QuoteWell, early in the game, one of the ushers came over to our seats and said "Oooh, I really like your outfit tonight - you look nice in the pink" and walked away.

Unless his intonation or body language said something contrary to ^these words,^ I'm confused as to why you think this was "gross." I read it as he simply saw you. So many of us old gals are invisible. Being seen seems sweet.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 15, 2024, 03:05:04 AMUnless his intonation or body language said something contrary to ^these words,^ I'm confused as to why you think this was "gross." I read it as he simply saw you. So many of us old gals are invisible. Being seen seems sweet.

Last night, before we went to another game... my wife said, "let's see if anyone tries to flirt with you tonight!"
She was, of course, teasing me... but he was unequivocally flirting, and on a number of levels I found it uncomfortable. I mean, had we been chatting and he said that I'm sure I'd have been taken aback, but he literally startled me by walking up leaning down into my personal space and saying that.
I think that's why I found it creepy. But I don't think HE was creepy, just that action, you know?
*sigh* a bit hard to articulate I suppose. I just think it caught me off guard and because it was unwanted it hit me wrong.

I do know and I get it now.

Lovely day at the beach here in RI. We got to spend the morning on the beach with a few of my wife's sisters (and one brother-in-law), had a nice swim, and then the wife and I took a nice walk down to Galilee to a little ocean-front restaurant for a sushi lunch.
Back to the hotel to let me crash for a few hours before a much bigger group of family got together for dinner. That side of the family is just so wonderful to me. I mean, they always have been... but with my transition they haven't skipped a bit. Yeah, sure there's the occasional slip and a misgendering from one sister (who also misgenders the our non-binary niece) but she's tremendously supportive, I just think she's 70 years old and it doesn't click for her. I don't take it personally.

The big event was today I decide to really commit to a full-bore ocean swim with my hair topper. So I dove in and swam and all seemed good. It was drying fine, walking to lunch it was good and when we got to the hotel I showered and conditioned and my only regret was I was probably going to lose all the nice curls my stylist had put in over the weekend.

But here's the thing, I think when I washed my hair I still "washed" it a bit too.. chaotically. It's been a long time since I've had hair anyway, so I running my fingers through my hair like I was kneading dough. And the result was I came out of the shower a tangly knotted mess.

Between my wife and I, various brushes, combs, my fingers, a hair dryer, my styling spray and the power of prayer... after like AN HOUR my wife reported that "the BACK looks the nicest I've ever gotten it."

The front looks like an exploded poodle.

Another 45 minutes with the brush and trying to work through a few knots I got to something somewhat presentable (but only with a hair band to assist). We hadn't brought the hair straightener. That was a mistake. That would have helped.

I'm hopeful as I am about to go to sleep that lying on it for a few hours will calm it down.

But the plan is now tomorrow morning we're getting up and we should have time to run over to the beach for an hour, but no more — because we have a "girls' lunch" with us and three sisters-in-law and we'll really be on a tight schedule what with checking out and getting to to restaurant. Still, girls lunch should be fun.

We'll likely just walk the beach, but we talked about taking a quick swim too.

Before she  went to sleep, I said to my wife - "Well tomorrow morning, when I dunk my head under.."

"I will f***king kill you if you even THINK about doing that," said my wife with a I'm kidding — mostly — laugh.

So, yeah, if we do swim - I'm wading up to my hips — boobs at most.

I'm sure we'll get better at the hair styling... but tomorrow is NOT the time for that!

Poofily yours,
Allie




 

As a dog lover and fangirl of your wife, I beg you, "Don't explode the poodle again!"

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 16, 2024, 06:14:43 AMAs a dog lover and fangirl of your wife, I beg you, "Don't explode the poodle again!"

😂😂😂😂

Trust me, shan't happen again.

You need a pink hat to cover up the mess on bad hair days!

Allie I remember my mom, who had beautiful long hair, would tuck it all into a bathing cap.  We also have a photo of my wife and her sister back in the early 1960's in bath caps and inflatable tubes around their waists.

Not a good look for either of them but a great photo for the time.

Quote from: Emma1017 on August 16, 2024, 08:28:43 AMAllie I remember my mom, who had beautiful long hair, would tuck it all into a bathing cap.  We also have a photo of my wife and her sister back in the early 1960's in bath caps and inflatable tubes around their waists.

Not a good look for either of them but a great photo for the time.

I'm all about the shower cap, Emma! And Marion I do have and older pink Mets hat which is now my "beach" hat so it's designed to walk info the water with me!

