What has been the toughest ongoing or recurring thing about your transition?
These can be inhibitors, nuisances, and things you have experienced as you have been transitioning.  These can be other people's actions or reactions, legal issues, clothing issues, just about anything that you are experiencing or had to for a long time.

This is not necessary asking what your single toughest part of transitioning has been but if that is what you want to shout out about, okay.  Maybe it is your mindset, your determination to transition, employers not keeping you around, trolls, etc.

Chrissy

The stigma associated with being transgender. Having to remain stealth, instead of being able to celebrate the fantastic transformation I have been through. There's also the nagging doubts about my voice, and when I talk to myself, my mind constantly deadnames me.

Still, I'm much better off now than I was before. The best decision I ever made was to finally set my soul free, free to become who I was meant to be.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

For me, it has been the lack of available services, like electrolysis and surgeries. We have a plastic surgeon locally who did my FFS, but he doesn't do any work below the waist. And no one around here does.

There is one place that advertised that they do electrolysis, but they are not in the VA Healthcare Network, and when they tried to register, they failed the certification. I later learned that the owner works full-time with the school district. I don't want to get a possibly life-scarring treatment from someone who "dabbles" at it and cannot get a certification.

My hopes were that the VA would send me (or reimburse my travel) to someplace that offers these services. That hope has faded over the years and now lies crumpled in the dust of this election.

I am working on a plan, but it will take several months to implement or even be ready to implement, so we will see how it goes.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 25, 2024, 08:13:15 PMWhat has been the toughest ongoing or recurring thing about your transition?
These can be inhibitors, nuisances, and things you have experienced as you have been transitioning.  These can be other people's actions or reactions, legal issues, clothing issues, just about anything that you are experiencing or had to for a long time.

This is not necessary asking what your single toughest part of transitioning has been but if that is what you want to shout out about, okay.  Maybe it is your mindset, your determination to transition, employers not keeping you around, trolls, etc.

Chrissy

I think what it is for me is people not understanding why I don't just "get a job."

The thing is I didn't transition to female to "get a job." Being unemployed is a lifestyle that works for me personally. It may not for everyone.

The toughest thing for me is the ongoing confusion of my loved ones. Though I have explained what is happening to me, they nod and answer by saying "I just hope this decision makes you happy". They simply didn't believe me when I said this wasn't a decision, and it was purely for my health. I hate that deep down, they believe that I put them through confusion, awkwardness, and even pain, because I like wearing dresses. I don't seem to have credibility about my own feelings, and they need to hear it from someone like a doctor before they might understand.

Hugs,

Allie

For me, the hardest thing has been dealing with the emotional stress of the news coming from out late great neighbour to the south.  The gratuitous evil (evil = the intentional infliction of suffering on another) directed at trans people is hard to take.  And knowing that it is coming here too, soon, for no good reason, is a weight slowly crushing me.

In my daily life, all is fine.  My neighbours and the people I interact with on a daily basis, such as wait staff and cashiers, are all good people.  If they clock me at all, and I know that some do, they are supportive and accepting.  So I feel like a character in a horror movie, whose life appears to be carrying on happily, but you know that the bad guys are lurking just outside.

The result is an existential dread. 

It is absurd that, in the twenty-first century, in a country that routinely makes the top-five list of the best countries to live in in the world, a person would have to be making escape plans.  But that is my reality.

Family.

Two of my three children aren't on board. We talk but see each other very little. "They will come around" is the conventional wisdom; I take cold comfort. I remain separated. I love my wife.. but we seldom speak, let alone see each other. For all the personal joy my transition brings, the cost is high. I am very cognizant of that.

~Jenn

We each experience barriers and disappointment sometimes, including possible lack of self acceptance. 

We each have such a personal journey, yet there are some common issues many of us experience.

Let's read more comments, so keep on posting.

Hugs,

Chrissy

I have found that talking with a gender therapist from time to time to help helpful to gain some clarity.  I will likely have another session soon to think out loud and see if she discovers something in my thinking that impacts my transitioning.

I cant think of anything recurring or ongoing? Things, at the moment, are peachy!

I get the 'staying in stealth' thing - and having the knowledge that you have done something incredible (because, changing your gender presentation completely IS INCREDIBLE) and not being able to share it with people for fear of judgement. I chose (and choose) to stay in stealth because of this reason. I seriously do not think anyone 'clocks' me or even doubts my history - I talk seamlessly now about my previous life as a girl and  a woman, changing only the gender in the actual facts of what I went through - apart from sharing that transition.. I say things such as 'when I was a small girl I..' and I don't much worry about the genderisation (sic.) of the activity I describe - talking about playing with radio controlled cars as much as Lego and other craft and electronics things I was into as a little one. I even say 'when I had my child' - She is mine, I did 'have' her, I just did not give birth to her..and when I say 'She was born by caesarean' People just presume I had the caesarean.  I see it myself as a modification rather than a deception and a protection of my personal sanctity and sanity.

It is a shame though that such modification is necessary - and whilst I think the overwhelming vast majority of people who are in my circle now and whom I work with would all be totally accepting - I feel that is not what I Want - I don't want to be accepted in that regard - I don't want to be the 'token trans woman' picked when diversity or sexual politics are in discussion. I don't want to be that spokesperson who has the say or nay on such things.. My talents lie elsewhere. I just want to be accepted as me and for people to give me as little though as possible. You may not like me because I am opinionated, brash and 'far too clever for my own good'*.. Much better than you being prejudiced against me.

