Quote from: MsLeigh on November 11, 2024, 07:04:01 PMThanks for the correction . I don't have local family supporting me. But yes, I have met many wonderful supportive friends like yourself that I do appreciate so much. Every day I look forward to pull up posts and read what they are up to as well as constructive words to me.

Many hugs,
Leigh

I have no family local to me either. Most live in Colorado, that is why I don't.
I have said it before: I don't need negativity in my life and I will walk away from it no matter the source. When relatives became unsupportive and even hostile, I cut them loose. I have not visited them in many years and have no plans to.

People are so afraid to be alone. There is nothing scary about it. You are never alone for very long, this planet is packed with people. You run into them every day, even when you don't want to. Eventually, they become friends. Then you meet their friends, and friends of friends. Your circle of support grows and as long as you keep the positive and shun the negative, your life becomes so much easier to enjoy.

The main reason people get stressed out is because they are afraid to walk away, to be alone, to start over. There are great possibilities with a fresh start. What is the very worst thing that will happen? Some people will be mad at you. So what? Ignore them.

If you want change in your life, then change your life. Make a plan. Work it every day until it becomes a reality. Eye on the prize, and all that. If you want it bad enough, you will make it happen.

Just wondering if you have googled trans support groups near yourself. If not there are always virtual groups. Something about belonging to a group of friends who is, or has went through the same things helps. Susan's is great but something about talking live that helps as well. Many of the girls I have met on this site are now my close personal friends. Soon your supporters will outnumber the haters.

Gina,

My therapist has linked me up with some support groups.  My wife has forbade me from attending. I will go if I get the courage but I will never sneak out of the house.

I'll be seeking friends when I can. Right now I will rely on you and others at Susan's as my main network.  You all have provided immense support, advice, and simple friendly conversations. Thanks again.

Hugs,
Leigh

@MsLeigh
Dear Leigh:
Here on the Susan's Place Forum you have many, many like-minded supporters... and many members
here that have gone through or are now experiencing similar "at home" issues as you are with your wife. 

Please feel free to continue to "vent" your feelings about what you are going through...
.... personally I find for myself that just writing about my issues and if so inclined, sharing about
issues in my life, results in being very good therapy.

I am glad that you are going forward one step at a time.  Keep posting and sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 13, 2024, 12:14:07 PMGina,

My therapist has linked me up with some support groups.  My wife has forbade me from attending. I will go if I get the courage but I will never sneak out of the house.

I'll be seeking friends when I can. Right now I will rely on you and others at Susan's as my main network.  You all have provided immense support, advice, and simple friendly conversations. Thanks again.

Hugs,
Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 13, 2024, 12:14:07 PMMy therapist has linked me up with some support groups.  My wife has forbade me from attending. I will go if I get the courage but I will never sneak out of the house.

Honey, your wife can't forbid you from doing anything. She's not your mother. And even then that's questionable. You are your own person, okay? With your own needs and wants and desires. You are not on some kind of weird leash. You matter. What you want matters. Connecting with people in your vicinity that can offer support more than well-meaning online screen names... you need that connection. For your own mental health.

I think, if it were me, I would do everything just to see how sour and angry she can get. Just because I would be the world's worst wife because I abjectly refuse to let anyone else run my life. That's probably why I've never been married. I am probably the world's worst hellcat, lol.

But my point is... you cannot live your life based on someone else's dictates. You can't. Who you are matters. What you want matters. What you need matters. It matters just as much as it matters to anyone else. Never let anyone else tell you what you can or can't do, okay? The only person who has control over your life... is you.

As an aside... Lori, I think of you as family. If that's okay. I have no living family other than my hateful brother, who I disowned long ago. Since I came back here and met you... girl, you're the big sister I wish I'd had in my life. <3

I have been married three times. I divorced two of them. It had nothing to do with transgender issues because I had no idea I was trans back then. It was a matter of loyalty. I refuse to live under a double standard. If you want to be Number One in my life, then I expect to be Number One in your life. When they decided that I was not important enough to them, I cut them loose.

I wouldn't push them to see how mad they would get. I merely held them to the vows they took.

