Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 28, 2024, 02:40:48 PMYou just do your part and try NOT to be their friends.

I disagree with this wholeheartedly. Back in my last couple of years of secondary school (not sure what you folks call that in the US), I was bullied by several of my closest friends. The school, in all their wisdom, chose to punish me by isolating me at the back of a classroom, with people bringing me schoolwork to do. Because I told the school what was happening.

One of my teachers, the Geology teacher I told you about, would check on me. Make sure I was okay. Make sure I wasn't feeling isolated from everyone (which I was, terribly). She took it upon herself to look out for me, and made sure I got through my exams okay. Not to feel like I should just give up on the whole thing. Were it not for her wanting to be my friend, my life would have been very different. If you can make a difference to one person, make that difference. Because you never know how big a difference that will be. Teaching someone isn't just explaining facts, statitistics, curriculums... it's teaching someone to be human.

And that is a lesson that's worth more than all the textbooks in the world. Sorry, Chrissy, but I really don't agree with this. There are some kids that... all they need is a friend. Someone to make their lives worth something. And even though most teachers won't... sometimes you will get one that will... for one kid... and change their lives.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 28, 2024, 01:33:32 PMI am thick in the middle of all my required Board of Ed learning modules.  I know they are required and I can do them at home but could they pick more boring presenters? There are tests after each module and they aren't hard.

When I was in school for Computer Science, one of the required subjects was Business 111. I told them I was not going into business, I was studying computers. I stalled taking the class, but then a friend of mine said the class was being offered on videotape. He said he knew what to do, so we signed up for the class.

We started early Saturday morning. As the presenter was discussing things, key words would flash on the screen that corresponded to the question in the workbook. So we just fast-forwarded the tape and filled in all the key words. We took the mid-term at lunch and went back to studying. We passed the final just before dinner time. That was almost the easiest class ever, but it was the easiest college class. 

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 28, 2024, 03:16:15 PMWhen I was in school for Computer Science, one of the required subjects was Business 111. I told them I was not going into business, I was studying computers. I stalled taking the class, but then a friend of mine said the class was being offered on videotape. He said he knew what to do, so we signed up for the class.

We started early Saturday morning. As the presenter was discussing things, key words would flash on the screen that corresponded to the question in the workbook. So we just fast-forwarded the tape and filled in all the key words. We took the mid-term at lunch and went back to studying. We passed the final just before dinner time. That was almost the easiest class ever, but it was the easiest college class. 

Ahh videotape... so easily prone to being chewed up in the recorder... like cassette tapes...

We are all reflecting on our experiences.  Given that we are transgender, I believe that we are all very sensitive to relationships.  We know who was there for us and those that weren't. The difference was painful at times.

I learned from all of you on this site that we are an amazingly empathetic and caring community.  It humbles me at times but I learned a lot from you all.

I was a NYC high school teacher while I went to law school at night back in the late 70s and early 80s.

I worked in the worst neighborhoods in the city.  In many cases, I was the only white guy for miles.  What I learned from those kids was, that regardless of how tough the neighborhood was, those kids were exceptional. Sure some were tough ones and some I couldn't connect with but the vast majority were special and I can't wait to get back to them and do what I can.

I am so proud that it is an LGBTQ school and that maybe I can make a positive impact at least for some of them even if I am only a substitute teacher. 

I am transgender and, like you, I care.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 28, 2024, 03:41:16 PMWe are all reflecting on our experiences.  Given that we are transgender, I believe that we are all very sensitive to relationships.  We know who was there for us and those that weren't. The difference was painful at times.

I learned from all of you on this site that we are an amazingly empathetic and caring community.  It humbles me at times but I learned a lot from you all.

I was a NYC high school teacher while I went to law school at night back in the late 70s and early 80s.

I worked in the worst neighborhoods in the city.  In many cases, I was the only white guy for miles.  What I learned from those kids was, that regardless of how tough the neighborhood was, those kids were exceptional. Sure some were tough ones and some I couldn't connect with but the vast majority were special and I can't wait to get back to them and do what I can.

I am so proud that it is an LGBTQ school and that maybe I can make a positive impact at least for some of them even if I am only a substitute teacher.  I am transgender and I care.

Emma you are not "only" anything, sweetie. You are someone who can put into words and feelings and expression... things that most people wouldn't even know where to start. You could teach these kids that two plus two equals five. That isn't the important thing. What you're teaching these kids is that it's okay to be themselves. It's okay to not be scared. It's okay to express who they are because they have as much of a voice as anyone else in this world. You're teaching these young people that it's okay to feel like you're worth something. That you matter. That you're important. That you can have a life that matters... no matter what the world wants to tell you.

