valentin Days ever. Definitely, the best since my wife died. My boyfriend called this morning and asked what my plans were today. He asked if he could come over after my doctor appointment and before my art class. I of course said yes  When he showed up he had chocolate and a card.

I really felt like a woman who is desired. I got a warm and fuzzy feeling.



Ellen

Aww, that was nice Ellen!

Chrissy

@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
You have not posted on your Blog thread for over 2 months.... 
.... along with the rest of your avid followers I am starving for an
update from you. 

Please come back to your blog so that I will stop bugging you about it.

I trust that you are OK, doing well, and having a good year this year.

MANY HUGS, Danielle

@EllenW
Dear Ellen:
In addition to keeping your blog thread updated, please
tell more about your boyfriend .....update?
HUGS, Danielle

Danielle, thank you for reminding me that I have not posted in a while. I have a very wonderful, retired life.

If you remember from my lost blog, I have taken a number of cruises. This year I am booked on three different cruises this year. The first one is in one week. A friend and I are flying to Miami next week and will be on the Norwegian Breakaway for a cruise to the Bahamas. We are celebrating her birthday on aboard the ship. The next cruise is from Quebec to Boston in the fall. The last cruise is around Japan in November.

One of the great things about be retired is that I am able to try different things that I never had the time for. I am currently taking an oil painting class and dance lessons. I have been concentrating during the dance lessons to follow my dance partner instead of leading and learning how to do the turns in heels. A big change from how I used to dance.

As to my boyfriend. We are getting along great. So great that I asked him to move in with me. This is something I never expected to happen after losing Diane after 40 years.

Ellen

I had a wonderful cruise to the Bahamas. My friend and I enjoyed a tour of Nassau.



The only issue was that it was very hot (80F)and humid. So I am very happy to spend the rest of May and Memorial Day up at my cabin in Big Bear, CA. Where the days are cool and the lake is full.



Ellen

Great pics! Thanks for sharing.

I love the Big Bear area.

I grew up in Hinkley, near Barstow, and we often went camping at Big Bear. Loved fishing the lake.

I thought it was about time to update my blog. I do not post to my blog very often as I live a relatively quiet life as a 70-year-old widow. I am enjoying my new life that I have created since Diane's death and my GCS.

I have gone through the five stages of grieving after losing the love of my life, my wife of 40 years, to cancer the same month that I had my GCS. I still miss her, especially around our anniversary (Aug. 8th) and her birthday (Dec. 21st). It did take a long time to get out of the depression stage and learn to accept that the rest of my life will be without her.

I am staying active by volunteering my time at Laura's House. A charity that provides emergency shelter and counseling to victims of domestic abuse.  I spend several hours a week at their re-sell store. I also help at their major events like this past week's charity golf tournament, where we raised over $200,000.

I am still planning on doing a lot of traveling. I leave for Quebec on the 10th. Where I will board the Norwegian Gem for a cruise out the Saint Lawrence Seaway and then down the Canadian/US coast ending in Boston. I am cruising solo on this trip. However, on my next cruise I will be traveling with my boyfriend. We have booked a transatlantic cruise next January. We sail from Miami to Portugal, Spain and France finishing up in the UK.

I am very happy that my boyfriend has moved in with me. We enjoy a lot of the same things, like getting up early on Sunday morning to watch the F1 Italian Grand Prix this morning. Go FERRARI   We really enjoy each other's company.

Ellen

Thank you for sharing, Ellen.

I lost my second wife to liver disease, and like you found a good friend to help me through it. She ended up being ex-wife number three, but that was all pre-transition back then.

Your travel plans sound very exciting. If you feel so inclined, please share photos of your journeys to visit other countries. Some of us haven't been out of the US in decades, some maybe never. We can live vicariously through your trips.

Good luck and safe journeys.

@EllenW
Dear Ellen:

I am wishing YOU a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY
                                                            

Have a wonderful day of Birthday Celebrations on your "special day" Monday, December 9th


          What are your plans for your Birthday? 
                Dinner out with friends and family?
                      Cake?  Candles?  Special trip?

    On your Birthday, check your profile for a special gift...
                             

HUGS, and my best wishes,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]