To start, I know the answer starts with 'It depends'.. haha.. but I thought it may be insightful to hear about other peoples plans or achievements and their time-frames.

I always say I transitioned in one day, on my 50th Birthday. To an extent it is true, my marriage had dissolved at that point, my health issues were reconciled and there was literally nothing stopping me (it was in the middle of 2020, so no social interactions to worry about or business). So I went from using my old name and dressing more male - to using my proper name legally and dressing appropriately. Within a month I had my passport, driving licence and bank changed. I changed my gender at my doctors and everywhere else and started my beard removal.
Of course, it was much longer in the planning than the actual action. I had been dealing with issues all my life, for about 6 years previous they had become intense (GD) and affected my mental health negatively. I sorted myself out about 6 months before I transitioned. I had a number of years of good therapy behind me and I knew the harsh reality of what I was dealing with. Negotiations and pleading with my then partner resulted in them deciding I was not right for them - that hurt. And so, I get to a place where it is now or never. My 50th birthday seemed opportune, and meeting up with my best friend to get them to sign the name change deed was timely. The next 4 years have been a whirlwind - but way better than I could of hoped. I even have remarried. life is good now.

So, like most 'overnight successes' mine took years in the planning. How was yours or how do you plan to go through this?

I think it is best to minimize the time spent in the uncanny valley between male and female.
People become very distrustful when they can't identify your gender.  It sets off red flags.
There are easy ways to present female no matter where you are in a physical transition.
Tight fitting revealing clothes almost always signal the female gender.
V-necks and other tops that show off breasts are also strongly female gendered.

It takes very little time to wear lipstick.
Quick dry nail polish can be used whenever you go out shopping or social activities.
Then you can leave it on until it looks bad.  Sometimes you can trim your fingernails and make it last another day or two.

Pinks and bright colors also gender female.

Dieting for a thin waist is another highly female trait that doesn't require HRT or surgery.

Marion

@Maid Marion
Dear Marion:
Your reply comments were exactly right in my opinion.
Before starting HRT, many transitioning MTF and FTM can pass much of the time.

For the MTF:
*longer hair in female styles.... braids, ponytails, buns, etc.
*fingernails and toenails polished
*hair removal as needed and where needed.
*jewelry, necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, wrist watches, etc.
*tasteful and "not over the top" makeup, lipstick, etc.
*female gendered clothing and colors.... which can include androgynous clothing.
*female oriented footwear
*dieting and exercising to allow wearing tighter form fitting clothing.
*walking, moving, eating and talking in female ways.
*voice training if needed. 
(HINT: Do a lot of people watching in shopping malls, restaurants, airports, parks, etc.)

Again, Marion, thank you for sharing and posting.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Maid Marion on July 18, 2024, 03:03:10 PMI think it is best to minimize the time spent in the uncanny valley between male and female.
People become very distrustful when they can't identify your gender.  It sets off red flags.
There are easy ways to present female no matter where you are in a physical transition.
Tight fitting revealing clothes almost always signal the female gender.
V-necks and other tops that show off breasts are also strongly female gendered.

It takes very little time to wear lipstick.
Quick dry nail polish can be used whenever you go out shopping or social activities.
Then you can leave it on until it looks bad.  Sometimes you can trim your fingernails and make it last another day or two.

Pinks and bright colors also gender female.

Dieting for a thin waist is another highly female trait that doesn't require HRT or surgery.

Marion

In my community we have allies who just want to get pronouns right.
In other words, all they want are clear signs of which ones to use without having to ask!

I know a mom that struggles to remember to use the right ones for her new daughter.
It is so hard for them to change.  Remember that.

I don't have an answer to this question, really. Because everyone is different.

But this kind of hits close to home for me so I figured I'd add my two pence. Take it for what you will.

I didn't transition fast enough. I came to this site 16 years ago... high on finding someone who... I came out to, and who didn't laugh in my face. Someone who wanted to date me for me. Someone who actually came here before I did... because she was just that awesome and wanted to figure out the whole deal. She told me I should come here. And... yeah, I haven't regretted that. You don't find those kinds of people too often. A cis gay girl who wants to date a guy based on something she saw in them that made her think "This is someone I'm attracted to... and now I know why."

