Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 24, 2024, 06:39:58 PM"Deadwood" is profane Shakespeare. Imagine if Billy Shakes wrote with his genius, but the word preferences of a drunk sailor.

I'm already sold 😂

It's by David Milch yes? He of Hill Street Blues and NYPD Blue, yes? While I never watched those shows much I know they were generally considered well written. 

For me, give me anything Sorkin's written (big or little screen) anything Mamet has written (big screen or stage) or anything Vince Gilligan writes or creates.

I just love a well-written piece.

Love,
Allie

I finished watching it for a second time a couple weeks ago and I still reflect on the characters.

Took a day off of ... everything today. We had a lovely weekend. A couple of really nice walks. A cool, but challenging hike we love near a resevoir ... beautiful views but some pretty long steep uphill parts which, especially with my reduced stamina, were ROUGH... and then on Sunday we got to go check out this really cool floating boardwalk on a lake — which the boy helped the city procure $1.9 mil in ARPA funds to complete. So it was really nice to experience something like that, knowing he had a big role in making that happen... something so many people are enjoying.

But today.. just... didn't feel inspired to do anything on my to do list.

So tomorrow?

1. I've got everything ready, so I will go to the post office and apply for my new passport. The last of the ID trilogy.

2. Will message my PCP, sending him the welcome packet to my chosen bottom surgery surgeons... since he is the one who is required (by them) to start the process by requesting a consult.

3. Will message my therapist, to let her know about #2, since that means I'll be needing her letter shortly... since that letter is the other element needed to get the consult.

I also need a notarized affidavit from her, stating that I'd undergone gender transition — which will allow me to apply for a new birth certificate with a gender marker change. Hate asking her that part — as the notarized part is a pain. But since it's no rush, hopefully can just do it next time she happens to be in the presence of a notary.

So that will be my Tuesday!

Love,
Allie

P.S. Oh, by the way... hadn't shared this. As mentioned, my wife and I booked a two-week trip to Cancun in April. So we decided over the weekend to start trying to pick up some Spanish. We are committed to 20 minutes a day. We figure if we do that, for seven months... we should be able to at least have some rudimentary phrases and sentences so as to be respectful of the staff.  Plus, it's kind of a fun little couples project.

Buenos noches! 😉

Oh and um...

Yo como manzanas   — I eat apples. Which I do? But isn't SUPER helpful in every day conversation, I don't think.

Quote from: imallie on August 26, 2024, 08:01:03 PMYo como manzanas   — I eat apples. Which I do? But isn't SUPER helpful in every day conversation, I don't think.

The only thing I recall from high school Spanish class was:

"Si, y tambien la pimienta." A very useful phrase except that I don't like pepper and would never ask for it. I have spoken this phrase about twenty times in my life... all of them in the classroom.

Quote from: imallie on August 26, 2024, 08:01:03 PMand then on Sunday we got to go check out this really cool floating boardwalk on a lake — which the boy helped the city procure $1.9 mil in ARPA funds to complete. So it was really nice to experience something like that, knowing he had a big role in making that happen... something so many people are enjoying.

So, your boy had you walking on water, as did the rest of your life. Cool!

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 27, 2024, 04:01:55 AMSo, your boy had you walking on water, as did the rest of your life. Cool!

Had an interesting/teachable experience when getting my passport done at the local USPS.

There was just one person in line in front of me, and the older male clerk who was helping her was on the phone (calling someone on her behalf)... when he saw I had a folder, he held the phone away from his mouth, and I COULD HAVE SWORN I heard him say: "I'll be right with you, SIR"

Now... since I've been out in public, I have been misgendered exactly ZERO times. I haven't even caught a sideways glance from anyone, to be honest... even in that first week.  And I looked nice this morning to boot.

So this kind of floored me. As I waited I kept thinking "is that really what he said? It sure sounded like it"

When I got to the counter he was perfectly pleasant and friendly. And our interaction was really nice. He might also have called me "Ma'am" during it. I don't recall, because I think I was still in my head a bit about the earlier comment.

