Since my wife left me I have been lonely, and I knew the chances for a relationship for older (I am 70 yo) trans women are very low. I joined some community groups, and started participating in their activities, so at least I was getting some social interaction.

A male member of one of my groups let me know he was interested in me, and today he called me to try to entice me to go out with him. I have never believed I was passable, but when I told him I was trans, he said he would never have guessed, and for a minute or so, I sensed him re evaluating his approach. He then said he was happy to proceed as it only made me more interesting.

So, here I am, never really thinking I could have another relationship, but now there is someone interested. But, we really don't have much in common, he has different interests to me. He is a nice enough guy, a little older than me, and a little taller, which is something I like. He is hetero, while I am asexual, so I have no interest there. But I realise the old saying, 'beggars can't be choosers', and I might never get another offer, so, while I am not interested, I am naturally wondering if I might regret rejecting him.

I realise it would be a miracle to find someone who has all the same interests and values as me (tho, I was married to someone who did), so am I crazy not to try find some common interests? Do I really want another relationship? My marriage breakup nearly killed me, maybe I am scared to risk that again?

So, again I am contemplating what I really want from life, and to a small extent, who I really see myself as. It is a position I really didn't think I would find myself in, but now it has happened, I am questioning...

Hugs,

Allie

Congratulations Allie,
  This sounds amazing. Even if the relationship doesn't go anywhere, I think you owe it to yourself to at least go out on a date and see how it feels. You never know if the sparks will fly. 

Quote from: Gina P on July 18, 2024, 05:31:39 AMCongratulations Allie,
  This sounds amazing. Even if the relationship doesn't go anywhere, I think you owe it to yourself to at least go out on a date and see how it feels. You never know if the sparks will fly.

Thank you Gina!
                  I am going to visit him at his house, but I am taking a couple of other people with me. I am not ready to 'date' yet, but I am open to developing friendships slowly! Honestly, I am really chuffed that a cis guy is attracted to me as a cis woman!! It is the ultimate affirmation!

I guess it is something that a lot of trans people wonder about, and I hope this experience gets others to see that it could happen, and ponder how they would approach such a situation.

Hugs,

Allie

I think the experience will be helpful even if it doesn't go anywhere.
A lot of women take up golf to share in an interest of their partners.
It is extremely rare for men to learn golf in their retirement years.
Most men don't even change their golf swing unless forced to by pain or surgery.

I ordered some limited flight arrows during the Amazon Prime sale to see if I can learn a new sport!

That is great, Allie!

Don't grasp at it, and don't push it away.  Be open to possibilities, and see what develops (or doesn't).  Even if you don't end up in a "relationship", you might end up with a friend.

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 18, 2024, 07:47:44 AMBe open to possibilities, and see what develops (or doesn't).  Even if you don't end up in a "relationship", you might end up with a friend.

This. And not just A friend. I met my first wife through the person I was dating. The gal I was seeing had different interests, but we enjoyed just going places together. But everywhere we went there was this other gal always on the sidelines and we ended up together. So not just friends, but friends of friends. Your social circle widens.

Good for you, Allie. In my life, I've kissed a lot of boys and a lot of girls. Even then many people argue otherwise, largely people who haven't kissed a lot of boys and a lot of girls, there's not much difference.

That is amazing and fantastic news. I am so happy for you - don't try and predict the future or analyse the situation .. take my lead and just go and have some fun. If it stops being fun then you stop - if it becomes more than fun, then bingo. It is a no-loose situation.

I was married to a female for 30 years - everything aligned. I met my husband 4 years ago today.. I did not realise that this is how a relationship should be. I took a chance and I found more than I ever could imagine. I hope you are brave.

Hi Allie Jayne,

  Some time has passed before I noticed your post and I hope that the passage of time has been good for you - and maybe the possibly budding relationship.

  I'm a few years older than you and - like others have posted - believe in "boldness"; exploring the possibilities that unexpectedly open up before you.  (What is the saying? Strange travel suggestions - even for the heart - are dancing lessons from God.)

  So if this relationship possibility has worked, congratulations.  And if it hasn't, at least you have had an experience in preparation for the next.  (And - in my experience - the "age thing" is not something that prevents "the next" relationship from presenting itself.)

   Love, Carolina

Quote from: Carolina on August 23, 2024, 11:15:52 PMHi Allie Jayne,

  Some time has passed before I noticed your post and I hope that the passage of time has been good for you - and maybe the possibly budding relationship.

  I'm a few years older than you and - like others have posted - believe in "boldness"; exploring the possibilities that unexpectedly open up before you.  (What is the saying? Strange travel suggestions - even for the heart - are dancing lessons from God.)

  So if this relationship possibility has worked, congratulations.  And if it hasn't, at least you have had an experience in preparation for the next.  (And - in my experience - the "age thing" is not something that prevents "the next" relationship from presenting itself.)

   Love, Carolina

Thank you Carolina!
                       A relationship is yet to develop as I told him I was only interested in friendships at this stage. We agreed to this and we will stay in contact. As much as I yearn for a relationship, I know it must come from common interests and values, which is not strong with this man. I have no interest in sex as I have always been asexual, so companionship is all I seek. My ex remains my soulmate, as we share interests and values, but she is neurodiverse, and unfortunately struggling with this atm, making her withdraw from contact. 

I know my chances of finding 'that' person again is slim, but I remain socially active, and who knows what might happen. It has been very affirming to be approached by another person, and I will include him in my social activities, but I doubt it will go further.

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: Allie Jayne on August 24, 2024, 02:04:53 AMI know my chances of finding 'that' person again is slim, but I remain socially active, and who knows what might happen. It has been very affirming to be approached by another person, and I will include him in my social activitie

Allie,

Just keep that positive attitude and stay open to new experiences and you will have wonderful social life. Like you I am 70 and never expected to find "that person" again after my wife died. But I have and could not be happier.

Ellen

Allie,

I am very happy for you!

Chrissy