She literally once said to me "I don't care, I just see boobies in my future. And that's awesome!".

But to the point... when I came here... I thought I had all the time in the world. I thought I could work it all out, make a roadmap. Not do everything yesterday because... the future was bright. Full of wonder. Full of everything I wanted it to be.

I even had plans to move to the US, like you have, Sarah. I found my special someone.

Then life got in the way. It got in the way hard. It basically was like running into a train at 100mph. Stopped everything dead and the aftermath was a lot of mangled wreckage. Mentally and physically. Took me years to get over most of it... I'm still not really in a place to deal with all of it. And I doubt I ever will be. Because it was like a guillotine on my dreams.

Now, I can't transition. Physically I am a wreck. Surprised I'm even still alive, honestly. No doctor will go anywhere near me if I even talk about it because they don't want me to drop dead.

But the point I want to make is this... don't think you have all the time in the world. Don't think you can put things off because it will all be okay. I know this is a little bit dark and I'm sorry for that but... from personal experience... if you find yourself, and know yourself... please... please do whatever you can to be yourself. Because it's not a guarantee that you'll be in a place even a few years down the line to be able to put those wheels in motion. It really isn't.

Don't end up with regrets and "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" because trust me, that is a horrible way to live. Take the initiative while you have it. Live your life and don't let your life live you.

Sorry, Sarah. Probably not what you wanted with this thread but... yeah like I say, this kind of hits close to home for me.

*hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2024, 05:01:54 PMSorry, Sarah. Probably not what you wanted with this thread but... yeah like I say, this kind of hits close to home for me.
*hugs*

Exactly what I wanted @Sephirah and hugs to you - and never say never. the only thing I would add is regrets are for horseshoes and handbags.

@Marion thankyou for your input too.. Transition does not mean surgery or hormones, it means transition.

Hi Everyone

Thank you Sarah for creating the thread "How fast should you transition?"  It brought laughter and a wonderful smile to my face.

Just to clarify the word 'transition' was not around when I changed my life around.  So I never 'transitioned' per se, or use that particular word to describe what I did.  Like you, I arrived in Sydney as Sarah.  But for argument sake,  I usually say, I changed my clothing in Feb 1989, changed my name legally in Feb 1989 and by at least April 1989, I was working as Sarah. I was 30 years old at the time.

In other words my 'transition' was instantaneous, there was no planning before hand.  Other than visiting 'doctors' and finally surgery Feb 1991. There was really no planning after changing my life around.  That was it in a nutshell.  Although I have always been female.  I have lived my life longer as Sarah than who I was before.

Danielle your post:

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on July 18, 2024, 03:47:25 PMDear Marion:
Your reply comments were exactly right in my opinion.
Before starting HRT, many transitioning MTF and FTM can pass much of the time.

For the MTF:
*longer hair in female styles.... braids, ponytails, buns, etc.
*fingernails and toenails polished
*jewelry, necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, wrist watches, etc.
*female gendered clothing and colors.... which can include androgynous clothing.
*female oriented footwear
*dieting and exercising to allow wearing tighter form fitting clothing.
*walking, moving, eating and talking in female ways.
*voice training if needed. 
(HINT: Do a lot of people watching in shopping malls, restaurants, airports, parks, etc.)

Again, Marion, thank you for sharing and posting.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

You certainly were doing more than I was.  Except for two Christmas holidays as Sarah, that was basically all I did, before I changed my life around.

Marion your comment:

Quote"I think it is best to minimize the time spent in the uncanny valley between male and female"

.
Is very astute.  I spent no time between the two.  You are also right in that it takes very little time to learn how to wear lipstick and doing your nails.

Sephirah, I'm so sorry that you are not able to achieve your dreams and my heart goes out for you.  You words of wisdom in this thread is a "wake up call" if one does not look after themselves first and foremost.

Sephirah , where you say:

Quote"Don't end up with regrets and "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" because trust me, that is a horrible way to live. Take the initiative while you have it. Live your life and don't let your life live you.

