So... talking to friends over the last months and getting a better understanding of my TG... it's becoming more likely that I will end up transitioning...
I have now found a therapist who gives independent gender counselling, and can help me figure out exactly what I want and mostly how to achieve it. That will be helpful in dealing with family and such, too.

Basically, I have to move forward from here, something has to change, physically. But I also know for sure that transition will not be the end of the journey. I'll probelly en dup dragging / crossdressing... The extra masculine way of life/ look that works for me now is mostly a temporary solution to get some of the social recognition for who I am... But I do like to wear skirts and heels, just not with this body. And I hate being seen as a str8 woman and treated like one. I have become more aware of the extent of feeling uncomfortable with my body lately... and I think that I have denied that feeling more than I was aware of in the past...

This weekend I went to the transguys supportrgoup here for the first time. It felt good. Not quite the feeling of coming 'home' that I had with my queer friends at the (gender)queercafe I go to, there were too many completely str8, completely regular dudes there, that I dont relate to that much, but I did feel good about being there. And they can give good advice, give me some perspective. Also the guys group was way better than the MtF group my SO goes to, lol, that was so not my gig. (But if it helps her it;s good, of course.)

anyway, I may be posting in this forum a bit more in future....


*and now I should start catching up and reading pages and pages of unread posts...*

to the forum!

cheers

Alex

I like Alex the way it is !

It is amazing that the body you have to show in can be:
- such an issue for yourself
   (also for me, I am a MtF and I could not stand my male body);
- almost no issue at all to your lover
   (it does not matter that much because I like Alex anyway,
     as a woman, as a boy, in drag or in between).

Sure I like Alex to be happy, it makes me happy aswell.
I want to be of help where ever I can.
It is so nice that we understand and respect eachothers TG feelings.
I hope the future will be beautiful (for all of us). 

I am not that good in putting these things in writing and I do not know if it is clear what I tried to say, I hope you understand.

Love,   Mariska

Mariska,

I think you put it just fine, I understand completely and I think it's wonderful that you and Alex have each other.  Your posts reflect your love and respect for each other even if the English is a lttle rough around the edges.

Mit herzlichen Grüsse!
helen

Hey Alex.

Have you finished catching up on your unread posts yet, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.



Steph

awwww, dear Mariska,

that is such a lovely post!  You put it very well... of course, for me, the reverse is also true: I want you to be happy, and your body is not an issue for me.

with such wonderful people in my life, the future will be beautiful!



Love and kisses,


xxx
Alex





PS: Steph: well, um I'm getting there...