Hello, lovely ladies!

I am making this post because my GCS day has finally arrived (and passed lol).

I had the opportunity to get GCS with Dr Carlos Guerra in Monterrey, México, this past Monday 8th.

I thought I would be super active on this forum, and post every single day about my journey after the surgery, and all that, but girl was I mistaken. It has been quite uncomfortable, and the only thing I seemed to want to do these past few days was rest, and sleep, which ultimately is a good thing.

The surgery went great! Lasted 4 or 5 hours, and Dr Guerra said everything went well, and that my new genitals turned out really good.
Pain-wise, surprisingly, I haven't felt much pain at all. The first two days I was given a dose or morphine, so I guess that's why, and  I literally had *zero* pain the first four days. I was able to get up and start walking around my room on the 4th day, and that's when I started to notice some very very minor pain on what I think is the outer labia. That makes it a bit uncomfortable to walk, but the doctor said it is normal.
I haven't really been able to see the outcome truly, as I've had a bandage most of the time, that gets removed only when the Doctor comes and changes it. But, for the little bit that I've been able to see, it looks good. A tad swollen, but that is normal. There is also a big deep purple bruise on the labia of the right side (precisely the area that hurts when I walk), and I asked the Doctor if this could be an indicative of necrosis, but he said that it isn't, and seemed very confident when he said that the tissue is in good condition, and that the bruise will reabsorb. I'd just have to use topical Vitamin E on that area to prevent the bloodfrom staining the skin.

So, everything related to the surgery is good so far. Today I get the urine catheter removed, and I will start dilating as well. The first dilation will be immediately after I get the catheter removed, and the Doctor will help me to get familiar with the whole process, and then, starting tonight's dilation session, it will all be on me. I'll let you girls know how does that go. I'm kind of scraed about dilating, because I've read both very good experiences, and very bad experiences with dilating. But hope that for me it will be the former.

Now, as for my overall experience these past few days since the surgery, OMG it has been tough! lol.
I am so grateful that I've had virtually zero pain from the surgery area, but the whole stay at the hospital has been tough. I've been here since last Sunday, and will stay until this next Monday. I had to stay in bed the first three days (which is understandable), but it was so difficult for me, as I am a rather active person. Eating and drinking from bed made me bloat A LOT, and that was deeply uncomfortable. I haven't been able to take a proper shower since Sunday, and I haaate not showering daily. A lovely nurse has been giving me bed baths, which is nice, but I haven't washed my hair in six now seven days, and it's been hell, as I wash my hair everyday as well.
Yesterday, as I was trying to get up from bed (I am allowed now), I accidentally hurt the IV that a nurse had put in just that morning, and my whole arm was in so so so much pain because of it, that I had to get that IV removed. I could't even lift my arm, it throbbed, it was horrible. And it's kinda crazy to think that the most pain I have been in since my surgery, is not from the surgery area, but from that fricking IV.
And that pain of hurting the IV, of course, ended up detonating the tears lol. All the frustration that I've been feeling this week -being bedridden, not feeling clean, feeling utterly ugly, the inflamation, the gasses-, finally found the perfect excuse for exploding, and I cried for a good thirty minutes because I just felt so helpless.

Buuuut, this morning I'm doing better. I am optimistic about getting the urine catheter removed, and about being able to finally take a shower (although washing my hair will have to wait one or two more days, unfortunately). Then, on Monday I'll be able to finally go home, and enjoy the rest of the week that I have off work.

So, this is all that's happened since my GCS day! I'll continue to post on this thread about any updates for this exciting journey!

Thank you for reading!

Hugs!

Ally.

Thanks, Ally!

We are glad to hear that you are on the mend. There will be ups and downs, but when you share your experiences others know what to expect good and bad.

Rest as much as you need to and don't be in a hurry to start getting things done. You'll have plenty of time for that. Take care and keep us informed as much as you are comfortable with.

Congratulations on your new genitals! 

@allylioness
Dear Ally:.... our "New" Girl  on the Forum !!!
Thank you for your GCS report.  You are just 5 days out of surgery. 
Of course you are still uncomfortable and wishing to sleep and rest. 
Our bodies heal when sleeping and resting.

I am so glad that your doctor examined the surgery results and did not suspect
any necrosis in the suspected tissue around your neo-labia and neo-vagina.
The swelling and bruising will take some time to decrease and fully heal.

