Hi everyone. I think everyone transitions for very different reasons but I think the core of it is very simply just authenticity.

If you're not living a life that's authentic to you then it's not a life worth living. That's just how I feel about it but what do you think the main reason we transition is?

I believe it is a quest to finally experience love and connection.. if we have never shown our true self to others, we have never been loved... How can we experience love without putting our true face out to the world to be loved for the attributes of our true essence?... transition can put us at a place in our own life that offers us a path towards experiencing love and connection... by making ourself known to others.🌻

Onward We Go Brave Friends,

Ashley 💕

I did not know what issues dysphoria was causing me in my life. My first reaction was that this could not be an accurate diagnosis because I did not fully understand the subject.

Through therapy, I began to learn what being transgender means and how dysphoria interfered with my happiness and relationships. With the right context, it was easy for me to see the hows and whys of my interactions and the paths that I chose (subconsciously) to compensate and become less of a target.

Once I accepted that this is who I am, I embraced it. Let me be who I am in every way. Let me experience all of the things that I missed out on since puberty. Let the world see me for who I truly am.

As Ashley said, by being honest with ourselves we can be honest with others. With that follows trust, friendship, and even love. And who doesn't want that?

I think nearly all transition is for the same reason. We are born with incongruence hard wired into us, and it makes us feel discomfort, distracted, or stressed, or all the above. We interpret this in different ways, many people never connect it to being incongruent, but those who do can realise the option of transition to reduce the discomfort.

Look at what it takes to transition, we sometimes risk everything in our lives, expose ourselves to drugs not tested for our use, undergo serious and expensive surgical procedures, undergo painful and expensive cosmetic procedures, and risk social isolation. The stress caused by dysphoria can seriously affect our lives, so we need to do something about it. Affirming our Gender Identity by transitioning is the most effective way to reduce dysphoria, and this, I believe, is the primary motivation.

Hugs,

Allie

Life is so much easier as a female for me. Clothes off the racks fit just fine.  I was going through my collection of skirts to pick one to wear at a Signature PGA Golf Tournament.  Signature means the bigger prizes and the best golfers show up to play.  I found a white Jo Fit XS skirt that fits pretty well.  It is a tiny bit bit loose but not too bad.  Need to eat more ice cream. 

I think I have some hard wiring that helps me socialize with others when I present female.

I know a lot about how fashion works.  My legs don't have a tan while my arms always have a light tan.  Might as well use sunscreen on keep my legs as light a color as possible and wear light colored skirts that go well with darker colored tops.

Hi Everyone

The assumption is that everyone 'transitions' to what extent they want to or able to.  Unfortunately, I never 'transitioned'.  I go into a more detailed explanation in the following link: Transitioning and Authenticity.

Long story short, I have always been a female and hence I have not transitioned in the sense of the current meaning of the word.  All my life I have lived, regardless of what I have done and that means that life is real or in other words, my life is authentic.

So I have always lived my life as a female and that also means my life has always been authentic.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Quote from: Sarah B on June 20, 2024, 04:06:05 AMHi Everyone

The assumption is that everyone 'transitions' to what extent they want to or able to.  Unfortunately, I never 'transitioned'.  I go into a more detailed explanation in the following link: Transitioning and Authenticity.

Long story short, I have always been a female and hence I have not transitioned in the sense of the current meaning of the word.  All my life I have lived, regardless of what I have done and that means that life is real or in other words, my life is authentic.

So I have always lived my life as a female and that also means my life has always been authentic.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Sarah, I agree that the terminology we mostly use is so often wrong. The very term 'transgender' is confusing as most people read it as us changing our gender. Though we transition our sex (medically or socially), if we read gender as how we see ourselves, we don't transition gender at all! The problem is, due to a lack of understanding, these terms have been misunderstood even in scientific studies, for many decades, and now, definitions are so muddled as to make the terms useless, and a contributor to misunderstandings about our community.

Like you, I never saw myself as male as my first thoughts about my identity were that I was more female, and after decades of wrestling with this I realised I was and am, just me. I transitioned sex to reduce dysphoria, but I still see myself as the same me I have always been.

Hugs,

Allie

I feel everything that everyone has said, but most of all being our true selves and therefore being able to love and allow others to truly love who we are at our core, hit me the hardest.

I feel I have loved and even been In love before. But I always seem to keep people at a distance since I haven't been true to myself and not showing everyone I have ever loved my true self. So I know who and how to act to receive "love" but I don't think my true self has ever been loved or in love sadly. And of course no one wants to take that risk and stick your neck out there on the line especially as your true self since rejection is often common place yet alone now being trans as well.

I feel All anyone wants is to be loved for who they truly are. Love drives most of everything we do. Humans need social interaction, but most especially I feel we need love, were always seeking some form of love.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on June 21, 2024, 03:03:16 PMI feel everything that everyone has said, but most of all being our true selves and therefore being able to love and allow others to truly love who we are at our core, hit me the hardest.

