Hi everyone. To make a long story short I have seen a therapist for 7 years. I saw her from the age of 13-19. To be honest if I haven't done this I probably wouldn't have been able to transition successfully.
I admit that I hated it when I had to go through it, but how important would you say therapy is to transitioning?

Very, for many of us.

Therapy is important for many things in life, transition or otherwise. Therapy is a way for you to examine yourself in a constructive, rather than destructive way. It's a medium in which you can examine who you are via someone trained to ask the right questions to allow you to explore things within you. In a safe environment.

A lot of us don't have this in our lives. A lot of us daren't look at who we are, trans or otherwise, because our environment just isn't one in which introspection is possible. Much less encouraged.

Being in a place where you are allowed to search within yourself to examine why you feel how you do about a whole host of things is something which... there's a reason the health service in the UK focuses more on therapy than drugs. Because that's how you work things out. It's really that simple.

In the UK, the first line of treatment for depression from your doctor is being referred to a therapist. Not anti-depressants. That kind of says it all.

I believe it is critical.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. I sought a therapist to help me figure out why I was unhappy, relationships didn't work, etc. When I was given the diagnosis, I rejected it out of ignorance. Through therapy, I learned what Gender Dysphoria is, how it applies to me, and how do I get rid of it, or at least manage it. Therapy helped me understand ME, and helped me through some of the obstacles we all face during transition. Like many of us, we also have other issues that need to be addressed that have nothing to do with being trans. But by having a psychologist who now fully understands me and my issues, we can approach those subjects as well. I would not trust anyone else with that information, but with her, I feel I can lean on her to get through it all.

This is another area where we are all different. While most people will benefit from seeing a therapist to assist with the stresses of transition, it is not helpful for everyone. My endocrinologist required that I had a psych support every 6 weeks before he would prescribe, but, being totally honest, the psychologist didn't help me. I suffered with depression due to the usual interactions with family, and especially losing my marriage, and my doctors referred me to another 3 psychologists. Only one was helpful, and she was a fairly new practitioner who at least tested me for other conditions.

Generally, I have found psychologists to have little in the way of solutions, and they primarily just provide an ear for us to vent. Their role seems not to address problems, but to help us cope with those challenges. This is why most subscribe to Acceptance and Commitment Therapies. While this may work for most, I needed solutions.

Hugs,

Allie

Hi Everyone

What can one say, when nearly all of the members here on Susan's have or are visiting a 'therapist', psychiatrist, psychologist, counsellor to sort out their 'issues'.

I know, I'm the 'lone wolf', here.  Yes, I did see two psychiatrist's, I literally had no choice in the matter because of the SOC at the time.  I would have had surgery without needing to see the psychiatrists at the time.  I have given a description of what occurred in those sessions to the best that I can recall and what was said in those surgery letters.  I do not know what I would do or suffer from if I had to go through seeing a 'therapist' about changing my life around in this day and age.

I have said and I will say it again, I did not need a 'therapist' then and If I was to go through the same thing to day, my thoughts would still be the same.

One of the pieces of information that I had before I changed my life around was the article about men becoming women in an article from a men's magazine probably 'Playboy'.  In the article as far as I can remember a passage, which I believe sticks to me was.  The psychologists or psychiatrists, would say to their patients, "well if you want to be a women then you should be knitting or wearing dresses".  I'm paraphrasing as I cannot remember the exact words.

I took from this that the psychologists or psychiatrists would play games and this made me extremely wary of them.  Yes, I will admit that I knew nothing about them or about my situation, but I keep saying I was very naive about the whole thing.

I did not need them per se.  Which brings me to the question and yours, why did they not "drill me on my background" or ask me very pertinent questions?  The only thing that I can say is, that they saw a female who had her head screwed on properly, was working and living and was realistic in her expectations on life in general.  This is what they saw from day one to the last time I had to visit my first psychiatrist before I had my surgery.  I was asked to come back, but I never did.

Which leads me to the question "When it comes to transitioning how important would you say therapy is?".  To me and only me, it was not important or more succinctly, it was a complete utter waste of time for me.