You will make a positive impact because you're someone that they can be. You're an inspiration for kids who are finding themselves, and want to explore what it means to be themselves. Teaching exams is easy. You have a ruleset for that. You just go through the motions. Teaching people that it's okay to not be scared, that it's okay to question, that it's okay to be different... THIS is why you're the best person for the job, Emma. And why you will make a big difference to a lot of people. And why I am so proud of you. Teaching people how to be people is more important than teaching them how a triangle works. Trust me. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 03:03:34 PMI disagree with this wholeheartedly. Back in my last couple of years of secondary school (not sure what you folks call that in the US), I was bullied by several of my closest friends. The school, in all their wisdom, chose to punish me by isolating me at the back of a classroom, with people bringing me schoolwork to do. Because I told the school what was happening.

One of my teachers, the Geology teacher I told you about, would check on me. Make sure I was okay. Make sure I wasn't feeling isolated from everyone (which I was, terribly). She took it upon herself to look out for me, and made sure I got through my exams okay. Not to feel like I should just give up on the whole thing. Were it not for her wanting to be my friend, my life would have been very different. If you can make a difference to one person, make that difference. Because you never know how big a difference that will be. Teaching someone isn't just explaining facts, statitistics, curriculums... it's teaching someone to be human.

And that is a lesson that's worth more than all the textbooks in the world. Sorry, Chrissy, but I really don't agree with this. There are some kids that... all they need is a friend. Someone to make their lives worth something. And even though most teachers won't... sometimes you will get one that will... for one kid... and change their lives.

Respectfully, I disagree.  Adults often try to be kid's friends.  Bad mistake if you are an authority figure and not a peer.  This alters the adult child relationship.

You can be warm, caring, and friendly.  There is a substantial difference with that and the more encompassing concept of being a peer level friend.  This causes some expectations that can be problematic, e.g., the adult having the exert legitimate and reasonable consequences for the child's bad behavior and the child saying, "I thought you were my friend!"

I am not speaking professionally, this simply makes sense to me.

Your description is of a caring teacher reaching out.  If you wish to have a semantic issue with the concept of a friend and an adult being a caring and friendly person being the same relationship adult child dynamic, so be it, but I disagree.

It is a special person that can make a difference in someone else's life, and a caring teacher may make the difference.  And that is good.  Let's see more of that.

I think Emma will do just fine because I think she cares.  Just like I think you care Sephirah.

Chrissy

"Adults often try to be kid's friends." Chrissy, I agree with you that you have to know your limits and your role as an adult working with children but I agree with Sephirah, the art of being an effective teacher is to know where the lines are.

The population of Harvey Milk HS is predominantly black and Hispanic kids from economically disadvantaged homes.  Even if their family wants to help them medically, most can't afford the cost.  Tragically, many homes don't accept them.

I am starting this experience knowing that I don't know enough.  I am going to support where I am asked and to learn from the professionals what these students need.  I am not going to assume, even with my experience, that  I have a clue. I want to be very careful until I know what the appropriate limits are.   

They are all fragile and I never want to be the cause of any harm.  I will tread softly and be guided by the professionals.

I will not tell the students I am transgender unless the school thinks it makes sense.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 28, 2024, 04:30:59 PM"Adults often try to be kid's friends." Chrissy, I agree with you that you have to know your limits and your role as an adult working with children but I agree with Sephirah, the art of being an effective teacher is to know where the lines are.

The population of Harvey Milk HS is predominantly black and Hispanic kids from economically disadvantaged homes.  Even if their family wants to help them medically, most can't afford the cost.  Tragically, many homes don't accept them.

I am starting this experience knowing that I don't know enough.  I am going to support where I am asked and to learn from the professionals what these students need.  I am not going to assume, even with my experience, that  I have a clue. I want to be very careful until I know what the appropriate limits are.   

They are all fragile and I never want to be the cause of any harm.  I will tread softly and be guided by the professionals.

Emma,

Yes, it is clear that adults need to know where the lines are and not cross them, and you will figure it out.  Too often some people knowingly cross the lines thinking that will win over someone but later regret that. 

You will do well.

Chrissy

Emma,

Have you watched some teacher movies?  LEAN ON ME is one title I can think of.
Dead Poets Society is another.

There are some good ones.  You may have watched them all.  But, they are dramatizations.
Seems to me there must be some good teaching TV series too.

