I see it differently to most. I don't subscribe to titles or boxes and I am just me, an individual overcoming life's challenges. I am not man or woman or travelling between the two. I have a sore shoulder so I take medications, have operations and train myself to do things differently so I don't have pain. I have dysphoria, so I take medications, have operations and train myself to do things differently so I don't suffer dysphoria as much.

I never had a strong puberty, never once considered myself male, or female though I was forced to live in a sex role. I realised early in life the pointlessness of trying to fit myself into others definitions, so I was never on a journey between them. I simply treated a disruption in my life. The way I live now is more comfortable in society, much like wearing current fashion. If someone misgenders me I don't care, it's their problem, not mine. Being gender incongruent is not a big part of my life, I think about it less than my shoulder pain. The challenges my incongruences bring are from other people and systems, and I just adapt to get by as best I can.

I was always me, not stereotypical, so I was always honest. When my dysphoria became strong, doctors offered me a way to reduce it, so I did. It never changed my self image, just kept me healthier. Worrying about fitting into somebody else's definitions will always have negative effects on your lives, so just be true to yourself and you will have respect for yourself and likely others will as well.

Hugs,

Allie

Using the pronouns "She/her", you have made a choice, Allie. It suggests that you fit into a box you've made for yourself. And there's nothing wrong with that. You've decided what lifepath is best for you. Who you want to be.

Do what makes you happy. Because ultimately, you're the only person you have to answer to.

This is a stupid question.

Hmmm questions like this really get my goat - and she doesn't like being got..

You see- rephrase it - Does having Breast cancer and surviving means you are always a sufferer of breast cancer?.. you are a survivor of breast cancer - but you don't have it now - you did, you now don't... do you see what I am getting at.. transition is, well... errmm  a ... errmm.. transition.. that is (not bothering to look up websters, but sort of) a change from one state to another.. transitory, transition.. So, I guess if you take my analogy, then you will always be a survivor of transition.. ha - but that's dumb grammar and doesn't make sense without a lot of context added. To make a comparison to something glib - I transitioned from using butter to using olive spread - I am not a butter user anymore? but I am a historical user of butter, I have used butter - I am post butter.. lol - you see how dumb this is?? It is treating 'transition' as a descriptor - your skin colour, your ethnicity - that is a fixed given - I will always be British, English - despite living in the USA and going to get my US Citizenship - I will still be English, I was born there. It is a definition of me and not transitory - not mutable - not changeable - it is a fixed status and therefore with me until I die - gender is not in that category - to make assumptions that it is (like this stupid question does) is dumb and shows a lack of education in what transitioning involves and the objectives of that.

True, there is not a definition of how long transition takes, such as there is not a defined time as to how long breast cancer takes to cure - for some - they unfortunately pass away whilst still 'undergoing treatment'.. and for someone who is trans this could also be true.

So - I will re-emphasise it and say again 'THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION'

Each person is unique.

I may be close to done, at least for the time being!

Chrissy

Quote from: Sephirah on November 15, 2024, 03:46:01 PMUsing the pronouns "She/her", you have made a choice, Allie. It suggests that you fit into a box you've made for yourself. And there's nothing wrong with that. You've decided what lifepath is best for you. Who you want to be.

Do what makes you happy. Because ultimately, you're the only person you have to answer to.

Sephirah, as I said, I just do what it takes to get by, and these pronouns help others feel comfortable when addressing me. Most of the people from my pre HRT life see me and address me as they always have (except for my clothing and ageing, I haven't significantly changed my appearance) and it doesn't bother me. It is in my nature to want people to feel comfortable around me, so I mostly appear as female and have a female name and pronouns as it's easier for people who were confused and uncomfortable when I was in an androgynous stage. When I go scuba diving, my old wetsuits and dive gear still fit me better than female equipment does, so the divers on the boat with me are presented with the same me they have known for decades, and they address me as such. And this is fine, I just want them to be comfortable and as it doesn't worry me, for us all to have a great day.

My message is, if you don't subscribe to others definitions, you never have to get upset when you don't measure up to them!

Hugs,

Allie

Hi Everyone

For a mtf woman, when is transitioning "over"? Are we always transgender?

As evidently given over the 10 pages of answers everybody's answers are different' and of course mine is uniquely different.

Aurorasky resonates with me: "To me gender identity has nothing to do with your physical body", and this applies to my experience as well.  Regardless of my physical body, I have always been female. I understand that I didn't realize this for much of my life, but in hindsight, and with insights from Susan's, I know I'm female.

Which goes back to what I keep saying I never transitioned.  One day in Feb 1989, I changed the type of clothing I wore and continued on with my life.  That's not transitioning period.

Regarding the term 'transgender', with it's multifaceted definitions, I do not and never have been 'transgender'.  As Susan say's "There is no conflict between being transgender and being a woman, both at the very same time".  This statement applies to those who consider themselves both transgender and women.  I, however, only identify as a woman, reflecting my own personal understanding of my identity.

Chrissy posed a meaningful question says and I quote:

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 14, 2024, 08:42:15 PMWhat do you say in response to these questions?

Asche's post says it all, it depends on the individual and how they perceive their life and future.  I have done everything necessary to function as a female in society.  If someone wants to say; "I transitioned and I'm transgender", "they are just labels" as Asche notes.  For me, they are irrelevant and easily ignored.

My past makes me who I am today and I continue to live my life as any other women in society and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

Finally as SoupSarah said; "This is a stupid question."  I agree with her sentiment and appreciate her analogies.  To take it a step further, I find these questions irrelevant to me, at least.  Ultimately the individual must answer those questions for themselves.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

When you finally find a workplace where you are accepted, that is a huge milestone on your transition journey.  But employment can be fleeting too.  Looks secure at the moment tough.

Chrissy