Everyone has the right to be happy. If they are not happy in the relationship and you are not happy in the relationship, the purpose of the relationship fails. It really is that simple. If both sides are active in making it work, then there is hope that it can survive. And many here are examples of that. But "it takes two to Tango".

@Sephirah I have a very large family here now. I have adopted all of you. 

 My wife forgot all the vows she said so when she "kicked" me out I was glad to leave, TBH should have done it years before.

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 13, 2024, 12:14:07 PMGina,

My therapist has linked me up with some support groups.  My wife has forbade me from attending. I will go if I get the courage but I will never sneak out of the house.

I'll be seeking friends when I can. Right now I will rely on you and others at Susan's as my main network.  You all have provided immense support, advice, and simple friendly conversations. Thanks again.

Hugs,
Leigh

Leigh,
 Very sorry she feels this way. My wife used to call my therapist, "my enabler". She never forbade me from seeking help
. I am sorry you have to go through this. As you work it out I and the others are hear for you. Hang in there! Hugs Gina

Quote from: davina61 on November 14, 2024, 02:58:26 AMMy wife forgot all the vows she said so when she "kicked" me out I was glad to leave, TBH should have done it years before.

I told my sister about me. Without stumbling, she said you are family, I love you, and I don't think there is anything wrong with you...you need to understand for yourself that nothing is "wrong" with you.

I know there was some shock and hurt from me keeping this from my wife for years but I hoped she would have the same realization as my sister after the last year of her knowing. I am getting a picture that she will never accept me. Oh well, we must move on.

Thanks so much for your post. It is therapy to hear from the girls of Susan's.  I feel closer to many of you all the time.

Many hugs,
Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 14, 2024, 02:12:41 PMI know there was some shock and hurt from me keeping this from my wife for years but I hoped she would have the same realization as my sister after the last year of her knowing. I am getting a picture that she will never accept me. Oh well, we must move on.

No, honey, this is an entirely different dynamic. Her acceptance has nothing to do with you per se. It has to do with her. It has to do with her reliance on the male/female cisgender relationship. Propagation of the species and all that. She relies on you being her image of you, in order for her to feel "normal". If that is threatened, then... people have all kinds of defence mechanisms to try and fight it. Rather than try to understand, some people try their hardest to fight against it, because they don't see it as you being happy... they see it as a threat to their way of life. And their wants and needs become paramount, even if it erodes you.

What I would say is that... you can't really blame people for doing that. For someone not going through this, it can be incredibly difficult to understand. Or accept. Your wife needs you to be you in order for her to be her. It's kind of different to family who don't have that same kind of vested interest. And... if you get to a point you don't feel anything you can do will affect how your wife feels then... yeah... as hard as it is, sometimes it's better for people to find the love they need, instead of being stuck in a place where they find the hate they can tolerate. That's not good really for anyone.

*hugs*

Sephira,

Thank you. I really like reading your notes..you give thoughts that get me thinking and looking at both sides. It helps immensely. I do understand my wife's reflections about me. She has known for a year and it is starting to wear on us.

Return hugs,
Leigh

It was a busy weekend.  Wife and I attended a wedding out of town. Had a great time. This journey into living my true self is a bit of a roller coaster. I had posted about my wife not supportive. The last few days she has been a bit more open and is starting to understand that I have not changed. Gender can be a small thing within my personality but a large things to others. My values and day to day activities remain unchanged.

Many hugs,
Leigh

@MsLeigh
Dear Leigh:
I am very happy to read that you a having some good days and that your wife is being
somewhat more supporting and accepting of you.  Certainly your "life change" can be
expected to be very difficult for a spouse....  continue to love on her and give her
the time she needs to fully adjust.

Thank you for sharing your good news.
You have my many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 18, 2024, 11:01:18 AMIt was a busy weekend.  Wife and I attended a wedding out of town. Had a great time. This journey into living my true self is a bit of a roller coaster. I had posted about my wife not supportive. The last few days she has been a bit more open and is starting to understand that I have not changed. Gender can be a small thing within my personality but a large things to others. My values and day to day activities remain unchanged.