I hear you about being "kind of scared about dilating"  ...  I am glad to read
that your doctor will give you guidance as you start this important follow up
to your GCS surgery.  It will get easier as time goes on, but if you desire the
best results from your surgery don't skimp on your time spent dilating.

I am glad to read that this morning that you are doing better... and certainly getting
the catheter removed, and being able to finally take a shower will be a big step forward.

The good news is that just ONE WEEK after your surgery that you will finally be able
to go home.  You will definitely appreciate that you made the decision to take the rest
of the week off from work.  That will give you needed time to heal some more and time
to contemplate your dilating efforts.

YES, please continue to post on this thread about any updates for this exciting journey!

Along with the rest of your avid followers I will be eagerly looking for your updates
here on your new GCS thread and your other comments and thoughts that you may wish
to share around the various other threads and topics around the Forum.

Again, thank you for sharing and posting.

MANY HUGS and my best wishes for you,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Ally,

Glad to read your surgery went well and your on the mend. I hope mine goes as well as yours.. Keep us posted.


-Becca

Heeeeello, gorgeous ladies!

First of all, thank you, Lori, Danielle, and Becca, for your words, and for your good vibes! They are very much appreciated during these times!💕💖💜

I have been home since Sunday! They let me out one day earlier than expected. Everything's okay!
I started with dilations on Saturday afternoon, with the doctor guiding me, and then from Saturday night until today, I have been doing them on my own.
So far, most of the dilation sessions have been virtually pain free. It just feels very uncomfortable at times, but I have been persistent, of course. I just play a show or a movie on the TV in front of my bed, get the whole setup around me like a shrine lol, and I just get to it.
I am using the known and trusted Soul source dilators, per my doctor's recommendation, and I am currently in the purple one, although I wished there was a size smaller than the purple one for those days in which things feel tighter than usual. But so far, I've been able to do all my three dilations per day, 30 minutes per session.

The vulva is not as swollen as it was this past Saturday, and the black tissue has started to heal and now it looks like a lavender colour, which is nice.
The clitoris is so very sensitive, and not in a good way but I guess that sensation will either subdue, or become less noticeable as the days (weeks, probably) go by.

I feel generally okay. I don't feel thrilled just yet, mostly because everything is still on its way to healing: The vulva still looks very frankestain-ish. I still feel very much tired. When I was in the hospital I developed a HUGE rash all over my back, bum, and backside of my upper thighs, and not only the rash, but the whole backside of my body was (and still is) reddish/Purple, although finally it has started to go from bright red/purple, to pink/purple, which is a good sign. The whole ritual I have to do to even go for a pee lol; I have to make sure to clean the area very well, of course, and then spray some antiseptic on the area, let it dry, and then I'm able to get up. Everything takes much more time now, from going to the toilet, to getting out of my bed. Whenever I stand up, these past few days I get the oddest sensation, as if all the blood in my body rushed to my vulvar area. It feels as if it's ready to explode. Very very uncomfortable.

I am being very patient, of course. I know I kinda sound like a debbie-downer, but overall I try to be patient and kind, with myself and with my beautiful body. I just didn't want to paint it as if everything's going perfectly splendid, because it is not.

What has been helping me GREATLY, is practicing mindfulness, being in the moment. Sometimes, when I getting everything ready for my dilation session, I start to feel this feeling of dread, of not wanting to dilate, but then I start focusing, literally, second by second; I hyperfocus on the way I put the lube to the dilator, or on the way that I shift on my pillow to find the most comfortable spot, and once the dilator goes in, I give myself so so much time, take really deep breaths. That has helped me so much to stay sane lol.

I guess that, for all the GCS stories that I had heard before, I never really grasped that this whole process is as mentally challenging as it is physically. And it is very mentally challenging!

Right now I feel like a monster (because my new bits are still healing, because the rash and bruise on the back of my body), and that is not helping at all lol. So I feel physically like a monster, and mentally I feel kinda defeated. Like, just living day by day, second by second, otherwise, if I start thinking that I still have three months left to dilate trhice a day, I'll lose my mind lol.

Buuuuuut, on the brighter side, I guess this is one of my greatest and bestest challenges; really practicing mindfulness; being kind to myself; not pushing myself to be bright and bubbly and happy all of the time; allowing myself the grace to be a bit of a downer when I need to; and doing what needs to be done in order to heal, all of it at once.

So, It's been going well. Not great. Not disastrous either. Just... well.

Thank you all for reading, and for your sweet words! Right now they are a balm to the soul, more than ever!

