After reading some of your wonderful story blogs, I have decided to try to tell my own. Maybe some of you will relate to my experiences maybe you won't. I really have no idea because sadly until now I have not had the good fortune of having a trans friend. What I have realized in writing this is how cathartic it is. Anyway without further ado: Tracie's Travels
Childhood
My first memories of liking female things was walking around in my mom's shoes. I must have been about 8, but I always remember liking women's shoes, especially those with heels, and was fun trying to walk in them. My next memories were trying on some of her under garments: bras, panties and of course panty hose. I remember just wanting to feel feminine in my clumsy teenage boy's body. Of course I had no idea what I was doing and could only do this in secret which was difficult with two other siblings around. I would sometimes attempt to try on my sisters clothes but she was younger and smaller so that didn't really work. I do remember wearing one of her one piece swim suits one time and some how she caught me. I was mortified and panicked and made up some lame story of impersonating some professional wrestler lol. She either bought it or just let it go, I don't recall. I remember experimenting with makeup a few times, lipstick and some eye shadow, again having no idea what I was doing just knowing it was fun and felt nice on. I must not have removed the lipstick enough once because a friend mentioned my lips being extremely red and I quickly made up some story of having just drank some cherry kool-ade. I remember wearing women's panties to middle school a few times and how it felt both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
In everyday life I played the masculine role well enough I guess, as I was easily able to fit in with "the guys" and had mostly male friends, none knowing my desires ranged to the feminine.
I don't think I ever thought of whether I actually wanted to be a girl or just liked wearing girl things. Wish now I would have had a friend to confide in and been able to explore more. My figure was much more girly then 😊.
I also struggled back then with wondering if I was gay because of these girly desires. As with many teens, it was a confusing time.
Flash Forward
Once I became older my fear of being found out became stronger and I suppressed my feminine desires and went about my life as a male. As I said earlier I am quite good at playing the masculine role, or so I think lol, and fairly sure no one would think of me as being feminine. I got married, helped raise a beautiful daughter. As goes with lots of couples we realized we no longer had much in common once our daughter left for college and grew apart. By this time our sex life had gone from vanilla to barely existent. My daughter graduated college and moved away to start her career. My wife and I divorced several years later and began living on my own for the first time in nearly 40 years.
I began dating and as fate would have it, a woman I was dating asked if she could paint my toe nails. I was surprised because of course I had not confided in her my suppressed feminine desires. It was instantly exciting to me as I had never had my nails painted but always admired women's pretty, colorful toes in their fabulous sandals. I tried to play it cool and hide my excitement as I said "sure if you want to". Oh how I wanted to. She gave me a full pedi: clipping, filing, cuticles, buffing, and of course beautiful deep blue polish💙
I even ventured out in public with my pretty nails in jeans and flip flops. I was nervous but able to do it because she lived about an hour away in a very liberal community seemingly light years from the conservatism of my own home town. After a while we stopped dating and my toes went back to polish free.
Then I met, or should say re-met (a whole nother story 😊) my current girlfriend. It's a long distance relationship as she lives abroad in the UK. We planned a holiday in Bermuda, one of the few places we could both get to in 2021 in the midst of the pandemic. The first couple days she was restricted to our airb&b (something having to do with her being from the UK) It was during this time that she asked if she could put makeup on me. I was again surprised and instantly excited. I coolly responded in the affirmative, "Ok why not"? She straddled me as I sat on the sofa and applied lip stick, eye liner and foundation. It was an amazing fun & sensual experience, my first makeover if you will. She then painted my fingers and toes a lovely light purple 💜. She said I looked amazing and I felt amazing. All the old desires came rushing back. I felt an awakening. This is me 😊. The makeup came off that night but I kept my toe nails for the remainder of the trip including my return flight home. Since the pandemic was on, the island was basically empty of tourists and I enjoyed going every with my purple toes. It was just the cherry on top of a wonderful holiday. Since then I have painted my toes occasionally taking great joy in my pretty tootsies, but only when I knew I could conceal them in public. My little guilty pleasure.
As they say, once the genie is out of the nail polish bottle... 😁. So here I am, I found Susan's place a week ago and having been read some of your amazing story blogs. I have decided to take the plunge, well at least wade deeper into the pool. For anyone who takes the time to read this, thank you, and I hope it explains a little as to who Tracie is and what brought her here.