Many hugs,
Leigh

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on November 18, 2024, 11:17:14 AM@MsLeigh
Dear Leigh:
I am very happy to read that you a having some good days

That did not last. Today she changed her mind, she does not want me to portray any female traits.  She looked up a conversion therapy with an eye type of hypnosis.  I refused. I will not put my mind through it. I am me, I need to be me. No more acting out whom others thought I should be. It's not just that i feel I need to but I want to,  it finally feels right. My heart feels right to be Ms Leigh. I completely understand her point of view but I cannot change back to pretending to be male. This has been with me as long as my memory can go back. I not only need to take care of my mental health but I WANT to be truly female.  I'm mentally strong and logical so everything can be dealt with.  Some will accept and others will not and that does not discourage me. I have full rights to accept or reject too.

Had to put my thoughts to words so I can vent and it helps me see myself and reflect my thoughts.

Hang on,  the roller coaster is just beginning.

Hugs,
Leigh

If ever someone tells you to do any sort of hypnosis or hypnotherapy... run for the hills. It's organised brainwashing. Take it from someone who's had experience in hypnotherapy and being able to make people susceptible to suggestion. You can literally make people do whatever you want.

It doesn't last, though.

Leigh, that smacks of desperation. Of someone not caring who you are and what you want. Only what they want.

Be strong in you, okay? Your wife wants you to be her version of you and will do everything she can to get you to do that. Because that makes her feel validated. Passive aggression, outright aggression, gaslighting... expect it all. You need to be you, but you also need to let her be her. And if that means having a long conversation about if your relationship can adapt... then you need to do that. Is better for you to love alone than hate together.

*hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on November 21, 2024, 06:56:47 PMBe strong in you, okay?

*hugs*

I'm going to forward you my therapy checks.     Thank you for all your advice...it works!!

I sincerely wish you could feel how warm my heart is. I can make it through this and come out just fine.

Also sending my E-hugs,
Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 21, 2024, 10:08:13 PMI can make it through this and come out just fine.

Hold onto that, Leigh. Whatever you have to go through. You can make it through this. How you feel about yourself matters just as much as how you feel about anyone else. To paraphrase the Buddha quote in my signature, you deserve to be yourself as much as you allow other people to be themselves. You matter. How you feel, how you think... what you want matters.

You deserve to love yourself. You are worth that love and attention. You do not need to be a placeholder for how every person around you wants to live their life. You matter. What you want, how you feel, who you are... matters.

Hold onto that, no matter what happens, okay? You are beautiful because you are you.

*hugs* <3

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 21, 2024, 10:08:13 PMI'm going to forward you my therapy checks.     Thank you for all your advice...it works!!

Honey, I wouldn't want them. I'd send them back to you, or a local charity. I think people deserve to know how special they are, for free.

  Congratulations on standing up for yourself and refusing conversion therapy. This horrible "therapy" is responsible for a great many suicides and has been banned in most states. Science has proved that the only current help for gender dysphoria is transition. How far one transitions and what surgeries one needs is up to the individual.
   I remember when I came out to my wife, of over 35 years, it was hard for her. I said I would understand if she wanted a divorce or at lest sleep in different beds. Since not much changes in the beginning she decided to stick it out until it got to weird. This gave her the time to process what was happening. I told her I was the same person, i just might look a little different. Obviously this is not what she signed up for. Long story short, she now helps me pick out clothing and we go shopping together. Our relationship has changed from a loving couple to more like sisters. I do miss the intimacy but just like as my body changes, so is the relationship changing.
  Leigh don't be forced into anything you don't want to do. Give your wife space and time to adjust but continue to be yourself, is my advise. Be strong the ride is just beginning! 
Hugs Gina

Wow...I think I am getting closer to writing a book. I see so much negative on the transgender topic.  So many think they know.  I keep repeating "listen to understand and quit listening to disagree". I am just me, I am not out to harm others.  Like others have said, sometimes I don't like the words like transgender or dysphoria,....I am me, PERIOD. I am not a danger, I don't have a disease. Don't try to convert me and I won't slap your face for being rude and disrespectful.

Love and hugs to all my friends,
Leigh

Leigh,


Merry Christmas!


Chrissy