Sorry, Sarah. Probably not what you wanted with this thread but... yeah like I say, this kind of hits close to home for me. ."

Needs to be said, so that others can understand that ramifications abound, if one does not live their life the way that they should.

This page is not big enough for the hugs that I want to give you Sephirah.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ Northern Star Girl
@ SoupSarah
@ Sephirah
@ Maid Marion

Quote from: SoupSarah on July 18, 2024, 05:24:35 PMExactly what I wanted @Sephirah and hugs to you - and never say never. the only thing I would add is regrets are for horseshoes and handbags.

I wish that were true, sweetie. I really do. I am saying never at this point. But that's okay. If I can help others be themselves... maybe it's a selfish, vicarious thing... I don't even know. But I find comfort in it. To help people not make the same mistakes I made. To give people the self belief, and courage to be the best they can be... then I feel like I did good in this world. And that's enough for me.

I'm okay with that. I'm just me. And I'd rather see someone else smile than smile myself. Weird as that sounds. I have lots of regrets though. They're like scars from being whipped. I hope no one else ever has them and do my best to make sure other people never do.

Also... why is it that people are way younger than they are? Sarah, there's no no way you're over 50. What the heck? You're like imallie. When she told me how old she was, I was like "What in the heck?" That's just... I refuse to believe it. You can't be older than me when you're way more mature and erudite and switched on than I am. That's not fair! No way, girl.

Quote from: Sarah B on July 18, 2024, 05:44:02 PMHi Everyone

Thank you Sarah for creating the thread "How fast should you transition?"  It brought laughter and a wonderful smile to my face.

Just to clarify the word 'transition' was not around when I changed my life around.  So I never 'transitioned' per se, or use that particular word to describe what I did.  Like you, I arrived in Sydney as Sarah.  But for argument sake,  I usually say, I changed my clothing in Feb 1989, changed my name legally in Feb 1989 and by at least April 1989, I was working as Sarah. I was 30 years old at the time.

In other words my 'transition' was instantaneous, there was no planning before hand.  Other than visiting 'doctors' and finally surgery Feb 1991. There was really no planning after changing my life around.  That was it in a nutshell.  Although I have always been female.  I have lived my life longer as Sarah than who I was before.

Danielle your post:

You certainly were doing more than I was.  Except for two Christmas holidays as Sarah, that was basically all I did, before I changed my life around.

Marion your comment:
.
Is very astute.  I spent no time between the two.  You are also right in that it takes very little time to learn how to wear lipstick and doing your nails.

Sephirah, I'm so sorry that you are not able to achieve your dreams and my heart goes out for you.  You words of wisdom in this thread is a "wake up call" if one does not look after themselves first and foremost.

Sephirah , where you say:

Needs to be said, so that others can understand that ramifications abound, if one does not live their life the way that they should.

This page is not big enough for the hugs that I want to give you Sephirah.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ Northern Star Girl
@ SoupSarah
@ Sephirah
@ Maid Marion

Pretty sure Sarah is shorthand for "Wisdom" at this point. <3

Thank you.

Hi Sephirah

You say:

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2024, 05:55:51 PMI wish that were true, sweetie. I really do. I am saying never at this point. But that's okay. If I can help others be themselves... maybe it's a selfish, vicarious thing... I don't even know. But I find comfort in it. To help people not make the same mistakes I made. To give people the self belief, and courage to be the best they can be... then I feel like I did good in this world. And that's enough for me.

Never Say Never.  Comes from a story I once heard about, read whatever, where Sean Connery describes where he said; "never again" meaning he was never going to do another James Bond movie.  Well he did and it was of course his last movie as James Bond and the title of the movie was "Never Say Never Again".

One more for the road, "Never Say Never," as life has way of humbling you, if you do.

What you say and do, can be the most profound thing, when you pass on your knowledge to others.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2024, 05:55:51 PMI'm okay with that. I'm just me. And I'd rather see someone else smile than smile myself. Weird as that sounds. I have lots of regrets though. They're like scars from being whipped. I hope no one else ever has them and do my best to make sure other people never do.