I would have said something, but of course I was doing a new passport to change my name and gender, so once I handed him the folder with my old passport in it... it would have been pointless anyway, you know?

Regardless, we finished up, we exchanged pleasantries and I went on with the rest of my day.

But it clearly remained on my mind.

As the day went on, what I realized was — if he did indeed say it, that's really HIS damage, nothing to do with me. Because if he somehow identified me as a former male, with how I was dressed, my hair, my boobs (not big ... but they exist)... to call me "Sir" would be a purposeful act of malice. And that's on him.

And I've interacted with 1,000 people since coming out. I can't doubt myself with a 1:1000 ratio, you know?

But even so, this took hours. And it made me appreciate just how hurtful it must be for those who face that all the time. It made my heart hurt.

Of course, when my wife came home and I related the story to her, she shook her head. "No f*ing way" was how she assessed the possibility that he misgendered me.

I suppose that did wipe away whatever tiny bit of lingering doubt remained... although I noticed myself being, for the first time, a tiny bit self-conscious, walking into the ladies room at the ballpark tonight.

But like I said, I consider this a teachable moment for myself. As full of self-confidence as I felt I was... I still have a bit of room to grow.

I know the feeling.

A neighbor who lives two doors down from me was speaking with the Property Manager about something. She pointed to me and said, "Him I trust." As I removed the knife from my heart, I thought, "Why did she say that? This woman knocked on my door at night to ask me for help and saw me in my nightgown."

Like you, I couldn't shake it. I was not part of the conversation, so it was not malice. Plus, she was giving me a compliment.

I realized that people do not give a thought to what gender they are using on a day-to-day basis. Those of us who pay attention are usually doing so at all times. The property manager is careful to be respectful of all residents and guests. But the Average Joe doesn't think about what they are saying. It isn't malice though.

We all want to be seen as we are. When I'm out walking, I do my best to see people as they are.

An octogenarian will be on her knees in her garden and I'll say, "Hey, hard worker. Thank you for your gift to the neighborhood. It's beautiful."

Or if I see some men sweating at a construction site, I'll simply say, "Hey, hard workers."

They always smile when they're seen, when they hear that I see their labor.

Trans-people want to be seen in the most fundamental way, the answer to the question those gathered for the birth of a baby first ask, "is it a boy or a girl?"

The answer to that question tells us how to approach that person. If you can't answer that question correctly, you are clueless in your approach.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 28, 2024, 06:53:57 AMWe all want to be seen as we are. When I'm out walking, I do my best to see people as they are.

An octogenarian will be on her knees in her garden and I'll say, "Hey, hard worker. Thank you for your gift to the neighborhood. It's beautiful."

Or if I see some men sweating at a construction site, I'll simply say, "Hey, hard workers."

They always smile when they're seen, when they hear that I see their labor.

Trans-people want to be seen in the most fundamental way, the answer to the question those gathered for the birth of a baby first ask, "is it a boy or a girl?"

The answer to that question tells us how to approach that person. If you can't answer that question correctly, you are clueless in your approach.

I agree with everything you've said above (and forgive me but I might add "hey hard worker" to my "be nice to strangers" routine. That's a keeper!)

But I think what I was trying to stress, was what this lesson confirmed for me is that the most important person to see you is yourself. We need to be able to fill our own tanks sometimes, in addition to the public affirmation. Because then when the latter is removed (or never comes) you still feel good about yourself. We can't be 100% defined by others.

This transcends being trans, but because this isn't a forum about loving model trains ... I'm not talking about why it's important that you feel like it's ok for you to love model trains, and you don't need to have other people tell you it's cool or exciting to validate such an essential part of your identity.   

Quote from: imallie on August 28, 2024, 02:33:06 PMI agree with everything you've said above (and forgive me but I might add "hey hard worker" to my "be nice to strangers" routine. That's a keeper!)

