Hi everyone. To make a long story short I am MtF. I had a bilateral orchiectomy done back in 2012. I thought I was just going to be happy with the orchiectomy and presenting as female but the genital dysphoria just isn't going away.
I had a health scare last year that kind of took away all my fears about GRS. I had a pulmonary embolism. Basically I had clots in my heart and lungs from my estrogen therapy. The clots had to be removed through a vein in my groin. I now am prescribed blood thinners for this issue.
I am currently overweight and ineligible for a vaginoplasty but I will most likely start losing weight toward the end of this year.
I guess my question is has anyone else found a vaginoplasty to be a necessary step in their transition?

When I started my transition I didn't want any surgeries. I was kind of against any elective surgeries in general. But a pharmacist scared me by being discriminatory and refusing to fill my script for spiro. I freaked out about somebody else having control over whether I was going to operate on T again or not and I decided to have an orchiectomy.

I saw it as something fairly small and benign that would solve my T issues permanently. I had the orchi, and something went wrong. Somehow I woke from the surgery in incredible pain and nobody saw that as unusual. The nurses blew me off, the dr didn't seem to care, they all were like, 'well you didn't think this would feel good did you?' It was pretty awful.

While wallowing in my pain it occurred to me that I was miserable, yes because of the pain, but also because I still absolutely hated the way I looked down there. It was just hours after the surgery while coming to this conclusion. Six months later, I was being seen in a different surgeon's office, having a consult for a full GCS. I got an appointment, had a plan on how it was going to happen, and I basically broke down about a month later.

It wasn't until then that my brain finally allowed me to see the lifetime of genital dysphoria that I had been very obviously dealing with and desperately trying to suppress. I had shoved it so far down and out of reach and was trying so hard to hide from something that I thought would never ever have a chance of ever happening. But when I finally had it scheduled then those walls I had so carefully constructed finally collapsed and allowed me to see my truth.

Now that I am two years out from my vaginoplasty, I am SO happy that I finally realized it would be possible for me to have this surgery.

Hi Cosmic Joke

Susan's is littered with gender dysphoria stories and the severity of the condition ranges from virtually none to one who is incapacitated and unable to function for a while.  How you treat your condition is up to you and only you with some help from others.

As Nadine elaboraated in the end she needed to have surgery. 

I also had surgery but I never suffered from gender or body dysphoria, except that I always wanted or longed to be female.

So to answer your question yes one does have surgery to complete their transition and the above cases I mentioned are not the only ones that also had surgery.

I hope that what you want to achieve in your life you will be able to achieve with all your hearts desire.

Take care and all the best for the future

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Cosmic.Joke

Most people who are familiar with me will know I had quite severe dysphoria, which was reduced somewhat by starting HRT and social transition. I almost fooled myself that I didn't need to have GRS, (1) because my genital atrophy meant there was nothing to tuck, and (2) because I knew it would be the final straw for my now ex.

When my work inclusion team asked me when I might have time off for surgery, something inside me clicked. I rang a surgeon to see what was involved, and before I hung up, I had a date pencilled in! It was like someone else was talking on the phone, and they were totally committed to surgery. It took a year, and in that time I recognised that I had significant genital dysphoria. I had avoided looking down there for years, let alone use it for anything other than urinating. This was why it had atrophied.

A couple of days post surgery, I got to see the site for the first time. I had dreamed about this all my life, but never thought it was possible, and even though I'd had surgery, I could still feel 'it' under the bandages. Seeing my new groin was an unbelievable release, and I sobbed. I told the nurse they were good tears.

Over the next month, I noticed the biggest drop in my dysphoria I had experienced. So much that I actually considered trying to revert to a male role to save my marriage. I realised that was impractical, and embraced my new life.

GRS made a huge reduction on my dysphoria, but, we are all very different, and will react in different ways and to different extents. Dysphoria is generated by incongruence with your Gender Identity. This varies in all of us. I didn't realise how much genital dysphoria I had until after my op. But this was a result of 60+ years of being revolted by what was down there. It all depends on what triggers you and by how much, and I found that isn't always so obvious.

The stresses of dysphoria, transition, and losing my marriage, greatly contributed to my heart attack. I am on blood thinners now, and it does impact my surgical options. My cardiologist said I can stop thinners for procedures to rectify life threatening problems, but there are a number of surgeries which would benefit my mobility which my cardiologist doesn't think are critical enough to stop thinners. So you are really going to have to weigh up how everything affects you, and talk to your doctors.

Hugs,

Allie

Hi @CosmicJoke I too thought that bilateral orchidectomy might do the trick. The reasons for having it were more than simply removal of male drivers (testosterone) but the practical fact that the anti-androgynes were giving me a lot of problems. I loved the fact that the internal mechanism for maleness was now predominantly incised and thrown away 

Roll on a few years and I realise that it wasn't sufficient. I do want the full works, by which I mean removal of my penis and crafting of something identifiably female in the form of a vagina. I find the concept of 'completeness' problematic for me, whilst acknowledging its importance for many others. But I do wish my body to resemble my identity more obviously than is currently the case with a male appendage still dangling down between my legs. I'm about to have the appointments next month for GRS recommendation, which hopefully they will approve.

So this journey can definitely come in stages. In some ways I think it's a really good way of proceeding: steps at a time.