Now here comes the ironic part of all this.  I have a new General Practitioner (GP) or doctor, who also specialises in gender issues.  In terms or to the extent that she is conversant with the 'therapy' sides of things.  She is totally amazed about my story.  In addition I'm interested in what questions they would ask in 'gender issues' today and how I would answer those issues.

There is not one but two of these doctors, my GP included where sometime soon in the future we will be sitting down together and they can grill me to pieces on how I changed my life around.  I will be more than happy to do so.  So in a sense I have turned my attitude around 180^o degrees around.

So please find a 'therapist' that you are comfortable with, so that they can help you.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

For me, therapy was very important. I had been trying to deal with my gender variance by myself forever and was super struggling. Once I decided to actually transition, step one was to find a therapist. However, I went through several general therapists who just wanted to talk about all of the stereotypical therapist bs stuff. It was lame! I kept saying to them that I needed specific help with how to transition, and they kept saying things like let's talk about why you feel anxious.

Fortunately for me, I eventually found a therapist who specializes in clients with a gender variance. She immediately was able to help me solve real issues like giving me the name of a local dr who was willing to prescribe me hormones. As well as letting me know that I wasn't losing my mind.

Anywho, I've found value in working with her ever since I found her 7 years ago. I wouldn't be where I'm at without her assistance.

I'm sorry to read about Allie Jayne and Sarah's experiences with therapy. I would argue that while they both feel that they didn't need therapy or that it wasn't helpful to them (and I don't doubt either of them for a moment) — that at least part of the issue was that they, sadly, were unlucky and engaged with lousy therapists (which happens).

A good therapist, I believe, is an essential part of your transition "team." They help you put pieces together when you're trying to find yourself, sure... but practically? When you are executing steps in your transition they can be an invaluable guide in making suggestions, giving advice, and/or in general sharing their advice/experience to make your situation have a higher probability of success.

And as each step causes you to be a bit shaking and off your feet, a good therapist helps you stay grounded and recalibrate to stay on track.

They can be a friend too.

And when it comes to even more practical matters such as finding other providers — hair removal, hair extensions, endocrinology, surgeons, etc... and they are able to let you know what their other clients think of said providers in advance.

So in short, yes... I think a GOOD therapist is invaluable.

Hi Allie

You mention in your post:

Quote from: imallie on July 27, 2024, 12:39:47 AMI'm sorry to read about Allie Jayne and Sarah's experiences with therapy. I would argue that while they both feel that they didn't need therapy or that it wasn't helpful to them (and I don't doubt either of them for a moment) — that at least part of the issue was that they, sadly, were unlucky and engaged with lousy therapists (which happens).

Please you do not have to feel sorry about my experiences with 'therapy'.  My experience, was not one of complete joy or one of sadness.  I never had any bad therapy sessions or bad psychiatrist's.  I was extremely lucky in who I had and I deliberately chose my first psychiatrist.  The following link provides a bit more information in regards to my therapy sessions. The link is: Sarah B's Therapy Journey. and more relevant comments from me.

Quote from: imallie on July 27, 2024, 12:39:47 AMA good therapist, I believe, is an essential part of your transition "team." They help you put pieces together when you're trying to find yourself, sure... but practically? When you are executing steps in your transition they can be an invaluable guide in making suggestions, giving advice, and/or in general sharing their advice/experience to make your situation have a higher probability of success.

And as each step causes you to be a bit shaking and off your feet, a good therapist helps you stay grounded and recalibrate to stay on track.

They can be a friend too.

My 'transition team', consisted of Dr Maundrell, my general doctor who looked after my general health and gave me hormones and once a fortnight gave me a Depo Provera injection.  Dr Greenway, my main psychiatrist, saw him about 20 times.  Dr Orsmond, my second psychiatrist saw about three times in total and Dr Steinbeck, my endocrinologist (seen about 2 times).

You are right, 'therapists' can help find yourself and provide suggestions so that your situation 'transition journey' has a high probability of success. 