But I think what I was trying to stress, was what this lesson confirmed for me is that the most important person to see you is yourself. We need to be able to fill our own tanks sometimes, in addition to the public affirmation. Because then when the latter is removed (or never comes) you still feel good about yourself. We can't be 100% defined by others.

This transcends being trans, but because this isn't a forum about loving model trains ... I'm not talking about why it's important that you feel like it's ok for you to love model trains, and you don't need to have other people tell you it's cool or exciting to validate such an essential part of your identity.   

Well said, you two.

Wait...

We have TRAINS? 

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 28, 2024, 02:37:51 PMWell said, you two.

Wait...

We have TRAINS? 

If you want to collect trains, you gotta wear the hat.. and you need to big wood whistle. It's a complete set.  So... think long and hard before going down that particular rabbit hole. You might want to stay in your precious jewels lane, my friend!

(And I'll stick with comic book art - that's geeky enough!)

Here's some updates from my medical world today... I don't think any one of these items are remotely unique, but probably everyone going through transition can identify with one or more of them. They just all hit within four hours, which was kind of eye-rollingly hilarious.

9:00 am: late on Tuesday I'd messaged my PCP, asking him to take a look at the welcome package for the GenderCare center I want to consider for my bottom surgery, and if he could please put together the referral letter of support required to get a consultation. It's somewhat complicated, but I gave him a bunch of the info, and asked him to contact me with any questions or when it was done.

So imagine how happy I was to see a message at 9:00 am this morning from him. Even if it was a question, at least he'd engaged on it.

Instead? It was his nurse saying that he'd put in the order for my colonoscopy and here was the phone number for me to call to set it up.  I should have known right there where this day was going ...

10:00 am - At my weekly session, I told my electrologist that insurance had told me that I could be reimbursed for the previous twelve months of treatments, and everything going forward (despite explicit contradiction in the online transgender care guidelines for the provider). All I need from her are a set of paid invoices (I just pay her via Venmo, so I said I'm happy to create something that she could just ok) and her tax ID number.

Well, since she's a solo practitioner... she doesn't have a Tax ID number, she does everything under her SS#. And I certainly don't want to take that and send it to anyone via email. You should NEVER do that. She agreed.  So I said I'd send insurance lady to her website.

She told me that TWO DAYS AGO her website was taken down... because the provider was bought out and the new owner wouldn't allow her to pay her bill because she couldn't remember the name of her second grade teacher -- the security question she used when she set it up 10 years ago. So now it's in dispute.

So all I have is her business card...*sigh*

12:00 pm - when I got home, I realized that I hadn't gotten my labs back from a week ago... to test my estradiol levels which had been dipping. So I messaged my endo. She replied 30 minutes later and said she got them, and said she just got them (I hadn't yet) and my levels went up slightly... but not enough.

So she wanted to increase my patch levels and see what that does between now and my next appt in six weeks. Right now I do twice a week 0.1 patch and 0.05 patch. She wants me to do TWO 0.1 patches...and she called in the order.

12:45 pm - got word from CVS that insurance will NOT cover the script because it's a prematurely early refill (the didn't realize that she was doubling the dose, I guess?)... so I'll try to jury-rig with a single 0.1 patch and a pair of 0.05 patches for a few weeks...

And by then my migraine was in full bloom!

So... a full-rich, and very fruitful day along the NEVER BUMPY road of transition! 

Love,
Allie

Quote from: imallie on August 28, 2024, 10:05:03 PMgot word from CVS that insurance will NOT cover the script because it's a prematurely early refill (the didn't realize that she was doubling the dose, I guess?

My cousin went through this with several different pharmacies. My brother, (her doctor), had to contact the insurance and the pharmacies to get it straightened out.

It should not be any bureaucrat's business how often my doctor wants me to eat a pill or how many. Mind your own business! Sheesh.   

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 28, 2024, 10:12:56 PMIt should not be any bureaucrat's business how often my doctor wants me to eat a pill or how many.

And yet... 