Passing on ones knowledge, hopefully will lessen the number of regrets one makes in one life.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2024, 05:55:51 PMAlso... why is it that people are way younger than they are? Sarah, there's no no way you're over 50. What the heck? You're like imallie. When she told me how old she was, I was like "What in the heck?" That's just... I refuse to believe it. You can't be older than me when you're way more mature and erudite and switched on than I am. That's not fair! No way, girl.

Speak for thyself, age has nothing to do about being 'switched on', your posts certainly reflect that you are certainly more "mature and erudite", than others.  You are certainly younger than me, Sarah and Imallie.
 So?  Being humble certainly comes to mind in your case.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah

This is an individual decision, and there is no universal timetable.

Chrissy

Quote from: Sarah B on July 18, 2024, 06:48:44 PMPassing on ones knowledge, hopefully will lessen the number of regrets one makes in one life.

Sarah, this is literally why I'm still here. There have been a lot of times in my life, and some people in my life, who have said flat out to me "This is not good for you. This will just lead to a downward spiral like you've had before."

And yeah... I am not ashamed to admit, when stuff happened to me and I didn't transition fast enough... I tried to end it... three times. I don't know if I was really serious about it because I probably left enough of a trail to follow that, thankfully I am still here. I think I just wanted help... from wherever and whoever, just to keep going.

There were people around who cared enough, and were smart enough, to pull me out of that mindset. To help me back on the path to being able to deal with it. But the stuff I say here isn't just sunshine and rainbows. It's someone who's literally gone through hell and... for the life of me some days I don't know why I keep going. Other than to make just one person not have to go through that. I don't even really know why at this point. Only that I know how painful it can be to see your life get ripped away from you. And... I don't want that for anyone else. Not ever. I don't want someone who discovers who they are, and sees that world open up for them... to think that they can just put it off.

Maybe they can and nothing will happen. If that's the case, I am so happy for you. But... life happens outside of what you want. When you know you... be you. Because you owe it to yourself.

Hi Everyone

I should clarify correct something that I said, in a previous post:

QuotePassing on ones knowledge, hopefully will lessen the number of regrets one makes in one life.

Should read:

QuotePassing on ones knowledge to others, will hopefully lessen the number of regrets they will make in their lives.

Sephirah you say:

Quote from: Sephirah on July 18, 2024, 07:11:52 PMThere were people around who cared enough, and were smart enough, to pull me out of that mindset. To help me back on the path to being able to deal with it. But the stuff I say here isn't just sunshine and rainbows. It's someone who's literally gone through hell and... for the life of me some days I don't know why I keep going.

Therein lies the dichotomy of your situation and mine, two extremes or polar opposites.  Yours was hell and mine was heaven.  However both of us are around to tell our stories and provide guidance to those who come after us, with our knowledge.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah

Quote from: Sarah B on July 18, 2024, 07:45:29 PMTherein lies the dichotomy of your situation and mine, two extremes or polar opposites.  Yours was hell and mine was heaven.  However both of us are around to tell our stories and provide guidance to those who come after us, with our knowledge.

That's the whole point, sweetie. You need a vast swathe of experience to let people learn and decide what to do for themselves. Don't just listen to one facet. Listen to everyone, and make your mind up. That's why you are so valuable to this site. We are all unique. With unique experience and unique perspective. I need someone like you to keep me sane, honestly. That's the beauty of the site. Anyone coming here can get myriad different answers to the same question and be allowed to make their own mind up.

I've always loved that, and it's nice to see some things don't change. <3

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Quote from: Sarah B on July 18, 2024, 08:55:47 PM

Sephirah

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Love you, honey. Thank you. That made me grin more than I have in probably months. Thank you so so much. <3

I think, if truth be told, unless you transition before adulthood - or at least before you made connections in the adult world with partners and careers - transition is tough.

You cannot go through a change of gender without there being some hurdles to cross or some pain to bare. I don't think I know anyone who has traversed this road (or roads like it) that have come away unscathed.