I feel I have loved and even been In love before. But I always seem to keep people at a distance since I haven't been true to myself and not showing everyone I have ever loved my true self. So I know who and how to act to receive "love" but I don't think my true self has ever been loved or in love sadly. And of course no one wants to take that risk and stick your neck out there on the line especially as your true self since rejection is often common place yet alone now being trans as well.

I feel All anyone wants is to be loved for who they truly are. Love drives most of everything we do. Humans need social interaction, but most especially I feel we need love, were always seeking some form of love.

@Robbyv213

Hi Robby!

We can be so very good... for so very long... at pretending at love and going through all the associated actions that we can easily fool ourself into thinking... "that is all there is..."  we fool ourself as we fool those around us... a sad pattern in life that some never find their way past...

I very much hope that you are moving closer and closer to the experience you want in all this... I think the real power in life is finding the courage to be vulnerable to others... those close to us and strangers alike... in that vulnerable state we are at last fully open to the amazing things that are there... and what has always been there... patiently awaiting us to find the courage to seek them out and enjoy their rewards...

All good things to you as you move towards the loving life that awaits!

Onward With A Courageous Heart Dear Sister!

Ashley 😀💕🌻

PS... My favorite Walt Whitman snippet from Song Of The Open Road... it is about finding yourself, your place in the world and your place amongst others along life's journey!

"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me"

I can come up with all sorts of explanations, but when I'm trying to be honest, I have to admit they are all rationalizations.  Ultimately, it was that something inside me said, some feeling inside me felt that this is the way to go.  My favorite story along those lines is from when I was in therapy and talking about trans stuff and my various gender issues, and a little voice inside my mind said:

      "you're going to transition.  Just thought you'd like to know."

My reaction was "wait, huh, what?  What?  How will this happen?  What do I have to do?"  and the voice (rather smugly, IMHO) said:

    "You'll figure it out."

(Thanks a lot, little inner voice!! )

The reason I was seeing a therapist was that I had come to a point that I no longer was interested in staying alive, but also realized that I had responsibilities which I couldn't walk away from.  Eventually, I realized that if I wasn't going to just roll over and die, I would have to stop trying to be what other people were telling me I had to be and figure out who I really was.  This started me blundering around and ending up on a rather twisted path which eventually led to that therapy session.  I should note that at no time was I transitioning "to become a woman", I was just trying to be me, whoever the heck that was.  I would say that that "whoever" is in some ways like a lot of cis women and in some ways not -- but then I realize that the same could be said for the cis women I know.

Skipping ahead, I had no idea what kind of a difference transition would make in my life;  it was only after I transitioned that I discovered how much better I felt, I even felt joy at times.  Same sort of thing with SRS -- I had a few rationalizations, but mainly just knew that it was my next step.  It wasn't until the surgery was over (and I was in any shape to stand up and look at myself ) that it hit me just how much that bit of anatomy had been bothering me.

tl;dr: something inside me knew I had to do this, and if I didn't, I would wither away and die.

For me, it was rather simple -- survival. If I had not found the source of my anger and done something about it, my life would have ended rather abruptly. It was an act of desperation.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

While I appreciate Sarah's approach, I use the word transition to describe both the physical changes to my body and body chemistry, as well as change in the way I present myself to society.

For decades, I told myself that were I transition it would be the ultimate act of selfishness - choosing my happiness over that of my family and friends.

I told myself that I could somehow just make all this go away, or keep it at bay by being incredibly busy

I told myself that whatever pain this caused me, I could take... and that also I probably deserved, because I was broken.

These were the lies with which I lived. But I somehow wrapped them all together to convince myself that I was somewhat of a martyr, sacrificing my happiness by suffering for those I love.

Another lie.

In truth, I while there certainly was (and still is) part of me that aches at causing pain to my family. If not pain (because they deny this vehemently, at least making their lives more complicated. You never want to do that to your child, you know?

But also, I was terrified of losing all I had in my life. Terrified. What if I transitioned and lost everything I had in this world? What kind of trade is that? And even though there were days, weeks and months at a time where I so desperately tried to make that equation work, I never could. For decades.

Until it got so bad... that I felt I had no choice. And at the same time I had a realization: why did it have to be either or? Why couldn't it be possible that I keep all the good things I have in my life AND finally live my authentic life? And how would I know until I tried? I think once I thought in my mind there was any chance at that... I guess that was when I knew I was ready.

It took about 50 years to get to that point for me...but once I did, I knew it was the only way I could give myself the opportunity to live a full complete life... be who I am... and as much as I deeply love the people in my life? I knew that if I shared this with them, it would allow me to love them even more deeply, as there would finally no longer be that invisible (to them) barrier that I was forced to cling to, to protect my world from collapsing on itself.

Quote from: imallie on June 23, 2024, 01:53:22 AMWhile I appreciate Sarah's approach, I use the word transition to describe both the physical changes to my body and body chemistry, as well as change in the way I present myself to society.

For decades, I told myself that were I transition it would be the ultimate act of selfishness - choosing my happiness over that of my family and friends.

I told myself that I could somehow just make all this go away, or keep it at bay by being incredibly busy

I told myself that whatever pain this caused me, I could take... and that also I probably deserved, because I was broken.

