I'm not entirely sure I'm in the right place, but hopefully this group can appreciate where I'm coming from and overlook the difference.  And if anyone can recommend a forum closer to my gender situation I'm open to it.

I want to come out and even sort out how to fully express my own gender issue, and all the forums Google showed me on the topic of gender were trans-specific and I'm not trans.  I think I'm somewhere on the non-binary scale in between cisgender and the center spot folks who beat me to the term intergender.

It's hard to be a man when at least a good fourth of who I am as a person is woman.  A multitude of subtle mannerisms and even some of my instinctive responses to certain situations are solidly coded as female.  Hard wired into my brain to be a big old girl in a lot of ways.  And I don't regret who I am in that regard.  I embrace it.

I used to try and act different because I've spent most of my life in right wing conservative cultures in which I've always felt I had to.  That only goes so far, and that distance is doomed to fall short of its goal.

I can't imagine any trans woman possibly being unable to share my recurring childhood experience of being bullied for "being a sissy" when I was trying not to.  And I'm close enough to the male side that I feel right and comfortable to identify as a heterosexual man.  I don't even want to imagine what that must have been like for a trans girl.  And so that goes on life experience after life experience with gender issues.  Which is why I think I may be in the right place after all.

For now, I'll just call myself an intergendered hetero male for want of a more accurate term.  And in doing so I expect to catch flack both from purists of the current terminology du-jour as well as from the gender deniers and homophobes on the other side.  And if a female-coded response or manner emboldens another urban street type to call me the b-word ever again I'm calling him or her a misogynist for it.

Welcome Jordan Lee,

I am similar to you in that I have very feminine mannerisms as well.
But, I also have a small petite hourglass figure, so I've always "male failed."

Fortunately I moved to a New England community that is quite tolerant of those who don't fit on the binary!

Marion

Hello Jordan Lee,

Welcome to Susan's Place. You are in the right place!

Thank you for that wonderful introduction. Although this is a Transgender Resource Forum, we embrace everyone within the LGBTQ+ Community and its allies. Everyone is welcome here. We have sections for transgender people who are MtF or FtM, we have sections for non-binary and intersex too.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. Being bullied, and forced into a male hetero role. It wasn't until I got into therapy for other reasons that I discovered that I was transgender. I began transitioning at age 62, so it is never too late to discover who you are. If interested, my story is linked below in my signature line.

If you do not yet have a therapist, I would strongly urge you to seek one out that has experience in gender identities. They can help you find answers and navigate the path to happiness. If things go bad for you, they are there for you to talk to. Our members and staff here are also available to help with support, advice, and virtual hugs when you need one.

Feel free to browse the site. Click the HOME button will take you to a page where you can see all of the various sub-forums. Feel free to comment and share your experiences too. That is how we all learn. If you get lost or need help, just reach out and someone will be along to guide you.

I will add some links here that are important for new members. Pay special attention to the links in red. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile. If you haven't already done so, please be sure to check your email for a link to activate your account.

Until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at  LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee

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Standard Terms & Definitions Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) Cautionary Note News posting & quoting guidelines Photo, avatars, & signature images policy Membership Agreement

@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Thank you, ladies, both of you.  It means a lot to me to get such a warm welcome.

I think I should clarify.  Childhood bullies didn't have to coerce me into a hetero male role.  I was already there.  It's just that my version of being a hetero mail has a lot of female mental wiring.  A lot. Which wiring can't help but show up in my body language and my reflexive responses to some situations or stimuli.

I got bullied for being too feminine of a hetero male.  A good satirical exaggeration of me was a Saturday Night Live character,  Lyle the effeminate heterosexual.  A much closer and more recent one, still slightly exaggerated though, would be Raj of "The Big Bang Theory."  Just to narrow down my location on the spectrum of gender.

Of course, that's still way to naturally feminine for a boy growing up in a small town in Oklahoma.  Coming of age on the Texas Coast, everyone just thought I was gay.  At one point, I actually experimented some here and there and determined that I wasn't.

Then when I fled the Petroleum Belt economy, I landed in Nashville where the peer pressure to be "manlier" continued throughout my adult life, just without the physical bullying for the most part.  This is where I recall being grateful that Meg Ryan was as pretty as she was because that gave me an excuse to watch romantic comedies now and then.

Now, at 62 I have a small plot of low value desert land at a location where it's OK to live in my own private campsite on a fixed income.

Sweetie, you are who you are. No one can take that from you.

