Tomorrow I am traveling to Boston for six days for a combined leisure and business trip. Most of the time I'll have to spend in male mode, but it appears that Sunday night I'll have a few hours to go out as my real self. It'll be too late in the day for any shopping or sightseeing, so it is probably going to be dinner and some drinks somewhere.

So, here is my question to all current and former Bostonians: What place(s) would you recommend that is welcoming and safe on a Sunday night for a trans woman by herself who doesn't pass at all? Somewhere I read something about a new lesbian/queer bar called Dani's, is that a place that can be recommended?

Also, is it safe riding the T as a trans woman or would you recommend to use an Uber? Male mode me would ride the T at pretty much any time of the day, but real me isn't so sure about that.

Thanks,

Heidemarie

I sent you a message privately. DM me if you didn't get it.

Jenn

I thought I'd post an update on how things went in Boston.

After my AirB&B mates left for the airport I did have a few hours on Sunday night to spend by myself and as myself. So after getting dressed I went out to grab some dinner in the area where I was staying. I found a little Asian soup place of which I had heard that they have great Ramen and was very nervous when approaching it. However, one of the staffers immediately invited me in and was very friendly with me which put me at ease. And the fact that nobody raised an eyebrow about that 6'6" trans lady was further affirming. Here is a picture of my outfit, I topped it off with a denim jacket:



The Ramen soup really was delicious, btw. Of course my lipstick didn't hold up to it, however my worst fears of looking like a clown with lipstick all over the lower face didn't materialize either, so it could be fixed easily.

Since the night was still young I jumped on the T and visited a recently opened lesbian / queer bar in the Back Bay area of which I had read about. I expected low volume on a Sunday night, but it was packed with women watching the WNBA finals and I had a great time enjoying all their enthusiasm for the game. After the game was over I took the T back home. I really enjoyed being out in public as myself and I had a great time.

I have to mention that I am generally a very insecure person and this was the first time I was out alone while presenting as a woman. That by itself is somewhat out of character for me and would usually make me extremely nervous, but it didn't and I was really calm, at peace with myself and truly enjoyed the night. I guess that tells me something...

Since everything went really great I decided to go out in daylight the next morning to get some breakfast. On the way I passed a school and one of the volunteers stopping traffic for the kids greeted me and told me that she liked my purse. I didn't expect that and it was a highly affirming moment. Again, no eyebrows raised and very friendly service at the restaurant. I did notice that one woman on the street looked me up and down twice, but didn't say anything. Not sure what she thought, it could have been anything from: 'Wow, what a gorgeous tall woman! Isn't she beautiful?' to: 'What is this weird trans person doing here in our neighborhood?'. I like to think it was the former.

That's it on my adventures being out as myself and by myself. It was an extremely positive experience, which I am still somewhat processing since I haven't come down entirely yet from my emotional high. I certainly would like to do it again very soon!

Thanks for listening,

Heidemarie

Wow, Heidimarie. You look great!

I think you have discovered the secret. Being calm has a lot to do with how people look at you. When we are nervous, we tend to glance around a lot, fidget with things, cross our arms, and really look uncomfortable. People notice these things and that attracts their attention.

But if you are calm and confident, you look and act like you belong there and other people assume that you do! I'm not saying that remaining calm and confident is easy. Some people really wrestle with it at first. But each time you have a good experience, confidence builds, which keeps you calm and you want to do it again.

Soon, you go out without even thinking about others and that helps you relax and just focus on what you went out for. Shopping, having a drink at the bar, and later even meeting other people.

I am happy that you had a great experience.

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on October 17, 2024, 12:16:12 AMa trans woman by herself who doesn't pass at all?
Heidemarie

Hi Heidemarie
I really don't see why you think you don't pass. You look very womanly to me  x

@Iztaccihuatl
Dear Heidemarie:
I enjoyed the recap of your Boston visit that you posted.
...and you look fantastic in your photo that you shared.

Having self-confidence and accepting yourself are important keys in
passing, and as  you shared, it went well for you during your trip.

Thank you for sharing your experiences... I am eagerly looking for your
future postings and also reading about your next adventure.

Again, thank you for sharing your lovely picture...   

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 22, 2024, 10:34:09 PMWow, Heidimarie. You look great!

I think you have discovered the secret. Being calm has a lot to do with how people look at you. When we are nervous, we tend to glance around a lot, fidget with things, cross our arms, and really look uncomfortable. People notice these things and that attracts their attention.

But if you are calm and confident, you look and act like you belong there and other people assume that you do! I'm not saying that remaining calm and confident is easy. Some people really wrestle with it at first. But each time you have a good experience, confidence builds, which keeps you calm and you want to do it again.

Soon, you go out without even thinking about others and that helps you relax and just focus on what you went out for. Shopping, having a drink at the bar, and later even meeting other people.

I am happy that you had a great experience.

Thanks, Lori Dee!

I realized that a day before I went out when riding on the subway there was a person who, by my judgement, was either trans, non binary or feminine gay and nobody cared. And I thought if they can be themselves, I can too!

Hugs,

Heidemarie

Quote from: Jan555 on October 23, 2024, 03:50:42 AMHi Heidemarie
I really don't see why you think you don't pass. You look very womanly to me  x

Thanks, Jan, for your kind words!

Here is my secret: I only post the best pictures of me! 

But you are hitting a point: I realized that in the past when looking at a picture of me in female dress & makeup, I still saw male-me in the picture. However, that has been changing over the last year, I increasingly see the woman within. Not sure if that is because my makeup skills have gotten better, but I sure do like it.

Here is a funny side fact: I noticed that each time when I am wearing makeup, the face recognition feature on my iPhone doesn't recognize me anymore and I have to use my passcode. I take that as a win, although an inconvenient one at times.

Hugs,

Heidemarie

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on October 23, 2024, 01:17:21 PM@Iztaccihuatl
Dear Heidemarie:
I enjoyed the recap of your Boston visit that you posted.
...and you look fantastic in your photo that you shared.

Having self-confidence and accepting yourself are important keys in
passing, and as  you shared, it went well for you during your trip.

Thank you for sharing your experiences... I am eagerly looking for your
future postings and also reading about your next adventure.

Again, thank you for sharing your lovely picture... 

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thanks, Danielle!

Yes, you are right, it is all about confidence and not caring what others might think.

Hugs,

Heidemarie