I try not to talk about myself too much - I think this place is more for people to find answers than listen to life stories, but please, indulge me a little bit (Today 4 years ago, me and hubby said 'I love you' for the first time - so its a sort of anniversary.

When I transitioned, on my 50th birthday. It was 2020, mid-covid. My business had all but failed due to the crisis. My house was up for sale, my 30 year partner divorced from me and me fighting for custody of my child. I then changed my name and gender. I lost my best friend because of this and a lot of my social circle. To say I was in crisis was an understatement, and this after surviving a brain tumour and domestic violence for 30 years.

2 things made a difference - My therapist, said I was worth more than others had told me I was. She showed me that I had qualities and skills that were talents. She told me that I deserved nice things to happen to me. She gave me the first crumb of my self-worth.

Then I met this guy - an American, yuck!.. (lol). I told him, I haven't transitioned yet, it will take me 2 years - "I will wait' he said.. But I am ugly - 'To me you are the most beautiful woman in the world'.. and on it went. His patience kept me sane. His kindness and love kept me alive.

From within me, on the backs of these two giants.. I found me. I imagine them holding my battered head upto a mirror, as if I had been through a hypothetical title fight with a world champ - me looking through bleeding eyes at what was left of me.. and saying 'yes, that is me, that is who I am - I can see now'..

Everything I ever did, I planned and I agonised over. Buying shoes with me is a nightmare! Don't ever go buy a car with me.. I am sure I get good deals through attrition of the poor sales staff.. they just want to get rid of me... but anyway - careful and cultured and meticulous is how I like to imagine my self.

So, when I sat down to tell my daughter that I had a) met a man, b) fell in love with him and c) was going to go to America to marry him and that BTW I am also changing my gender to mom.. it was the most surreal moment of my life. Caution had been thrown to the wind. My stabilizers that I spent my entire life being constrained by were cast aside. Life was now just going to happen.

3 things I take from this journey.
You are worth it, love yourself.
You do pass, love your body.
If you allow yourself to be loved, you will be.
and, never turn anything down unless you have something more exciting to do instead.
(yeah, that's 4 things.. but hey - no planning now!).

Hi Everyone

"How fast should you transition?"  I guess I never really answered the question, I did say how quick I did do it.  I could have done it in about one year however SOC dictated otherwise.  So the answer to the question is; "I would do it as fast as humanely possible."

Yes, I know it is an individual decision.  However, if someone came up to me and asked, "how fast and how far should I 'transition', I would say "go as fast as you can possibly go and as far as you want to go.  Without hesitation".

It goes back to my signature, "Be who you want to be."  What more can I say?

Best wishes for one and all, now and forever and may all your dreams come true.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I had no plan really for how my transition would progress. I started taking HRT and kept living my life as usual. That worked for a couple of years until I couldn't pass as a man anymore. Then I had to figure out in a hurry how to adjust my presentation. I had started growing my hair out about 6 months prior, so that really helped. About 4 months prior, I had began laser hair removal and most of the dark facial hair was gone. The rest was figuring out my wardrobe, learning about cosmetics (which I am still not a fan of, but use when I need to meet with customers since it's kind of the cultural norm for women in my industry), and getting my voice sorted out. I think figuring out my clothing style has been the hardest part. I sometimes still feel a little stressed when shopping for clothes.

From starting HRT to living full time as a woman was about 2.5 years. The first two years I basically did nothing except take HRT.

I had zero intentions of transition when I began my transition, lol. The first things I did was to get a gender specific therapist and to change my hormones. I told my therapist that I wasn't intending to transition and that I didn't think of myself as a woman. That was in 2017.

It was a year later when I did legally and socially transition. Estrogen kind of had a really positive effect on me and I realized that transition would be the absolute best thing for me.

I really didn't have a planned approach to everything that followed those first few choice. I just sort of winged it by what felt good for me at that moment. Like eventually I had full bottom surgery, but if you would have told me that when I began I would have angrily denied that I would ever do anything like that ever.

Do transition at whatever pace is the right pace for you, but I recommend being willing to go slow and take your time.