This forum prides itself in being open and welcome to anyone and everyone. However they identify. I guarantee you will find, within these walls, people who have been through what you are going through, okay?

You are very, very welcome here. <3

Hello Jordan

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well and I hope others do too.

You most certainly are in the right place, given your wonderful description on where you are coming from.  Introduction Forum is definitely the right place to start, members here on Susan's welcome people from all over the world and of course different backgrounds as well.  You can be assured that where you are coming from will be appreciated as telling your story, others can learn from it.

In regards to gender issues everyone has a degree of femininity or masculinity in them.  I'm just a female and to this day I do not know how much masculinity I have left in me, even as I child, I did not know.  I have always accepted who I am and I have never questioned it.  So embracing your femininity is a natural thing for you to do.

My mum used to say to me, "you are sometimes a bit heavy handed", so in a sense one or two traits did persist for awhile.  As I said; 'I don't know what male traits I have anymore'.  One thing that I thought of not long after I changed my life around and it was thinking about how to act.

However, I just said to myself, 'be yourself, do not change that in anyway' or something similar.  So I just went about my daily shenanigans as just plain old me, by doing so, I never had any problems whatsoever.  So just be yourself and no you don't have to be in any group that you do not feel comfortable in.

No one can know how another person goes through their childhood or adult life.  You can only share your experience.  They say talking about oneself is a very good way to get things of ones chest and in a sense is a good form of therapy.

You are right life just goes on and that never changes from day to day.  I can attest to that.  If you read my story you will know what happened to me.  Changed my clothes and went back to work, albeit on the other side of the country, sums it up.

Funny enough you should mention the 'current terminology'.  I never knew the 'lingo' when I changed my life around and it was not around either at the time and I do not subscribe to it, to this day.  So you will not get any flak from me on that issue alone and others I hope.  Just because we belong to a community that has similar goals, does not mean that we cannot hold opposing view.

One of the best tactics I ever used and that is tit for tat.  So if others call you whatever then call them something similar.  However, the better dignified response would be to ignore them or don't give them the time of day.

So I would also say, like Lori did and see a 'therapist' if you want too, to sort out your gender issues.  In the mean time grab a drink, pull up a chair and read various sections on Susan's Place.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@Jordan Lee

@Jordan Lee
Dear Jordan Lee:
I see that you have been greeted and welcomed by several of our members already. 
Of course I also wish to join in with your Welcoming.

You were given a lot of terrific suggestions by our members that greeted you that will help bring
you success in your journey.

  @Lori Dee correctly advised that you should try to find a gender therapist to help you
    figure out the whys and wherefores that will help you explore your situation.
    As she indicated you can view all of the Forum boards to explore the topics that are available.                           
          Susan's Place Transgender Resources  https://www.susans.org/index.php
                   
  @Sarah B mentioned that you would be well advised to do some first hand reading
    of the various threads and topics around the Forum and a good place to start is
    the Transsexual talk board which includes many postings and experiences authored
    by our members that are perhaps discussing helpful information that will interest
    you in you own situation.     
        Transsexual talk  https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,28.0.html

  @Sephirah and @Maid Marion  have been long time active members here and have an
      abundance of experience that they can continue to share with you.

As you get more involved in the Forum conversations posting your questions and thoughts,
you will most likely find some like minded members that could become your friends here.

We strive to keep the Susan's Place Forum a friendly and enjoyable place that you can feel safe
sharing what is on your mind.  Be aware, what you post here can likely be seen on the internet
and the "internet never forgets" ... so be careful about sharing your personal contact information.

Thank you for registering for a member account here.  If you ever have questions regarding the
Forum and the Susan's Place site, please feel free to contact any of the Global Moderators or myself.

My best wishes to you as you continue on.

Warmest Regards and a Big Welcome to you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator      Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

I just wanted to thank everyone here for your patience, kindness and understanding while I've been coming to grips with, coming out with and trying to sort out my unconventional gender.

I've finally found an existing gender identity term that fits me.  A couple of its definitions on Urban Dictionary were exactly my spot on the non-binary scale.  I'm a demimale.  I knew I was some sort of non-binary.  I just didn't know the exact terminology.  And I'm of a generation that came up without the language to express gender the way people do nowadays.

Thank goodness I've finally gotten that sorted out.  Now I can get back to my guitar lessons before I lose the benefit.

I just want to thank everyone again for being so lovely to me in this moment of self-discovery.

Welcome Jordon Lee!

Chrissy