I am happy for you, and glad to hear things are going well. 

Thanks Rachael, Paulie, Daniel, Loridee and all the girls who read my posts.

  Went to my trans groups picnic today. I had Courtney as my wing girl. What a great time with the girls and guys. Good food and better company. For many this is as close as they get to going out in public as their true selves. Everyone was dressed so beautifully. I had ordered a pride shirt on line to wear and wouldn't you know it came at 7pm tonight. Oh well I was happy to wear a short skirt.
   I remember those firsts and the excitement/fear that brought. Now its more of an even joy ride. Yes life still throws me curves but its much easier to handle on one front.

I had a consult with a FFS doctor yesterday. He was very encouraging. He felt my nose would make my face more feminine. Felt every thing would look good if my nose was more proportioned and smaller. He said my cheeks, and chin look feminine and didn't suggest any other work than the nose. If we did a face lift, my neck and eyes would look old. It would kind of snowball. Bad part is, the nose job cost $15k! Insurance would cover some leaving me to pay $7k. My wife if dead set against it since we are still dealing with the $9k+ for the bottom surgery. Ill have to think on this one. 

My emotions did a real nose dive this week. After the consult with the FFS doc and my wifes reaction I have had a real depressive dive. I've been so euphoric since my bottom surgery, I just thought this was the new norm. My niece had a neighbor mowing the hay on the family farm. This really hurts. Dilation has been a little difficult. I'm told that is to be expected. Pain/ discomfort has been increasing. I have been forced to do some work in my business to keep it alive. I'm sure the doc would not approve. 
   I find I just want to move away from here and start fresh somewhere else but the finances will not allow this. My voice lessons are set to resume tomorrow. I have stopped all practicing and my voice has reverted to the old self, mostly. I did make an appointment with my therapist which I am sure will help.
  On a good note, went fishing with Courtney. This helped my mood a lot. Had a bit of swelling/pain the next day. Perhaps it was to soon for that but i needed it.

  A quick up date on my healing. So 5 1/2 weeks postop, dilation it's becoming more difficult as I've been moved up to the bigger green dilator. Depth is maintaining at 6 inches. Still quite affirming to be able to do this but the discomfort level has increased. Throughout the day as well not sure if it's because of the stretching or just the nerves coming back online. The continuous discharge from the lube and such is a bit annoying. Having to wear a pad 24 hours a day to catch it is bit of an annoyance, nevertheless it was to be expected.
   Had my blood work done this week E is now 167 that's up about 50 points from preop. Perhaps this was the reason for my high emotions last week. My breasts have noticed the higher E as well and grown considerably. I now must wear a bra under most of my clothes or as my wife says I look obscene. I just love the way they feel so soft and move. I spend most of my days now in a skirt and absolutely love it. The feeling of not having to hide my junk between my legs is amazing. Things are still a bit raw down there but are improving. The stitches, which are supposed to fall out on their own continue to hold on like porcupine quills.
   I have managed to get out in my garden and do some weeding, though I left the gate open and the deer went in and chewed up some of my sweet corn. All in all its a good ride.
Gina

Took me 6 months to fully settle in, don't rush as it will come. No douche to clean up after dilating? 

  Thanks Davina, I asked about the douche and the doc told me not to, as well.

  The deer finished eating the corn in the garden. Now that they know its there, they jump the fence. I'm contemplating replanting or just writing it off as a loss this year. I'm not really supposed to be doing the work yet anyway.

   Going to another pride picnic today with Courtney. Should be a nice time. The weather is supposed to be nice and its always a pleasure to spend time with Courtney.

   I forgot, I had my speech therapy this week. We are working on over articulation now. Therapist says men tend to cut thier vowels short and not speak as clearly. Definantly a problem for me as I have always been one to use the country slang. "Jueatyet" is out. Now I must say, "Did you eat, yet?" Not quite that bad but you get the idea.

Hi Gina,

I used to enunciate clearly but spoke in a monotone, so all I had to do was to learn to modulate my sentences properly.