I did message my endo about the issue, and told her of my solution. Hopefully she might resubmit the order in a way to get it to go through. But otherwise if she says my plan is fine, I will deal with it.

And I thought getting my patches was a PIA, have to phone pharmacy to get them to email doc for a prescription to get sent to them electronically every time I need some. Rang last Fri and got a text they are ready yesterday!   and that was with a holiday Mon.

Quote from: imallie on August 28, 2024, 10:05:03 PMHere's some updates from my medical world today... I don't think any one of these items are remotely unique, but probably everyone going through transition can identify with one or more of them. They just all hit within four hours, which was kind of eye-rollingly hilarious.

9:00 am: late on Tuesday I'd messaged my PCP, asking him to take a look at the welcome package for the GenderCare center I want to consider for my bottom surgery, and if he could please put together the referral letter of support required to get a consultation. It's somewhat complicated, but I gave him a bunch of the info, and asked him to contact me with any questions or when it was done.

So imagine how happy I was to see a message at 9:00 am this morning from him. Even if it was a question, at least he'd engaged on it.

Instead? It was his nurse saying that he'd put in the order for my colonoscopy and here was the phone number for me to call to set it up.  I should have known right there where this day was going ...

10:00 am - At my weekly session, I told my electrologist that insurance had told me that I could be reimbursed for the previous twelve months of treatments, and everything going forward (despite explicit contradiction in the online transgender care guidelines for the provider). All I need from her are a set of paid invoices (I just pay her via Venmo, so I said I'm happy to create something that she could just ok) and her tax ID number.

Well, since she's a solo practitioner... she doesn't have a Tax ID number, she does everything under her SS#. And I certainly don't want to take that and send it to anyone via email. You should NEVER do that. She agreed.  So I said I'd send insurance lady to her website.

She told me that TWO DAYS AGO her website was taken down... because the provider was bought out and the new owner wouldn't allow her to pay her bill because she couldn't remember the name of her second grade teacher -- the security question she used when she set it up 10 years ago. So now it's in dispute.

So all I have is her business card...*sigh*

12:00 pm - when I got home, I realized that I hadn't gotten my labs back from a week ago... to test my estradiol levels which had been dipping. So I messaged my endo. She replied 30 minutes later and said she got them, and said she just got them (I hadn't yet) and my levels went up slightly... but not enough.

So she wanted to increase my patch levels and see what that does between now and my next appt in six weeks. Right now I do twice a week 0.1 patch and 0.05 patch. She wants me to do TWO 0.1 patches...and she called in the order.

12:45 pm - got word from CVS that insurance will NOT cover the script because it's a prematurely early refill (the didn't realize that she was doubling the dose, I guess?)... so I'll try to jury-rig with a single 0.1 patch and a pair of 0.05 patches for a few weeks...

And by then my migraine was in full bloom!

So... a full-rich, and very fruitful day along the NEVER BUMPY road of transition! 

Love,
Allie

Dang potholes! I wish they'd fix the road. Sigh.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 29, 2024, 06:07:16 AMDang potholes! I wish they'd fix the road. Sigh.

👍

I guess that's why we all make sure we do this in a four-wheel drive vehicle, and try to remember ever day it's not a race — so we can take it at whatever pace we need to so as to make going over each of those potholes as painless as possible.

Quote from: imallie on August 29, 2024, 06:39:21 AM👍

I guess that's why we all make sure we do this in a four-wheel drive vehicle, and try to remember ever day it's not a race — so we can take it at whatever pace we need to so as to make going over each of those potholes as painless as possible.

Sweet job of stretching the metaphor. You stretched it like Stretch Armstrong being used in a tug-of-war between two pit bulls. Have you ever considered becoming a writer?

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 29, 2024, 06:57:45 AMSweet job of stretching the metaphor. You stretched it like Stretch Armstrong being used in a tug-of-war between two pit bulls. Have you ever considered becoming a writer?

Oh God no. Those people are the worst. 😘