As for a full-on swimming cap, Emma? 😂

I think I'm going to, sadly, most of the time turn into my mom (and my mother-in-law) - "queens of the dog paddle", so head always bobbing above the water.  😉

My real goal is to figure this all out by April. So when we got to Cancun for two weeks I can be at the point of not having to worry about it.  We'll see! 🤞

Quote from: imallie on August 16, 2024, 01:29:58 AMThe front looks like an exploded poodle.

Now there's an image.

Straighteners can be evil... I have very long hair, naturally curly. Trying to iron your hair can be like trying to fight a dragon. Even if you win, you still get burned.

Quote from: Sephirah on August 16, 2024, 02:07:47 PMNow there's an image.

Straighteners can be evil... I have very long hair, naturally curly. Trying to iron your hair can be like trying to fight a dragon. Even if you win, you still get burned.

Just got home and the hot iron was crucial in calming it the hell down. I looked like the blonde Rosanne Rosannasanna (look it up, kids!)   

The nice curls my stylist put in this weekend are long gone, but I can work with this, I think. 🙏🤔😉

Quote from: imallie on August 16, 2024, 03:10:23 PMJust got home and the hot iron was crucial in calming it the hell down. I looked like the blonde Rosanne Rosannasanna (look it up, kids!) 

The nice curls my stylist put in this weekend are long gone, but I can work with this, I think. 🙏🤔😉

LOL I did look it up. Omg. I refuse to believe that, Allie.

Reminds me of Monica from that episode of friends...

It just goes ta show ya, it's always somethin'.

Quote from: Sephirah on August 16, 2024, 03:15:05 PMLOL I did look it up. Omg. I refuse to believe that, Allie.

Reminds me of Monica from that episode of friends...

Yeah, that's about how it started... 😂

It's much better now. I'm guessing over the next 24-48 hours it'll continue to get better.

But I think the key is that when I wash it, I just need to scrub less, and wash more of the ends.

And then don't go anywhere without my heat treatment tool!!

Nice morning at the beach, btw..

Early morning walk and some time with my wife's sister who travels up from North Carolina a few times a year. She and her husband are very supportive, but this morning the misgendering was REALLY flying... he hit me with a "yes Sir!" And a few other things like that... I tried very hard NOT to roll my eyes, because, as mentioned, I know they're supportive and they just don't have that club in their bag.

I think if we were going to spend a lot of time with them, I'd say something. But a few times a year? I'm not inclined to make someone feel bad — it just seems unnecessarily punitive.

But then we did girls' lunch. It was me and my wife, two of her sisters and one sister-in-law, all of whom live down there. We think once we move down this will become something of a thing. And we're all for it. It's really great.

It's not one thing, but it's just feeling like one of the girls that is very cool.  At one point I showed them all my new license, and one sister said she can't get over how amazing my skin is.

She said "I don't know if it's related to what you're going through or not, but it's really beautiful!"

I said "I think it's part hormones, part Botox, and part genetics." My wife added that it was also due to a life of "no hard physical labor." 😂

Anyway, other than that little bit of conversation we didn't really talk about my journey at all ... which is fine by me. But it couldn't really have been a more affirming lunch.

Love,
Allie

Thanks for the update, Allie.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 17, 2024, 08:02:08 AMThanks for the update, Allie.

Least I can do, my friend!

And I mean that literally. I probably could try a bit harder to write more cogently at times! 😉

Ha!

The weird thing about being misgendered is that you go out and about, living your new life, and everyone who sees you for their first time sees you as Allie because you look like Allie, but the people who first saw you way back when are still seeing you way back when.

Transpeople aren't the only ones who are confounded by eyes that see the past. A mother who asserts that her 50-year old daughter will always be her baby never adapted. Same with the 92-year old father who looks at his 70-year old son as someone to be overseen rather than a peer.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 17, 2024, 11:18:44 AMHa!

The weird thing about being misgendered is that you go out and about, living your new life, and everyone who sees you for their first time sees you as Allie because you look like Allie, but the people who first saw you way back when are still seeing you way back when.

Transpeople aren't the only ones who are confounded by eyes that see the past. A mother who asserts that her 50-year old daughter will always be her baby never adapted. Same with the 92-year old father who looks at his 70-year old son as someone to be overseen rather than a peer.

Very true.

And I think because of that, plus:

- the universal support I get socially
- the unwavering support I have from my wife and son
- the way I feel about myself

The familial misgendering (especially coming, as it does, with unqualified acceptance) doesn't bother me in the slightest. 

That's beyond "cool beans." That's beans at 0 degrees Kelvin.