I would write off the corn as a loss.  A double fence may help, but they have added incentive to figure it out if they know there is food in there.

Marion

Quote from: Maid Marion on July 21, 2024, 12:28:10 PMbut they have added incentive to figure it out if they know there is food in there.

A shotgun counteracts said "incentive". 

And fills the freezer!!

   I've been busy this past week. Dilating is, well a pain in the butt. Not really, just trying to find the time. I'm supposed to do it for 15 minutes, 3 times a day, but by the time I get set up and start, plus putting things away and cleaning up, more like 1/2 hour or more. Still not cleared to work, but I have been forced to do more and more. We have fallen behind and I have been forced to help. I refrain from the heavy lifting but find I'm doing more and more every day. Yesterday after a 9 hour day I came home wiped out and slightly sick to my stomach. Clearly I had done to much.
   I find that I loath doing mans work now. I hate putting on work clothes and getting dirty. I must do some mechanic work this weekend, oil change, brakes, etc. but I find I dread it. I'm not sure if this will pass or if its the new norm. Time will tell.
   Our local county fair starts today. Usually we take in a show there but this year I might pass. The thought of sitting on steel bleachers for several hours is more than I think I can handle right now. I miss ridding my horse and can't wait till its ok to ride again. Till then I will have to be content to just groom him.

Quote from: Gina P on July 27, 2024, 07:40:34 AMDilating is, well a pain in the butt.

Umm, Gina. I think you're doing it wrong. 
 

I only had to do it twice a day and that was a faff.

I had my doc appointment yesterday. He looked inside with a lighted speculum. Every thing is good. This guy is thorough! Moved me up to the large orange dilator. Cleared to now lift 20lbs and light duty work. He promises in 2 weeks to clear me to resume normal, activities and work. For now im not to overdue it but use my judgment. 

Glad to hear that your internal review went well. Hopefully you'll be able to get back into your normal routine soon.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Keep up the good work my dear and dont overdo stuff.

While in the docs office, I met a pretty woman. Since the doc does a myriad of plastic surgeries, I was not sure she was trans, so I was not sure how to approach her. She had a low cut top and amazing boobs showing so I asked her if she had done top surgery. Answer was yes. As we talked we, discussed our journey's and what we were looking to get done. She commented on my looks with, you are lucky, you are so pretty. Meanwhile I'm thinking how well she passed, only to find out she wanted full FFS and bottom surgery. I find it truly amazing how each of us looks at our faults and fixates on that while everyone else sees something different.

Quote from: Gina P on August 01, 2024, 05:51:37 AMWhile in the docs office, I met a pretty woman. Since the doc does a myriad of plastic surgeries, I was not sure she was trans, so I was not sure how to approach her. She had a low cut top and amazing boobs showing so I asked her if she had done top surgery. Answer was yes. As we talked we, discussed our journey's and what we were looking to get done. She commented on my looks with, you are lucky, you are so pretty. Meanwhile I'm thinking how well she passed, only to find out she wanted full FFS and bottom surgery. I find it truly amazing how each of us looks at our faults and fixates on that while everyone else sees something different.

I think this is so true for many of us. We usually are our own worst enemy. One of my favorite lines is 'mirrors are evil, they only show us what we want to see'. When we look in a mirror we are usually looking for flaws, so that's all we will see. If we use that same mirror to look for beauty, that's what we will see.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Oh, Gina, so true. I can't see through my dysphoria most of the time; it obfuscates my ability to see myself as a woman.

I learned to spot beauty in a piece of wood!
When I built models I learned how to shop for wood.
It is a skill to ignore the imperfections and see all the good wood to properly place the value on a piece of wood. 

I'd go craft and hobby stores to cherry pick the good wood!

I got to see the Cagary Stampede twenty years ago.  A really big time show!
I couple years ago I saw the horse races at the Big E while waiting for the Carly Rae Jepsen concert.