What I would however add is that you should also always be mindful of your medical safety under the guidance of properly qualified professionals. I know you know that, as described in your post, so this is really a memo to myself. I've done some crazy things during my quest to be me, all of them when going off piste. As you and @Allie Jayne have shown, there are other health factors which come into play. If they can find a way to navigate you through them despite your current health issues then its a bonus and, honestly, I think it will help diminish your dysphoria.

xx

After transitioning full time and finally being me  - only 'down there' remained.. Each time I had a bath I had severe depression.. only bought on by the dysmorphia..

Don't get me wrong.. this is a HUGE decision to make in your life, irreversible and fraught with potential problems and issues. It came down to (..and this is seriously what I said to a gender psychiatrist that was assessing me for surgery)  'If the surgery kills me, then it will only be doing what I would do to myself without surgery'... I meant every word.

If it was just for ascetics or to somehow 'pass' then avoid surgery at all costs.. if it body dysmorphia is driving you to despair then go and have the chats with the people who know (Gender Psychologists) and get it sorted. 

Best thing I have ever done in my life and now is so distant a memory that I forgot I was ever any different.

Quote from: SoupSarah on September 02, 2024, 05:01:58 PMIt came down to [...] If the surgery kills me, then it will only be doing what I would do to myself without surgery'... I meant every word.

If it was just for ascetics or to somehow 'pass' then avoid surgery at all costs..

Just to be absolutely clear for the sake of others who read this thread: there are many shades, nuance, and validity for why anyone should go ahead with surgery. Between the one extreme of Sarah's suicidal self-harm remark and her other extreme about 'ascetics or somehow to pass' there are other more middle of the road, mainstream, and entirely valid reasons for having the surgery. And in fact wanting to pass would be a perfectly valid reason in and of itself, as would ascetics, if those are part of your gender incongruence. This is where professional assessment, without manipulation, is so important rather than anonymous internet amateur sleuths.

No one on here has the capability to question the motives of another person for having the surgery, no matter how well meaning. Nor is there one reason that is more righteous or perfect than any another.  What's right as the motive for one person may not be the right motive for another and it's very important we all recognise that.

Do what is right for you, under professional guidance.

xx

My wording was flipant and as I state at the bottom of everything -  Everything I write is my own opinion - People seem to get confused  over this

Elaborating on what I said about if you feel you do not need surgery for dysmorphia or GD - It is absolutely possible to live a full and active life as a woman without any surgery (or hormones for that matter) - Surgery is not without risk, it certainly is not essential to live a life as a transwoman. I would strongly advise anyone who is not being driven by an internal need of their own (that is dysmorphia or gender dysphoria) ... (and definitely not to make someone else happy or fit in with their ideals) then there really is not a need to go under the knife for what is a very major operation.

So, I maybe should of said - Don't think you need surgery just because you are transgender. Need surgery for you - you are important and special and this is a choice that ONLY you can make - Take help from the people who are experts in this field if you can.

  For me... I could not envision being trans without a full vagina. Every day of my life was filled with the desire/need, I went to bed each night dreaming of being a woman. Woke up each morning yearning for the same. After a shower I would tuck and stand in front of the mirror and imagine life without the junk. It never went away for more than a couple of weeks at a time during my entire life.
   After my bottom surgery and the whole transition thing, the thought occasionally pops up if I made the right decision to change. I get a wayward glance from neighbors who must think there is that crazy person. I remind myself of how I am in a much better place now and happy with my body. The GD is gone! I still struggle with other issues, so it has not been a fix all but has helped a lot.

It's really important we on here don't try and sit in judgement on others, but are open, supportive, and honouring of the validity of other people's core truth. Certainly this is not a topic worthy of being flippant. There are multiple pathways and we should not question the motives or validity of another's journey. Otherwise, as my psychotherapist pointed out when she saw this, we are on the same terf territory.

The original question by @CosmicJoke was whether anyone has found their gender dysphoria aided by vaginoplasty and an answer many can give is, 'yes'. If this is part of your truth then under professional guidance that's great.

One question to you CJ: you mentioned the blood clots. I take it that your professional health carers have considered estrogen gel? I use them (Sandrena) and I find them fantastic. They avoid the peaks and dips I encountered with patches / injections. Crucially they are, I believe, a lot less susceptible to clotting side-effects. Something to consider with them if it hasn't been raised already?

xx

Quote from: Tills on September 04, 2024, 10:59:08 PMIt's really important we on here don't try and sit in judgement on others, but are open, supportive, and honouring of the validity of other people's core truth. Certainly this is not a topic worthy of being flippant. There are multiple pathways and we should not question the motives or validity of another's journey. Otherwise, as my psychotherapist pointed out when she saw this, we are on the same terf territory.

The original question by @CosmicJoke was whether anyone has found their gender dysphoria aided by vaginoplasty and an answer many can give is, 'yes'. If this is part of your truth then under professional guidance that's great.

One question to you CJ: you mentioned the blood clots. I take it that your professional health carers have considered estrogen gel? I use them (Sandrena) and I find them fantastic. They avoid the peaks and dips I encountered with patches / injections. Crucially they are, I believe, a lot less susceptible to clotting side-effects. Something to consider with them if it hasn't been raised already?

xx

I have a phone consult with my PA-C coming up this month. I already got my yearly physical and blood drawn. I'm just waiting on the results.
Maybe he might bring up the subject of estrogen gel when I have the consult this month. This is a new PA-C by the way.