Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 28, 2024, 05:16:21 AMSo, are you hurting her or not?



There are women at Susan's who've configured solid, new relationships with their wives, like Jessica Rose, Allie, me, and others. I even invited you and your wife to visit my wife and me so the two of you could see what a healthy, loving relationship between a former husband and wife looks like, but you immediately declined. I assume you never even offered the possibility to your wife because you declined so quickly.

And I further observe that you never go to Jessica Rose or Allie or me or others with curiosity and humility and ask, "How did you do it?" Do you read Allie's blog? Read it everyday? She is a master communicator. You could learn a lot from her. I sure do. And you'd enjoy the teaching, as she is funny.

Have you ever asked Allie, "What exactly did you say to your wife way back when?"

If I failed and failed to run a certain set of rapids and I saw someone else succeeding, I'd pump that person for information. Why don't you want to learn how others have run the rapids successfully? Of course, it might not possible with your wife, but why not at least glean AS MUCH AS YOU CAN from those who have run the rapids? Stop posting about being sad. Navel-gazing keeps you from asking questions and learning. 

^This^ is what I wrote.

I know what you wrote. Hence the point of what I wrote in response.

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 06, 2024, 06:58:50 PMI am sorry that for a moment I shared a moment of gender dysphoria sadness. It happens.  I did among friends.

Sweetie... never, ever apologise for doing that. That's the literal point of this site. Were it not for people doing that... none of us would be here.

QuoteStop posting about being sad. Navel-gazing keeps you from asking questions and learning.

Oldandcreaky, you know I love you, but this is terrible advice. Emma, please don't ever stop posting about being sad, or happy, or anything else. One of the founding principles of this site was for people to come to have an outlet for what they are feeling. It's not your place, my place, or anyone else's place to tell someone that they can't express how they feel because you don't think it's the right way to be feeling. Honestly, if it bothers you, just don't read it.

The second someone stops talking about how they feel, that's the moment you have to worry. Take it from someone who bottles up a lot inside and never talks about it. Until it explodes.

Relationships are all different. For all you know Emma does read everything, but doesn't say anything. Because it takes two people to make a relationship work, and Emma knows her wife better than any of us do. They've shared a lifetime together. I don't think it's fair to say that she just isn't doing it right and that because other people have a different relationship, she should try to learn from them. Because she just has to change tack and it will all be awesome.

Judge not, lest ye be judged. As a very old book once said.

Thank you Sephirah.

Quote from: Sephirah on August 08, 2024, 02:55:13 PMFor all you know Emma does read everything, but doesn't say anything.

^This^ is easily answered: Do you read the blogs of women who've negotiated transition in marriage, Emma, like Allie's and Jessica Rose's?

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 08, 2024, 05:36:00 PM^This^ is easily answered: Do you read the blogs of women who've negotiated transition in marriage, Emma, like Allie's and Jessica Rose's?

I don't get why you have a vendetta. I've seen Emma posts in Allie's blog but... what even is this? Why are you so one-sided?

Is it so hard to accept that people might not have it as lassaiz-faire as other people? Because your life is one way, and the people you cheerlead for are the same way... good for all of you. Is it so hard to accept that not everyone is like you? That you just have to bully people into your way of thinking then everything will be okay?

Honey, no... this world isn't just about you and imallie. As much of a kindred spirit as you've found. Please stop trying to applying it to the rest of the world. People are allowed their own lives.

If you don't like it... do what my mum used to say: "If you can't say anything nice... don't say anything at all..."

And yeah, full disclosure.. Emma is one of my closest friends. I've seen her assaulted by many people since she started writing here. Because A) they didn't agree with what she was talking about... B) they were jealous of the way she wrote... capturing how many people feel... or C) because reasons... (that's always the one you have to be careful of, lol)

So yeah... you want to run this girl down... I'm afraid you're going to have to go through me. Because I am very loyal to my friends... and Emma is one of my best on this site.

Oh Sephirah❤️!

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 08, 2024, 06:43:33 PMOh Sephirah❤️!

I've got your back, sweetie. You know I have. <3

Its each to there own, if your happy we are happy XXXX

Hi Everyone

Thank you Emma for this post:

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 01, 2024, 02:17:35 PMI love this YouTube by a wife who explains why she stayed with her husband who fully transitioned even after they had three children.

https://youtu.be/6Xprh0MA7kM?si=cv80sOC4qJiR4y6_

Amanda has my total respect.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Emma1017

Sephirah, Emma reports that she is unhappy. I, in turn, encourage her to tap the wisdom of those who've negotiated a transition in marriage. You frame me as her "bully," but I'm trying to be her buddy.