However, in my case this was not the case.  Did any of them provide guidance in what I was doing? None whatsoever, did I ask for guidance from them or especially from the 'transgender community'?  Again, none whatsoever.  Why?  I guess I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted, I was a very independent person, I was not conflicted or to put it into today's words, I was not 'dysphoric' in my mind or body and I continued on with my life as if nothing happened.  I was well grounded and I did not have to take a step backwards or recallibrate in what I was doing.

There were no steps that I took that prevented me in anyway from changing my life around, in other words, in the two years before my surgery, there were no ups or downs, there was no faltering in what I was doing.  I was just living my life day to day, just like any other female.

Quote from: imallie on July 27, 2024, 12:39:47 AMAnd when it comes to even more practical matters such as finding other providers — hair removal, hair extensions, endocrinology, surgeons, etc... and they are able to let you know what their other clients think of said providers in advance.

I found all of those 'other providers' myself, except for the doctor, first psychiatrist and surgeon.  I asked for names of those three 'providers' and I got the relevant information I needed to continue.

Quote from: imallie on July 27, 2024, 12:39:47 AMSo in short, yes... I think a GOOD therapist is invaluable.

You are right, they can be invaluable.  Especially if you have a therapist like my current GP and she did provide me with the name of a gynaecologist who helped me in regards to my current health issue.  I have mentioned that in the future and I hope there will be a 'therapy' session involving two GP's and me, where they get to put the spotlight on me and give me the third degree so to speak.

So again, did I really need any help in what I was doing, not really.  I do look back and reflect upon what happened, done and dusted in two years, I could have had it done in one year, but the SOC prevented that and my lack of knowledge at the time prevented that also.  I have also read in my travels there are others like me that have done it in one year.  The question then remains what was their story, especially in regards to 'therapy'?

Hence coming back to me, no I never really needed any therapists help per se in living my life and where there is one who does not need 'therapists' help (me) there will be others.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@imallie

It wasn't necessary for me because I had a supportive partner and we talked about everything!

A big part of the delay in transitioning was getting around her body issues, not mine!
She was unable to go inside a Victoria's Secret, nothing fit her.
I once went into a men's store, asked if they had anything under a 30 inch waist size, and walked out.
There isn't anything that fits me in a men's store!

I learned a lot from her as she grew up a family of sisters.

A therapist puts another set of eyes on the challenge. Those eyes might be sage. And maybe not, but a therapist might be more useful if their perspective is discordant, if they say things that make you itch and twitch because they're shining light on your blind spots as opposed to a therapist who echoes what you say. I was trained to hear discordant perspectives. The training was tough and discomforting, but it's been invaluable. I don't believe for a nanosecond that one person, be it a wife, therapist, or anyone else, can foresee all that's coming. It takes a team, likely comprised of dedicated, frank friends and professionals.

I agree that having a team is invaluable. I am blessed to have such great people on my team at the VA. I have my psychologist and our VA LGBTQ+ Care Coordinator is also a psychologist, so they work in the same department. Then I have my Primary doctor, who works in the Primary Care dept., and my Gynecologist, who works in the Women's Health dept. Each dept has its own exam rooms scattered all over the clinic.

But in the back room (so to speak), there are cubicles where each provider has a desk and computer to enter their notes in records and such. In one area, all sitting near each other are all of my care providers and the head Pharmacy Technician. So if one is entering notes for a recent patient visit and has a question about medication or medical history or whatever, they can all discuss it right there. No need to go track someone down on the other side of the clinic. Over the years, that has proved to be very helpful.

Only "therapist" I saw was on my assessment at the GIC , like 10 mins to see if I was okay to go on their books!! But then the way my brain works its not something I need, like when I got assaulted  at work it was what it is. No trauma or worry just get on with life.

I believe that therapy is essential. Not an option.

I also believe that if you think therapy is unnecessary or not worth it.. then you have not met the right therapist, have not had the right therapy and as a result are at a disadvantage.

I had a lot of therapy, thanks to a less than pleasant childhood. I had some AWFUL therapy at the hands of the NHS. Who should not provide therapy at all from what I witnessed. I then found an amazing therapist that I could work with. I had a lot.. as I said.. I needed it - and I would guess most people would be fine with just a little.. but I strongly believe that EVERYONE needs at least a little.