These were the lies with which I lived. But I somehow wrapped them all together to convince myself that I was somewhat of a martyr, sacrificing my happiness by suffering for those I love.

Another lie.

In truth, I while there certainly was (and still is) part of me that aches at causing pain to my family. If not pain (because they deny this vehemently, at least making their lives more complicated. You never want to do that to your child, you know?

But also, I was terrified of losing all I had in my life. Terrified. What if I transitioned and lost everything I had in this world? What kind of trade is that? And even though there were days, weeks and months at a time where I so desperately tried to make that equation work, I never could. For decades.

Until it got so bad... that I felt I had no choice. And at the same time I had a realization: why did it have to be either or? Why couldn't it be possible that I keep all the good things I have in my life AND finally live my authentic life? And how would I know until I tried? I think once I thought in my mind there was any chance at that... I guess that was when I knew I was ready.

It took about 50 years to get to that point for me...but once I did, I knew it was the only way I could give myself the opportunity to live a full complete life... be who I am... and as much as I deeply love the people in my life? I knew that if I shared this with them, it would allow me to love them even more deeply, as there would finally no longer be that invisible (to them) barrier that I was forced to cling to, to protect my world from collapsing on itself.

Wow! So much of this reflects my journey!

Hugs,

Allie

When my wife passed there was no longer an expectation that I'd support anyone else besides myself!
My brother wanted to pass along supporting Mom but since he never left home I figured it was his responsibility, not mine! 
Especially once it became apparent that the wasn't going let me make the decisions!

It is taking years to take apart what I did for others and what I want for myself!
But I'm getting there!

I have the luxury of having more than enough financial resources to do what I want.
Which would not have happened if I had transitioned decades ago. That is huge!
I just hired a "go getter" home improvement contractor who does stuff much the way I would have done it.
How much is "peace of mind" worth if you can afford it?

Marion

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 19, 2024, 10:59:32 AMI believe it is a quest to finally experience love and connection.. if we have never shown our true self to others, we have never been loved... How can we experience love without putting our true face out to the world to be loved for the attributes of our true essence?... transition can put us at a place in our own life that offers us a path towards experiencing love and connection... by making ourself known to others.🌻

Onward We Go Brave Friends,

Ashley 💕

^This^

I was trapped. I remember being five and the girl a couple houses down was hosting a birthday party. I cried and cried because I wasn't invited. I chose playmates to be my girls and my parents missed the doilies and rhinestones I collected, but you reach an age when you realize it's too dangerous to play with other girls and then the cold water of boyhood starts to rise. Boys bob happily on that water. I had no boat.

"Authenticity" sounds like such a psychology buzz-word answer, but it is the truth.  I was tired of pretending to be someone I was not.  Tired of hiding my real self.  When I thought of the possibility of me, years from now, in an old-folks home, still pretending to be that guy, I was filled with horror.  I could not let that happen.

I yearned for the warmth of genuine female-to-female social contact, in place of the tired old nudge-nudge, wink-wink shallow buddy-ism of male social contact.

I am happy to say that transition has lived up to my most optimistic expectations.

I recently found out that my mother had a miscarriage before I was conceived. At the time, doctors were handing out a drug called DES which was supposed to prevent miscarriages. DES is a very strong synthetic estrogen. I believe my mother took DES during her pregnancy with me. I can't help but think that I was bathed in this estrogen while in the womb. As a very young child I remember having thoughts that I should be a girl. My family was filled with masculine toxicity and I was forced into it. As a male, weight lifter, playing sports, I felt like a fraud. That wasn't the path that I wanted. The path in my mind that I was supposed to be on had to remain a secret for decades.

Here is a quote that I often think about now that I am on my path:
"The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are. Rather it is about unbecoming who we are not" Albert Schweitzer

There have been many great answers to this question. For me, I had been living the life I thought my parents wanted. The transphobic, gay hatred, bigotry. I felt like these were weak people who could not confront and overcome their demons. I knew from an early age that I wanted to be a girl. I felt different and didn't really know how to act the male part except by what I was told. A lifetime of struggle and emotional turmoil. Both parents dead and when my mother changed her will to mostly exclude me, it was a real eye opener. I had lived most of my life trying to make them proud. Living up to what I believed were their expectations only to be cut down after her passing. I spent several months just sorting my mind out along with counseling, decided to start living 'MY' life. Depression was always a part of my life until I started transitioning. Hatered and anger were a constant part of my life. The 'me' version 2.0 is happy, can talk to strangers, loves having conversations with other women and giving them compliments. I am no longer afraid of what others think. I love looking at myself in the mirror and dressing up. I believe this is why I transitioned.

It depends on who you ask, but for me it was a life or death situation. I had to live as a man because it was unbearable to pretend to be a woman. I'm much happier now with the changes that testosterone did to my body.

I heard some people transition so they can be happiers, others were just avoiding the pain of gender dysphoria. I did this because I thought my family would be happier with a living trans man than with a dead cis woman.