Thanks Sarah. I think Amanda is amazing too.

O&C I believe you are trying to help but you are not reading what I wrote.  You presume that I haven't read the blog of others, which I have.  I just don't post because I generally have nothing to add.  You assume that I haven't considered all the other solutions that others have posted and that I have stubbornly chosen to just show up and complain. 

That is far from the truth.

I have learned from other women in my life that sometimes a "buddy" just needs to listen and not try and fix someone's problem. You insist that I don't have the capacity to analyze, process and implement solutions.  I make a living doing exactly that as a professional.  Take solace that if anyone on this site had the solution to my relationship with my wife and my being transgender, I would have implemented it years ago.

I have tried many paths.

The fact that we are still together is proof that that some of the suggestions I found here have worked.

Thank you again Sephirah for understanding and having my back.

https://kevincarson.com/2019/07/23/just-being-there-for-each-other/
Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are."

"Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less.

I just know that if I were transitioning today, I'd read and reread Allie's blog because it's a template for her successes. Allie has been specific about the words and actions she's employed. Heck, if I could go back in time, I'd change much of what I said and did to follow in Allie's footsteps. I don't suggest Allie's blog because she's a bud. I suggest it because it's so specific.

It's akin to watching Allie build a fine house that's energy efficient, comfortable, and comely. I'd gaze at her house and wish that I had the same.

"Here are the plans," Allie might say. "They're in my blog."

Gosh, I'd read that blog. Study it. Memorize it. 

Anyway, I made my point. Going forward, I could only be redundant. 

O&C if you had simply said in the beginning:

 "I just know that if I were transitioning today, I'd read and reread Allie's blog because it's a template for her successes. Allie has been specific about the words and actions she's employed."

That would have been fine but tone was insultingly personal and inappropriate to the situation I was address.

I agree, time to move on.

Maid Marion great quote from Winnie the Pooh!  It made me smile. Thank you.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 09, 2024, 08:42:30 AMI just know that if I were transitioning today, I'd read and reread Allie's blog because it's a template for her successes. Allie has been specific about the words and actions she's employed. Heck, if I could go back in time, I'd change much of what I said and did to follow in Allie's footsteps. I don't suggest Allie's blog because she's a bud. I suggest it because it's so specific.

It's akin to watching Allie build a fine house that's energy efficient, comfortable, and comely. I'd gaze at her house and wish that I had the same.

"Here are the plans," Allie might say. "They're in my blog."

Gosh, I'd read that blog. Study it. Memorize it. 

Anyway, I made my point. Going forward, I could only be redundant. 

O&C I think you are misunderstanding to the point of rudeness. I read Emma's words as "I just need a hug right now, not advice". Sometimes a hug is everything. That doesn't take away from your advice or allie's blog. Asking for a hug just means Emma's self aware enough to be able to articulate what she needs. I respect, deeply respect, that kind of self awareness.

I believe every marriage is unique. No one blog or set of blogs holds the key for every situation. I believe Emma knows what's best for her situation and her needs.

~Jenn

Quote from: Jenn104 on August 09, 2024, 09:01:09 AMO&C I think you are misunderstanding to the point of rudeness. I read Emma's words as "I just need a hug right now, not advice". Sometimes a hug is everything. That doesn't take away from your advice or allie's blog. Asking for a hug just means Emma's self aware enough to be able to articulate what she needs. I respect, deeply respect, that kind of self awareness.

I believe every marriage is unique. No one blog or set of blogs holds the key for every situation. I believe Emma knows what's best for her situation and her needs.

~Jenn

This. So much this. What a wonderful post.

Sometimes people just need to be around people. Need a hug. Nothing more than that. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That's why I came to this site back in the day... just to be around other people who got what I was going through. And were there with kind words and support. Sometimes all we need is to know we're not alone. Nothing more than that.

People wanting a hug is what this site was built on. It's a refuge for those who need a place to take stock and work out their own issues. Support doesn't just mean telling people what to do differently... it means just being there for them and making them feel just that little bit better in the darkest points of their lives. That can make all the difference.

Have a nice weekend Emma!

Chrissy

Thank you Jenn, Sephirah, Chrissy. 

Have a great week end!