Hugs! 💖💗💗

Ally

I think you are handling things perfectly, even though I have no direct experience in that department yet. You probably still have some swelling which will make things more sensitive and difficult. But I think you have the right attitude and you know that it won't be much longer and you will take it all in stride. Easy peasy.

Hang in there, and thank you for the update. It is good to know what to expect when I someday get to where you are.

Aaaand hello again, beautiful ladies!

'tis me, again, with a very overdue update!

Omg, Last time I poted was three weeks ago, and I was feeling a bit of a debbie-downer, and dear lord, let me tell you it all went downhill from there.

I'm doing much much better now, but I lived a few very tough weeks!

First of all, I had to go back to work. fortunately, I work from home, so dealing with the dilation schedule is not that difficult. But sitting is still uncomfortable, and I have to be sitting down in front of the computer for many hours a day.

Last week I got a stomach bug, and I was plainly miserable. My body felt so weak, I assume because of all of the stress about the surgery, and then the stomach bug. I was literally laying in bed four or five days straight. So, ladies, if you're thinking about getting GCS, and if your doctor authorizes it, please don't stop taking multivitamins! I think that helps a bit to boost the immune system while your body recovers from such a taxing surgery.

Fortunately, I am doing much better now. Yesterday was the four-week mark after my surgery, which is sooo worhty of celebration! People tell me "omg how fast" but no, no, no. To me these past four weeks lasted like four years.

My dilations are going well. It is being a tad difficult to get to the depth that I am supposed to have, but the doctor said not to worry, that little by little I can get the whole depth back, and for my own sanity I'm choosing to believe him lol.
I'm still on the purple dilator, which is the smallest one of the four-pack from SoulSource, and I think that my body is adapting to that one. I am supposed to move to the next size up, the blue one, this next Sunday, but I think I'll give myself one more week of using the smallest one, as there are some tears on the vaginal canal entrance that have not fully healed, and I don't want to risk the re-opening by starting dilating with a wider dilator.

Also, there is not as much fluid coming out of the whole vulva and vagina as a few weeks ago. There is still fluid, but not as much. I am using pads like crazy, and OMG the amount of toilet paper that I'm using lol. Literally one roll a day.

Now, I do want to talk about something really interesting that I am going through, and that I never really considered it could happen; it feels as if I am losing my identity, who am I.

I know it sounds so crazy, but, as I mentioned, these past four weeks have been so crazy and so taxing and son overwhelming. And the fact that I have not really been able to do the things that I am so used to doing, and that I love, has lead to, little by little, experience what it feels like losing the grasp of who I am. I feels like my life and my whole identity right now is dilating, and taking ages to pee because I have to clean everything so extra, and taking ages to shower because I have to wash carefully my new genitals, and sleeping a lot because I feel energy drained all of the time. And working because I have no other option. And that's it. That's been my life for the past four weeks. I can't yet go out to, let's say, a coffee shop, or to have dinner, because I still feel very uncomfortable sitting. I tried it two weeks ago and I was miserable.
So it feels like I can't do much of anything, and that's lead to this feeling of "who was I?".

Fortunately, my doctor has already given me the green light to start going on short walks, so that will help (hopefully). And my cousins and I started a book club, so that'll be a nice change of the routine.

Also, fortunately, the physical aspect and healing is going well. Every day looks more and more like a vulva, and the sensation is definitely there, as I still feel a rush of blood to the genitals every time I get up, although not as intense as last time I updated this thread. There is still a lot of swelling, so some parts of the vulva still look a tad distorted, but I think that, for being just four weeks post-op, it looks quite good. I can't wait for the three month mark, or the six month mark, when it is supposed to look better and less swollen!

And so, this is my four-week update. I know my last two updates have not been very positive, but I'm trying to keep it very honest, as some of the things I'm experiencing are things I never thought I'd struggle with, and if this helps other women prepare better for their surgeries, then it's worth it to sound like a debbie-downer lol


I guess I'll be updated every one or two weeks, or whenever I have relevant news to share, as everything is pretty monotonous so far.

Thank you all for reading, and for your comments!

Hugs,

Ally

Allie,

Thank you for sharing! As you said, it helps others in their journey, knowing what to expect and how to prepare for it. I am happy that you are doing better. Part of the fatigue aspect is from the anesthesia. The effects of general anesthesia can last weeks. Some people can clear it from their system quickly, while others take more time.

Then you got the double-whammy of a stomach bug too! It will get better and walks will be a big help with that. It sounds like you have the right attitude. You are getting there. Baby steps.