Despite having 'lots' of therapy and living in my preferred gender for a long while - I still sought out the very best psychiatrists in order to 'double check' me and my conclusions before I went for surgery. These 2 therapist cost me thousands of pounds. Both endorsed me and my surgery without a blink. However, with the past trauma, the dissociation I suffered and everything blowing up in my life - to have a stranger, who has trained in all this, to look over my life, thoughts and notes and to come to the same conclusions I do.. was very, very affirming.

I have never had any regrets about what I went through and my transition. I know I would be dead had I not done that. I fear that people who end up with regrets are the ones who say 'therapy is not for me' when they start out on their transition journey.

If you are troubled by anything and a friend is not providing the help that is needed, seek out a competent professional.  Switch professionals if one is not working out for you.  However, remember that you may be properly advised to consider doing something you are uncomfortable doing, so keep that in mind before switching.

However switch if you feel unsafe or the therapist is clueless or unprofessional.

.

It terms of helping me to clarify my vision of my gender, plus help with the practicalities of transition, I would say that the various trans groups I've been involved in have probably helped me more than any therapist.   And I saw a number of therapists who were good at what they did, but were no help to me for this, because they, like most therapists and most medical professionals, had no clue when it came to trans issues, and had no clue as to how ignorant they were.  I had done a ton of reading, both of books and of on-line resources, over the course of a number of years, and kept finding that I knew more than these therapists.

I did see therapists, and still do, because I have a lot of other issues, most of which I can blame on C-PTSD from childhood.  The one I'm with I got as a recommendation from one of our local LGBT centers.

The thing is... a lot of stuff people have wrapped up in their gender identity is wholly separate from their gender identity. And a lot of issues people have in their life which they think is down to them being trans... actually isn't. It's down to other, way more common issues.

It takes a good therapist to ask the right questions to allow the individual to understand this. Not just to say "Yeah you are/aren't trans, and you should/shouldn't be eligible for treatment to alleviate the dysphoria you're feeling." If that's all you're using them for then you're kind of missing the point of what it's all about, in my opinion.

Therapy is, at its best, a way for you to explore yourself. To not be told anything but to allow you to discover things for yourself. Because as a species, we don't do well with being told things. We have to discover it for ourselves. That's the only way it works.

A good therapist is like Morpheus from the Matrix movies: "I can only show you the door, you are the one who must walk through it."

I found this to be true myself. I wasn't seeing a therapist about sexual or identity issues. But after doing a "deep dive" into my life experiences, the psychologist was able to make connections to figure out what was going on. He was connecting dots I didn't know existed. But as we revisited answers I had given to some very specific questions, I began to see what he saw.

I think another factor in this is that it took some deep digging into my past and showing me how these things affected my life. Many people are not comfortable digging that deep, or even to shine a light into those dark crevasses. And without total open honesty, results can be less than spectacular.

Quote from: Lori Dee on July 27, 2024, 05:52:35 PMI think another factor in this is that it took some deep digging into my past and showing me how these things affected my life. Many people are not comfortable digging that deep, or even to shine a light into those dark crevasses. And without total open honesty, results can be less than spectacular.

Yeah that's really the thing, Lori. We all tend to have so many walls up around ourselves as defence mechanisms, it can be extremely hard to pull them down and allow access to the core of who we are. We don't like vulnerability. We build our own castles based on everything we've been through. To keep out any kind of invasion.

But that's really what you have to do to be able to understand what's going on in the deepest parts of yourself. And therapy helps with that because, if your therapist is even remotely competent, they work with you in a non-invasive way. They allow you to explore without trying to just tear down these walls with assertions. The walls come down brick by brick, gently, rather than with a trebuchet.

That can be extremely self-affirming.

I remember the past and for what it was back then, I had a rather easy time of it.
I wasn't even bullied like a lot of girls, because my obnoxious brother wouldn't let me alone and helped me practice useful fighting skills, both offense and defense! A jab gets someone's attention.  Landing a right hook gets people to back off.