Hey ☺️honestly everyone has been so lovely and wonderful here ☺️

My biggest worry with talking with a therapist is when I read everyone else story the vast majority seem to remember what sticks out for them at certain ages I.e. started to wear feminine clothes at 15. But whilst I remember things I can't remember the order they came in or what age.

So like i remember when I was younger I remember three things (I remember wayyyy more but this just for the example): 1. brushing my sisters hair 100 times so it would become shiny and being jealous I didn't have long hair like her and wearing her school uniform, 2. watching billy Elliott in school and seeing the cross dresser child (I've only watched it once so I could be using the wrong pronouns but it was the scene where billy meets his mate outside of school and finds them in a dress applying makeup) and walking home fast to try on women's clothes, and 3. Going to sleep most nights wishing (even upon a star in hopes it might come true) I'd wake up as a girl from school.

I remember these three things clear as day but if you were to ask me what age I was or what order they happened (I know the first was defo first though) I wouldn't be able to tell you and I just get worried thinking that shouldn't I know the ages these things happened?

Honestly I didn't even think of that when I chose it but it's a great coincidence 😂

Honestly at the minute I'm still kind of nervous that something I do or say will get me outed somehow (which I know is silly) but I'm slowly getting there especially reading other peoples threads and seeing how great everyone is with one another ❤️❤️

Hi Helen,

Don't worry so much about the details. I am a retired Hypnotherapist and I can assure you that when something happens is not all that important. Therapists know what questions to ask to get the information they need to figure things out. It won't be an interrogation with you sweating under a bright light saying you can't remember. It is more like a casual conversation with a new friend.

For example, you might remember brushing your sister's hair. It doesn't matter when that happened. But maybe while describing the scene you will remember how old she was at the time. Then that reminds you how old you were then. If you can't remember any of it, don't worry. It isn't a test. It is just chatting about things that bother you, or asking questions about things you are still learning.

You'll be okay. Trust me.

Hi Helen

Quote from: Helen994 on June 17, 2024, 05:47:00 AMHey ☺️honestly everyone has been so lovely and wonderful here ☺️

That's good to hear, Susan's is a place where one can be supported with care and understanding.

Quote from: Helen994 on June 17, 2024, 05:47:00 AMMy biggest worry with talking with a therapist is when I read everyone else story the vast majority seem to remember what sticks out for them at certain ages I.e. started to wear feminine clothes at 15. But whilst I remember things I can't remember the order they came in or what age.

There are a couple of my memories that I'm not sure when they happened, however I know they happened and the number of times when these memories occurred they are small in number.  Time is a factor and unless you meticulously recorded your thoughts and feelings down in a personal diary of some description.  Then those memories will become a little vague.

Quote from: Helen994 on June 17, 2024, 05:47:00 AMSo like i remember when I was younger I remember three things (I remember wayyyy more but this just for the example): 1. brushing my sisters hair 100 times so it would become shiny and being jealous I didn't have long hair like her and wearing her school uniform, 2. watching billy Elliott in school and seeing the cross dresser child (I've only watched it once so I could be using the wrong pronouns but it was the scene where billy meets his mate outside of school and finds them in a dress applying makeup) and walking home fast to try on women's clothes, and 3. Going to sleep most nights wishing (even upon a star in hopes it might come true) I'd wake up as a girl from school.

I remember my 'first thought' on being different.  I was standing in front of a pile of clothing and I was saying to myself, I wanted to find something that was female clothing so that I could wear it.  I did look through the pile, but did not find anything. So I moved on, I was about four or five at the time.    The 'second thought' I was around eight and I wanted to wear the girls uniform.

Its just recently I remembered another thought and it could be related to whom I am.  I was out in the playground and I was thinking should I go and play with the boys or out on the field, however, I remained on the playground (asphalt) and just watch the girls play their games.

Playing with the girls although I wanted too, that was not going to happen.    This thought was around about when I was eight and at the same school.  However to put these two thoughts into precise chronological order is not going to happen, as too much time has passed.

However, I sensed and realised that I had to keep quite about these thoughts, I don't know why,  I guess my survival instincts were kicking in so to speak and why I do not saying anything about my personal thoughts in regards to this matter.

I just did and I still do to this day, I do not tell anyone about myself, even doctors unless it's absolutely necessary.  My family eventually found out, not by me and none of my friends or colleagues now about me and that is the way it will remain.  That is one of the reasons why I have never had any problems living my life.

Quote from: Helen994 on June 17, 2024, 05:47:00 AMI remember these three things clear as day but if you were to ask me what age I was or what order they happened (I know the first was defo first though) I wouldn't be able to tell you and I just get worried thinking that shouldn't I know the ages these things happened?

Honestly I didn't even think of that when I chose it but it's a great coincidence 😂

My suggestion is start writing them down and try and put them into chronological order as far as possible and while you are doing this and thinking about it, more than likely you will remember more and maybe when they may have occurred.

Quote from: Helen994 on June 17, 2024, 05:47:00 AMHonestly at the minute I'm still kind of nervous that something I do or say will get me outed somehow (which I know is silly) but I'm slowly getting there especially reading other peoples threads and seeing how great everyone is with one another ❤️❤️

Honestly, I would say nothing, unless you feel very comfortable in doing so.  However, once something is revealed then you have no control over what happens to that piece of information once
it is revealed.

You are welcome, hearing other members stories allows you to make a decision that is best for you and you only and hopefully makes you happy as well.

Take care and all the best

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Helen994

Heyyyy, sorry for the late reply I've been really run down recently.

I'm defo going to be writing down all the memories I can think of and trying to order them but do you ever get worried about false memories?? Liek I've spoken to my cousin about things when we're younger and the version of both our events were fully different so I'm worried what if I'm wrong about my memories?

Helen, 
  What a wonderful name, that was my grandmothers name. Having been trans my whole life but hiding it, I was thinking about the memories thing. Early memories of wanting to be a girl are vague for me though I new it was at an early age. Then the teen years of wanting this so bad and being told its wrong by society. The battle raged most of my life. I would go to bed each night hoping I would wake up as a girl. There were times I would fight the feelings for weeks on end only to enjoy the warm fantasy of being a girl again. So much turmoil in my mind! I became a grumpy work acholic. When I finally came out and started transitioning at 60, there was such a huge relief of not hiding my true self anymore. We all have our ways of trying to cope with GD. Mine was HRT and surgery, now I have to get a new bed time wish as this one came true!
Hugs Gina