I guess what I am saying, is for me, transition was just that, transitory - I don't want to be reminded of the horrid dysphoria I experienced in my body and in society - I feel that is like picking at a scab and only will lead to scar's later in life. Instead I want to continue my healing, mentally and emotionally, from the ravages of that ordeal and live my best life now.

*the quote is from my ex-wife on issuing me with divorce papers! LOL.. 

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on November 25, 2024, 08:23:29 PMThe stigma associated with being transgender. Having to remain stealth, instead of being able to celebrate the fantastic transformation I have been through. There's also the nagging doubts about my voice, and when I talk to myself, my mind constantly deadnames me.

Still, I'm much better off now than I was before. The best decision I ever made was to finally set my soul free, free to become who I was meant to be.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

What does being in stealth mean in your case Jess?  I thought you were very open about it.

Does it mean not talking about your past (dead life) or not being able to be yourself everyday?

Maybe it means something different to each person.  Maybe some think it means they have a closeted and not out in the public life?

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 27, 2024, 04:59:19 PMWhat does being in stealth mean in your case Jess?  I thought you were very open about it.

Does it mean not talking about your past (dead life) or not being able to be yourself everyday?

Maybe it means something different to each person.  Maybe some think it means they have a closeted and not out in the public life?

Chrissy

None of my neighbors know my history. I will tell medical personnel, but only if it's necessary. As a community mentor for a language therapy class at UAMS (Univ of Arkansas Medical School), I do 'out' myself, but only to the graduate students and their clients. I do not wear any jewelry, pins, or other items which would indicate my status -- no trans flags or other symbols.

Love always  -- Jessica Rose

Lets get something straight here - "stealth" is a horrible phrasing and makes out you are doing something covert or wrong - it weighs in with a huge load of guilt ..  we really should never use the word to describe someone going about and living their normal, daily life... People I meet on a day to day basis don't tell me all their medical issues or give me a complete rundown of where they have lived over the years.. They don't tell me their personal details, but they are not being 'stealth' about their history, they are simply being private.. A fundimental human right for everyone (Or it should be!). I don't share the horror of my childhood, the trauma I faced or the domestic violence my ex partner bestowed on me - neither do I talk about surgery or my gender.. There is no guilt here, just normality.

Quote from: SoupSarah on November 28, 2024, 09:03:17 PMPeople I meet on a day to day basis don't tell me all their medical issues

So true. And most cis-people will never experience the peril, which is GROWING, that we do in outing ourselves.

In general, telling someone your medical history would at most be considered 'too much information'. It may be interesting or boring, but the risk level of telling people you had a knee replacement is several orders of magnitude lower than telling them you are transgender. Most people don't care if you've had cataract surgery, but telling them you transitioned could result in anything from shunning all the way up to pitchforks and torches. Some would consider that information exceptionally important, when in reality it's only a footnote.

Love always  -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: SoupSarah on November 28, 2024, 09:03:17 PMLets get something straight here - "stealth" is a horrible phrasing and makes out you are doing something covert or wrong 

There is nothing wrong with the word "stealth", or "covert" for that mater. 

Stealth - is basically to "avoid attention" or to "not attract attention"

Covert - is basically "not openly shown" or "covered"

Both are adjectives that can be used to modify nouns to describe things.  Things that could be right or wrong.
I feel that in the context of controlling what we wish to share with others, being stealth, covert, and/or private are all acceptable practices.

Do what you feel is right for you.

Paulie. 

I do not make it a point to share with the general public anything about my transitioning.
If there seems to be some curiosity and not bashing, then I might disclose something but it is a rare occurrence.  For work it is known that I am transitioning but not yet changed my legal paperwork.  The surgeries or lack of them has not come up there; I am treated as a woman and that is satisfying.  When I do not pass people react in their own ways about that.  I do not like to draw attention to myself, I simply want to blend in.

Chrissy

Quote from: SoupSarah on November 28, 2024, 09:03:17 PMLets get something straight here - "stealth" is a horrible phrasing and makes out you are doing something covert or wrong - it weighs in with a huge load of guilt ..  we really should never use the word to describe someone going about and living their normal, daily life

I actually agree with this a lot. It's not about the word, it's about the emotional association with the word. And I've kind of always hated when people use it. Semantics don't really cover it. It's a really, really bad choice of word that does not reflect what most people for whom the word could be associated with are actually doing. Privacy. That's really all it is. And coming from a person who is intensely private about most of my life, I appreciate that a lot. If someone doesn't need to know something, why would you go out of your way to tell them? Even if there's this underlying current that gives you a gentle shock occasionally to make you feel you should?

But on the subject of the thread... waking up every morning. Does that count?

Transitioning can be hard.  It has its rewards and overall I am pleased that I have done what I did so far.

May your transition go wonderfully.

Chrissy

I am liking less and less the times when I think I need to and then do present as male.
One of these days I will just think it is completely unacceptable all the time to do this.

I suppose a woman who could wear guy's clothes if she wants to but she is not presenting as male, it is just the clothes that happen to be "male" in design. 

Not sure about that for me though as I love to wear my female clothes.  Maybe for outside or dirty work as stronger "male design" material has its benefits!

Chrissy