Chrissy

Yes I have seen those movies and they are great. "To Sir with Love" with Sidney Poitier was another great one.  I have also had amble exposure of both good and bad teachers.  Hopefully, I have learned the difference.

 

You will do well.

I have noticed that many politicians say they are strongly for public schools but they put their kids in private schools (and not for religious instruction).  In a way that seems like a behavioral contradiction but who knows for sure.

Maybe their hair stylists know!  LOL

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 28, 2024, 04:01:27 PMRespectfully, I disagree.  Adults often try to be kid's friends.  Bad mistake if you are an authority figure and not a peer.  This alters the adult child relationship.

You can be warm, caring, and friendly.  There is a substantial difference with that and the more encompassing concept of being a peer level friend.  This causes some expectations that can be problematic, e.g., the adult having the exert legitimate and reasonable consequences for the child's bad behavior and the child saying, "I thought you were my friend!"

I am not speaking professionally, this simply makes sense to me.

Your description is of a caring teacher reaching out.  If you wish to have a semantic issue with the concept of a friend and an adult being a caring and friendly person being the same relationship adult child dynamic, so be it, but I disagree.

It is a special person that can make a difference in someone else's life, and a caring teacher may make the difference.  And that is good.  Let's see more of that.

I think Emma will do just fine because I think she cares.  Just like I think you care Sephirah.

Chrissy

Yeah I don't think I understand this at all. Probably just because of how I was brought up and the things I went through. It was my experience in school that peers were literally your worst enemy. Maybe I just had a different idea of friendship. I don't even know. I can't say you're wrong, Chrissy, because I have no frame of reference for what you're talking about. Maybe it's a fundamental difference between US and UK schooling.

To which... I bow to your experience, because I know we do things very differently on both sides of the pond.

Sephirah,


You are so fabulous!


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 28, 2024, 05:14:33 PMSephirah,


You are so fabulous!


Chrissy

Girl, you know I love you, too. <3 I often talk about stuff from the brit angle, you talk about stuff from the US angle. We come at the same things from different sides. But there's no animosity. You know you, sweetie. I can only talk about me. Which is very different most of the time.

Thank you for expressing yourself. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2024, 05:19:54 PMGirl, you know I love you, too. <3 I often talk about stuff from the brit angle, you talk about stuff from the US angle. We come at the same things from different sides. But there's no animosity. You know you, sweetie. I can only talk about me. Which is very different most of the time.

Thank you for expressing yourself. <3

The world needs more kind and thoughtful people like you. 

Chrissy

Clearly time for a GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!


I love this place!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 28, 2024, 05:22:25 PMThe world needs more kind and thoughtful people like you. 

Chrissy

And you! People who can say things without resorting to hate. People who understand why people say things and where they're coming from. The world would be a much better place.

Quote from: Emma1017 on September 28, 2024, 05:24:38 PMClearly time for a GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!


I love this place!

Amen!!

Susans is the light in the dark for people not sure who they are or where they belong.

I will say, some of the most accepting, understanding, kindest, most enouraging people I've ever met in my life have been from the US. For all the hardships you go through... you are the most uplifting... most encouraging folks I think I've ever met. And that is a massive testament to you as who you are. In spite of what the hatemongers have tried to make you be. No... you are gentle, kind, encouraging, uplifting, sweet, understanding, wise, loving people. Never, ever lose that. It makes you strong. <3

'Adults often try to be kid's friends'. I too was educated in the UK and my 2pence/cents is I think both sides capture an element of the truth here. I also believe that people aren't that different wherever they are in the world and that Lord of the Flies must have been written from experience, if you know that book. Kids are cruel because they lack the veneer of what we call civilisation. They say right out what adults only think or at most might betray with an expression.

Teachers, health professionals and others in positions of responsibility can offer much needed support at crucial moments, but if you are one of those people and offering support, you are always aware you are not the legal guardian of the child. I'm with Chrissy on that making it a really, really difficult line to tread, both legally and because of how children interpret friendship - it can throw up huge complications.

I'm on Sephirah's side, because there are times when a kid has no allies and lending a sympathetic ear can turn the tide. Or even change their life.

Somewhere in the core of this conversation is how you badge that sympathy and support. My profession wasn't teaching, but giving that sympathy can be done as an advocate. If, whether adult or child, you know you have someone who is fair and will stick up for you, then that relationship works well in situations with inbuilt power imbalances. Which maybe is what Chrissy is getting at?

Group hugs are good.